


every group chat needs a gryffindor jock

by ciitadel



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Hunk (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Shiro (Voltron), Funny, Gay Keith (Voltron), Humor, M/M, Modern AU, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Panromantic Hunk (Voltron), Pansexual Allura (Voltron), Slow Burn, Texting, actual writing starts around ch9, broganes, but seriously if anyone drew fanart for this i would have a seizure from happiness, draw me fanart im a thirsty hoe, group chat au, jk, keith and shiro are brothers, klance will become a thing eventually but these things take their time, normal life AU, pidge uses both she/her and they/them pronouns, probably borderline crack, starts out as pure text format but later on turns into actual writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2018-10-08 03:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 66,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10376727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciitadel/pseuds/ciitadel
Summary: dontfuckwith:MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS IS A HORRIBLE EXAMPLE OF POP MUSIC AND NEEDS TO DIETinydick:WHAT THEFUCKDID YOU JUST SAY YOU LITTLE GREMLINTinydick:I’LL DROP KICK YOU SO HARD YOU’LL GO FLYING INTO THE ORBIT OF FUCKING JUPITERTinydick:DOES EUROPA HAVE LIFE UNDER ITS SURFACETinydick:WELL PIDGE IS ABOUT TO FIND OUTBasically an au where the group meets through the wonders of mutual friends/the internet in a random group chat





	1. nighty night snake boy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! So when I first started this fic I wasn't intending on continuing it, let alone turning it into the full length fic it is now
> 
> First off, thank you guys for all your love and support on this. It's insane that this dumb little idea I had has turned into my most popular fic to date, and all the loving comments and kudos you guys give me inspires me to keep going with this
> 
> Also one thing to note: for about the first 8 chapters it's almost entirely text format, and then around chapter 9 actual writing starts to show up and becomes integrated with the texting. (and yes this fic has an actual plotline that requires full on writing)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy! Thank you all again!

**SunnyHunk** **has added thetailor, pidgeotto, and ThePrincess to the conversation**

 

**SunnyHunk has named the chat ‘Friends!’**

 

**thetailor** : omg hunk u cinnamon roll

 

**thetailor:** that’s the most innocent group chat name i’ve ever seen

 

**Pidgeotto:** hunk has anyone ever told u you’re a gift to humankind

 

**Pidgeotto:** because u are

 

**SunnyHunk:** aww guys :)

 

**ThePrincess:** I don’t know who these people are but I agree with them completely

 

**ThePrincess:** Hunk is indeed a gift to humanity

 

**Pidgeotto:** yup

 

**Pidgeotto:** also before we get this group chat into full gear, can i add two of my friends hunk??

 

**Pidgeotto:** I’ve been wanting to introduce u all for a while

 

**SunnyHunk:** Oh ya!

 

**SunnyHunk:** That’s totally fine!

 

**Pidgeotto:** Hell yeah

 

**-Pidgeotto has added shiro and Shuturfuck to the chat-**

 

**Shuturfuck:** pidge what is this

 

**Pidgeotto:** a group chat

 

**Shuturfuck:** why am i in it

 

**Pidgeotto:** u need more friends u lame butt

 

**shiro:** I can attest to that

 

**shiro:** also hi pidge

 

**Pidgeotto:** hi shiro!!

 

**thetailor:** why is ur name shuturfuck

 

**Shuturfuck:** maybe because i want people to shut up sometimes

 

**thetailor:** oooooo

 

**thetailor:** so edgy~

 

**SunnyHunk** : Okay guys why don’t we all introduce ourselves!

 

**SunnyHunk:** Just so we can avoid confusion let’s just say our names and pronouns

 

**SunnyHunk:** I’ll start. I’m Hunk and I use he/him

 

**Pidgeotto:** we should also say our hogwarts houses because why the fuck not

 

**SunnyHunk:** Oooo that’s a good idea! I’m a Hufflepuff!

 

**thetailor:** I’ll go next

 

**thetailor:** I’m Lance, use he/him, and I’m a ravenclaw

 

**Pidgeotto:** I’m Pidge, u can use either she/her or they/them for me, i kinda alternate between the two

 

**Pidgeotto:** and i’m a slytherin

 

**thetailor:** ooooo a slytherin, so evil!

 

**Pidgeotto:** i will punch you

 

**thetailor:** would u even be able to reach me shorty???

 

**Pidgeotto:** say goodbye to your kneecaps, bitch

 

**Shuturfuck:** I wouldn’t fuck w/ her

 

**Shuturfuck:** she’s scary when mad

 

**Shuturfuck:** anyway i’m keith, he/him, and i’m a slytherin

 

**thetailor:** oh damn 2 slytherins better watch my back

 

**Shuturfuck:** for a ravenclaw u don’t seem very smart

 

**ThePrincess:** Ooooooooo

 

**thetailor:** shut it snake boy

 

**shiro:** Guys we were doing intros, remember?

 

**thetailor:** oh ya

 

**thetailor:** sorry guys

 

**Shuturfuck:** sorry

 

**shiro:** Moving on,

 

**shiro:** I’m Shiro, he/him, and I’m a gryffindor

 

**thetailor:** every group chat needs a gryffindor jock

 

**Shuturfuck:** do u always have to add ur opinion??

 

**thetailor:** yes

 

**ThePrincess:** ahem

 

**SunnyHunk:** Guys let Allura be introduced!!

 

**ThePrincess:** Thank you, hunk

 

**ThePrincess:** Like he said, I’m Allura and I use she/her, and I’m a Gryffindor as well

 

**Pidgeotto:** well now we have two harry potters in our midst

 

**SunnyHunk:** wait so keith and shiro, how do u know pidge??

 

**shiro:** Pidge’s brother Matt and I have been friends since high school

 

**shiro:** and I used to spend a lot of time at her house

 

**Pidgeotto:** so eventually shiro’s little brother, keith, started tagging along

 

**Pidgeotto:** and since he and I were kinda near the same age we became friends pretty quickly

 

**Shuturfuck:** yeah that’s pretty much what happened

 

**SunnyHunk:** Aw childhood friends!! That’s adorable!!

 

**thetailor:** Hunk and I are childhood friends in case anyone was wondering

 

**SunnyHunk:** Yup! I’ve known Lance since middle school!

 

**SunnyHunk:** Then I met Pidge through an engineering program and I introduced her to Lance and they became friends

 

**thetailor:** wait so then, hunk, how do u know allura??

 

**ThePrincess:** Hunk and I met through Tumblr actually

 

**ThePrincess:** My uncle wanted to try a new recipe so I found one from Hunk’s cooking blog and recommended it to him

 

**ThePrincess:** It turned out great which was a miracle because, although I love my uncle dearly, frankly he can’t cook worth a damn

 

**SunnyHunk:** Yup! And so Allura messaged me saying thank you and I told her how happy I was someone liked my recipe and we just kinda kept talking

 

**Pidgeotto:** omg

 

**Pidgeotto:** That is such a pure way to meet someone

 

**Shuturfuck:** I actually agree

 

**Shuturfuck:** That’s kinda adorable

 

**-SunnyHunk’s name has been changed to CinnamonRoll-**

 

**thetailor:** There. Now the name fits our ray of sunshine perfectly!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Why did I give u guys admin privileges

 

**Pidgeotto:** I have no clue man

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Well anyway, it’s getting kinda late where I am so I’m gonna hit the hay

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Night guys!

 

**Pidgeotto:** Bye Hunk!!

 

**thetailor:** later buddy

 

**ThePrincess:** Sleep well!

 

**shiro:** I’m actually gonna start my shift in a few minutes so I gtg too

 

**thetailor:** wait work starts for you now? what timezone are u in?

 

**shiro:** I’m in california so rn it’s like 10pm, but I’m a bartender so I work nights most of the time

 

**shiro:** But Keith you should be going to bed soon, you have work tomorrow right?

 

**Shuturfuck:** …

 

**Shuturfuck:** yeah

 

**thetailor:** daskdlfdf

 

**thetailor:** shiro i can already tell ur such a dad

 

**thetailor:** also heyyyyy california buddies!!

 

**Shuturfuck:** oh jesus don’t tell me you live in CA too

 

**thetailor:** yup! Born and raised right here in SoCal!

 

**Pidgeotto:** Wait so does everyone in the chat live in CA??

 

**ThePrincess:** I don’t!

 

**ThePrincess:** I live in London actually

 

**thetailor:** omg allura is british royalty

 

**ThePrincess:** lol I wish

 

**ThePrincess:** but anywho, I’m about to go do my morning run so I have to leave as well

 

**ThePrincess:** It was very nice meeting you all!

 

**thetailor:** oh it was very nice meeting you, princess ;)))))

 

**ThePrincess:** -_-

 

**ThePrincess:** no

 

**Pidgeotto:** i bet allura is shredded

 

**ThePrincess:** I am

 

**ThePrincess:** Lance ,,, watch your back

 

**Pidgeotto:** I want Allura to kick Lance’s ass

 

**Shuturfuck:** I would pay to watch that

 

**thetailor:** oh whatever

 

**Pidgeotto:** wait keith when did u get a job???

 

**Shuturfuck:** I’ve had one for like over a month now

 

**Pidgeotto:** Whoops guess I forgot

 

**thetailor:** well what is your job then

 

**Pidgeotto:** knowing keith he probably works at something really manly/tough guy

 

**Pidgeotto:** like an auto repair shop

 

**Shuturfuck:** I

 

**Shuturufuck:** I work at Starbucks

 

**thetailor:** jksaldfk

 

**Shuturfuck:** What?

 

**Shuturfuck:** What’s wrong with my job?

 

**thetailor:** I wasn’t expecting mr. edgelord64 to work at starbucks of all places

 

**Pidgeotto:** I wouldn’t talk shit if I were you Lance

 

**Pidgeotto:** You work at Lush

 

**thetailor:** and I get a discount on all the face masks

 

**thetailor:** plus I come home smelling like flowers every day

 

**thetailor:** so it’s totally worth it

 

**-thetailor’s name has been changed to Smellslikeflowers-**

 

**Pidgeotto:** lol nice keith

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** and this is an insult how?

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I bet you smell like sweat

 

**Shuturfuck:** Actually I smell like coffee beans

 

**Shuturfuck:** Speaking of I have an early shift so I gotta head to bed

 

**Shuturfuck:** Night Pidge

 

**Pidgeotto:** Night Keith!

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** wow not gonna say goodnight to me

 

**Shuturfuck:** oh my god

 

**Shuturfuck:** fine

 

**Shuturfuck:** Good night Lance

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** nighty night snake boy~

  
**Pidgeotto:** and thus a rivalry was formed


	2. Lesson of the day: Pidge has sharp teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More conversation is made and the group learns some interesting info about one another
> 
> Names:  
> Pidgeotto - Pidge  
> Shuturfuck - Keith  
> Smellslikeflowers - Lance  
> shiro - shiro  
> CinnamonRoll - Hunk  
> ThePrincess - Allura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! So I wasn't expecting this to get as many hits and kudos as it did in ONE DAY. I know 200 something hits and 40 something kudos isn't a lot but in my experience it is for the first day so thanks guys!
> 
> I've decided to continue this for the time being so I hope you all can enjoy! Also I realize I might've come across like an asshole in my first set of author's notes and so I just wanted to say I actually really do appreciate all you guys that read my stuff and leave kudos and comments lol
> 
> Hope you like the chapter!

**Pidgeotto:** And then I pushed her down a well

 

**Shuturfuck:** holy fuck pidge

 

**ThePrincess:** There’s no way that’s true

 

**ThePrincess:** That has to be a lie

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I don’t doubt it man

 

**CinnamonRoll:** if there’s one thing I’ve learned since knowing Pidge

 

**CinnamonRoll:** it’s that they are NOT to be messed with

 

**Pidgeotto:** See?

 

**Pidgeotto:** Hunk knows what’s good for him

 

**shiro:** hey guys what’d I miss

 

**ThePrincess:** Pidge was just telling us about the time she attempted murder

 

**shiro:** ...pidge

 

**shiro:** I thought we talked about this

 

**Pidgeotto:** I know I know!

 

**Pidgeotto:** I was telling them the story about Karina

 

**shiro:** Ohhhh I remember that

 

**-Pidgeotto’s name has been changed to dontfuckwith-**

 

**dontfuckwith:** smart man keith

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** HEY GUYS I’VE HAD A GREAT DAY

 

**CinnamonRoll:** oh no

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** WANNA HEAR WHAT HAPPENED

 

**Shuturfuck:** do we have a choice?

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Not really

 

**Shuturfuck:** goddammit

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Okay so

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I was at work after school today

 

**dontfuckwith:** at lush

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** yes at lush

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** and I was just going through my shift like normal

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** explaining the ingredients in our products and showing off bath bombs and stuff

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** when all the sudden

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** this absolute, drop-dead, GORGEOUS girl walks in

 

**dontfuckwith:** of course this story is about a girl

 

**ThePrincess:** What did she look like??

 

**Shuturfuck:** Allura why would u wanna know

 

**ThePrincess:** Keith I am very pansexual I want a proper mental picture of this

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Oh man Allura, she was so pretty

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Like she had that skin thing, vitiligo i think?? Like parts of her skin were dark but others were light and either way it looked super cool

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** then she had these huge eyes that looked almost like they were purple, and her hair was in like bleached dreads but her dark roots were coming in but that made it look even better??

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** like she was so unique and pretty and holy shit

 

**ThePrincess:** oh my

 

**ThePrincess:** I really need to start dating again

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** so anyway back to the story

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** so she walks into the store and i’m like holy shit and I decide to stroll on over there and ask if she needs any help

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** she told me her name was Nyma and she was looking for face masks which I know practically EVERYTHING about and so I spent like a whole fifteen minutes showing her all the different face masks and explaining what they did and stuff

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** obviously I was being my usual charming self and she was flirting right back

 

**dontfuckwith:** that sounds like an impossibility

 

**shiro:** pidge at least let him finish before you roast him

 

**CinnamonRoll:** HAHA

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** WOW THANKS A LOT

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** ANYWAY as I was saying

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I ended up getting her number and she’s gonna meet me at the end of my shift tomorrow so we can go out and get dinner

 

**shiro:** congratulations lance!

 

**shiro:** I hope your date goes well

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Thank you Shiro

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** At least SOMEONE here supports me

 

**CinnamonRoll:** It’s not that we don’t support you lance

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I’m glad you’re going out with someone

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Thanks Hunk

 

**dontfuckwith:** tbh i’m just surprised lance found someone willing to go on a date with his scrawny ass

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** oh bite me you gremlin

 

**dontfuckwith:** is that a challenge mcclain??

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Lance don’t be stupid

 

**CinnamonRoll:** you and I both know Pidge has bitten people in the past that pissed them off

 

**shiro:** Unfortunately I have been on the receiving end of those attacks in the past

 

**shiro:** Trust me lance, her teeth are sharper than they look

 

**ThePrincess:** shiro what did you do to anger pidge

 

**shiro:** Well

 

**shiro:** One time when her parents and Matt had to go to some event I was babysitting Pidge

 

**shiro:** and when it got late I tried to take her tablet away from her because she wouldn’t go to bed

 

**shiro:** suffice to say

 

**shiro:** it didn’t work out

 

**dontfuckwith:** lol yeah

 

**dontfuckwith:** i used to get really protective over my tech

 

**CinnamonRoll:** You mean you still don’t??

 

**dontfuckwith:** fair point

 

**Shuturfuck:** I remember that night

 

**Shuturfuck:** you were actually bleeding and you wouldn’t tell me what happened

 

**shiro:** well I didn’t really want to tell my little brother that I had gotten viciously attacked by a 9 year old

 

**dontfuckwith:** do you still have the scar??

 

**shiro:** um

 

**shiro:** no

 

**shiro:** I don’t

 

**dontfuckwith:** oh shit

 

**dontfuckwith:** nvm

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** uh did something just happen??

 

**Shuturfuck:** nah

 

**Shuturfuck:** hey guys wanna hear something really crazy that happened to me at work today

 

**dontfuckwith:** oh this sounds like it’s gonna be good

 

**ThePrincess:** yes please do tell us what happened

 

**Shuturfuck:** Ok so I was working a morning shift today so it was pretty busy

 

**Shuturfuck:** Because of that the waits for the drinks were a little longer than usual

 

**Shuturfuck:** I make this one drink, it’s a fancy soy white chocolate mocha, pretty specific order right?

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Yeah

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Seems like it

 

**Shuturfuck:** I finish the drink and call out the name, and someone comes up to grab it but before they can someone else behind them is like ‘oh excuse me that’s my drink’

 

**Shuturfuck:** person A looks at the rightful owner to the drink, then at me, then at the drink, then back at the owner before saying and I quote

 

**Shuturfuck:** “I’ve been waiting long enough, I’m taking this one. You can wait for the next one.”

 

**CinnamonRoll:** omg

 

**ThePrincess:** Did they not realize the drinks are custom made to order?

 

**Shuturfuck:** I don’t know how they couldn’t realize that

 

**Shuturfuck:** But wait it gets weirder

 

**Shuturfuck:** So then I tell the coffee thief ‘hey dude you can’t take that it’s not your order’

 

**Shuturfuck:** and he just kinda stares at me for a second, before he grabs the coffee and full out bolts for the door

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** WOW

 

**CinnamonRoll:** oh my god!

 

**ThePrincess:** he really ran?!

 

**Shuturfuck:** yup

 

**CinnamonRoll:** What did you do?

 

**Shuturfuck:** the original coffee owner and I just kinda looked at each other for a moment before I made him a new coffee

 

**ThePrincess:** working at starbucks sounds very interesting

 

**Shuturfuck:** oh it’s a nightmare

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** do you get those annoying white people with kids with ridiculous names like Rhoksanne and Creelynn??

 

**Shuturfuck:** not as often as you’d think but yes we do

 

**Shuturfuck:** one time a group of 14 year olds came in and they were all named shit like Jairyd and Mahrie and they got so offended when I spelled their names wrong

 

**dontfuckwith:** ew 14 year olds

 

**shiro:** pidge you’re 14

 

**dontfuckwith:** doesn’t mean I can’t hate my own kind

 

**Shuturfuck:** I feel that pidge 

 

**ThePrincess:** Wait Pidge you're 14??

 

**dontfuckwith:** Yup

 

**ThePrincess:** Holy shit I thought you were somewhere around my age

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** how old are you Allura??

 

**ThePrincess:** I'm 21

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** O.O

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I didn't know that, that's cool!

 

**ThePrincess:** Thanks

 

**ThePrincess:** Are you all younger than me?

 

**Shuturfuck:** shiro’s not

 

**shiro:** I’m 22

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Oh wow we have adults in this chat

 

**Shuturfuck:** I wouldn't call Shiro an adult

 

**shiro:** No don't consider me an adult I still don't know how to be an adult

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** But ur such a dad though

 

**Shuturfuck:** okay so I agree that you don’t know how to be an adult shiro

 

**Shuturfuck:** but your adult skills were not what I was referring to

 

**shiro:** ???

 

**Shuturfuck:** Shiro’s a lot younger then you all think

 

**shiro:** keith don’t you dare

 

**ThePrincess:** I’m very confused as to where this is going

 

**Shuturfuck:** Shiro’s birthday is on Feb 29th

 

**Shuturfuck:** he’s only 6 years old

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** OMG

 

**dontfuckwith:** I FORGOT HAHAHA

 

**ThePrincess:** this is wonderful

 

**shiro:** I’m disowning you as my brother

 

**-shiro’s name has been changed to 6yearsold-**

 

**6yearsold:** I hate you all

 

**ThePrincess:** So are the rest of you all under 18?

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I mean I'm 17

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** So I'm close

 

**Shuturfuck:** I'm also 17 

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I just recently turned 18

 

**ThePrincess:** You’re all so young…

 

**ThePrincess:** I feel so old now

 

**CinnamonRoll:** rip Allura

 

**dontfuckwith:** so we have two 17 year olds, an 18 year old, a 21 year old, a 14 year old, and a 6 year old

 

**dontfuckwith:** this should be a goddamn sitcom

 

**6yearsold:** Thank the lord I have to go to my shift

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Have a good time!

 

**6yearsold:** Thank you, Hunk

 

**6yearsold:** Keith

 

**6yearsold:** You will pay for this

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Keith’s gonna get fucking assassinated by his own brother

 

**Shuturfuck:** I can take him

 

**6yearsold:** I have 17 years worth of blackmail on you

 

**Shuturfuck:** fuck

 

**6yearsold:** Watch your back little bro

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** dark shiro, give us the embarrassing keith photos

 

**Shuturfuck:** why don’t u shut ur face flower boy

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** fine snake boy

 

**CinnamonRoll:** oh no not again

 

**Shuturfuck:** besides you don’t even know what I look like now

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I know true cringe when I see it

 

**ThePrincess:** Well it looks like it’s time for me to go

 

**dontfuckwith:** same these guys are like 12 year olds

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Lance open your door we’re going to In N Out remember

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** oh shit yeah!!

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Hasta la later, Keith!

 

**dontfuckwith:** keith let’s play overwatch

  
**Shuturfuck:** Sounds good to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Lance is gonna go on a date with Nyma, they all learned each others ages, and Shiro has blackmail on Keith. Things are gonna get interesting. (Also my description of Nyma's appearance came from another klance fic Shut up and Dance With Me it's pretty damn awesome I recommend u check it out)
> 
> Leave a comment if you enjoyed! It means a lot to me! I'm kinda starting to develop a vague idea of where I want this fic to go but it's still pretty up in the air so we'll see how this plays out.
> 
> If you wanna chat with me about anything go ahead and message me at my tumblr!! I love talking to you guys! (either one is fine idc which you message lol)
> 
> Main: thatsnotrelevant.tumblr.com  
> Voltron blog: zarkondoms.tumblr.com


	3. Lance fucked up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance goes on his date with Nyma and things don't exactly go as planned...
> 
> Names:
> 
> Smellslikeflowers - Lance  
> ThePrincess - Allura  
> dontfuckwith - Pidge  
> CinnamonRoll - Hunk  
> Shuturfuck - Keith  
> 6yearsold - Shiro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man 3 chapters in 3 days this is a new personal best for me
> 
> Then again this isn't hard to write so it's not a real accomplishment lol
> 
> This chapter is just a giant mess of different stories but then again that's been every chapter so far whoops
> 
> Hope you guys are liking this so far!! I'm having fun writing it!

**Smellslikeflowers:** GUYS I FUCKED UP

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I FUCKED UP REALLY BADLY

 

**ThePrincess:** What happened??

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Well

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** A lot of stuff did

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** which led to me currently being handcuffed to a table

 

**dontfuckwith:** Lance how many times have we told you we don't wanna hear about your sex life

 

**CinnamonRoll:** lakjdslsfdfkl

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** No guys this isn’t about my sex life!!!

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** This is serious!!!

 

**6yearsold:** Lance, tell us what happened

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Thank you for taking this seriously Shiro

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** So remember how I was going on my date with Nyma today??

 

**Shuturfuck:** Yeah because u wouldn’t shut up about it

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** WELL SHE FUCKING ROBBED ME

 

**dontfuckwith:** HAHAHAHA

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh my god!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Dude are you okay?!

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I’m fine now I’m just waiting for the police to get here to let me out of these damn handcuffs

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Do u want me to drive over to get you?

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Thanks Hunk but the police are probably gonna wanna question me a bit so I think I should just chill here

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Okay then, just let me know when you’re on your way back

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Thanks buddy <3

 

**CinnamonRoll:** <3

 

**6yearsold:** Wait how did she rob you? Tell us exactly what happened during the date

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** You wanna know?

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Alrighty then

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** So I was closing up the store for the night when Nyma showed up like we had planned

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** And I told her ‘one sec lemme just finish putting everything away’

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** She was like ‘oh that’s fine, do you mind if I look around while you’re doing that?’

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Me, being the gentleman I am was like ‘oh yeah no prob’

 

**Shuturfuck:** Oh my god Lance

 

**Shuturfuck:** Has anyone told you you’re kind of a dumbass??

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Many times Keith, now shut up so I can continue

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** So then when I was bending down by one of the tables to pick up something that had fallen onto the floor

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Suddenly she grabs my arms and guys she was really fucking strong

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Next thing I know there’s one handcuff around my wrist and the other around the leg of the table

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I look at her and go ‘what the fuck?’ and she fucking GIGGLES and is like ‘sorry Lance, you’re sweet and all but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do’

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Then she proceeded to stuff her bag with almost all the products that could fit

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I mean she didn’t steal the giant blocks of soap because obviously those wouldn’t fit

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** But she took the bath bombs, the bath melts, the shower jellies, the massage bars, the lip scrub

 

**dontfuckwith:** I think we get the picture

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** She even took the face masks!!!

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Oh and she also took all the money in the register

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** And then once she left I managed to grab my bag with my foot and get my phone and called 911

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** and now I’m texting you guys

 

**ThePrincess:** Holy shit Lance

 

**6yearsold:** Well we’re all glad you’re okay and that she didn’t hurt you

 

**CinnamonRoll:** ^^

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Thanks but I’m totally gonna get fired aren’t I?

 

**dontfuckwith:** probably

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** dammit

 

**ThePrincess:** Well actually you might not

 

**ThePrincess:** There’s no way you could’ve known she was going to handcuff you and rob you

 

**6yearsold:** Allura is right, Lance

 

**6yearsold:** Nyma incapacitated you, there was nothing you could’ve done

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** So you think there’s a chance I won’t lose my job??

 

**6yearsold:** I mean it depends on your boss but I’m sure they’ll understand

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** God I hope so

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I really need this job

 

**Shuturfuck:** Look Lance I’m sure it’ll be fine

 

**dontfuckwith:** yeah I doubt ur boss would blame u for this

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I hope so

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Does this count as the worst first date in history?

 

**ThePrincess:** I’ve had worse first dates then that

 

**Shuturfuck:** Wait what

 

**dontfuckwith:** now this i gotta hear

 

**ThePrincess:** So this was about two years ago

 

**ThePrincess:** I hadn’t dated in a while, and decided to go on Tinder and got matched with this cute girl

 

**ThePrincess:** We chatted for a few days and eventually she ended up asking if I wanted to go to this outdoor festival with her

 

**ThePrincess:** I said yeah and she picked me up the next day

 

**ThePrincess:** Now we drove for like a full hour and by this time we were out of the city and into the country

 

**ThePrincess:** I was getting kinda paranoid but I figured it was an outdoor music festival and so it was normal to be that far out into the country

 

**ThePrincess:** Finally she stops near this abandoned church and already I’m thinking this is weird as hell because I don’t hear any music or anything

 

**CinnamonRoll:** this is intense

 

**ThePrincess:** So I get out of the car and follow her inside, making sure I have my pocket knife handy

 

**ThePrincess:** and when she opens the door there’s like 12 people in dark robes waiting for us

 

**Shuturfuck:** holy fuck

 

**ThePrincess:** Turns out she not only was part of some pagan cult 

 

**ThePrincess:** But also had a boyfriend with a taste for voyeurism

 

**Shuturfuck:** What the actual fuck

 

**dontfuckwith:** holy shit!

 

**6yearsold:** jesus

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** What did you do???

 

**ThePrincess:** Well the cult members were expecting me and her to have a grand ol’ fuck in front of them while they jacked off or something

 

**ThePrincess:** Naturally I was like ‘no way in hell’ and demanded she take me home

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Oh my god! Please tell me you were okay!

 

**ThePrincess:** I was fine lol

 

**ThePrincess:** When I got super upset and started freaking out and threatening to call the cops she started apologizing and drove me home

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Oh thank god

 

**6yearsold:** now that’s one hell of a first date story

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Okay, I no longer feel so bad about what happened to me

 

**dontfuckwith:** normally i’d call bullshit but i doubt allura would make something that crazy up

 

**ThePrincess:** Thank you pidge

 

**Shuturfuck:** So Allura almost had sex in front of a cult meeting

 

**Shuturfuck:** I still don’t know why I’m in this group chat

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Oh shut up you know you love it

 

**dontfuckwith:** yeah keith stop being edgy for once and admit ur glad i put u in here

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Yeah c’mon Keith! We’re all your friends!

 

**Shuturfuck:** …

 

**Shuturfuck:** fine

 

**Shuturfuck:** I’m glad I’m in this ridiculous chat

 

**6yearsold:** holy shit I wasn’t expecting him to admit it

 

**Shuturfuck:** oh be quiet you prick

 

**6yearsold:** ;) love u little bro

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Awwww

 

**Shuturfuck:** shut up

 

**Shuturfuck:** moving on

 

**Shuturfuck:** So Allura

 

**Shuturfuck:** when you were driving back with cult girl, did you guys like talk about anything? Or was it just awkwardly silent

 

**ThePrincess:** It was pretty quiet at first

 

**ThePrincess:** But when we were about halfway home she suddenly started explaining that she ‘chose’ me was because I have dark skin and white hair so they thought I would bring them good energy or some shit

 

**CinnamonRoll:** You have white hair??

 

**ThePrincess:** It takes a hell of alot of hair dye let me tell you

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**dontfuckwith:** HOLY FUCK IM GAY

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** HOLY FUCK IM BI

 

**CinnamonRoll:** You’re so??? Oh my god?? You’re like a literal goddess???

 

**ThePrincess:** Aww you’re all so sweet thank you!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Isn’t she super pretty, Keith???

 

**Shuturfuck:** Probably??

 

**Shuturfuck:** I mean I’m just gay

 

**dontfuckwith:** rest in fucking pieces keith

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** oh the police are here

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** gtg see ya later ma dudes

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Have fun!!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I’ll bring you cookies later!!!

 

**Shuturfuck:** I forgot Lance was handcuffed to a table this whole time

 

**ThePrincess:** Same

 

**dontfuckwith:** so back to Allura

 

**dontfuckwith:** Allura you confirmed that you were shredded

 

**dontfuckwith:** just how buff are you??

 

**ThePrincess:** I could probably kick this entire group chat’s collective asses

 

**Shuturfuck:** I bet I could take you

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh really?

 

**dontfuckwith:** I’ll sell tickets for the show

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I’ll bring snacks

 

**dontfuckwith:** do u think u could kick shiro’s ass??

 

**dontfuckwith:** he was in the military

 

**Shuturfuck:** Oh she probably could

 

**6yearsold:** I have no doubt Allura would hand my ass to me on a silver platter

 

**ThePrincess:** Shiro you’re a smart man

 

**-ThePrincess’s name has been changed to PlsSnapMeInHalf-**

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Should I be flattered or offended??

 

**dontfuckwith:** definitely flattered

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I bet Allura has a six pack

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I do

 

**dontfuckwith:** I want allura to smash a barrel over my head, killing me instantly

 

**6yearsold:** Same

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Guys real quick the police wanna see the texts I sent to Nyma so don’t say anything weird

 

**Shuturfuck:** I don’t think that’s possible with this group

 

**CinnamonRoll:** True that

 

**dontfuckwith:** alright lance we won’t say anything about the weed

 

**Shuturfuck:** OH MY GOD

 

**CinnamonRoll:** jkladskf

 

**6yearsold:** C’mon Pidge

 

**6yearsold:** You’re forgetting we were also talking about that meth lab we started

 

**CinnamonRoll:** SHIRO

 

**Dontfuckwith:** HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

**Shuturfuck:** oh my fucking god

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I HATE YOU ALL

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** I COULD’VE GOTTEN ARRESTED YOU DOUCHECAKES

 

**dontfuckwith:** sucks for you pretty boy

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** well at least I’m pretty

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Shiro of all people I thought you would support me in this great time of need!!!

 

**6yearsold:** Sorry Lance but it was just too good of an opportunity to pass up

 

**Shuturfuck:** Next time don’t tell us if we need to censor ourselves because you know we’ll just do the opposite

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Fair point

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** So are you no longer being interrogated??

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Nah the police released me

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** They took off the handcuffs and then they asked me what happened and asked for a description of Nyma and my texts with her and now they’re gonna see if they can track her down

 

**6yearsold:** Hopefully they find her soon

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** And hopefully my boss doesn’t fire my ass

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** Anyways guys I’m heading home and as an upstanding citizen I don’t text and drive so I’ll catch ya later

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Bye Lance! Drive safe!

 

**dontfuckwith:** don’t drive off a bridge

 

**Shuturfuck:** or go into a river

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** geez thanks for the encouragement guys

 

**Smellslikeflowers:** laters

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Well I need to get ready to hit the gym, it was nice talking with you!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Bye Allura!!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I gotta bake cookies for Lance now

 

**dontfuckwith:** bring me some!!!!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I’ll bring you some tomorrow

 

**dontfuckwith:** YAY!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Cookies for everyone!!

 

**Shuturfuck:** Hunk you’re so pure

  
**CinnamonRoll:** I know :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Allura's dating story seems unrealistic but I actually googled real worst dating stories and found that and thought that was so funny I had to do it
> 
> Also Allura is so gorgeous she could stab me and I would thank her
> 
> Leave a comment if you guys enjoyed!! Also feel free to message me on tumblr if you wanna talk about voltron or anything for that matter!
> 
> Main: thatsnotrelevant.tumblr.com  
> Voltron blog: zarkondoms.tumblr.com


	4. Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge and Hunk are working on an engineering project and then Allura's phone gets stolen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry this chapter took so long to complete! I actually just finished this chapter up in the middle of a panel at Wondercon as I'm waiting for a voltron panel to start so yeah
> 
> I'm sitting barefoot in Rika cosplay help my wig is itchy
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

**GotRobbed** : Alright who the hell changed my username

 

 **Shuturfuck** : Whoops

 

 **GotRobbed** : Dammit Keith

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : So how's everyone's day’s going??

 

 **GotRobbed** : I'm in class

 

 **GotRobbed** : And so are you

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Nope!

 

 **GotRobbed** : Wait what

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : I got let out of class because I'm doing that engineering project w/ Pidge

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Yup he is

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : What kind of project are you working on?

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Hi Allura!

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Well we technically need to be building a motorboat for this competition thing our school is entering but Pidge and I finished that like 3 weeks ago

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Yeah it was pretty easy, so since we have extra time we decided to try and build a really cool robot

 

 **Shuturfuck** : What

 

 **dontfuckwith** : [image.jpg]

 

 **6yearsold** : Whoah that's awesome guys!

 

 **dontfuckwith** : thanks dad

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Yeah thank you!!

 

 **Shuturfuck** : Are those… lions?

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Sure are! The whole thing is made of five smaller robot lions!

 

 **Shuturfuck** : Why?

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Because why the frickity fuck not Keith

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Lions are cool

 

 **Shuturfuck** : ...okay then

 

 **GotRobbed** : So I'm stuck here in class learning Spanish I already know, and you two are out there fucking around making a lion transformer?

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Yup, it's fun to be smart

 

 **GotRobbed** : Oh screw off

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Why don't you come join us??

 

 **GotRobbed** : *GSAP*

 

 **GotRobbed** : Hunk!!!

 

 **GotRobbed** : Are you trying to get me to ditch???

 

 **GotRobbed** : DAD!! HUNK’S BEING A BAD INFLUENCE

 

 **6yearsold** : Uhh

 

 **6yearsold** : Am I dad?

 

 **GotRobbed** : Yes

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Yup

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Pretty much

 

**-6yearsold’s name has been changed to ChatDad-**

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : So Lance are you coming to chill with me and Pidge or what?

 

 **ChatDad** : Lance, are you ditching class?

 

 **GotRobbed** : Hunk wants me to

 

 **ChatDad** : Hunk

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Shiro you don't get it, Lance is in Spanish class right now and he doesn't need to be

 

 **ChatDad** : Why wouldn't he need to be in class?

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Because he already knows Spanish! He just pretended he didn't so he could take Spanish 1 and get an A

 

 **GotRobbed** : HUNK!!

 

 **GotRobbed** : I didn't pretend not to know Spanish! I was just really really tired when they tested us on how much Spanish we knew so it turned into some weird mish mash of

spanglish

 

 **GotRobbed** : Also my handwriting is shit so I'm pretty sure they assumed I was bullshitting all my knowledge of Spanish and put me in the beginners class

 

 **Shuturfuck** : why am I not surprised

 

 **ChatDad** : Well Lance why didn't you ask to be transferred to a higher level class?

 

 **GotRobbed** : Well

 

 **GotRobbed** : Uh

 

 **GotRobbed** : I didn't think of it?

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Lance I just told our engineering teacher that we need to pull u out of class because we need ur help with our boat

 

 **dontfuckwith** : So ur gonna get pulled out of class in like ten seconds

 

 **GotRobbed** : Hell yeah

 

 **Shuturfuck** : What did you even tell your teacher you needed his help for?

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Lance is on the swimming team so I told them we needed a swimmer’s opinion to help figure out how to design the hull so the boat sliced through the water as efficiently as possible

 

 **Shuturfuck** : Lance is on the swimming team?

 

 **GotRobbed** : Sure am!

 

 **Shuturfuck** : Huh, that's cool

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Hurry up and get down here

 

 **dontfuckwith** : [image.jpg]

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Ur missing out on the fun

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Pidge, Hunk, is that the two of you?

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Yeah! I'm on the left and Pidge is on the right

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Oh my god! You're both so adorable!!!

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Aww thanks Allura!

 

 **ChatDad** : Why are you two wearing glasses that say ‘ASS’ on the lenses?

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Because they're cool

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Oh look Lance finally showed up

 

 **GotRobbed** : Yup now I'm with Hunk and Pidge

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : If only we could have everyone in the chat here, that would be so much fun!!

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : It would!

 

 **GotRobbed** : Pidge, Hunk, build a plane to bring Allura here

 

 **Shuturfuck** : Or she could just get a plane ticket

 

 **GotRobbed** : But that costs money!

 

 **Shuturfuck** : I think it costs more to build a plane

 

 **GotRobbed** : Source?

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Keith’s right

 

 **GotRobbed** : Dammit

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Building a plane would be fun tho

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Wait

 

 **dontfuckwith** : What if we built a spaceship?!

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : A spaceship that's like a giant castle

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Hell yeah!!!

 

 **Shuturfuck** : Why would we even go to space?

 

 **dontfuckwith** : we could find the aliens keith

 

 **Shuturfuck** : oh

 

 **Shuturfuck** : _oh_

 

 **Shuturfuck** : I'm in

 

 **GotRobbed** : Don't tell me you're a conspiracy theorist like Pidge

 

 **dontfuckwith** : it’s not a conspiracy theory if it's true

 

 **GotRobbed** : Like how Bigfoot’s ‘real’?

 

 **Shuturfuck** : _he’s out there lance_

 

 **GotRobbed** : Oh my god

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Oh hi everyone! It is I the beautiful Princess Allura!

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : My hair is so long and pretty and I wear high heels everywhere!!

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : ???

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : And I have the best uncle who cooks amazing dishes and is a very gorgeous man with a wonderful mustache that makes everyone gasp in awe!

 

 **ChatDad** : Allura?

 

 **dontfuckwith** : I'm pretty sure this isn't Allura

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Correct!

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : I'm actually Allura’s uncle!

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Hi Allura’s uncle!! I'm Hunk!

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Nice to meet you Hunk! I'm Coran!

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Allura left her phone while she went into another room and it was buzzing a lot so I picked it up

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : And now I'm talking to you all!

 

 **ChatDad** : Well it's nice to meet you, Coran. I'm Shiro

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Hello Shiro!!

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Heyo I'm Pidge

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Hiya!

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : You know, this reminds me of the time I went to a black market swap meet and bargained with pirates!!!

 

 **Shuturfuck** : Pirates?

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Correct!

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : This was down in the wild outback of Australia, and I was visiting with Allura’s father and decided to try and bargain for some wonderful curios!

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : In the end, I got stretch pants for a goose, something called the muskrat miraculous, and a human skull!

 

 **dontfuckwith** : A HUMAN SKULL?!?!?

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Oh don't worry, it wasn't a real one

 

 **GotRobbed** : Why did you buy stretch pants for a goose?

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Well why did you get robbed?

 

 **GotRobbed** : ...touché

 

 **dontfuckwith** : jdnidndkss

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Lance just got roasted lol

 

 **Shuturfuck** : But how did this remind you of that swap meet?

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Because I met so many interesting people!!!

 

 **ChatDad** : You seem like you have a lot of interesting stories, Coran

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Ah yes, I don’t like to brag but I'd say I've led a very fascinating life so far!

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : I've traversed ruins in Egypt, accidentally adopted three kids, been convicted of murder for seven men (wrongfully so I might add), and have even been the sacrifice for several cult rituals!

 

 **GotRobbed** : What the fuck

 

 **dontfuckwith** : holy shit Coran u sound AWESOME

 

 **Shuturfuck** : Uhhh how did you accidentally adopt three kids?

 

 **ChatDad** : How did you get convinced of murder for seven men

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Do we want to know how you ended up as the sacrifice for a cult ritual?

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Take it easy! One question at a time! I'll start with the adopted three kids one because that's an easy one to explain

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : So it all started back when I was backpacking through the Asian forestJDNFJDNSKJDWNWLALA

 

 **ChatDad** : Uhhhh

 

 **ChatDad** : Coran are you alright?

 

 **GotRobbed** : did Coran just have a seizure

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Sorry about that everyone, that was my uncle

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : He can be… eccentric sometimes

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : Hi again Allura!!!

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Hi Hunk

 

 **dontfuckwith** : wait where’d Coran go

 

 **GotRobbed** : Yeah! He was gonna tell us about the time he accidentally got 3 kids

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : He's sitting next to me looking dejected that I took the phone away from him

 

 **CinnamonRoll** : You should add him to the chat!!

 

 **dontfuckwith** : Yeah!!!!!

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : You guys really want me to add my uncle to our group chat?

 

 **Shuturfuck** : He was pretty interesting

 

 **Shuturfuck** : It's cool with me

 

 **ChatDad** : I really liked Coran

 

 **ChatDad** : Also I want to know how he got convicted of murder for 7 men

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Oh my

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Well

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Alright then!

 

 **GotRobbed** : YESSSSSS

 

**-PlsSnapMeInHalf has added GorgeousMan to the chat-**

 

 **GorgeousMan** : Hi again everyone

 

 **dontfuckwith** : HI CORAN

 

 **GorgeousMan** : Hi again Pidge

 

 **Shuturfuck** : Glad you're back

 

 **GorgeousMan** : Glad to be back Shuturfuck!

 

 **Shuturfuck** : Oh yeah you only know my username

 

 **Shuturfuck** : I'm Keith

 

 **GotRobbed** : And I'm Lance

 

 **GorgeousMan** : Fantastic names Keith and Lance!

 

 **GorgeousMan** : Now, I believe I was telling you all my adoption story?

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Oh geez

 

 **ChatDad** : Yes you were

 

 **ChatDad** : You were backpacking in the Asian forest?

 

 **GorgeousMan** : Ah yes

 

 **GorgeousMan** : So, it all started when I was in my late twenties, backpacking through the forest

 

 **PlsSnapMeInHalf** : Here we go…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will we ever find out how Coran adopted 3 kids? The world may never know...
> 
> Message me on tumblr! (pls do)  
> Main: thatsnotrelevant.tumblr.com  
> Voltron blog: zarkondoms.tumblr.com


	5. There's a lot of fuck ups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Lance and Shiro make very grave mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I was so not expecting to finish this chapter in less than an hour but you know what it happened so yeah
> 
> This chapter definitely took it's own turn that I did not expect to happen but it did
> 
> So here it is! Hope you all enjoy!

**GorgeousMan:** So I’m sitting there, tied to a chair

 

**GorgeousMan:** Covered in pig’s blood

 

**GorgeousMan:** Trying to seduce the man in front of me so he’ll let me go

 

**GorgeousMan:** All while holding an emerald in between my teeth

 

**GotRobbed:** [image.jpg]

 

**dontfuckwith:** LANCE WHAT THE FUCK

 

**CinnamonRoll:** AAAHHH MY ASEXUAL EYES

 

**GotRobbed:** HOLY FUCK WRONG CHAT WRONG CHAT

 

**GotRobbed:** FUCK FUCK FUCK

 

**GotRobbed:** SOMEONE DELETE IT I DONT HAVE THE PRIVILEGESS

 

**dontfuckwith:** I got this

 

**dontfuckwith:** ok it’s gone

 

**GotRobbed:** Thank god

 

**GotRobbed:** Guys I am so sorry holy shit

 

**Shuturfuck:** Well

 

**Shuturfuck:** A dick pic from Lance wasn’t on my list of things I expected to see today

 

**Shuturfuck:** Especially since I still haven’t even seen his face

 

**Shuturfuck:** But here we are

 

**ChatDad:** Lance, who was that intended for?

 

**GotRobbed:** I

 

**GotRobbed:** I’d rather not give details

 

**GotRobbed:** Just someone I was messaging

 

**GotRobbed:** Everyone, I am so sorry I swear to god I didn’t intend for that to send to you guys

 

**CinnamonRoll:** It’s okay dude it was a mistake

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I mean

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** It was kinda small

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** So it’s not like it was anything major

 

**dontfuckwith:** LKDJALDKLSFJ

 

**Shuturfuck:** get wrecked lance

 

**GotRobbed:** RUDE

 

**GorgeousMan:** She has a point

 

**ChatDad:** double wrecked

 

**-GotRobbed’s name has been changed to Tinydick-**

 

**Tinydick:** wow very funny

 

**Tinydick:** who did this

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I was just telling the truth Lance

 

**dontfuckwith:** allura have i told u i love u

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** <3

 

**Shuturfuck:** You’ve done the lord’s work Allura

 

**GorgeousMan:** Why were you sending a ‘dick pic’ anyway, Lance?

 

**Tinydick:** reasons

 

**dontfuckwith:** lance is a fuckboy

 

**Tinydick:** Am not!!!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** You kinda are dude

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Like I still love you

 

**CinnamonRoll:** But it’s true

 

**Tinydick:** Oh screw off

 

**Shuturfuck:** Lance I’ve known you for like a month and I know ur a fuckboy

 

**ChatDad:** Well I think the determining of a fuckboy depends on if the person receiving the dick pic consented to it

 

**dontfuckwith:** i did not consent for my innocent 14 year old eyes to see lance mcclain’s dick today

 

**Tinydick:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

 

**Shuturfuck:** Pidge your eyes haven’t been innocent since you were like 10

 

**ChatDad:** Pidge tried to hack pornhub when she was 11

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** YOU DID?!

 

**Tinydick:** OH MY GOD

 

**CinnamonRoll:** WHY

 

**ChatDad:** She didn’t know what it was and wanted to see why it had so much web traffic

 

**ChatDad:** And wanted a membership even though she had no idea what porn was

 

**ChatDad:** Because she, and I quote, thought it ‘sounded like something the cool kids had’

 

**Tinydick:** klasdjf;adskfjds;

 

**dontfuckwith:** SHIRO WHAT THE FUCK WE AGREED NOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT

 

**ChatDad:** sorry pidgey

 

**dontfuckwith:** nicknames won’t save u now takashi shirogane

 

**dontfuckwith:** only the power of god will

 

**ChatDad:** I’ve made a mistake

 

**Tinydick:** Did pidge just full name shiro???

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Shiro’s going to die

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** May he rest in peace

 

**ChatDad:** PIDGE WHY IS MY COMPUTER DOING STUFF ON ITS OWN

 

**ChatDad:** MY PHOTOS ARE BEING LOADED UP

 

**ChatDad:** I CAN’T DO ANYTHING

 

**ChatDad:** OH GOD THEY’RE BEING EXPORTED

 

**dontfuckwith:** [image.jpg]

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Is that supposed to be Shiro… in a wedding dress?

 

**GorgeousMan:** What a lovely dress!

 

**ChatDad:** WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT I DELETED THAT FROM MY COMPUTER

 

**Shuturfuck:** WHY THE FUCK HAVEN’T I SEEN THESE

 

**dontfuckwith:** [image.jpg]

 

**ChatDad:** YOU STOP THAT

 

**CinnamonRoll:** SHIRO IS THAT YOU DANCING ON A STRIPPER POLE

 

**ChatDad:** I WAS DRUNK OKAY?!

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** This is the best thing I have ever seen

 

**Shuturfuck:** WHEN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN AND HOW COME I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT IT

 

**ChatDad:** I WAS PARTYING WITH MATT IT’S NOT MY FAULT

 

**GorgeousMan:** It looks like you were having a rip roaring good time!

 

**Shuturfuck:** I am saving all of these

 

**ChatDad:** NO YOU ARE NOT

 

**Tinydick:** My eyes have been blessed

 

**dontfuckwith:** oh my god I just found a photo album from the party night I never knew existed

 

**ChatDad:** Wait I see the one she means on my computer screen

 

**ChatDad:** oh

 

**ChatDad:** oh no

 

**ChatDad:** Katie

 

**ChatDad:** Don’t send any photos from that

 

**ChatDad:** I swear to god don’t look in that

 

**ChatDad:** this was kinda funny at first but stop I’m serious

 

**dontfuckwith:** hmm well I thought we agreed not to talk about my pornhub experience

 

**dontfuckwith:** but that didn’t work out

 

**Tinydick:** wait who the fuck is katie

 

**Shuturfuck:** you dumbass that’s pidge’s real name

 

**Tinydick:** YOU MEAN YOUR REAL NAME ISN’T PIDGE?!?!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** dude

 

**GorgeousMan:** I’m new to the chat and even I figured that out!

 

**dontfuckwith:** uh

 

**dontfuckwith:** ok im done looking through other peoples folders

 

**dontfuckwith:** shiro please pm me we need to talk

 

**ChatDad:** Fine.

 

**Tinydick:** holy fuck

 

**Tinydick:** I wonder what she saw

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Same

 

**Tinydick:** Wait why did Shiro’s arm look like metal??

 

**Tinydick:** I mean it might’ve just been the club lighting

 

**Tinydick:** But idk

 

**Shuturfuck:** It’s a prosthetic arm

 

**Tinydick:** oh

 

**Tinydick:** shit

 

**Tinydick:** I’m sorry

 

**Shuturfuck:** It’s alright you didn’t know

 

**Shuturfuck:** and since you’re probably going to ask anyway yes he lost his arm during his time in the military

 

**Shuturfuck:** And that’s all I’m gonna say about that since shiro’s not here to talk about it himself

 

**CinnamonRoll:** perfectly understandable

 

**GorgeousMan:** Well

 

**GorgeousMan:** Do you guys want to hear the rest of my story?

 

**CinnamonRoll:** YES

 

**GorgeousMan:** So where was I?

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** You were trying to seduce the guard so he’d untie you

 

**GorgeousMan:** Ah yes! I remember!

 

**GorgeousMan:** So when you’re seducing, remember, eye contact is key

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-Pidgeotto to shiro-**

 

**Pidgeotto:** okay shiro

 

**Pidgeotto:** first off I wanna apologize

 

**Pidgeotto:** I know I took that way too far and should have stopped when you asked

 

**shiro:** yes you should have

 

**Pidgeotto:** i won’t do that again

 

**Pidgeotto:** but

 

**Pidgeotto:** you need to explain those photos i saw

 

**shiro:** katie I honestly don’t  _ need _ to explain anything to you

 

**Pidgeotto:** look shiro i respect your privacy, and so I don’t ask about certain things as we know

 

**Pidgeotto:** but when the subject involves u and my brother making out on a bar

 

**Pidgeotto:** i think i deserve a bit of background

 

**shiro:** …

 

**shiro:** fine

 

**shiro:** it didn’t mean anything 

 

**shiro:** we were both just really drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time

 

**Pidgeotto:** did you guys talk about it the next morning??

 

**Pidgeotto:** and why the fuck didn’t matt tell me about it

 

**Pidgeotto:** we tell each other everything

 

**shiro:** Yes we talked a bit the next morning

 

**shiro:** Neither of us remembered much

 

**shiro:** And we both agreed it must have been the alcohol messing with our heads

 

**shiro:** So we agreed to pretend it never happened and moved on

 

**Pidgeotto:** but why didn’t he tell me?

 

**Pidgeotto:** i tell him everything that happens to me

 

**shiro:** Pidge…

 

**shiro:** He didn’t want you getting the wrong idea about our relationship

 

**Pidgeotto:** matt told me he’d never keep secrets from me

 

**Pidgeotto:** he lied

 

**shiro:** Look Pidge I don’t know everything that goes on in Matt’s head

 

**shiro:** But I’m sure he had his reasons

 

**Pidgeotto:** …

 

**Pidgeotto:** are you sure it really meant nothing

 

**Pidgeotto:** for both of you?

 

**shiro:** I’m not gonna talk about this

 

**shiro:** My shift is starting soon

 

**shiro:** I have to go

 

**Pidgeotto:** fine then

 

**Pidgeotto:** Shiro I really am sorry

 

**shiro:** …

 

**shiro:** I know you are

 

**shiro:** It’s alright, I forgive you

 

**Pidgeotto:** you know ur like my second big brother, right?

 

**shiro:** Yeah I do 

 

**shiro:** You’re like a younger sister to me

 

**Pidgeotto:** love you shiro

 

**shiro:** Love you too, Pidgey

 

**Pidgeotto:** Have a good shift!

  
**shiro:** I will :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god I did not intend for the matt/shiro thing to happen, one thing just led to another and next thing I knew Pidge found a photo of the two of them making out whoops
> 
> Can you guys tell I'm just making this plot up as I go along?
> 
> I hope you guys like the chapter! Let me know in the comments if you enjoyed! Even if I don't respond to every comment I see them all and they make my day :)
> 
> Message me on tumblr! You guys are the best and I wanna talk to you!  
> Main: thatsnotrelevant.tumblr.com  
> Voltron blog: zarkondoms.tumblr.com


	6. CONGRATULATIONS! Your PIDGEY evolved into PIDGEOTTO!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Pidge's birthday~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So we got over 1000 hits damn!!! This fic started out as some dumb little thing in my head that was only gonna be one chapter but look where we are now! Thank you all to everyone who reads and enjoys this, it makes me super happy to hear this is making you guys laugh and you guys like reading it as much as I like writing it!
> 
> Also I know Pidge's birthday was April 3rd and that's when I started the chapter but I wasn't able to finish it in a single afternoon so here we are several days later oh well
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

**Tinydick:** So everyone we are gathered here today for a special occasion

 

**Tinydick:** To celebrate a day of celebration for our dear friend

 

**Tinydick:** Wait shit that doesn't make sense

 

**Tinydick:** To celebrate the day of our dear friend’s birth

 

**Tinydick:** There we go

 

**Shuturfuck:** Took you enough tries

 

**Tinydick:** SHUT UP KEITH IM TRYING TO GIVE A SPEECH

 

**ChatDad:** But aren't you with Pidge right now?

 

**dontfuckwith:** yes he is

 

**dontfuckwith:** he's reading this out loud as he types

 

**Tinydick:** Our dear, sweet, precious Pidgey

 

**Tinydick:** Is finally evolving into a Pidgeotto

 

**dontfuckwith:** beautiful. truly beautiful.

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Wait Pidge, it's your birthday?!?

 

**dontfuckwith:** ya

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Oh my god!!! Happy birthday!!!

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** How old are you now???

 

**CinnamonRoll:** They’re 15 now!

 

**GorgeousMan:** That's wonderful! Congratulations Pidge!

 

**dontfuckwith:** aw thanks guys

 

**Shuturfuck:** sorry I couldn't come down there to visit, I've been busy with school and stuff

 

**ChatDad:** ^^ Same for me but with work

 

**dontfuckwith:** it's chill, I got two nerds with me who’ll do just fine

 

**dontfuckwith:** [image.jpg]

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Aww you all look so adorable!

 

**GorgeousMan:** Blimey! Is this you and Hunk and Lance?

 

**dontfuckwith:** sure is, i’m in the middle and hunk is on the right while lance is on the left

 

**dontfuckwith:** and that delicious cake in front of us was made courtesy of hunk

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** It looks amazing

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Also Lance!!! It’s great to finally see your face! You’re so adorable!!

 

**Tinydick:** Aw thanks Princess ;)))))

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I take it back

 

**Tinydick:** :(

 

**dontfuckwith:** keith u wanna know what i want u to get for me for my bday

 

**Shuturfuck:** What?

 

**dontfuckwith:** cut ur fucking mullet and get a normal hairstyle for once

 

**Shuturfuck:** EXCUSE YOU

 

**Tinydick:** WAIT KEITH HAS A MULLET

 

**Tinydick:** HOW COME I DIDNT KNOW THIS TILL NOW

 

**Shuturfuck:** goddammit pidge

 

**dontfuckwith:** yup he does

 

**dontfuckwith:** like the damn texan he is

 

**Shuturfuck:** mullets aren’t even a texan thing wtf

 

**dontfuckwith:** u would know

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I thought you were from California, Keith???

 

**Shuturfuck:** I live in CA but Shiro and I lived in Texas for a few years when I was young

 

**Tinydick:** KEITH’S A TEXAN AND HAS A MULLET?!

 

**Tinydick:** THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Keith you should send a photo of yourself!!

 

**Shuturfuck:** No

 

**ChatDad:** Keith send one

 

**Shuturfuck:** No

 

**ChatDad:** If you don’t I will

 

**ChatDad:** And I have a lot of options

 

**Tinydick:** SEND US EMBARRASSING PHOTOS OF KEITH

 

**Shuturfuck:** NO

 

**Shuturfuck:** Fine

 

**Tinydick:** Make sure to get your mullet in it

 

**Shuturfuck:** [image.jpg]

 

**dontfuckwith:** of course ur flipping off the camera

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Nice hair dude!! Liking the man bun

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Aw Keith you’re adorable!!

 

**GorgeousMan:** Your hair is almost as glorious as my mustache!!!

 

**dontfuckwith:** i would use a lot of words to describe keith but adorable is not one of them

 

**Shuturfuck:** Then how would you describe me?

 

**dontfuckwith:** hmm… dark and stabby

 

**Shuturfuck:** I can live with that

 

**ChatDad:** Pfft dark and stabby yeah right

 

**ChatDad:** Keith weren’t you reading the warriors books yesterday?

 

**Shuturfuck:** SHUT UP THEY MAKE ME FEEL NOSTALGIC

 

**dontfuckwith:** lksajdfldjsjkdf

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I can’t believe Lance hasn’t commented on Keith’s selfie yet

 

**CinnamonRoll:** He’s in the bathroom right now he hasn’t seen the photo yet

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Oh wait here he comes

 

Pidge glanced up from her phone at the same time Hunk did, watching Lance as he approached the kitchen table where they were all dining on cake. 

 

“LANCE, GET OVER HERE!” Pidge shouted, despite the fact that Lance was only a few feet away. Lance winced at her volume and frowned.

 

“Geez chill out, Pidge, I’m right here. What, is something wrong?” He asked, taking his time as he strolled over to his friends.

 

“Keith sent a selfie.” Hunk explained. Lance’s eyes widened and he rushed over, snatching his phone off the counter and frantically typing in his passcode so he could see the photo. 

 

“Oh my god, I finally get to see that stupid emo’s dumb mullet with my own eyes-” Lance’s words were cut off when he opened the chat room and found the image he was looking for. He stared at his screen blankly for a moment, his eyes widening with each passing second, while Hunk and Pidge watched intently for his reaction. 

 

“YOU NEVER TOLD ME HE WAS HOT!” Lance shouted at full volume, giving Pidge an accusing stare. Hunk snorted in laughter while Pidge just smirked.

 

“You think Keith’s hot?” Pidge asked, an impish glint in her eyes. Lance immediately realized his mistake and his cheeks turned bright red.

 

“What? Keith? Hot? No way! D-did I say hot? I meant, um, NOT! Yeah, Keith is totally NOT hot at all!” Lance knew his stuttering excuses were pathetic, and Pidge and Hunk just stared at him till he sighed in defeat, sitting down beside them. 

 

“Okay, yes, he’s hot. There, I said it!” He said, throwing his hands up in the air. Pidge’s smirk widened and she went to reach for her phone, but Lance immediately realized her intent and grabbed her wrist before she could reach the device. 

 

“DON’T YOU DARE TELL HIM YOU LITTLE GREMLIN!” Pidge just laughed and Lance’s frown deepened. “I’M SERIOUS! HE WON’T EVER LET IT GO!” She sighed and pulled Lance’s hand off of her, shaking her head back and forth with a smile.

 

“Don’t worry Lance, I won’t tell Keith you said that. I’m just gonna hold this over your head forever and ever until we die!” She said cheerfully. 

 

“You’re the worst, Pidgeotto.” Lance hissed. 

 

“Dude, you’re just now figuring this out about them?” Hunk questioned, glancing up from his own phone. “Also you guys should get back in the chat, everyone’s wondering where you went.” With one final glare at the still smirking Pidge, Lance looked back down at his phone and the two rejoined the conversation.

 

**GorgeousMan:** So then I said “is murder  _ really _ that bad all things considered?”

 

**Tinydick:** What the actual fuck did we come back to

 

**dontfuckwith:** can’t leave this damn chat alone for five minutes without there being talk of murder

 

**dontfuckwith:** i mean not that i don’t approve of that topic

 

**dontfuckwith:** because i’m always down for murder

 

**ChatDad:** No no murdering anyone!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** ^^

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** So Lance did Keith’s photograph give you a stroke?

 

**Tinydick:** Pfft no

 

**Tinydick:** He just looks really damn emo

 

**Shuturfuck:** Why does everyone call me an emo??

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Because that’s what you are

 

**dontfuckwith:** u goddamn mcr trash

 

**Shuturfuck:** Hey pidge I wouldn’t be talking you like them too

 

**dontfuckwith:** ya but i didn’t have five posters of them on my walls

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** oh my god

 

**Shuturfuck:** YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANNA FIGHT ME ON MCR

 

**dontfuckwith:** YEAH I FUCKING DO

 

**dontfuckwith:** I CAN KICK UR ASS ANY DAY

 

**Shuturfuck:** Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try

 

**GorgeousMan:** Keith, son, you’re playing with fire

 

**Shuturfuck:** FIRE IS MY ELEMENT

 

**Tinydick:** akdlfjdsdfjkd

 

**ChatDad:** Keith… as your older brother I have to tell you… that is the lamest fucking thing you’ve ever said

 

**dontfuckwith:** KEITH JUST GOT ROASTED BY SHIRO OOOOOO

 

**dontfuckwith:** wait talking about fighting keith gave me an idea

 

**Tinydick:** Can we drive to LA and kick his ass

 

**dontfuckwith:** absolutely

 

**dontfuckwith:** but that’s not what i meant

 

**ChatDad:** I’ll help

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Same

 

**Shuturfuck:** I can take all of you

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** You wanna try me?

 

**Tinydick:** FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

 

**dontfuckwith:** GUYS LET ME TALK

 

**dontfuckwith:** DOES EVERYONE HERE HAVE OVERWATCH

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I do!

 

**ChatDad:** Yup

 

**Tinydick:** Ur the one who made me get it

 

**Shuturfuck:** Obviously you know I do

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I love overwatch!

 

**GorgeousMan:** AH YES! MY FAVOURITE VIDEO GAME BESIDES DARK SOULS AND ANIMAL CROSSING NEW LEAF

 

**dontfuckwith:** OKAY GUYS ARE WE ALL AVAILABLE TO PLAY OVERWATCH RIGHT NOW

 

**dontfuckwith:** BECAUSE IT’S MY BIRTHDAY AND THIS IS WHAT I WANNA DO I WANT TO KICK ALL YOUR VIRTUAL ASSES

 

**ChatDad:** I don’t have work tonight so I can

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I was just going to binge gen 1 of Skins for the billionth time but this sounds fun!

 

**Tinydick:** we’re having a sleepover tonight obviously hunk and I can play

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Yup!

 

**dontfuckwith:** Keith? Coran?

 

**GorgeousMan:** I’m terribly sorry but I only have the wonderful game on my computer at home and I am with Allura at the moment

 

**GorgeousMan:** But I can shout at you all through her microphone!

 

**Shuturfuck:** I mean I was gonna play overwatch anyway so ya

 

**dontfuckwith:** FUCK YEAH!

 

**dontfuckwith:** we have a perfect team of six

  
**dontfuckwith:** okay you gay shits, give me all ur overwatch usernames we’re starting a voice channel in this bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow look at that I added something that wasn't texting format into this wowzers
> 
> Also I just played overwatch for the first time a few days ago and holy shit is it fun
> 
> Hope you guys liked it! Leave a comment if you enjoyed! I'll try to get the overwatch voice call chapter written soon but we all know my writing schedule is complete anarchy so who knows when it'll be here. It could be tomorrow, it could be two weeks from now, I have no clue
> 
> Do we have any psychics who could tell me when I'll actually have the time and energy to write this damn fic lol
> 
> Love you all! <3
> 
> Message me on tumblr! (pls)  
> Main: thatsnotrelevant.tumblr.com  
> Voltron blog: zarkondoms.tumblr.com


	7. Doctor Fuck Me Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in the aftermath of the overwatch game, discoveries are made
> 
> Usernames (oh look I remembered to write it this time)  
> Shuturfuck: Keith  
> PlsSnapMeInHalf: Allura  
> Tinydick: Lance  
> CinnamonRoll: Hunk  
> dontfuckwith: Pidge  
> GorgeousMan: Coran  
> ChatDad: Shiro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I said I was going to write them all playing overwatch together but once i started I realized that wasn't really funny or entertaining along with being weird to write so I ended up scrapping it and writing this chapter instead!
> 
> I think this one is longer than normal so I hope you guys like it! All your comments make me really happy, and I want you to know even if I don't respond to every single one I still see them and they all make me smile (I'm just bad at remembering to respond to comments)

**dontfuckwith:** okay so that was a huge fucking failure

 

**Tinydick:** What the fuck Pidge why did you shut off my computer?!?

 

**dontfuckwith:** YOU KEPT TAKING JUNKRAT I WANTED TO PLAY JUNKRAT

 

**ChatDad:** Pidge you shouldn't have shut off his computer just because he was taking your character

 

**dontfuckwith:** ITS MY BIRTHDAY I CAN DO WHAT I WANT

 

**dontfuckwith:** anyway lance u also played as mei one time and that alone is deserving of death

 

**Shuturfuck:** Agreed

 

**Tinydick:** OKAY YOU GOTTA ADMIT THAT WAS FUNNY

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** It kinda was lol

 

**dontfuckwith:** you don't even like playing as mei!!

 

**Tinydick:** But it was funny and as your unofficial older brother

 

**Tinydick:** It is my duty in Matt’s absence to fuck with you during video games

 

**CinnamonRoll:** He's got a point

 

**dontfuckwith:** …I guess so

 

**Tinydick:** HA

 

**dontfuckwith:** well anyway other than lance being a douchebag

 

**dontfuckwith:** I think our overwatch game was a success

 

**dontfuckwith:** Also

 

**-Shuturfuck’s name has been changed to Reaper-**

 

**dontfuckwith:** there u go u edgy emo fuck

 

**Reaper:** Really?

 

**ChatDad:** You do kind of only play as Reaper, Keith

 

**Reaper:** He’s got a lot of cool abilities!!!

 

**Tinydick:** Admit it, you just like how edgy he is

 

**Reaper:** Oh fuck off you D.Va main

 

**Tinydick:** D.Va is cool and I have no shame in playing as her

 

**dontfuckwith:** anyway back to the game

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Yeah!!! We kicked those guys butts!

 

**Tinydick:** ^^

 

**Reaper:** They weren't even that good

 

**Reaper:** What kind of username is ‘Zarkon’ anyway?

 

**Tinydick:** Yeah! Or ‘Haggar’, that's not even cool wtf

 

**ChatDad:** Actually I've played against those guys before

 

**ChatDad:** They're complete assholes

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Did I mention I actually knew them??

 

**Tinydick:** WHAT

 

**Reaper:** No you did not

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Oh well a long time ago I used to play with those guys online before Overwatch came out

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** We all played black ops together

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Then they became grade A douchebags and betrayed me during a tournament, bringing my rank down

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Oh no!!! I'm sorry Allura!!

 

**dontfuckwith:** I'll kill them

 

**dontfuckwith:** I have their usernames I'll hack into their accounts and take away all their levels

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Pidge no that's not necessary!! It was just a video game!

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I just no longer talk to those people

 

**dontfuckwith:** fine but just say the word and they're ruined

 

**ChatDad:** Pidge don't go doing something that'll get you banned

 

**dontfuckwith:** You can only get banned if you get caught

 

**GorgeousMan:** That's my motto! You can never get charged for arson if you never get caught!

 

**Tinydick:** Coran wtf

 

**Reaper:** I've been charged for arson

 

**ChatDad:** oh jesus don't remind me

 

**CinnamonRoll:** KEITH?! 

 

**GorgeousMan:** Shouldn't have gotten caught kiddo ;)

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Keith what did you do?!?!

 

**dontfuckwith:** WHY THE FUCK HAVENT I HEARD ABOUT THIS

 

**Reaper:** Well I had good reason

 

**ChatDad:** Here we go

 

**Reaper:** This was back when I was 15 and it was about six months after Shiro had been discharged from the military

 

**Reaper:** And he was still recovering and stuff

 

**Reaper:** And this one asshole decided to be a smartass and made a rude comment about him 

 

**Reaper:** And I was going to beat the shit out of him but my friend held me back

 

**Reaper:** So later that night I set his car on fire

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Holy shit Keith

 

**ChatDad:** That caused a lot of legal headaches for me

 

**ChatDad:** Keith was grounded for months

 

**Tinydick:** I mean it sounds like he had a good reason

 

**Reaper:** Thank you Lance

 

**dontfuckwith:** I mean I've done similar illegal shit when people made fun of Matt

 

**ChatDad:** Yes you have and you and Keith combined have taken 10 years off our lives

 

**ChatDad:** And by ours I mean Matt and myself

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh I know how that feels, Shiro

 

**GorgeousMan:** Allura used to get into so much trouble when she was a youngster!

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Coran don't you dare

 

**CinnamonRoll:** TELL US ABOUT ALLURA

 

**GorgeousMan:** Well she would always get into fights with the other girls at her boarding school

 

**GorgeousMan:** And I’d always have to talk with the Headmaster to get her out of trouble

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Omg Allura

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Yeahhhh I kinda did like to fight

 

**ChatDad:** Reminds me of Keith

 

**ChatDad:** Except he still gets into fights

 

**Reaper:** Oh whatever it’s always for good reason

 

**ChatDad:** You once challenged a guy because he was flirting with you and you didn’t realize it

 

**Tinydick:** alkdfjkls;fjdls;

 

**Reaper:** It’s not my fault I can’t tell when ppl are flirting with me!!

 

**dontfuckwith:** jesus keith i knew u were socially awkward but this is a new level

 

**Reaper:** Fuck off

 

**Tinydick:** Keith’s probably fought people who’ve insulted his mullet

 

**Reaper:** No one makes fun of my mullet

 

**dontfuckwith:** I do

 

**Reaper:** you don’t count ‘cause ur an asshole to everyone

 

**dontfuckwith:** i’m not an asshole to hunk

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I think it’s impossible to be an asshole to Hunk

 

**GorgeousMan:** Hunk is a wonderful human being!

 

**Tinydick:** Hunk is my favorite

 

**ChatDad:** He certainly is

 

**Reaper:** Agreed

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Awww guys

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I love all of you

 

**Tinydick:** <3

 

**CinnamonRoll:** <3

 

**dontfuckwith:** anyway back to keith’s mullet

 

**Reaper:** goddammit

 

**Tinydick:** Have u always had that mullet?

 

**Reaper:** Not when I was like

 

**Reaper:** Uh

 

**Reaper:** 12 I think?

 

**Tinydick:** omg

 

**ChatDad:** I’ve tried getting him to cut it

 

**ChatDad:** He refuses

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Guys lay off it’s just hair

 

**Reaper:** Thank you Hunk

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Ok but

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Is it long enough to put into a ponytail?

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Because ponytails can make any haircut attractive

 

**Reaper:** Yeah I put it in a ponytail whenever I go to the gym or i work on my bike

 

**dontfuckwith:** I demand a photo as proof

 

**dontfuckwith:** because I’ve never seen keith’s hair in a ponytail

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Yeah Keith send us a pic!!!

 

**Reaper:** Right now?

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Ya!

 

**Reaper:** Ugh fine one sec

 

**dontfuckwith:** gotta get that selfie lighting just right

 

**Tinydick:** actually that’s a very important part of selfie taking

 

**Tinydick:** Right lighting, right angle

 

**Tinydick:** It’s all very integral to taking a hot selfie

 

**dontfuckwith:** -_-

 

**Reaper:** [image.jpg]

 

**Reaper:** There, are you guys happy?

 

**Tinydick:** lksadfjldskfj

 

**Reaper:** Lance?

 

**dontfuckwith:** did he have a stroke

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I wouldn’t be surprised

 

**Tinydick:** Sorry I dropped my phone

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Holy shit Keith you look good in that photo

 

**ChatDad:** wow your room is surprisingly clean

 

**Reaper:** Oh stop parenting me Shiro

 

**dontfuckwith:** Is that black nail polish??

 

**Reaper:** Yes

 

**Reaper:** Is there a problem with that

 

**dontfuckwith:** no not at all

 

**dontfuckwith:** just surprised

 

**CinnamonRoll:** You look really good, Keith!!!

 

**GorgeousMan:** I agree! You are a fine young specimen of a teenage male!

 

**Reaper:** Thanks?

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Keith!!! You wear nail polish???

 

**Reaper:** Occasionally yeah

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** We should skype and do our nails together sometime!!

 

**Reaper:** Uhh

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** We could talk about boys and other stuff!!

 

**dontfuckwith:** damn i never expected to see allura say ‘let’s talk about boys and do our nails’

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I’m allowed to like girly things pidge

 

**dontfuckwith:** of course u are!!!

 

**dontfuckwith:** fuck that sounded douchey, i didnt mean it like that

 

**dontfuckwith:** i just didnt expect that from you lol

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** It’s fine lol

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-thetailor to SunnyHunk-**

 

**thetailor:** HE’S REALLY HOT IN A PONYTAIL

 

**SunnyHunk:** He is

 

**thetailor:** AND HE’S WEARING NAIL POLISH

 

**SunnyHunk:** Yup

 

**thetailor:** FUCK ME

 

**SunnyHunk:** sorry bro i’m ace

 

**thetailor:** stop being a smartass

 

**SunnyHunk:** <3

 

**SunnyHunk:** wait you paint your nails too right?

 

**thetailor:** occasionally yeah

 

**SunnyHunk:** do you have them painted right now???

 

**thetailor:** Yeah I just painted them blue

 

**SunnyHunk:** Send a selfie in the chat!!!

 

**thetailor:** don’t have to tell me twice

 

~

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** C’mon Keith!! We’d have so much fun!!!

 

**Reaper:** I don’t really do the whole ‘gossip about boys thing’

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Damn

 

**Tinydick:** [image.jpg]

 

**Tinydick:** Did I mention I paint my nails too???

 

~

**Direct Message**

**-Shuturfuck to Pidgeotto-**

 

**Shuturfuck:** PIDGE WTF HE’S KINDA HOT

 

**Pidgeotto:** goddammit

~

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** LANCE LET’S SKYPE AND TALK ABOUT BOYS AND GIRLS WHILE PAINTING OUR NAILS

 

**Tinydick:** YES

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** wait lance have you ever done your makeup?

 

**Tinydick:** yeah sometimes but not that often

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** WE COULD DO MAKEUP TOGETHER

 

**dontfuckwith:** you two should just become beauty gurus already

 

**Tinydick:** PIDGE THAT’S A GREAT IDEA

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I FULLY AGREE WITH THIS

 

**Reaper:** shiro should join y’all

 

**Tinydick:** oh my god Keith said y’all

 

**Tinydick:** He’s a true texan

 

**Reaper:** fuck off

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Wait shiro does makeup??

 

**Reaper:** Eyeliner

 

**Reaper:** Every morning

 

**Reaper:** Every. Morning.

 

**ChatDad:** Oh shut up you know it looks good

 

**ChatDad:** [image.jpg]

 

**dontfuckwith:** Shiro’s eyeliner is so sharp I want it to stab me in the face and kill me

 

**ChatDad:** _ same _

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Shiro’s eyeliner wings are so big I want them to help me fly away from all my problems

 

**ChatDad:** _ also same _

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** SHIRO LANCE LET’S ALL BE BEAUTY GURUS

 

**Tinydick:** I’m down

 

**ChatDad:** So am I

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** NONE OF MY FRIENDS LIKE MAKEUP OR NAIL POLISH

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** I guess that’s what I get for being pre-med

 

**dontfuckwith:** holy fuck allura ur pre-med??

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Yeah! I’m planning on becoming an orthopedic surgeon

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Though of course that could change to a different field of surgery sometime in the future

 

**CinnamonRoll:** That’s so cool Allura!!!

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Thank you!

 

**GorgeousMan:** She’s following in the footsteps of her father, who was a really well-renowned surgeon

 

**ChatDad:** Damn Allura that’s impressive

 

**PlsSnapMeInHalf:** Thank you guys!

 

**-PlsSnapMeInHalf’s name has been changed to DrFuckMe-**

 

**DrFuckMe:** Okay who did this

 

**DrFuckMe:** anyone going to confess??

 

**Reaper:** Idk who

 

**DrFuckMe:** -_-

 

**DrFuckMe:** This is either pidge or lance’s doing

 

**ChatDad:** It usually seems to be that way

 

**DrFuckMe:** But anyway

 

**DrFuckMe:** Shiro, Lance, (and maybe Keith if he wants to join)

 

**DrFuckMe:** We should skype while painting our nails sometime

 

**Tinydick:** That’d be fun

 

**ChatDad:** I can’t really paint my nails but I’d be down to do my eyeliner and chat with you guys

 

**DrFuckMe:** Yay!!!

 

**DrFuckMe:** anyway I have to go now I have class in an hour and need to take a shower

 

**ChatDad:** Bye Allura!

 

**Tinydick:** Bye!!!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Bye guys!!

 

**dontfuckwith:** welp i gtg too

 

**dontfuckwith:** i only have a limited time window to hack into this government agency

 

**dontfuckwith:** so its time to crank the hacking skillz TO THE MAX

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Pidge are you okay

 

**dontfuckwith:** am i ever ok

 

**ChatDad:** Please don’t get the FBI called to your house again

 

**dontfuckwith:** ill try my best

 

**Tinydick:** wait why is pidge hacking into a government agency

 

**Reaper:** We’re gonna find out about the secret aliens

 

**Tinydick:** God fucking dammit

 

**GorgeousMan:** I’ve met aliens before!

 

**GorgeousMan:** In fact, I myself am part alien

 

**Tinydick:** Normally I’d call bullshit

 

**Tinydick:** But this is Coran we’re talking about so I actually want to hear more

 

**Reaper:** CORAN

 

**Reaper:** _ TELL ME ABOUT THE ALIENS _

  
**GorgeousMan:** Well, it all started when I got kidnapped for ransom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always headcanoned that in a modern/normal life au Allura would be a doctor and idk why
> 
> also Pidge is sick of hearing about Lance and Keith's gay feelings
> 
> Shiro, Lance, and Allura are all gonna start beauty channels on youtube and become major beauty gurus who's with me on this
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed! <3


	8. friendship is kicking each others asses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter in which Shiro fails at hiding his feelings, everyone wants to kick Pidge's ass, and Keith is ready to shank a bitch
> 
> Usernames  
>  **Reaper:** Keith  
>  **Tinydick:** Lance  
>  **GorgeousMan:** Coran  
>  **DrFuckMe:** Allura  
>  **dontfuckwith:** Pidge  
>  **ChatDad:** Shiro  
>  **CinnamonRoll:** Hunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! I didn't expect to finish this chapter so soon but here we are! I had no clue what to do for this one at first and so I asked my friend and they just said 'shatt' and this is what happened (btw this friend of mine, @vallraiene, has given me so many lines of dialogue and ideas for this fic and is kinda my beta reader they are the best so shout out to them)
> 
> Looks like we're actually getting into plot wowwwww it's a miracle
> 
> All your guy's comments on this make me so so so happy like honestly all the love I've received for this stupid little fic is astounding I love all of you <3
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

**ChatDad:** Guys guys guys guess what

 

**CinnamonRoll:** What???

 

**ChatDad:** Well an old friend of mine who goes to college at cal poly SLO is gonna be coming down here for a couple days and is gonna stay with me and Keith!!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Shiro that’s awesome!!! I’m sure you two will have a fantastic time!

 

**Tinydick:** Nice dude! Getting to see old friends after a long time is the fucking  _ best _

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Agreed

 

**dontfuckwith:** old friend

 

**dontfuckwith:** goes to college at SLO

 

**dontfuckwith:** shiro r u talking about who i think ur talking about

 

**ChatDad:** Probably yes

 

**dontfuckwith:** okay then why THE FUCK is my brother going down to LA to visit you but won’t go the extra 100 miles to come see HIS OWN DAMN SIBLING

 

**dontfuckwith:** im gonna kick matt’s ass

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I’ll film it

 

**ChatDad:** Pidge u didn’t let me finish

 

**ChatDad:** After Matt spends a few days here in LA he’s gonna drive down to San Diego to see you

 

**dontfuckwith:** OH

 

**dontfuckwith:** well nvm im no longer pissed at him then

 

**dontfuckwith:** but im still gonna kick his ass

 

**ChatDad:** Good. He deserves it.

 

**Reaper:** Did Matt piss you off??

 

**ChatDad:** No

 

**ChatDad:** Matt just always deserves to get his ass kicked

 

**Reaper:** Fair point

 

**GorgeousMan:** Forgive me if I missed something, but what exactly is going on?

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Pidge’s brother, Matt, is coming down from his college up in Berkeley to see Shiro in LA, and then after is gonna come down to San Diego to see Pidge

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh! How splendid!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Pidge does this mean we get to meet your brother?

 

**dontfuckwith:** YUP

 

**dontfuckwith:** YOU AND LANCE GET TO MEET THE PERSON THAT MADE ME INTO THE ASSHOLE I AM TODAY

 

**Reaper:** Speaking of Lance where is he

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Keith noticed Lance wasn’t here ;)))))

 

**Reaper:** Wtf does that mean

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Nvm

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Lance is just getting off work right about now

 

**Reaper:** Why is he working so late? It’s like 11pm

 

**CinnamonRoll:** It was one of the only shifts available this weekend

 

**DrFuckMe:** I hope he’s not overworking himself

 

**ChatDad:** Yeah, Lance shouldn’t be trying to work too much

 

**ChatDad:** Balancing school and a job can be a tricky thing that can easily lead to stress overload

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I’m worried about that too but I think he’s doing fine

 

**GorgeousMan:** Lance is an intelligent young man! I’m sure he’s doing just dandy!

 

**Reaper:** Hopefully

 

**CinnamonRoll:** ;)))))

 

**Reaper:** Seriously what are you doing that for

 

**DrFuckMe:** Perhaps some things are better left unquestioned

 

**dontfuckwith:** wait i think i know how we can get him in the chat

 

**dontfuckwith:** *takes deep breath*

 

**Reaper:** Is that really necessary to type

 

**dontfuckwith:** stop being a little shitbitch queef and let me live my life

 

**DrFuckMe:** kldjflksdjfdskl

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I think shitbitch is the best one yet

 

**dontfuckwith:** ANYWAY

 

**dontfuckwith:** *takes extra deep breath just to piss keith off*

 

**dontfuckwith:** MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS IS A HORRIBLE EXAMPLE OF POP MUSIC AND NEEDS TO DIE

 

**Tinydick:** WHAT THE  _ FUCK _ DID YOU JUST SAY YOU LITTLE GREMLIN

 

**Tinydick:** I’LL DROP KICK YOU SO HARD YOU’LL GO FLYING INTO THE ORBIT OF FUCKING JUPITER

 

**Tinydick:** DOES EUROPA HAVE LIFE UNDER ITS SURFACE

 

**Tinydick:** WELL PIDGE IS ABOUT TO FIND OUT

 

**dontfuckwith:** got him

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Hi lance!!!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Hello Lance! We missed you!!!

 

**Tinydick:** Hi guys

 

**Tinydick:** I need to murder pidge

 

**dontfuckwith:** chill ur tits hulk jr i just wanted to get ur attention

 

**Reaper:** I thought that said Hunk jr for a second and was very confused

 

**dontfuckwith:** dkfldjskfdk

 

**Tinydick:** what’s up pidgeotto

 

**DrFuckMe:** Wait can we all just take a moment to appreciate Lance’s threats to Pidge

 

**GorgeousMan:** Ah yes, the perfect reference of well-known celestial bodies in relation to their current possibilities for life!

 

**GorgeousMan:** Fantastic job, Lance

 

**Tinydick:** Oh um

 

**Tinydick:** Thank you guys :)

 

**dontfuckwith:** OKAY LANCE

 

**dontfuckwith:** GUESS WHAT

 

**Tinydick:** ???

 

**dontfuckwith:** YOURE GONNA MEET MY BROTHER SOON

 

**Tinydick:** !!!!!!

 

**Tinydick:** WHEN

 

**dontfuckwith:** uhhh Shiro?

 

**ChatDad:** Matt said he’d come to LA in about a week so you'll probably get to see him in a week and a half

 

**Tinydick:** NICE

 

**CinnamonRoll:** We should bake him a pie!

 

**Tinydick:** HUNK THATS A GREAT IDEA

 

**dontfuckwith:** IM SO MCFREAKING EXCITED I HAVENT SEEN THAT DOUCHECAKE IN LIKE 6 MONTHS

 

**DrFuckMe:** I’m happy for you both, Pidge and Shiro!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Make sure to send pictures so Coran and I can see your brother!

 

**dontfuckwith:** oh i will

 

**Reaper:** Pidge is the expert of taking secret photos of people

 

**Reaper:** It’s rlly annoying

 

**dontfuckwith:** believe me it’s a necessary skill to have when matt is ur brother

 

**ChatDad:** Ah yes, I remember the days of the ugly photo competition

 

**Reaper:** Oh jesus I remember when we got dragged into that

 

**ChatDad:** That week was like the hunger games in our houses

 

**Tinydick:** WE NEED PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE OF THAT WEEK

 

**Reaper:** Pidge don’t you dare

 

**dontfuckwith:** dont tell me what to do keef

 

**ChatDad:** [image.jpg]

 

**ChatDad:** one of the many beautiful photographs taken during that legendary battle

 

**CinnamonRoll:** klsfdjklfkdsfkd

 

**Reaper:** TAKASHI WHAT THE FUCK

 

**ChatDad:** Oh there’s plenty more where that came from,  _ Akira _

 

**dontfuckwith:** oh shit he went there

 

**Reaper:** HOW DARE YOU

 

**Tinydick:** wait did we miss something

 

**DrFuckMe:** ???

 

**Tinydick:** who’s akira

 

**Reaper:** DONT TELL THEM

 

**ChatDad:** well my wonderful children

 

**Reaper:** I SWEAR TO GOD

 

**ChatDad:** As you all know

 

**ChatDad:** Everyone calls me Shiro even though my real first name is actually Takashi

 

**CinnamonRoll:** omg is this what I think it is

 

**Reaper:** YOU’RE A DEAD MAN

 

**ChatDad:** Keith is actually not his first name

 

**ChatDad:** Keith’s first name is Akira

 

**Reaper:** YOU FUCKER

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh wow

 

**GorgeousMan:** PLOT TWIST!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Akira’s actually not a bad name

 

**Reaper:** shiro i’m gonna light all your socks on fire

 

**dontfuckwith:** dude i already got arson wiped from your record once dont count on me to do it again

 

**ChatDad:** You called me Takashi so I called you Akira

 

**ChatDad:** Fair trade

 

**dontfuckwith:** _ equivalent exchange _

 

**CinnamonRoll:** hope no one loses a limb

 

**Tinydick:** Well Keith if it makes you feel any better

 

**Tinydick:** I think Akira is a really cool name

 

**Reaper:** Oh

 

**Reaper:** Thank you Lance

 

**Tinydick:** :)

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Awww they’re getting along!

 

**dontfuckwith:** oh my this is so rare i need to screenshot this

 

**Reaper:** fight me gremlin

 

**Tinydick:** i’ll help

 

**ChatDad:** How about everyone in the chat just collectively works together to kick Pidge’s ass

 

**dontfuckwith:** SHIRO!!!

 

**dontfuckwith:** i thought you were my friend

 

**ChatDad:** I am

 

**ChatDad:** But a good friend knows when it's time to kick the other friends ass

 

**DrFuckMe:** That's some great life advice

 

**Tinydick:** Can I quote you on that

 

**ChatDad:** Yes

 

**GorgeousMan:** Allura I love you but I think it's time to kick your butt

 

**DrFuckMe:** CORAN NO

 

**dontfuckwith:** CORAN YES

 

**CinnamonRoll:** While I am under the belief that Allura can kick anyone’s ass

 

**CinnamonRoll:** If there was a fight between Coran and Allura

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I’d place my bets on Coran

 

**GorgeousMan:** HA

 

**DrFuckMe:** I’ve been betrayed

 

**DrFuckMe:** By Hunk of all people

 

**Tinydick:** I agree with Hunk

 

**Reaper:** Same

 

**dontfuckwith:** are u kidding??? allura could probably drop kick coran

 

**ChatDad:** I mean I know both Coran and Allura are very strong

 

**ChatDad:** But I still think Allura could kill a man with her bare hands

 

**DrFuckMe:** _ thank you _

 

**DrFuckMe:** At least some ppl still believe in my ass kicking prowess

 

**DrFuckMe:** _ unlike some _

 

**dontfuckwith:** okay so it’s official

 

**dontfuckwith:** if we ever get the chance to hang out with allura and coran in person, they are going to fight and we are all placing bets

 

**GorgeousMan:** SOUNDS SPLENDID!

 

**ChatDad:** if we ever get to meet allura in person I’m having her bench press me

 

**Tinydick:** same

 

**DrFuckMe:** Judging from the photos I’ve seen of you all I could easily bench press Pidge, Lance, and Keith

 

**DrFuckMe:** Shiro I might be able to get one lift in

 

**DrFuckMe:** But I don’t think I could bench press Hunk, however I’d be open to letting Hunk bench press me

 

**CinnamonRoll:** YES

 

**Tinydick:** If we ever all meet in person, Keith and I are gonna use our combined strength to fling pidge into space

 

**Reaper:** ^^

 

**dontfuckwith:** _ please do _

 

**dontfuckwith:** _ i could meet the aliens and die at the same time _

 

**dontfuckwith:** _ it’s a win win _

 

**ChatDad:** Pidge no

 

**dontfuckwith:** pidge yes

 

**Tinydick:** Anyway guys I gtg I need to give my siblings a bath

 

**DrFuckMe:** ew children

 

**GorgeousMan:** GOOD LUCK, LANCE!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Tell Camilla and Toni I said hi!!!

 

**Tinydick:** I will!

 

**Reaper:** Lance has siblings?

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Oh ya

 

**dontfuckwith:** lots

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Camilla and Toni are his younger siblings, 7 and 6 respectively

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Then he has three older sisters, 20, 22, and 23

 

**Reaper:** holy shit

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Ya since he’s the only kid living at home who can take care of the little ones, he gets babysitting duty a lot

 

**DrFuckMe:** I reiterate:

 

**DrFuckMe:** _ ew, children _

 

**GorgeousMan:** Allura’s good at a lot of things, but dealing with children is not one of them

 

**DrFuckMe:** ^^ he’s right

 

**dontfuckwith:** same allura

 

**Reaper:** Wow Lance sure has a lot on his plate

 

**ChatDad:** Like we talked about earlier, I hope he’s not overworking himself

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I’ll do my best to take care of him :)

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I gtg now so I’ll see you guys later!

 

**dontfuckwith:** HUNK I LOVE YOU

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I LOVE YOU TOO PIDGE DON’T GET ARRESTED

 

**dontfuckwith:** i’ll try

 

**dontfuckwith:** shiro i got some q’s about the details of matt’s visit since he never answers his damn phone, i’m gonna pm you, alright?

 

**ChatDad:** yeah no problem

 

**Reaper:** Time to go polish my knives

 

**DrFuckMe:** Jesus you truly are an Edgelord stereotype

 

**Reaper:** Don’t tell me you don’t have a collection of weaponry at your house

 

**DrFuckMe:** ...fuck

 

**GorgeousMan:** Allura owns quite the armory that she inherited from her father!

 

**GorgeousMan:** [image.jpg]

 

**Reaper:** HOLY FUCK

 

**Reaper:** IM GAY FOR THOSE KNIVES

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-Pidgeotto to shiro-**

 

**Pidgeotto:** so Matt just texted and told me the dates and stuff for his visit

 

**Pidgeotto:** but i got some questions for u shiro

 

**shiro:** oh no

 

**Pidgeotto:** so since u and matt are gonna be hanging out for like three days

 

**Pidgeotto:** U got any…

 

**Pidgeotto:** _ special plans _ ;))))

 

**shiro:** no

 

**shiro:** are you trying to have another conversation about those photos you saw

 

**Pidgeotto:** no

 

**Pidgeotto:** ok maybe

 

**shiro:** Pidge I told you

 

**shiro:** there’s nothing going on between me and matt

 

**Pidgeotto:** sureeeee

 

**Pidgeotto:** i’m totally sure that u definitely aren’t harboring any secret feelings towards my brother for fear of ruining ur relationship

 

**Pidgeotto:** despite the fact that it’s totally obvious he’s had a major gay crush on u since high school

 

**shiro:** I don’t know what you’re talking about

 

**Pidgeotto:** oh please

 

**Pidgeotto:** that boy’s been totally in love with u since senior year

 

**shiro:** pidge I highly doubt that

 

**Pidgeotto:** alright, don’t believe me then

 

**Pidgeotto:** just letting you know i’ve heard the griffith observatory is a rlly romantic place to take a science nerd

 

**shiro:** Pidge please stop trying to interfere with my love life

 

**Pidgeotto:** okay okay i’ll stop

 

**Pidgeotto:** for now

 

**shiro:** …

 

**Pidgeotto:** oh cmon, u know i do it cuz i love ya

 

**shiro:** highly debatable

 

**Pidgeotto:** I need to go hack into the fbi’s main database so i’ll see ya later

 

**shiro:** Katie what the hell

 

**shiro:** please don’t get yourself arrested

  
**Pidgeotto:** :)))))))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trivia fact: In the original japanese Voltron 80's series, GoLion, Keith's name was Akira so that's where that came from! 
> 
> Also I was listening to Marina and the Diamonds as I was writing this and let's be real Lance would sing Bubblegum Bitch at full volume in the shower we all know this
> 
> So ya now I have an idea for how I'm gonna get everyone to meet in person and that's gonna be fun
> 
> Also if you look closely, you can see the klance finally beginning to show up (it's about damn time)
> 
> Who do you guys think would win in a fight? Allura or Coran? (keep in mind, coran has a hell of a lot of life experience but allura is ripped) (as much as I love allura, my money's on coran)
> 
> Hope everyone liked it! <3


	9. gay losers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hunk gets a job, Keith sucks at spanish, and Pidge devises a master plan
> 
> Usernames:  
> ChatDad: Shiro  
> Reaper: Keith  
> Tinydick: Lance  
> dontfuckwith: Pidge  
> CinnamonRoll: Hunk  
> DrFuckMe: Allura  
> GorgeousMan: Coran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! I know I say this all the time but the love I've received for this fic is INSANE so thank you all so much, I'm so happy you guys are enjoying this silly little thing
> 
> Speaking of, @newhieghts actuallys drew me fanart!!! You guys can go see it [here](https://newhieghts.tumblr.com/post/159581618863/i-still-cant-draw-hands-on-the-plus-side) Thank you so much again, I love it!!!
> 
> We're finally moving into solid plot points here (gee who knew that would happen) and so these chapters are gonna start having actual writing rather than just texting format (don't worry the texting isn't going away or anything!) as this chapter will show you
> 
> Also adding to my list of 'weird places I've written fanfic' I wrote part of this in a laundromat
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy!

**CinnamonRoll:** GUYS I GOT A JOB

 

**DrFuckMe:** Congratulations Hunk!!!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I also got fired from the job

 

**dontfuckwith:** wtf

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh no!

 

**Reaper:** What happened

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Well

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Basically

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I was at the mall, trying out some good ol’ food samples

 

**CinnamonRoll:** And it turns out this one tray I took from wasn’t actually a free sample

 

**ChatDad:** I’ve done the same thing whoops

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Normally it’d be no problem right? I’d just pay for it and go home?

 

**Tinydick:** ya

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Well I forgot my wallet

 

**Tinydick:** Hunk!!!

 

**CinnamonRoll:** So the guy starts getting all pissy and stuff and starts yelling at me

 

**CinnamonRoll:** And I’m trying to apologize saying I’ll come back in like ten minutes with the money

 

**CinnamonRoll:** But then he says no I have to work for him to pay it off

 

**DrFuckMe:** Is that even legal?

 

**CinnamonRoll:** Probably not

 

**CinnamonRoll:** But there’s nothing I can do so he drags me into his kitchen and puts me to work scrubbing the floors

 

**CinnamonRoll:** When all of the sudden his cook just up and quits

 

**dontfuckwith:** oh shit

 

**CinnamonRoll:** so this guy already has anger issues right

 

**CinnamonRoll:** And this just makes him even madder

 

**CinnamonRoll:** But I realize this is my chance

 

**Tinydick:** Hunk the hero

 

**CinnamonRoll:** So I step up to the grill and say ‘I can do this, let me cook for you’

 

**CinnamonRoll:** And he doesn’t want to accept but it’s the middle of lunch hour and he’s got no cook so he accepts

 

**CinnamonRoll:** And, well, I maybe got a little too into it

 

**dontfuckwith:** hunk what did u do

 

**CinnamonRoll:** I was making dishes left and right, yelling at the guy who owns the place and being like ‘the fuck do you mean you don’t know how to make grape reduction’

 

**DrFuckMe:** Hunk is Gordon Ramsey

 

**dontfuckwith:** pretty much

 

**Tinydick:** Accurate

 

**-CinnamonRoll’s name has been changed to GordonRamsey-**

 

**GordonRamsey:** I am actually alright with this name change

 

**Reaper:** Wait you said you got fired

 

**ChatDad:** Yeah Hunk, what happened??

 

**GordonRamsey:** Well long story short mall security showed up while I was yelling about the fact that there was no lamb to cook

 

**GordonRamsey:** And the shop owner got in trouble for forcing an unpaid minor to work as a chef

 

**GordonRamsey:** So I had to leave even tho I made the guy a ton of money

 

**DrFuckMe:** Aw Hunk I’m sorry

 

**GorgeousMan:** That reminds me of the time I accidentally became a stripper for a day

 

**dontfuckwith:** oh jesus

 

**Tinydick:** Now that is a mental image I did not need

 

**GorgeousMan:** I was quite popular ;)

 

**DrFuckMe:** UNCLE PLEASE STOP

 

**GorgeousMan:** :(

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh well, I’ll tell the tale another time

 

**Reaper:** _ please no _

 

**Tinydick:** Wait Hunk what are your moms gonna think about this one day job you had

 

**GordonRamsey:** They’re gonna find this hilarious

 

**DrFuckMe:** Moms?

 

**dontfuckwith:** hunk has two moms

 

**Tinydick:** YEAH AND THEY’RE THE FUCKING BEST

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh! Wonderful!

 

**GordonRamsey:** Speaking of I gotta brb, my Ma’s calling me

 

**GordonRamsey:** Time to tell her about my job adventure

 

**Tinydick:** GL!!!

 

**ChatDad:** Well how’s everyone else’s day been so far?

 

**Reaper:** I am dying

 

**Reaper:** Shiro why the fuck did you take ASL in high school instead of spanish

 

**Reaper:** as my older brother you need to give me assistance in my time of need

 

**Reaper:** But you’re  _ useless _

 

**ChatDad:** Sorry Keith

 

**ChatDad:** Maybe you should’ve taken ASL ;))))

 

**Reaper:** oh screw off

 

**ChatDad:** You’re just mad Matt and I can have a conversation without saying anything right in front of you

 

**Reaper:** _ IT’S ANNOYING _

 

**dontfuckwith:** wait keith do u need help with spanish homework

 

**Reaper:** Yes

 

**dontfuckwith:** LANCE GET UR SCRAWNY ASS IN HERE

 

**dontfuckwith:** do i need to insult marina and the diamonds again

 

**Tinydick:** JUST TRY IT BITCH

 

**dontfuckwith:** here is our favorite lush employee

 

**Tinydick:** -_-

 

**dontfuckwith:** keith needs help with spanish homework

 

**Tinydick:** and that correlates to me because???

 

**dontfuckwith:** ur fluent in spanish dumbass

 

**Tinydick:** OH YEAH I FORGOT

 

**DrFuckMe:** Is that even possible to forget?

 

**GorgeousMan:** One would think not

 

**Tinydick:** Oh be quiet

 

**Tinydick:** You dumb brits and your…

 

**Tinydick:** uhh

 

**Tinydick:** your stupid tea!!!

 

**DrFuckMe:** LANCE MCCLAIN DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT

 

**ChatDad:** that went from 0 to 100 real quick

 

**DrFuckMe:** You don’t mess with brits and their tea

 

**DrFuckMe:** You wanna talk about stupid tea?

 

**DrFuckMe:** What in the actual fuck is Arizona tea???

 

**DrFuckMe:** It’s not tea at all!!!

 

**DrFuckMe:** _ it’s in a can _

 

**dontfuckwith:** ARIZONA TEA IS FUCKING GOOD

 

**DrFuckMe:** IT’S NOT TEA

 

**Tinydick:** OH IT’S JUST FANCY LEAF WATER GET OVER YOURSELVES

 

**GorgeousMan:** Lance my boy

 

**GorgeousMan:** This is not a wise thing you’re doing

 

**Tinydick:** FIGHT ME ALLURA

 

**DrFuckMe:** I’LL THROW YOU INTO THE BOSTON HARBOR JUST LIKE YOU AMERICANS DID WITH OUR TEA

 

**Reaper:** Uhh

 

**Reaper:** Guys?

 

**Reaper:** I still need help with spanish?

 

**Tinydick:** Oh ya sorry Keith

 

**Tinydick:** I can totally help you with your homework

 

**Reaper:** Only if you’re not busy or anything

 

**Reaper:** Like if you are that’s fine I can probably get someone from my class to help me

 

**Tinydick:** No no I’m not doing anything right now

 

**Tinydick:** it’s totally fine I can totally help

 

**Reaper:** Oh

 

**Reaper:** Thank you

 

**Tinydick:** yeah no problem

 

**Tinydick:** Wanna skype?

 

**Reaper:** Yeah sure

 

**Reaper:** I’ll pm you my username

 

**dontfuckwith:** ;))))))

 

**DrFuckMe:** ;)))))

 

**ChatDad:** ;)))))))

 

**GorgeousMan:** ;))))))

 

**Tinydick:** Guys wtf

 

**Reaper:** Can y’all ever stop

 

**ChatDad:** Nope!

 

~

About an hour later and the two boys were in full swing of their study session. At first the energy between them had been tense and full of uncertainty. Keith was grateful for Lance’s assistance but hesitant to put too much on his already busy plate, while Lance was just unsure of how to act around Keith. They hadn't interacted one on one before, but once they had broken the ice things became easy and fun.

 

As Keith asked question after question about the preterit tense of words, Lance answered them all patiently and with a smile. He kept the mood from being dull with constant jokes, telling Keith puns in Spanish, and giving compliments to Keith’s knowledge of the language. The jokes always surprised Keith, some even making him laugh out loud, while the compliments made his cheeks turn bright red and grateful that the gloom of his room made the webcam unable to pick up his blush. 

 

Soon enough, the homework was nearing completion as the clock ticked closer and closer towards midnight. 

 

“So wait, when it's in preterite, stem-changers only change if they're in the ello/ella/usted and ellos/ellas/ustedes conjugation?” Keith asked, frowning at his paper.

 

“Yeah, it doesn't make much sense, does it?” Lance said with a chuckle. “Think of it like this. Let's say that most stem-changers are in a boot form, because on the conjugation chart they make a boot since they don't change on nosotros or vosotros. Well then preterite is like a chancla, where it's only ello and ellos conjugation so it makes a sort of sandal with the chart.” 

 

“That… Kind of makes sense?” Keith said, not really understanding what Lance meant at all. Lance laughed again, smiling at Keith through the camera.

 

“It's okay, I know it's confusing without having a visual. That's just something my Spanish teacher taught me that I thought was useful for the non-spanish speakers.” Keith nodded, surprised and feeling touched that Lance would keep little tricks like that in mind for those who didn't know the language, even though he had no use for it himself.

 

“Sorry, I’m just brain dead right now.” Keith apologized, stifling a yawn with his hand. He glanced at the clock on his computer screen, eyes widening when he saw how late it was. “Shiro’s gonna kill me when he finds out how late I had to stay up to finish this.” Lance’s brows furrowed before he glanced at the clock as well, his expression showing a similar reaction to Keith’s.

 

“Oh wow, I hadn't realized it was almost midnight. Hopefully my Mama doesn't see that I'm still awake, or else I'm gonna be in big trouble.” Despite the ominous nature of his words, Lance said them lightheartedly, giving Keith the notion that it actually wasn't that big of a deal for his mother to find out. 

 

“Shiro’s working at the bar tonight and he's not gonna be back till 3, so I'm good on that front.” Keith said, leaning back in his chair and stretching his arms above his head. Lance nodded at this, before a frown flickered across his face. 

 

“You always talk about Shiro, but I never hear you mention your parents. Do you not live with them or something?” The question was blunt but his tone was soft and non-judgemental. Keith sighed, knowing someone would catch onto this eventually, and figured he might as well tell Lance the truth.

 

“Well… our parents… they're dead, Lance.” Lance gasped slightly, and Keith cursed his bluntness. 

 

“Oh-oh I'm sorry, Keith. I had no idea.” Keith shook his head, not wanting Lance to feel the need to apologize.

 

“It's fine. Mom died when I was a baby so I don't really remember her. And as for our dad… my dad died a few years ago, so it's alright. You don't need to say sorry, I'm fine with it.” That wasn't entirely the truth but it wasn't entirely a lie. Keith just didn't want to get the stereotypical guilty apologies from Lance even though he had nothing to do with either of his parent’s deaths.

 

“Oh… okay then.” He paused, biting his lip. “Well, um, if you don't mind my asking, how old were you when your dad died?” The question surprised Keith because it wasn't about the accident, it was just about him.

 

“14, just about to turn 15,” Keith stopped himself for a moment, wondering whether to add more information, before deciding Lance might as well know the full story. “It was about two months after Shiro had returned home from the military. We were all really stressed. Obviously Shiro had lost his arm and had some serious PTSD to work through, and my dad was just trying to help as best he could. Long story short there was a car accident, and after a lot of pleading with the judge we managed to convince her that Shiro was capable of being my legal guardian. Ever since then it's just been the two of us.” Keith finished his story with another sigh, and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck as he waited for Lance to respond.

 

“Holy shit… that… that must've been really rough.” He said quietly, his mouth set in a sympathetic grimace. Keith nodded, and the air between them turned awkwardly silent. He shouldn't have said all that. He and Lance were having a great time, and now things were weird. Good going Keith. He needed to fix this. 

 

Come on, Keith. How do you fix awkward situations?

 

Oh yeah, changing the subject works.

 

“What about your family? Hunk said you had five siblings?” Keith asked, hoping to change the topic to a cheerier one. Lance’s expression lit up like the sun at that. 

 

“Oh yeah! There's Toni, Camilla, Alicia, Lourdes, and Melissa! And of course there's moi.” Lance said, gesturing to himself with a flourish at the end. Keith blinked in shock.

 

“Holy shit dude, that's a lot of people.” He said, trying to imagine what living with five siblings was like.

 

“That's not even including my Mama and Papa. And then, when we have the cousins over, that's when things get  _ really _ chaotic.” 

 

For the next hour, Lance talked all about his family. He told Keith about their wild holidays, the best (and most infamous) McClain Kid Pranks™, and almost every funny memory he could think of. As Lance continued to talk, his smooth voice and tales of family fun lulled Keith into a relaxed state. He was already tired. He never went to bed before midnight and always regretted it in the morning. So it wasn’t his fault that he found his eyelids drooping shut with Lance’s low and clear voice flowing through his ears. 

 

It wasn’t until Lance was halfway through telling the story of the exploding candles prank at Alicia’s 14th birthday that the sounds of Keith’s soft snoring floated through the speakers. Glancing at the webcam screen, he saw Keith’s head laying on his desk, his arms beneath him as a makeshift pillow. Lance gave a small smile to the sight, knowing it was late and that Keith must’ve been more tired than he was letting on. 

 

“Goodnight Keith.” He said gently, wishing he could reach through the screen to turn off his desk light and put a blanket over the boy’s shoulders. 

 

Wait, what?

 

Ignoring that odd thought, Lance hung up the call and got ready for bed himself, knowing they would probably Skype again soon. But sleep didn’t come as easily as Lance McClain had thought it would, as his thoughts were crowded with the dark-haired boy he hadn’t even met in person. 

 

Keith had a good laugh, one that wasn’t annoying like some were. He also had really nice eyes, a very blunt personality, and a great smile. Lance wanted to talk to Keith more, find out more about the mysterious boy’s life. 

 

As he thought of this, a strange yet familiar feeling stuttered through his heart. The agonizingly well-known swell of butterflies in his gut began to make their presence known, and in the dark of his room, Lance smashed his face into the pillow and groaned. 

 

This couldn’t be happening. It definitely wasn’t. He couldn’t be getting a crush on  _ Keith _ of all people! He hadn’t even met him in person! You can’t get feelings for someone you’ve never seen in real life before, right?

 

Lance’s emotions were currently telling him wrong.

 

As Lance let himself drift off into sleep, his last waking thoughts were rather fitting for this current situation.

 

_ I hate that stupid fucker and his hot ass mullet. _

 

_ Goddammit McClain that’s gay. _

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-Pidgeotto to SunnyHunk-**

 

**Pidgeotto:** so keith and lance are totally crushing on each other

 

**Pidgeotto:** what a bunch of gay losers

 

**SunnyHunk:** Pidge you can’t exactly call them gay losers when pretty much every person in the chat is some kind of gay

 

**Pidgeotto:** i never said i wasn’t a gay loser

 

**Pidgeotto:** everyone in that goddamn chat is a gay loser

 

**Pidgeotto:** it should be renamed to gay loser’s talk shit

 

**SunnyHunk:** No

 

**Pidgeotto:** damn

 

**Pidgeotto:** speaking of gay losers

 

**Pidgeotto:** i’m totally gonna try to get my lame ass brother and and keith’s lame ass brother together

 

**SunnyHunk:** I thought Shiro didn’t want you getting involved?

 

**Pidgeotto:** hunk since when have i ever listened to authority?

 

**SunnyHunk:** fair point

 

**SunnyHunk:** So what is your amazing plan Oh Mighty Pidgeot

 

**Pidgeotto:** Pidgeot

 

**Pidgeotto:** i like it

 

**SunnyHunk:** Thanks I try

 

**SunnyHunk:** That can be your title when you’re 17

 

**Pidgeotto:** damn so far

 

**Pidgeotto:** anyway now for the plan

 

**Pidgeotto:** plan a is for shiro to get his head out of his ass and use his time alone in LA with matt to take that fucker out on some proper dates

 

**Pidgeotto:** but if that doesn’t work

 

**Pidgeotto:** im gonna get matt to convince shiro and keith to come down to san diego with him for a few days so that they can both ‘see me’

 

**SunnyHunk:** Oh geez

 

**Pidgeotto:** but while they’re here im gonna make a plan where i go out with matt and shiro but i ditch them so they’re forced into a date

 

**Pidgeotto:** also to kill 2 birds w/ 1 stone

 

**Pidgeotto:** we’re gonna find a way to get keith and lance alone together

 

**SunnyHunk:** Holy shit

 

**SunnyHunk:** Pidge you’re a genius

 

**Pidgeotto:** u know it ;)))

 

**SunnyHunk:** If only we could get Allura and Coran here

 

**Pidgeotto:** i know but unfortunately i havent invented teleportation yet

 

**SunnyHunk:** well i’ll help you 

 

**Pidgeotto:** w/ inventing teleportation or w/ my matchmaking plans??

 

**SunnyHunk:** both

 

**Pidgeotto:** HELL YEAH

 

**SunnyHunk:** I can find a way to get Keith and Lance alone together

 

**Pidgeotto:** omg i love u

 

**SunnyHunk:** Love you too Pidgey

 

**Pidgeotto:** how are u gonna do it?? knock them out, tie them up, and shove them in a closet???

 

**SunnyHunk:** What?! No!!!

 

**Pidgeotto:** damn that’d be funny to watch

 

**SunnyHunk:** I’m not sure how yet, but I’m thinking it might be similar to what you’re planning on doing with matt and shiro

 

**Pidgeotto:** well, I have faith in you Hunk

 

**Pidgeotto:** should we make a separate chat w/ allura and coran so we can rant about how oblivious these love-sick dorks are??

 

**SunnyHunk:** That’s an awesome idea!

 

~

**Pidgeotto has added SunnyHunk, ThePrincess, and GorgeousMan to the conversation**

 

**Pidgeotto has named the chat ‘Gay Idiots’**

 

**ThePrincess:** Pidge what is this

 

**Pidgeotto:** hunk and i have a plan to get not only my brother and shiro together, but keith and lance too

 

**Pidgeotto:** so i thought we could use a separate chat to rant about these dummies

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh my! This is a fantastic idea!

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh! The trials and tribulations of young love! How beautiful it is!

 

**Pidgeotto:** see? corans got the right idea

 

**ThePrincess:** Wait, you want to get your brother and Shiro together? Why?

 

**Pidgeotto:** because they both have major crushes on the other and are too afraid to admit it

 

**Pidgeotto:** also

 

**Pidgeotto:** [image.jpg]

 

**SunnyHunk:** IS THAT MATT AND SHIRO MAKING OUT ON A BAR

 

**Pidgeotto:** YES

 

**ThePrincess:** OH

 

**ThePrincess:** WAIT IS THAT CORAN IN THE BACKGROUND?!

 

**SunnyHunk:** WHAT

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh yes! I remember that night well! It was quite a party in that club, and I met quite a few wonderful people!

 

**GorgeousMan:** But I had no idea that the Shiro I met in this chat was the same Shiro that wept to me in the bathroom for twenty minutes about how unfair pokemon is to the pokemon!

 

**ThePrincess:** CORAN WHY DID YOU GO TO AMERICA

 

**GorgeousMan:** I was assigned to assassinate the Governor of California

 

**SunnyHunk:** IS THAT HOW HE DIED

 

**GorgeousMan:** ;)))

 

**Pidgeotto:** FORGET ABOUT THE ASSASSINATION YOU KNOW SHIRO AND MY BROTHER

 

**GorgeousMan:** PLOT TWIST!

 

**ThePrincess:** Holy fuck Coran

 

**ThePrincess:** You

 

**ThePrincess:** You truly are an enigma

 

**GorgeousMan:** Thank you, Princess. I certainly try

 

**GorgeousMan:** And I will help you in your quest to bring Matthew and Shiro together in a spectacular show of young love!

 

**Pidgeotto:** YES THANK U

 

**SunnyHunk:** Ok but guys

 

**SunnyHunk:** The real question is

  
**SunnyHunk:** Why the  _ hell _ is Coran wearing a cocktail dress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF ANYONE SAYS THE TEA ARGUMENT IS STEREOTYPICAL I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND IS BRITISH AND THE TWO OF THEM GOT IN THAT EXACT ARGUMENT OVER ARIZONA TEA THE BRITS ARE SO SNOOTY ABOUT TEA
> 
> So I know I literally just took a cookie cutter of Hunk's role in the Space Mall episode and made it work here so sorry it wasn't that original I just wanted an excuse to change Hunk's username to Gordon Ramsey lol
> 
> Also I am fully on board with team 'I headcanon Hunk having two moms' so there ya go that's now fic canon
> 
> AND KLANCE IS FINALLY STARTING LET'S GET FULL STEAM AHEAD ON THAT GOOD SHIT (btw i literally just used stuff from my spanish class for keith's homework so if you are gonna take spanish and haven't started yet good luck kiddos)
> 
> Hunk and Pidge are my brotp tbh
> 
> I think the next chapter will be Matt arriving in LA (not 100% though) so it might take a little longer than usual for me to get the chapter out since it will be mostly actual writing rather than just texting format but I'll try to get it finished soon
> 
> Leave a comment if you enjoyed! Thank you guys for reading, I hope you liked it! Love you all <3


	10. has the nsa seen my dick pic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt comes to town and Keith threatens his life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm sorry this took so long to update but I've just been hella busy with school and a hospital internship plus two other writing projects so this fic accidentally took a spot on the back burner :(
> 
> Either way, thank you all so much for all the love and support you've given this fic! You guys are so sweet to me and I love you all I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this!
> 
> Now, on with the chapter!

**ChatDad:** Today’s the day!!!

 

**DrFuckMe:** The day for what, Shiro?

 

**ChatDad:** Matt is arriving in LA today!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh! Tell him I say hello even though I’ve never met him!

 

**dontfuckwith:** u can tell him urself

 

**-dontfuckwith has added patmatt to the chat-**

 

**patmatt:** hello my fellow gays

 

**DrFuckMe:** ...

 

**DrFuckMe:** So this is Pidge’s brother?

 

**ChatDad:** Matt!

 

**patmatt:** gee i didn’t realize my good ol’ pops was in this chat

 

**dontfuckwith:** i have never heard you refer to dad as ‘pops’ in our entire lives

 

**patmatt:** u don’t know me, weedle

 

**ChatDad:** Matt it’s Shiro

 

**patmatt:** OH HI

 

**patmatt:** my good ol’ bro buddy pal takashi shirogane

 

**patmatt:** haven’t talked to u in forever

 

**ChatDad:** We were texting like an hour ago

 

**patmatt:** oh ya

 

**Tinydick:** IT’S MATT

 

**GordonRamsey:** HI MATT

 

**patmatt:** HELLO PEOPLE I DONT KNOW

 

**GordonRamsey:** I’m Hunk!

 

**dontfuckwith:** matt, hunk is my friend i told u about who cooks amazingly and is the best human being on the planet

 

**patmatt:** oh my god it’s an honor sir

 

**GordonRamsey:** Matt, important question, do you like pie or cake better?

 

**patmatt:** IM ALWAYS A SLUT FOR PIE

 

**GordonRamsey:** What flavor?

 

**patmatt:** uhh i love all pie, but especially both butterscotch cinnamon and blueberry pie

 

**dontfuckwith:** you fucking undertale trash

 

**patmatt:** IT WAS A GOOD GAME ALRIGHT EVEN IF THE FANDOM RUINED IT

 

**GordonRamsey:** Um how about I just make you some blueberry pie when you come to SD??

 

**patmatt:** FUCK YES

 

**patmatt:** Hunk I can already see why Pidge loves you

 

**Tinydick:** Hunk is the best 11/10

 

**patmatt:** agreed tinydick

 

**patmatt:** do i want to know the story behind that name

 

**DrFuckMe:** Lance once accidentally sent a dick pic in the chat

 

**dontfuckwith:** my innocent 15 year old eyes were tarnished

 

**patmatt:** kid ur eyes haven’t been innocent since u were ten

 

**dontfuckwith:** yeah because of u

 

**patmatt:** u know what who says the human centipede isn’t appropriate to show ur 10 year old sister

 

**dontfuckwith:** A LOT OF PEOPLE MATTHEW

 

**GordonRamsey:** WHY THE HELL DID YOU SHOW PIDGE THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE?!

 

**ChatDad:** Oh god I remember that

 

**ChatDad:** Neither you or Pidge slept for weeks

 

**patmatt:** she didn’t wanna go to bed and I wanted to watch a movie!

 

**patmatt:** i really had no choice

 

**DrFuckMe:** …

 

**dontfuckwith:** allura is judging you for ur sins

 

**patmatt:** judge me daddy

 

**ChatDad:** stop

 

**patmatt:** well allura it’s nice to meet u

 

**DrFuckMe:** I would say the feeling’s mutual but it’s not

 

**Tinydick:** OHHHHHHH ROASTED

 

**Tinydick:** Wait where’s Coran 

 

**GorgeousMan:** HELLO!

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh! I see we have a new member! I’m Coran!

 

**patmatt:** Heyo I’m Matt, Pidge’s super cool older brother

 

**dontfuckwith:** in what universe are you considered cool

 

**ChatDad:** ^^

 

**patmatt:** TAKASHI WHAT THE SHIT

 

**patmatt:** WHAT THE TAKASHIT

 

**Tinydick:** kdslfjdklsfjd

 

**GordonRamsey:** TAKASHIT IM CRYING

 

**-ChatDad’s name has been changed to Takashit-**

 

**Takashit:** oh my god

 

**patmatt:** wait isn’t queef cocaine in this

 

**Tinydick:** oh yeah where is he???

 

**dontfuckwith:** wouldn’t u know lance ;))))

 

**Tinydick:** stop

 

**Takashit:** Keith is currently out on a ride

 

**Tinydick:** a ride??

 

**Takashit:** On his motorcycle

 

**Tinydick:** KEITH HAS A MOTORCYCLE?!

 

**Takashit:** yeah

 

**dontfuckwith:** oh he finished building it?

 

**Takashit:** Yep!

 

**GordonRamsey:** He built it himself?!

 

**DrFuckMe:** I must say that’s quite impressive

 

**patmatt:** damn takashi, ur little bro’s cool

 

**Takashit:** That’s debatable

 

**Takashit:** One time he yelled ‘fire is my element’ in the group chat

 

**patmatt:** kldsfjklsdf

 

**Reaper:** ARE YOU GUYS INSULTING ME

 

**patmatt:** hey queef kiddo~

 

**Reaper:** oh joy it’s matt

 

**Tinydick:** KEITH YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU HAD A MOTORCYCLE

 

**Reaper:** Oh yeah

 

**Reaper:** Well

 

**Reaper:** I do

 

**GordonRamsey:** That’s really cool! You built it yourself?

 

**Reaper:** Yeah, it took a hell of a long time but it works

 

**Tinydick:** Keith that’s really impressive

 

**Reaper:** Oh

 

**Reaper:** Thanks :)

 

**dontfuckwith:** ;)))))

 

**patmatt:** am i missing something

 

**~**

**-Pidgeotto has added patmatt, SunnyHunk, shiro, ThePrincess, and GorgeousMan to the chat-**

 

**-Pidgeotto has named the chat ‘Klance’-**

 

**Pidgeotto:** okay matt long story short keith and lance are two gay losers who are crushing very hard on each other and everyone in the chat besides them ships it

 

**patmatt:** ohhhhhhhh

 

**ThePrincess:** Klance, what a clever ship name

 

**Pidgeotto:** thanks allura

 

**shiro:** Why did you create a separate chat

 

**Pidgeotto:** because im extra shiro

 

**SunnyHunk:** You are

 

**patmatt:** so basically we all want 

 

**Pidgeotto:** when do we want it

 

**patmatt:** now

 

**patmatt:** i didn’t mean to press send

 

**patmatt:** so we want them to meet in a gay bar or something?

 

**SunnyHunk:** They’re both 17

 

**patmatt:** pidge has a fake id she could probably get a few more

 

**Pidgeotto:** ;)

 

**shiro:** WHAT

 

**shiro:** Katie what are you using a fake ID for

 

**Pidgeotto:** ;)))))))

 

**shiro:** there will be no fake ID’s

 

**Pidgeotto:** Shiro you’re no fun!!!

 

**patmatt:** oh he’s plenty of fun

 

**Pidgeotto:** wouldn’t u know ;)

 

**patmatt:** shut it kid

 

**patmatt:** takashi my train is arriving in 10 min u better have ur ass waiting to pick me up at the station

 

**shiro:** Don’t worry Matt, I just got here

 

**patmatt:** knew i could count on u :)

 

~~~

 

Shiro stood, watching the trains speed by along the platform in a blur of gleaming metal. He fiddled with the metal fingers of his prosthetic, glancing at his phone every few seconds to ensure Matt hadn’t texted him. His foot jittered up and down, perfectly in tune to the racing of his own heart. He was nervous. Really nervous. But why? Why was he nervous about seeing his best friend since high school?

 

Shiro knew why. He just didn’t want to admit it.

 

This was going to be their first time seeing each other in person since that night in the bar. 

 

Running a hand through his hair, Shiro shook his head to clear his thoughts. He was just being ridiculous. They had both agreed that what him and Matt had done meant nothing, and that it wouldn’t get in the way of their friendship. It wasn’t going to change anything, they were just friends. 

 

Just friends.

 

The thought stung at Shiro, and he hated that he knew why. But it didn’t matter, Shiro wasn’t going to let his own feelings get in the way of Matt’s vacation. They would hang out, go to some cool places and have a fun time, and then Matt would go down to San Diego and Shiro wouldn’t see him again for another several months. Then he would be able to get over this crush and move on with his life. 

 

Shiro was so lost in his myriad of thoughts and emotions, he didn’t notice the train that had slowed to a stop in front of him until the doors slid open with a hiss, and a crowd of passengers began to pour out like a stream. Snapping back to reality, Shiro strained to look in the throng of people, trying to spot the familiar head of his friend. 

 

“TAKASHI!” Shiro’s head whipped around to the source of the voice, and a huge smile broke his face when he saw Matt Holt at the corner of the crowd, pushing his way through as fast as possible. Shiro took off towards him, trying not to jostle too many other travelers as he waded through everyone to get to his best friend. 

 

It was only seconds before Shiro had his arms wrapped around Matt, burying his face in hair and breathing in his familiar and comforting scent. This felt good. Really good. Just having his best friend with him felt so much better than he could have ever imagined. 

 

The two stayed like that a few seconds longer than was normal for ‘just friends’, but Shiro just brushed it off as not having seen each other in such a long time. Then, they pulled away and gave each other wide grins. 

 

“Dude! You’re so  _ buff _ holy shit!” Matt exclaimed, looking him up and down, his brown eyes showing how impressed he was. Shiro laughed, keeping a minor flush away from his cheeks with pure willpower.

 

“Thanks, it’s good to know you still look like a toothpick.” He teased, punching Matt lightly in the arm. Matt feigned mock hurt, holding a hand over his chest as if he had been stabbed. 

 

“Ugh! I guess my working out at the gym to impress you and your ridiculous biceps was all for naught.” Shiro raised a single eyebrow at him.

 

“You went to the gym? Like, an actual, real life, gym? And not just to get bacteria samples from the exercise equipment?” Matt gasped dramatically.

 

“First off,  _ rude _ , and second off, getting bacteria samples from a gym would be a horrible idea because there would be so much contamination that you couldn’t get any reliable data off of it.” Matt said this casually, as if everyone knew the specifics of bacterial contamination and experimental research. Actually, probably most people did, it’d just been a while since Shiro had been inside a laboratory. “And yes, for your information I actually did visit the gym and let me tell you,  _ it sucked ass. _ I don’t know how you do it, Kashi.” Well, now that Shiro was looking closely, Matt’s arms and legs did seem a little more toned and muscular than the last time he’d seen him. 

 

“You learn to love it eventually. Anyway, we should head out now, I think the next train’s gonna come soon.” Matt glanced up and saw that Shiro was right, and picked up his bag, letting Shiro lead him out of the train station and to his car, where after a quick discussion, they agreed to head to a nearby mexican food place for lunch.

 

~

**Direct Message**

**-patmatt to Pidgeotto-**

 

**patmatt:** katie

 

**patmatt:** dude

 

**patmatt:** help

 

**patmatt:** _ he’s hotter than i remember _

 

**Pidgeotto:** matt that’s gay

 

**patmatt:** wow thanks for that astounding observation

 

**Pidgeotto:** hey just doing my job as annoying younger sibling

 

**patmatt:** BUT WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME HE GOT HOTTER

 

**Pidgeotto:** matt, u know as well as i do that i havent seen shiro in person in several months

 

**patmatt:** YEAH BUT YOUVE SEEN SELFIES OF HIM

 

**Pidgeotto:** fair enough

 

**patmatt:** pidgey what am i gonna do

 

**patmatt:** idk how im gonna survive two whole days alone with him

 

**Pidgeotto:** ur mega gay crush is so big it will kill both u and him

 

**patmatt:** HELP ME CHILD

 

**Pidgeotto:** what am i supposed to do?! Im a 15 year old asexual thats never dated anyone before how should i know how this works

 

**patmatt:** I DONT KNOW GOOGLE IT OR SOMETHING?

 

**Pidgeotto:** why dont u just, oh idk, TELL HIM HOW U FEEL????

 

**Pidgeotto:** like a normal human being???

 

**patmatt:** says the one who was so afraid of her crush finding out she liked them, she hacked their discord account and deleted that accidental pm

 

**Pidgeotto:** that was dIFFERENT

 

**Pidgeotto:** she was straight so i knew there was no remote chance of anything ever happening

 

**patmatt:** and how is my situation any different??

 

**Pidgeotto:** well firstly we know for a fact that Shiro isn’t straight

 

**Pidgeotto:** you were literally the first person he came out as bi to

 

**Pidgeotto:** secondly, i’d say there’s a pretty high chance he likes you back

 

**patmatt:** now that’s a load of bullshit

 

**Pidgeotto:** why?

 

**patmatt:** dude he once saw me wearing naruto cosplay at 3 am eating grapes while i played overwatch there’s no coming back from that one

 

**Pidgeotto:** some ppl find that kind of stuff endearing

 

**patmatt:** yeah only weeaboos

 

**patmatt:** and shiro isn’t a weeaboo as we know

 

**Pidgeotto:** yeah he’s actually japanese so even if he did watch a ton of anime he’d probably be exempt from that

 

**patmatt:** I’m pretty sure the only anime he’s seen is death note

 

**Pidgeotto:** why the hell haven’t you showed him fullmetal alchemist yet

 

**patmatt:** uhh are u sure that’d be appropriate??

 

**Pidgeotto:** i mean it should be

 

**Pidgeotto:** shiro didn’t lose his arm trying to perform human transmutation so

 

**Pidgeotto:** anyway

 

**Pidgeotto:** what are you doing right now w/ him

 

**patmatt:** driving to some mexican food place he said is good for lunch

 

**Pidgeotto:** hmm

 

**Pidgeotto:** if you’re not going to admit your feelings for him yet, my advice is: get yourself a good ass burrito and bury your feelings in a smothering of guacamole and salsa

 

**patmatt:** i can do that

 

**Pidgeotto:** believe me i know

 

**patmatt:** shit we’re here i gtg

 

**Pidgeotto:** good luck loser

 

**Pidgeotto:** have fun with ur crush ;))))

 

**patmatt:** next time i see you i’m throwing you out a window

 

**Pidgeotto:** _ maybe then i can finally evolve into a pidgeot _

 

~

 

It only took a few minutes for Matt and Shiro to get out of the car and into the restaurant to place their orders. Soon enough they were seated and waiting on their food, and an awkward silence fell over the table. This was abnormal for the two of them, as they almost always had a string of continuous conversation going on at all times that only they could understand. 

 

But now, it was as if they were both walking on eggshells, waiting for the other to bring up the one thing they had promised not to talk about. 

 

Shiro hated this. He hated this stilled silence that hung over the air between them like a cloud. He wanted things back the way they were, before they had gone to that bar and changed the nature of their relationship forever. But Shiro knew there was no way to go back in time and do that, and even that wouldn’t solve the problem that was his own feelings for a certain Matt Holt. 

 

After a few moments of quietly sipping their drinks, Shiro had had enough of this awkwardness, and was the first to break through the thick tension. 

 

“So… how are things going at school?” God he sounded like such a dad.

 

“Oh, they’re going good. We’re just doing the usual research stuff.” Matt said with a shrug, taking a long sip of his soda. The conversation fell flat again, and Shiro scrambled to try and come up with another topic for them to discuss. Thankfully, Matt ended up doing that for him.

 

“How's Keith doing? With school and all?” Matt asked.

 

“Oh he's doing alright, he was having a bit of trouble with Spanish class but he got someone to tutor him.” Shiro said, remembering when he came home that one night and found Keith asleep at his computer. 

 

“Really? That's good. Who’d he get to tutor him? A friend from school?” Shiro couldn't help but smirk at that.

 

“No, it was Lance, from the group chat.” He said in way of explanation. At that, Matt’s face quickly morphed into a smirk similar to that of Shiro’s. 

 

“Ohhhhh, that makes sense.” He took another long sip of his drink. “That Klance chat makes a lot more sense now. So, what do you think of that whole thing? Do you think Keith likes him?” 

 

“Keith likes to think he's subtle, but he's really not when it comes to his feelings. I swear if someone even mentions the name Lance, his face becomes brighter than my future.” They both laughed at his analogy, and Shiro felt the iciness between them begin to melt. 

 

“Well I only just joined the chat, but I hope one of them owns up to their feelings and confesses soon. At the very least so the rest of us won't be subjected to their awkward romantic tension.” Matt said. Shiro wondered if that's how Pidge felt about him and Matt. Knowing her, she probably had a whole separate chat dedicated to Matt and him. 

 

“Yeah, but Keith has always had a hard time dealing with pretty much any emotion, so it’d probably have to be Lance to step up to the plate and admit his feelings.” Shiro was beginning to feel like this conversation was headed in a more personal direction, and he wasn't sure how to deal with that. 

 

“But what if Lance is scared? What if he's terrified to ruin his friendship with Keith? He probably thinks that if he admits his feelings and Keith doesn't return them they won't be able to be friends anymore.” Matt’s tone and gaze was far too pained to be talking about Keith and some boy he had never met. Shiro was becoming suspicious that they were no longer talking about his little brother and Lance. The thought twisted his stomach into knots of nervousness paired with hopefulness, and was about to respond when suddenly there was a burrito in his face and his courage melted away. 

 

Their conversation turned to a different subject after the food arrived, the moment between them lost. They talked about random things, the tension between them gone for now, and discussed old jokes between them, the pains of working, and the numerous past grievances involving Keith and/or Pidge. 

 

Eventually, the food was gone and so was the last of their awkwardness. Shiro had never felt more relieved in his life as he and Matt walked to his car, chatting amiably about one of the times Pidge almost got arrested for hacking into the FBI’s database. 

 

“So, where do you wanna go now?” Shiro asked once they got inside the car. Matt opened his mouth to answer, but instead a loud yawn came out. Shiro chuckled as Matt blinked several times, a light blush painting his cheeks as he laughed with him. 

 

“As you can probably guess, I’m totally beat. I had to leave my apartment at six am this morning so I’m ready to pass out.” He said, stifling another yawn. 

 

“Guess I should be glad you’re not the one driving.” Shiro said in a good-natured tone. 

 

“Yeah, that and the fact that I’m a sucky ass driver who can’t park for shit.” They both laughed, Shiro remembering some of the more atrocious parking jobs Matt had done over the years. It was honestly a miracle he’d gotten his license at all. “But anyway, I was wondering if we could just head back to your place? Maybe watch a movie or something? I’m just super exhausted right now.” 

 

“Oh yeah, of course, no problem.” Shiro said, already turning the key in the ignition. Matt smiled gratefully and slumped into his seat. “But there is no way in hell I’m letting you pick the movie.” Matt frowned.

 

“Come on, Shiro! Let me be happy!” 

 

“Matt, the last time you picked the movie it was Cannibal Holocaust.” 

 

“It’s a classic!”

 

“It was Katie’s 11th birthday.”

 

“...okay, you got me there.”

 

Once the duo arrived home, Matt immediately went and dropped his stuff off in Shiro’s room, where he would be staying while Shiro took the couch. Keith wasn’t home yet, so Shiro figured he must’ve still been at school. After getting all set up, Matt and Shiro both settled in on the couch and Shiro gave Matt a list of movie options he could choose from. 

 

Shiro should’ve known Matt would pick  _ Twilight _ . 

 

Sighing deeply, Shiro turned on the TV and watched as the aerial view of Washington came into view, Kristen Stewart’s voice narrating the familiar scene. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Matt curling up in a blanket, and couldn’t help but smile.

 

~

 

**Tinydick:** question: Has anyone here ever done anything illegal

 

**Reaper:** I’m pretty sure Pidge is on a government watch list

 

**dontfuckwith:** oh ive been on the watch list since i was twelve

 

**DrFuckMe:** Do we want to know why?

 

**dontfuckwith:** tbh the government’s probably watching this chat so if i say anything im gonna implicate myself

 

**GordonRamsey:** Wait seriously

 

**dontfuckwith:** yeah, say hi to the nsa

 

**Tinydick:** I wonder if the NSA saw my dick pic

 

**dontfuckwith:** the nsa probably sees hundreds of thousands of dick pics every day

 

**GorgeousMan:** They do! I would know, I used to work for the NSA!

 

**Reaper:** ...of course you did

 

**Reaper:** Wait Lance why are you asking if we’ve ever done illegal stuff you know I got arrested for arson once

 

**DrFuckMe:** I got arrested for vandalism before!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh and for attempted manslaughter

 

**Tinydick:** jesus christ Allura

 

**GorgeousMan:** I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been arrested

 

**GordonRamsey:** yeah but how often did you actually commit the crime

 

**GorgeousMan:** About 85% of the time

 

**Reaper:** that’s higher than I expected

 

**dontfuckwith:** lower than I expected

 

**DrFuckMe:** Lance why are you asking us this

 

**Tinydick:** I wanna commit a crime guys

 

**GordonRamsey:** No!!!

 

**Tinydick:** Yes!!!

 

**Tinydick:** Hunk we’re young and wild! You and I, we’ve never done one illegal thing in our whole lives! We need to live a little

 

**GordonRamsey:** I never said I’ve never done anything illegal

 

**GordonRamsey:** Also Lance what are you talking about you’ve gotten drunk before that’s illegal

 

**Tinydick:** WAIT WHAT ILLEGAL THING DID YOU DO

 

**Tinydick:** and yeah but that doesn’t count almost every teenager gets drunk at one point or another

 

**GordonRamsey:** I stole a cookbook when I was nine

 

**Tinydick:** -_-

 

**Tinydick:** Anything before the age of fourteen does not count

 

**Tinydick:** Unless ur Pidge

 

**dontfuckwith:** ;))))))

 

**DrFuckMe:** So how do you guys think Matt and Shiro are doing?

 

**Tinydick:** I’m sure they’re fine, they’re bros!

 

**dontfuckwith:** all i know is they went out to a mexican food restaurant earlier and then came back to watch a movie at shiro’s

 

**DrFuckMe:** That sounds like a date ;)))))

 

**GordonRamsey:** ^^

 

**dontfuckwith:** don’t tell them that they clearly don’t know

 

**dontfuckwith:** keith what r they doing

 

**Reaper:** Idk I’m not home yet

 

**Tinydick:** OH SPEAKING OF

 

**Tinydick:** Keith how did you do on that grammar quiz in spanish

 

**Reaper:** Oh yeah! I aced it!

 

**Tinydick:** HELL YEAH

 

**Tinydick:** That’s awesome!!! I knew you could do it!

 

**Reaper:** It’s all thanks to you

 

**Tinydick:** No it’s not!! You did most of the work I just answered some questions!!

 

**dontfuckwith:** ;)))))

 

**Tinydick:** stop

 

**dontfuckwith:** _ ;)))))))) _

 

**Tinydick:** italicizing the winky faces makes no difference

 

**Reaper:** let’s ignore the gremlin

 

**Tinydick:** agreed

 

**dontfuckwith:** if u want me to stop come over and fite me u fuckin coward

 

**Tinydick:** I’m waiting for the time we all get to meet in person so Keith and I can kick ur ass together

 

**Reaper:** How thoughtful

 

**Reaper:** Anyway, Lance, when I get back to my house wanna skype??

 

**Tinydick:** Sure!

 

**GordonRamsey:** ;))))))

 

**Reaper:** not you too Hunk

 

**DrFuckMe:** ;)))))

 

**GorgeousMan:** ;)))))))))))))))))

 

**Reaper:** Time to go drive home

 

**Tinydick:** Oh look it seems like my mom is calling for me

 

**Tinydick:** hasta la later assholes

 

~

 

Matt and Shiro both glanced up away from the movie when they heard the sound of the doorknob being turned, their rapt attention to the woes of Bella Swan and her hot vampire boyfriend being temporarily (and blessedly) broken. 

 

“Keith? Is that you?” Shiro asked as he heard footsteps approaching the living room.

 

“Yeah, it’s just me, Shiro.” Keith called back as he stepped into the archway of the room. Shiro smiled and gave a small wave, and Keith almost smiled back, until his gaze fell onto Matt. A scowl twisted his expression as he knew what was coming.

 

“Heyyyyy, long time no see,  _ Akira _ .” Matt said, standing up from the couch as he made his way over to Keith, an exaggerated smirk on his face.

 

“Matt, I’ve punched you before and I’ll punch you again, so don’t try me.” Keith wasn’t even looking at Matt as he put his helmet and keys down on the kitchen counter.

 

“Oh come on! You haven’t seen me, someone who’s known you since you were… uh…” 

 

“Ten.” Shiro supplied helpfully.

 

“TEN! Someone who’s known you since you were ten, in more than six months, and the first thing you say to me is a threat?”

 

“I threaten everyone, so don’t feel too special.” Keith was acting like he was annoyed, but Shiro could see the hint of a smile curling at the edge of his lips. Keith turned away from the counter to look at Matt, and gave him the barest of appraising glances before he looked at the TV, and his brows furrowed in confusion.

 

“You guys are watching Twilight?” 

 

“That movie is full of hot dudes and good music, let me be gay and tired in peace.” Matt said, before walking back over to the couch and plopping down upon the cushions. Shiro chuckled while Keith rolled his eyes, and proceeded to turn away in the direction of his room.

 

“Where are you going? You don’t wanna watch the movie with us?” Shiro asked. 

 

“Yeah, uh, I’d rather not watch two hours of Kristen Stewart making weird noises and Robert Pattinson looking constipated.” Shiro had to bite back a laugh at that, and smiled at his little brother before going back to the couch and sitting down next to Matt.

 

“What are you gonna do then?” Shiro asked right before Keith could leave the room. Keith groaned and stopped in the archway that led to the hallway.

  
“If you must know, I’m gonna go skype Lance.” He grumbled, pointedly not looking at either of the two guys. 

 

“Oooooo, gonna go skype with your  _ boyfriend _ ?” Matt teased, earning a poisonous glare from the now furiously blushing Keith. 

 

“He is NOT my boyfriend!” He snapped.

 

“Yeah but you want him to be.” Matt countered.

 

“One more word and I’m throwing this at your face.” Keith said, holding out a knife that he procured from seemingly nowhere. Matt paled and shrunk back into Shiro’s shoulder.

 

“I’m gonna shut up now.”

 

“Probably a good idea.” And that signaled the end of the conversation as Keith stormed out of the living room. 

 

It was a few minutes of quiet between the two friends as they listened to Bella monologuing for the billionth time, when Matt finally spoke.

 

“He’s got it really bad.”

 

“Yup.” Shiro noticed Matt still hadn’t moved from his place curled into his side, and wondered if that was even comfortable with Shiro’s arm in the way. 

 

Wait, is this when you’re supposed to do the put the arm around the shoulder move?

 

Probably.

 

Deciding to take the risk, Shiro shifted slightly and pulled his arm out from under Matt’s head, and proceeded to wrap it around his shoulders, holding him closer than before. Then, he spared a worried glance at Matt, wondering if this was okay.

 

“Are you comfortable like this?” Shiro asked hesitantly. Matt grinned and snuggled in even closer to Shiro, causing a faint blush to rise on his cheeks.

 

“Yeah, definitely.” 

 

And with that, they settled in to watch the movie, and both ended up falling asleep with only five minutes of the film left. 

  
Keith put a blanket on them eventually. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I hc that Matt calls Shiro Takashi so that's why that's a thing
> 
> And also since Matt is a little shit he calls Keith Akira because of fucking course he would
> 
> Also the part about the gay bar was added in by my dear friend @vallraiene because I gave them editing privileges on the google doc I keep this on but it turned out to be pretty funny so you can thank them for that (they've been trying to get me to get keith and lance in a gay bar for so long now)
> 
> Shit's gonna start going down next chapter 
> 
> Aka ships
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know in the comments if you liked it! Your comments give me life ily all
> 
> MESSAGE ME ON TUMBLR I LOVE TALKING TO YOU GUYS  
> voltron blog: zarkondoms.tumblr.com


	11. And suddenly, Shatt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Matt go around LA
> 
> Usernames:  
> Reaper: Keith  
> Tinydick: Lance  
> dontfuckwith: Pidge  
> patmatt: Matt  
> Takashit: Shiro  
> DrFuckMe: Allura  
> GorgeousMan: Coran  
> GordonRamsey: Hunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! God it took me forever to write this chapter, sorry about that. I've been pretty busy lately but I got it done and I'm really proud of this one!
> 
> Also I was rereading some of the past chapters and... inconsistencies man. I am not good at keeping facts consistent. I am sorry about that lol. I want to make sure I'm not making anything confusing so here's a list of some little errors or confusions I had that conflicted with past chapter info
> 
> 1\. Matt goes to college at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, not UC Berkeley (it was originally Berkeley but then I realized how far Berkeley is from LA, California is way bigger than you think lol, I’m a native and I don’t even know)
> 
> 2\. Pidge did not know about Keith’s arson ‘incident’ until after he told everyone in the chat, later on she hacked into his records to erase the charges
> 
> 3\. I forgot you could just delete messages on discord so Pidge hacked some social media platform to erase an embarrassing message to her crush but it wasn't discord or maybe it was maybe you can't delete messages on discord in this au idk man
> 
> 4\. In Keith’s first selfie he sent he had a manbun, in the second selfie he sent in the next chapter he had a ponytail. This isn’t exactly an inconsistency I just realized it seemed a little confusing considering the two hairstyles are similar. 
> 
> If there's anything else that's unclear let me know in the comments and I'll be sure to explain it! Now, on with the chapter!

**Reaper:** guys guess what I saw last night

 

**GordonRamsey:** ???

 

**Reaper:** [image.jpg]

 

**GordonRamsey:** OH MY GOD

 

**DrFuckMe:** They’re so adorable!!!

 

**GorgeousMan:** Ah! Young love!

 

**dontfuckwith:** thats gay

 

**Reaper:** They fell asleep like that on the sofa watching twilight

 

**GordonRamsey:** They were watching Twilight?

 

**Reaper:** Matt chose

 

**dontfuckwith:** makes sense

 

**dontfuckwith:** he has terrible movie taste

 

**Reaper:** Oh don’t remind me

 

**Tinydick:** wait what’d I miss

 

**Reaper:** Scroll up

 

**Tinydick:** OH

 

**Tinydick:** THEY’RE CUDDLING

 

**Tinydick:** THAT IS SO FUCKING CUTE

 

**GordonRamsey:** AGREED

 

**Takashit:** Hey everyone, what are we all talking about?

 

**Tinydick:** uh

 

**Reaper:** Nothing, just some pic someone sent

 

**patmatt:** hey gays what are we calling cute

 

**patmatt:** is it me

 

**patmatt:** i’m cute

 

**dontfuckwith:** you guys can scroll up and see

 

**Reaper:** PIDGE

 

~

**Direct Message**

**-Shuturfuck to Pidgeotto-**

 

**Shuturfuck:** SHIRO’S GONNA KILL ME IF HE SEES I SENT THAT PHOTO OF HIM AND MATT TO YOU GUYS

 

**Pidgeotto:** chill ur tits dude I’ve already switched out the image for some random baby animals cuddling and deleted the messages about twilight

 

**Shuturfuck:** Holy shit you’re the best

 

**Pidgeotto:** u know it ;)

 

~

 

**patmatt:** holy shit those baby animals r cute

 

**Tinydick:** Agreed

 

**GorgeousMan:** You know, I used to have a duck and a pig

 

**GorgeousMan:** The duck did try to kill me on numerous occasions however

 

**GorgeousMan:** I'm pretty sure it was trained for that purpose

 

**GordonRamsey:** What makes you think that??

 

**GorgeousMan:** It was gifted to me by the sister of the Governor of California

 

**GorgeousMan:** 4 months after he passed

 

**Reaper:** Weren't u the one who assassinated him

 

**GorgeousMan:** I can neither say yes or no but I feel like the answer is heavily implied

 

**Takashit:** Wait what

 

**GorgeousMan:** Although we can never know for sure, I had information that he was most likely a member of the illuminati

 

**dontfuckwith:** _ ILLUMINATI?! _

 

**Reaper:** _ ILLUMINATI HOLY FUCK _

 

**Takashit:** sigh

 

**dontfuckwith:** _ CORAN THE ILLUMINATI IS REAL?!?! _

 

**GorgeousMan:** Yup! I once played the Santa at the Illuminati Christmas party!

 

**Tinydick:** …

 

**DrFuckMe:** Is that why you were late to our Christmas party two years ago?!

 

**GorgeousMan:** Uhhh

 

**GorgeousMan:** THAT’S TOP SECRET INFORMATION THAT I CANNOT DISCLOSE AT THIS TIME

 

**DrFuckMe:** WE WAITED UP FOR YOU FOR THREE HOURS

 

**GorgeousMan:** I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING BUSY BUT I COULDN’T EXACTLY LEAVE

 

**Tinydick:** Uhh do you guys want some privacy to argue about this

 

**DrFuckMe:** No we’re fine I'll yell at Coran about this later

 

**GorgeousMan:** :(

 

**dontfuckwith:** wow we've already had a Coran story and an Allura threat and it's not even 8 in the morning

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh yeah it's morning for you, I always forget about the time difference

 

**Takashit:** Speaking of morning, Keith you’re gonna need to leave for school pretty soon here

 

**Reaper:** ugh

 

**dontfuckwith:** ew school

 

**GordonRamsey:** Pidge you’re at school

 

**dontfuckwith:** i reiterate,  _ ew school _

 

**Tinydick:** wtf why are you guys already at school???

 

**GordonRamsey:** Pidge is doing illegal stuff

 

**dontfuckwith:** shut up so are u

 

**Takashit:** What are you two doing

 

**patmatt:** wow shiro u rlly are the dad

 

**Takashit:** Shut up Matt

 

**dontfuckwith:** im stealing something from my science classroom cuz i need it

 

**Takashit:** Oh no

 

**dontfuckwith:** hunk helped me

 

**Takashit:** Hunk.

 

**GordonRamsey:** It’s not my fault!!! They made me do it!!

 

**patmatt:** she is 5’2” and 95 pounds I really doubt she could make u do anything

 

**dontfuckwith:** i have my ways

 

**GordonRamsey:** _ they’re holding my blender hostage _

 

**Tinydick:** lkdsjfdklsfj

 

**DrFuckMe:** Now that is truly a tragedy

 

**Takashit:** Do I want to know what it is that you are stealing from your science classroom?

 

**dontfuckwith:** _ well it may or may not be a semi-dangerous chemical _

 

**Takashit:** Never mind I don’t want to know

 

**Takashit:** Just please don’t harm yourself or others

 

**dontfuckwith:** dont worry shiro i got this ;))))

 

**patmatt:** oh jesus this is gonna be bad

 

**Takashit:** Keith seriously get down here you’re gonna be late

 

**Takashit:** I made breakfast

 

**patmatt:** he did and it’s delicious

 

**patmatt:** [image.jpg]

 

**Reaper:** be right down

 

**Takashit:** That got him

 

**Tinydick:** Holy shit Matt you look identical to Pidge

 

**patmatt:** are you still dressing like me katie?!

 

**dontfuckwith:** uhhh maybe

 

**GordonRamsey:** YOU GUYS ARE LIKE IDENTICAL TWINS WTF

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh god the resemblance is… unsettling

 

**patmatt:** it’s her goddamn matt cosplay that’s what it is

 

**dontfuckwith:** I’M NOT COSPLAYING YOU DUMBASS

 

**patmatt:** sureeeeee you aren’t

 

**dontfuckwith:** MY HAIR HAS GOTTEN A BIT LONGER

 

**patmatt:** YOU DON’T EVEN NEED GLASSES THOUGH

 

**dontfuckwith:** OK I MAY NOT HAVE NEEDED GLASSES WHEN I FIRST STOLE YOURS BUT NOW I DO BECAUSE COMPUTERS ARE NOT GOOD ON THE EYES

 

**Tinydick:** What is happening???

 

**Takashit:** A few years ago Pidge got kicked out of Matt’s college because she was hacking into some of the computers there

 

**patmatt:** and stole some computer parts too

 

**Takashit:** So she snuck back in dressed like Matt and stole his glasses for it

 

**Takashit:** And we’ve just always called that her ‘matt cosplay’

 

**patmatt:** then she ended up staying dressed like that :///

 

**GordonRamsey:** I feel like I should be shocked at all the illegal stuff Pidge has done but at this point I’m not even surprised

 

**DrFuckMe:** I love stories about Pidge very much

 

**GorgeousMan:** As do I!

 

**patmatt:** oh? Y’all want some stories about katie eh? 

 

**patmatt:** ;)))))

 

**dontfuckwith:** _ matt no _

 

**patmatt:** you can’t stop me katie

 

**-patmatt has been kicked from the chat-**

 

**Takashit:** Apparently she can

 

**Tinydick:** lkdsfjldksf

 

**Tinydick:** May he rest in peace

 

**~**

 

“She kicked me! She kicked me out of the chat!” Matt shrieked, his fork clattering to the plate as he stared in abject shock at his phone. Shiro chuckled and turned from his place at the stove towards Matt, giving him a knowing grin.

 

“Matt, you really should’ve taken her username in the chat as a warning. You know as well as I do not to mess with your little sister,  _ ever _ .” Matt sighed and stuck his lower lip out in a pout, giving longing glances towards his phone. 

 

“Dammit! Now I can’t make fun of Keith and Lance without the risk of death anymore!” He groaned right as Keith stepped into the kitchen, the boy glancing up in surprise at the sound of his name. 

 

“What about me? Did something happen?” He asked, taking the plate of food Shiro handed to him before sitting down at the table across from Matt. 

 

“Pidge kicked Matt out of the chat because he was threatening to tell embarrassing stories about her, so now he’s pouting.” Shiro explained. Keith snickered as he took a bite of his eggs, and Matt glared.

 

“You deserve it, dude. You don’t fuck with Pidge,” Keith said. “I’m still lowkey convinced she’s killed a man before.”

 

“Oh I am too but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve been betrayed by my own blood!” Matt wailed in an overdramatic fashion, raising his arms in the air for emphasis so everyone in the apartment would know of his woes. 

 

“Calm down, Matt. As soon as I’m down cooking the rest of the food I’ll add you back in.” Shiro said. Matt sighed and nodded, but didn’t resume his meal. Instead, he stared forlornly at the breakfast food in front of him, as if he could fix his problems through sheer force of puppy dog eyes. 

 

A comfortable silence fell over the kitchen as the three men continued their tasks. The sizzling noise of the bacon and eggs cooking created a quiet hum in the background, while the clinking and clanking of silverware against dish echoed throughout the room. The mouthwatering smell of the bacon wafted through the air, intermingling with the deep and rich scent of the coffee that was brewing. The bright morning sunlight poured through the kitchen window, giving everything in the room soft, yellow halos. The silence was only broken by the occasional pop of bacon grease from the pan, or the small snickers emanating from Keith as he stared at his phone while eating. 

 

Eventually, the soft whirring of the stove gas turned off, and Shiro slid a bit of eggs and bacon onto his own plate and set it down on the table. Then, he walked over to the brewing coffee and poured three mugs, and delivered each of those to their respective drinkers as well. 

 

“Thanks Shiro.” Keith mumbled, blindly reaching for the mug without taking his eyes off his phone. Shiro just gave a resigned smile and sat down in between Matt and Keith, before he began to dig into his own meal. 

 

“What’s got you so focused on that phone, Keith?” Shiro asked after a few minutes of eating. Keith somehow managed to tear his gaze away from the screen, and looked blankly at Shiro. 

 

“Huh?”

 

“He asked why you’re so obsessed with your phone right now.” Matt said, kicking Keith under the table and making the boy hiss in surprise. 

 

“HEY!” He yelped, kicking back which Matt playfully dodged by hiding behind Shiro. 

 

“Keith.” Shiro warned in his stern voice, trying not to focus too much on the feeling of almost Matt’s entire body pressed against his side. 

 

“He started it!” Keith protested.

 

“You weren’t listening! We had to get you to look up from your phone somehow!” Matt retorted, not moving away from his close position to Shiro. “Seriously though, what are you doing? I haven’t seen you on your phone this much since you were in your MCR phase and kept checking their tumblr tag every ten minutes.” 

 

“We agreed not to talk about my dark days.” Keith growled, before sighing loudly as he put his phone down in a very exaggerated fashion. “I’m talking in the group chat if you must know, the one  _ you _ got kicked out of.” 

 

“Oh wait, I was gonna add you back into that, wasn’t I?” Shiro asked as he took out his phone. Matt waited eagerly as he punched in a few words into the chat, and was soon awarded with the ping of a notification going off on his own phone. 

 

“HELL YEAH!” Matt quickly scrolled through to see what he had missed, and immediately noticed something amiss. 

 

“Keith?”

 

“Ya?” Keith said, back to typing rapidly on his phone while he took another swig of coffee. 

 

“I don’t see you talking that much in the chat right now…” Matt exchanged a mischievous smirk with Shiro. “Are you talking to Lance by any chance?” As if a switch was flipped, Keith’s face instantly bloomed bright red as he slammed his phone down, and finished the rest of his coffee in a single chug. 

 

“I gotta go to school, I just realized how late it is.” He said, abruptly standing up. Shiro and Matt both chuckled, and Shiro stood up to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

 

“Keith, it’s okay if you were talking to Lance.” Shiro said in his signature Dad Voice. Keith glared at him for a moment before his shoulders deflated in defeat, and he rolled his eyes in one last ditch attempt to look like he didn't care. 

 

“Fine! Maybe I was talking to Lance. Is that a crime?” He asked, giving Shiro a raised eyebrow.

 

“No, that's not a bad thing at all. I'm really glad you found someone like Lance to talk to.” Shiro said, a soft smile stretched across his face. Keith blinked in surprise, before a similar but smaller smile grew on his own face. 

 

“Thanks Shiro, that… means a lot to me, actually.” He said, glancing down at his shoes. “I gotta go to school, I see you guys later.” With that, Keith grabbed his backpack off the floor and headed out, the echo of the closing door hanging sounding throughout the apartment. 

 

After Keith left, Matt and Shiro exchanged knowing looks, and proceeded to make idle chatter as they finished their meals. Shiro noticed that although Matt was no longer pressed against his bicep anymore, he had shifted his chair so they were much closer together than before. Shiro wasn’t sure if this meant anything, and he was probably overthinking things, but a small part of him hoped it meant something along the lines of Matt wanting to be closer to him. 

 

But that was just wishful thinking… wasn’t it?

 

The two finished their meals and after a quick round of dish washing, they had a quick discussion on the things they wanted to do that day. With some hasty google searches, they decided to go the tourist route and visit some of the popular destinations all the LA vloggers visited.

 

They probably should’ve researched ahead but hey, spontaneity is the spice of life, right?

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-Shuturfuck to thetailor-**

 

**Shuturfuck:** God Lance idk how much more of this romantic tension I can take between Matt and Shiro

 

**Shuturfuck:** I swear to god during breakfast it was like one of them was going to explode

 

**thetailor:** sounds pretty gay

 

**Shuturfuck:** No shit Sherlock

 

**thetailor:** ;))))

 

**Shuturfuck:** If they don’t get together soon I’m debating just locking them in the closet together till they make out

 

**thetailor:** okay but would that actually work??

 

**Shuturfuck:** Uhh idk would it?

 

**Shuturfuck:** That seems like a thing they do in movies

 

**thetailor:** I’ve never gotten locked in a closet with someone so I wouldn’t know lol

 

**Shuturfuck:** Neither have I

 

**Shuturfuck:** I’d still be willing to try it though

 

**Shuturfuck:** _ they’re so stupid lance my brother is such an idiot it’s so obvious they like each other _

 

**thetailor:** Oh god that’s so frustrating when that happens

 

**thetailor:** like when two people are just so obviously  _ into each other _ but nothing happens!!

 

**Shuturfuck:** I know right!!

 

**Shuturfuck:** That was Shiro with his first gf

 

**thetailor:** oh my god give me details I wanna hear about shiro’s first gf

 

**Shuturfuck:** Well it wasn’t anything that special, he was like… uh…

 

**Shuturfuck:** 13? 14? Somewhere around there

 

**Shuturfuck:** And basically there was this girl he hung out with a lot at school and any time they talked they both got all blushy and stuttery and it was so cute it was disgusting

 

**thetailor:** Why was it disgusting?

 

**Shuturfuck:** I was 8 everything romantic was disgusting to me back then

 

**thetailor:** fair enough

 

**Shuturfuck:** He got our dad to help him ask her out

 

**Shuturfuck:** He got even got her flowers

 

**thetailor:** awwww

 

**Shuturfuck:** They went out to see a movie together and dated for like three weeks I think

 

**Shuturfuck:** Then they apparently ‘had a mutual breakup’ as shiro puts it

 

**thetailor:** mutual breakup?

 

**Shuturfuck:** They both suggested at the same time that they break up

 

**thetailor:** klsdjfldskjf

 

**Shuturfuck:** That was the end of that relationship

 

**thetailor:** rip shiro’s budding romance

 

**Shuturfuck:** Oh off topic but guess what

 

**thetailor:** what??

 

**Shuturfuck:** I saw a Lush store the other day and thought of you

 

**thetailor:** awww

 

**Shuturfuck:** So I went inside since I’ve never been in a lush and saw how overpriced all the bath bombs were and wondered why the hell anyone would buy anything from there

 

**thetailor:** _ gsap _

 

**thetailor:** _ how dare you foul mouth my workplace _

 

**Shuturfuck:** SOME OF THE FACE MASKS WERE 13$!!!

 

**Shuturfuck:** _ ONE WAS EVEN 27$!! _

 

**Shuturfuck:** who the hell would pay 27$ for a bunch of mud to put on your face

 

**thetailor:** _ THEY’RE MADE WITH ALL NATURAL INGREDIENTS YOU HEATHEN _

 

**Shuturfuck:** it’s a ripoff lance

 

**thetailor:** is not

 

**Shuturfuck:** is too

 

**thetailor:** nope! Those masks are totally worth it 

 

**thetailor:** My flawless skin can confirm

 

**Shuturfuck:** That must be magic because i dont see how your skin could be flawless putting that overpriced bs on it all the time

 

**thetailor:** Face masks are magical that’s how

 

**thetailor:** Have u never tried a face mask??

 

**Shuturfuck:** No

 

**thetailor:** _ GSAP _

 

**thetailor:** that’s it, when we meet in person we are having a spa day together and there will be no if’s and’s or but’s about it

 

**Shuturfuck:** I don’t have a choice?

 

**thetailor:** no

 

**Shuturfuck:** ...fine

 

**thetailor:** HECK YECK

 

**thetailor:** okay but real talk I really do hope we get to meet in person soon

 

**Shuturfuck:** So do I

 

**Shuturfuck:** I really like talking to you, Lance

 

**thetailor:** Same here :)

 

**thetailor:** OH SHIT MY TEACHER JUST SAW ME TEXTING

 

**thetailor:** GTG KEITH TTYL

 

**Shuturfuck:** Later Lance

 

**thetailor:** /fingerguns/

 

**Shuturfuck:** You really had to type that out?

 

**thetailor:** yes I didlkfjsdkljsdl

 

**Shuturfuck:** Lance?

 

**Shuturfuck:** ...Lance?

 

**Shuturfuck:** I’m guessing your phone got taken away

 

**Shuturfuck:** Dumbass

 

~

 

For the rest of the day, Matt and Shiro proceeded to make their way through all of LA’s hotspots. They visited museums and monuments, messed around in Little Tokyo ( and almost got arrested when Matt tried to steal a stuffed Rilakkuma bear), and tried vegan food at one of LA’s many vegan restaurants (which was, surprisingly, not all that bad). 

 

As the day came to a close, Matt and Shiro rode in comfortable silence on the way to their last stop. It was one of LA’s newer famed attractions, only having been installed a few years back. It was an art piece called The Rain Room, where a section of a room was bombarded with raindrops that a person could walk under, but would turn off around the person so they didn’t get wet. It was the act of being in a downpour and not being affected, witnessing a part of nature without being a part of it. It was said to be quite entertaining and beautiful, and made for popular instagram photos. 

 

“So, you’re telling me you can’t get wet even though there’s ton of rain all around you?” Matt asked as Shiro drove, looking up from a video he was watching on his phone. 

 

“That’s what it claims, though I’m sure you get wet a little bit.” Shiro replied, glancing over to try and see Matt’s phone screen. “What are you watching?”

 

“I’m watching a vlog of someone who went to the Rain Room so I can see what it’s like.” Matt said, smiling at the screen. 

 

“Let me guess, Marzia’s vlog?” Shiro questioned in a teasing tone. 

 

“Her vlog’s are really good, okay? Plus she went to all the cool LA spots so it’s a good guide.” Shiro just chuckled at Matt’s defensive tone.

 

“Hey I’m not judging, I like her videos too. Hers was one of the many videos I watched when I first started wearing eyeliner.” Matt laughed at that and they continued to talk about youtubers and the like until they reached the building. Shiro parked and Matt practically jumped out of the car, bouncing with excitement like a child. Shiro had to hold back his smile at how adorable he looked as he locked the car, and the two made their way inside.

 

Suffice to say, getting rid of his stupid crush on his friend was not working for Shiro. Especially not when they seemed to ‘accidentally’ brush against each other every five seconds, or when Matt would straight up press into him for protection. 

 

And it definitely didn’t work when Matt smiled so widely, wrinkles crinkling at the corners of his eyes behind his glasses and his brown hair sticking wildly every which way, it was like the sun itself decided to grace Shiro with its heavenly presence. 

 

They got in line and waited for their time slot, and the fifteen minute wait passed by quickly with a mixture of amicable chatter between the two friends, and snickers to one another as they talked with their friends in the groupchat. Eventually, one of the employees came along and explained the rules to everyone, saying how they had to walk under the rain jets with their arms stretched out so that the sensors would be able to see them to ensure they wouldn’t get wet. It also added how wearing dark colors would make it more difficult for the sensors to see a person, which made Matt glance down at his black shirt with a look of regret. Shiro chuckled, as he had worn a white shirt which seemed to piss Matt off even more. 

 

Soon enough, they were inside the room and a simultaneous gasp erupted from the small group as they saw the exhibit. 

 

Large droplets of water poured continuously from the ceiling, the liquid illuminated like small jewels by a large light that was off to the side. The thunderous sound of smacking droplets echoed throughout, creating a calming hum behind the excitement. There were borders around the edges where a person could walk if they didn’t want to take the chance of getting wet, and many people hastily congregated there to take photos, while a few other brave souls ventured out under the downpour with their arms stretched out. Shrieks and giggles began to erupt, and Matt looked excitedly at Shiro as they hurried toward where the rain began. 

 

“Okay, like the woman said, arms stretched out.” Shiro said, mostly to himself but also to Matt. Matt nodded and after pocketing their phones, Shiro took the first hesitant step into the rain. 

 

He was amazed to find no water touched him, a surprised giggle bubbling from his chest as he took another step forward. Glancing behind, he saw that Matt was still waiting at the edge, afraid of getting soaked. 

 

“Come on, this is awesome!” Shiro encouraged. When Matt still looked unsure, Shiro reached back and grabbed his hand, pulling him into the water. 

 

“Hey-HEY! Takashi!” Matt protested and tried to pull back, but Shiro wouldn’t let him. Matt winced as he unwillingly stepped into the ‘storm’, and shrieked when a large water droplet hit him straight in the head. 

 

“AGH! THE SENSORS AREN’T WORKING!” He yelped. He tried to release his fingers from Shiro’s grip so he could make his escape, but Shiro just laughed more and pulled the boy further in. 

 

“You gotta stretch your arms out!” Shiro yelled over the noise, his face stretched into the widest grin imaginable. Matt groaned and reluctantly did so, rolling his eyes as he slowly became soaked. 

 

“It’s still not working.” He grumbled, trying (and failing) to keep his glasses from getting wet by covering his face with his free hand. It must’ve been his dark shirt. Shiro was just about to let him go so he could run to the sidelines, when Matt looked back up, the wild grin on his face telling that he had a terrible idea. 

 

“Oh wait! I know what to do!” He yelled, not giving any warning before he ran towards Shiro, barreling into him and pressing into his chest as tightly as possible, his arms snaking around Shiro’s waist. Shiro’s mind went blank for a moment, before he finally realized what Matt was doing to avoid the water, and became very glad the room was dark enough so that no one could see his flaming red cheeks. 

 

He was silent for a moment, and Matt looked up at him, his mischievous expression morphing into one of concern and embarrassment. 

 

“Uh-oh, sorry, is-is this weird?” Matt stuttered, seeming as if he was about to pull away. Shiro came back to his senses and hastily wrapped his arms back around Matt, holding him to his body. 

 

“No no! It’s fine- you’re fine.” He reassured. Matt sighed in relief and the two stood like that for a moment, quietly enjoying the rain that was around them but not touching them in each other’s arms. 

 

After a few moments, Shiro glanced back down at Matt, who was staring right at him, wet hair plastered to his face and water droplets on his nose. They were extremely close, their foreheads nearly touching as he felt Matt’s soft breath on his face. Shiro’s heart was thundering so loudly, he was convinced Matt could feel it through his shirt as he cautiously reached up to push a strand of hair off of his face, his fingers gently grazing Matt’s skin. 

 

“You have water on your glasses.” Shiro said rather stupidly, his voice so low it was just a hoarse whisper. His hand that was still on Matt’s face swiped a bit of water off of his glasses, before falling a bit further to cup the boy’s cheek.

 

“Yeah… that kinda happens with water and glass…” Matt whispered back, his hands trailing up from Shiro’s waist to the back of his neck. Now both of their hearts were thundering in anticipation, wondering if this was it, if this was the moment. 

 

“Matt…” He was gonna do it, wasn’t he? Shiro could feel all sense of self-control falling away as he leaned his face closer to Matt’s, their lips almost brushing. 

 

“Can I kiss you?” Shiro asked. 

 

Matt was silent, before a small grin broke out on his face and he gave a slight nod. 

 

That was all the confirmation Shiro needed as he leaned forward, pressing his lips against Matt’s as the rain continued to pour down around them. Their lips moved against each other in soft, hesitant motions, Matt’s fingers curling into Shiro’s hair as Shiro pulled him even closer. They were in the eye of the storm, lost in each other inside their own little bubble of existence as life went on around them. 

 

This was it, this was what he had wanted for so long. Despite the cold water gathering on his skin, Shiro felt so very, very warm as he kissed Matt, the fluttering nervousness in his chest giving way to that of pure euphoria. This was his best friend, the boy who knew all his secrets, the one who could make him laugh no matter the circumstance, and who could read every subtle expression written across his face like a book. 

 

And now they were kissing, and it felt amazing. 

 

Shiro had no idea how much time had passed between them when the sharp yell of one of the employee’s broke into their bubble, making them jump slightly apart in surprise. 

 

“You guys have two minutes left!” 

 

Shiro took a deep breath to regain control over his swirling thoughts, his arm still around Matt’s waist, before he looked back into his bright hazel eyes. 

 

Matt was smiling his amazingly beautiful smile, and Shiro instantly knew he was gonna fall so madly in love with this boy. 

 

Shiro smiled back, and before he knew it, they were kissing again. 

 

And again, and again, and again, soft pecks across wet cheeks, small peals of laughter bubbling between them. 

  
It wasn’t too long before the staff became impatient and walked over to kick the two out themselves, to which Shiro and Matt just grinned wider and strolled through the rain and out the door with their fingers intertwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOT DIGGITY DAMN I HAVEN'T WRITTEN A KISS THAT WELL IN A LONG TIME
> 
> God that was fun (but exhausting) to write
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!!! There wasn't nearly as much chatroom time so I hope you guys don't mind that, but I am pretty proud of what I wrote. Let me know in the comments if you liked it! Now that we've gotten the shatt figured out, next up is the klance ;)))
> 
> Also holy shit it's ch 11 I should add slow burn as a tag I think
> 
> ALSO IN CASE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE RAIN ROOM (copy and paste that into your web browser bar thing) (yes I know it closed recently but it's gonna reopen eventually plus this fic exists outside the limits of Time lol)  
> https://i.ytimg.com/vi/48ENcmn7Sjg/maxresdefault.jpg
> 
> My tumblr (feel free to shoot me a message!!!)  
> zarkondoms.tumblr.com


	12. Stop being texist you ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are made and someone says y'aint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! Sorry this chapter took so long to put up, after I finished the last one finals week started and everything was just super chaotic. But it is now finished! 
> 
> Oh and as an update for weird places I've written this fanfic: I plotted this chapter out at my friend's bday party, and I wrote it both in class and on multiple airplanes and am now posting it in the Cayman Islands with my friend asleep next to me 
> 
> As usual thank you guys so much for all the love and support! Every comment I get on this makes me super happy!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

As Shiro and Matt drove back home after the Rain Room, the air between them seemed charged with the remnants of adrenaline left over from their kiss. The excitement hung in this air, as they allowed it to fill up the comfortable silence stretched between them.

Their fingers laid intertwined on the center console between them.

The fiery rays of the dying sun slanted through the car windows, illuminating half of Matt’s face and hair, making it shine a brilliant copper. When Shiro glanced over to spare a look at the boy, the only thing he could notice was how Matt’s smile in that moment outshone the sun any day.

“You have a beautiful smile.” Shiro said without thinking, breaking the quiet. Matt started at the noise, his eyes wide behind his glasses before his cheeks bloomed bright red.

“T-Thank you.” He stammered out. Shiro just chuckled and squeezed Matt’s hand, and they continued their way down the sun bathed streets.

It was only a few minutes later when they pulled up to Keith and Shiro’s apartment building and Shiro cut the engine, but neither got out of the car, both waiting for the other to say something. They were both wondering the same exact thing, the question burning in their eyes, but it was a silent game of who would break first. A competition, almost.

They sat in the car, hands still locked together, looking everywhere but each other.

Matt broke first.

“So… we kissed.” He said, finally looking over to Shiro. Shiro couldn't help but laugh at how bluntly Matt said it.

“And we weren't drunk this time.” Shiro added in, making Matt laugh as well.

“And we weren't drunk this time.” Matt reiterated, now seeming much more relaxed than a few seconds prior. “So… where does this leave us? Like… relationship-wise?” Shiro paused at this, furrowing his brows as he thought over his answer.

He honestly didn't know where they were now. Were they dating? Did they both like each other? Or had that just been a spontaneous kiss that meant nothing?

Shiro knew where he wanted to be. He wanted to be with Matt. He wanted to stay in bed with him for hours, talking about nothing and everything beneath sun-warmed blankets. He wanted to hold him tightly, breathing in the scent of his hair and feeling the beat of his heart pound against his chest. He wanted to kiss him well into the night, being unable to tell where his body ended and Matt’s began.

But he didn't know if Matt felt the same.

“Well… where do you want to be?” Shiro asked, looking over at him. Matt bit his lip and looked down at his lap, his cheeks beginning to bloom red yet again.

“I-I asked first…” Matt stammered. Shiro sighed in exasperation at his own hesitation. God they were bad at this.

“I was wondering… well…” Shiro was now blushing bright red as well. Why was this so difficult? Just finish the sentence!

“Boyfriends?” Matt squeaked out, finishing the sentence before Shiro could. He glanced up in surprise to see Matt no longer looking at his lap, instead his gaze was focused back on Shiro’s face.

“Yeah, boyfriends sounds pretty amazing.” Shiro agreed, squeezing Matt’s hand again. It was quiet for a moment, before the buzzing of a received text message on Shiro’s phone broke the silence.

“We should probably get out of the car before Keith wonders if we died or something.” Shiro said with a chuckle when he glanced down at his phone. Matt laughed as well, and they both got out of the car and began to walk towards the apartment building, fingers interlaced. Before Shiro could open the door, however, Matt held out a hand to stop him.

“Can… Can I kiss you again, Kashi?” Matt asked, looking right into his eyes. Shiro blinked in surprise, off-put by the unexpected timing, but nodded anyway. It was a few moments of anticipated waiting, before Matt finally leaned up, his fingers cupping the back of Shiro’s head, pulling him closer so their lips could meet.

While not as movie-picturesque as their previous kiss in the Rain Room, it was no less enjoyable. Shiro wrapped his arms around Matt’s waist, and Matt pressed his chest up against Shiro’s to the point where their heartbeats were in sync. They smiled into the kiss, fingers curled into hair, and neither of them couldn't have been happier in that moment.

It was only at the sound of Shiro’s phone buzzing that, yet again, ruined the moment.

“Goddammit.” Matt exclaimed as they broke apart. Shiro just laughed and glanced at his screen before turning the phone to Matt so he could see.

**Keith** : where the fuck are you

**Keith** : did you die

**Keith** : I can see your car parked outside

**Keith** : Please tell me you're not having sex with Matt in the back or something

**Keith** : I drive that car occasionally

**Keith** : I don't need that haunting me every time I get in that thing

“Let me tell that little shit-” Matt reached over to grab the phone, but Shiro pulled it away before he could.

“How about we just go inside?” Matt groaned and nodded reluctantly, and Shiro grinned as he pocketed his phone before pulling open the door to the apartment building. Matt stalked into the building, already thinking of how he was gonna sass Keith for ruining their moment, when he felt Shiro grab his hand and couldn't help a smile.

“Keith! We’re home!” Shiro announced as they stepped into the doorway, still holding hands. Keith was lounging on the sofa, phone in one hand and a bottle of water in the other, looking rather annoyed at his brother’s lateness.

“It's about damn time you came home, I feel like a housewife waiting for you-” Keith stopped his complaining when he noticed Matt and Shiro’s clasped hands, his eyes widening as the realization hit him. First he looked to Shiro, then Matt, then back to Shiro, and then Matt again before he finally spoke.

“Oh thank the fucking lord.” He exclaimed, standing up off the couch to walk over to them. “Did you two idiots finally get together?” Shiro felt his cheeks heat up at Keith’s bluntness, wondering if their feelings had really been that obvious. Matt, meanwhile, didn't seem the least bit embarrassed.

“Yeah, we did Akira, and we were having a pretty damn nice romantic moment when you just had to text your brother and ruin it!” Keith scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Oh chill out, Matt. It's not like you guys aren't gonna have any more opportunities to make out or whatever the hell you wanna do.” He pocketed his phone and picked up his water bottle, and turned into the direction of his room. “I'm gonna go skype Lance, you two should probably let the group chat know you finally got together before Pidge starts blackmailing one of you or something.”

Shiro and Matt sighed simultaneously at this, both seriously done with Pidge’s shit, and pulled out their phones at the same time to break the news.

~

**dontfuckwith** : so for real tho, who would win in a fight?

**dontfuckwith** : a trillion lions

**dontfuckwith** : or the sun

**Tinydick** : Ok I know I'm normally the one who says dumb shit in this chat

**Tinydick** : but what the fuck pidge

**GorgeousMan** : That’s quite an… interesting question!

**GordonRamsey** : Okay but I think the real question is who would win in a fight

**GordonRamsey** : Pidge

**GordonRamsey** : or 1 trillion pigeons

**Reaper** : Hunk wtf

**DrFuckMe** : Pidge definitely

**Tinydick** : ^^

- **dontfuckwith’s** name has been changed to ‘ **PigeonKiller** ’-

**PigeonKiller** : well ok then

**Takashit** : Can't I ever leave this chat for a day without it going to shit?

**Tinydick** : no

**PigeonKiller** : no

**GordonRamsey** : no

**GorgeousMan** : Definitely not

**Takashit** : sigh

**patmatt** : personally I think Katie would get absolutely rekt by 1 trillion pigeons

**PigeonKiller** : oh shut up Matt

**DrFuckMe** : Shiro! Matt! How was your day?

**Reaper** : Yeah guys, tell them how your day was ;)

**GordonRamsey** : KEITH USED A WINKY FACE

**PigeonKiller** : WHAT DOES HE KNOW THAT WE DONT

**Tinydick** : I know ;)))

**GordonRamsey** : KEITH TELL US WHATS GOING ON WHY DID YOU USE A WINKY FACE

**Reaper** : Ask Shiro ;)

**DrFuckMe** : Oh god I'm READY for this gossip

**Takashit** : _sigh_

**Takashit** : Well it's something that happened today while Matt and I were out

**patmatt** : do u want me to just say it

**Takashit** : If you want to

**patmatt** : *deep breath*

**patmatt** : Ladies, gentlemen, and Pidge

**patmatt** : I am extremely thrilled to announce that…

**PigeonKiller** : pls tell me this is what I think it is

**patmatt** : I AM NOW THE BOYFRIEND OF THE GORGEOUS AND AMAZING TAKASHI SHIROGANE

**PigeonKiller** : HELL FUCKING YES

**Tinydick** : WOOHOO!

**GordonRamsey** : Oh my god! Congrats!

**GorgeousMan** : CONGRATULATIONS YOU TWO!

**DrFuckMe** : It's about time!

**Takashit** : Thanks you guys :)

**GordonRamsey** : Pidge you owe me 10$

**PigeonKiller** : FUCK

**PigeonKiller** : y’all couldn't have waited just a few more days to start dating??

**Reaper** : Oh so Pidge can say y’all and it's fine but if I do I'm a filthy Texan

**PigeonKiller** : I'm not a filthy Texan tho so it's ok unlike u

**Reaper** : You know what do you want to fight me on being texan

**PigeonKiller** : BRING IT ON QUEEF

**Takashit** : Guys please

**Takashit** : Matt’s leaving for SD tomorrow a few more days wouldn't have done anything

**PigeonKiller** : o shit I forgot to tell u guys

**Takashit** : What?

**patmatt** : tell us what?

**PigeonKiller** : Shiro you and Keith are officially invited to come down with Matt to San Diego to hang with all of us for the rest of spring break

**Takashit** : Look Pidge I’d love to but I have a job I can't just up and leave

**PigeonKiller** : im sure u can find someone to cover for u

**PigeonKiller** : not only would u get more time with ur new bf, you’d also get to meet Hunk and lance in person

**PigeonKiller** : and so would keith

**Tinydick** : O.O

**Reaper** : Oh my god that'd be awesome

**patmatt** : ;))))

**PigeonKiller** : see Shiro? even ur emo brother wants to go

**Takashit** : Well…

**Takashit** : No I have work, I can't up and leave for several days

**Takashit** : Keith can still go down with Matt to meet you guys, I just can't come

**patmatt** : wow so you’d abandon your own boyfriend

**DrFuckMe** : Oh come on Shiro!!! Take this opportunity!!!

**GorgeousMan** : You know what they say, Shiro. When a great opportunity presents itself to you, you have to take it by the horns and strangle the life out of it until it takes l it's last gasping breath and you lean down and whisper in its ear that you are the winner before snapping its neck!

**Takashit** : …

**Tinydick** : uhhh

**GordonRamsey** : I've never heard that

**DrFuckMe** : Uncle please

**GorgeousMan** : I was just giving him a helpful idiom!

**Takashit** : Well, Coran, I appreciate the thought

**PigeonKiller** : so

**PigeonKiller** : ur coming to sd with Matt

**Takashit** : ...

**Takashit** : Okay fine

**Takashit** : I'll see if I can get Mari to cover my shifts

**Tinydick** : HELL YEAH

**Reaper** : Thank you Shiro

**Takashit** : You're welcome, Keith

**patmatt** : hell to the fuck yes this is great I get to see not only my sister but I also get to have my boyfriend with me too

**DrFuckMe** : I wish I could come see you guys!!!

**GordonRamsey** : Awww me too :(

**Tinydick** : One day Allura we’ll get u and Coran out here

**Tinydick** : Then you and I are gonna do that YouTube collab

**DrFuckMe** : HELL YES

**PigeonKiller** : and meanwhile Im gonna interview Coran for his life story and fact check every single bit of it

**GorgeousMan** : Oh that would be fantastic!

**GordonRamsey** : Wait what time are you guys getting here tomorrow, Matt?

**patmatt** : uhhhh idk ask the responsible one

**GordonRamsey** : Okay, Shiro what's the time gonna be? I wanna have my pie ready

**Takashit** : Why am I the responsible one?

**Reaper** : Do u really trust Matt to have an actual plan set up for any form of traveling

**patmatt** : fuck off akira

**Takashit** : Fair point Keith

**patmatt** : wow I've even been betrayed by my boyfriend this is a house of lies

**Takashit** : Will you forgive me if I make you dinner?

**patmatt** : you know just how to woo me babe

**Takashit** : ;)

**PigeonKiller** : Did Shiro just use a winky face

**Tinydick** : That's really weird to see

**PigeonKiller** : I feel like I just walked in on my parents making out

**GordonRamsey** : same

**Takashit** : You guys act like I'm so old I'm literally only a few years older than you

**Tinydick** : You’re still our dad

**Tinydick** : And we love you :)

**GordonRamsey** : ^^

**GordonRamsey** : <3

**Takashit** : Fine, thank you my wonderful children

**Tinydick** : :D

**Takashit** : So tomorrow I think if we leave by 9 we should get there around 11-12ish?

**patmatt** : 9?!

**patmatt** : That is SO EARLY

**PigeonKiller** : matt ur with the broganes u know they get up at ungodly hours of the morning

**Takashit** : broganes huh

**Takashit** : that's a new one

**GordonRamsey** : So I'm gonna assume 11 am arrival and have the pie ready by then, how does that sound?

**patmatt** : you're a good man Hunk and I love you

**PigeonKiller** : you’ve literally known him for like 2 days

**patmatt** : I'm a loving person katie

**PigeonKiller** : since when

**patmatt** : since Hunk offered to make me pie

**GordonRamsey** : <3

**PigeonKiller** : so it's settled then, shiro and keith are coming to San Diego tomorrow

**Reaper** : Wait where are we gonna stay tho

**patmatt** : well you guys can stay at our house, I know mom and dad won't mind having u guys back again, right Katie?

**PigeonKiller** : pfft no they love u two

**PigeonKiller** : Shiro u can stay in Matt’s room with him and Keith u can take the downstairs couch

**patmatt** : oooo we’ll be able to cuddle takashi~

**Takashit** : We’re sleeping in the same bed tonight

**patmatt** : OH YEAH

**Reaper** : Why are you two talking over text you're literally right next to each other

**patmatt** : well why are you talking to lance over text when you're skyping with him rn??

**Reaper** : …damn you matt

**DrFuckMe** : You guys are skyping??

**Tinydick** : Yes we are is that a problem???

**DrFuckMe** : Nope! Of course not!

**GordonRamsey** : ;)))

**Reaper** : fuck y'all

**Tinydick** : Every time Keith says yall I die a little inside

**Reaper** : Oh screw off a bunch of people say y'all

**Reaper** : Yaint in a position to judge me for the way I talk assholes

**PigeonKiller** : DID KEITH JUST SAY YAINT

**GordonRamsey** : OH MY GOD

**Takashit** : keith… I was older than you when we lived in Texas... and I never say y'all

**Takashit** : especially not yaint

**Tinydick** : KEITH WHY WOULD YOU SAY YAINT

**Tinydick** : IM FUCKING SUFFOXJATING

- **Reaper’s** name has been changed to **Yaint** -

**Yaint** : Which one do you fuckers did this

**patmatt** : you unironically said yaint you live with the consequences

**Yaint** : I'm leaving

**Tinydick** : Nooooooo

**Yaint** : Dumbass I'm gonna keep talking to you

**Tinydick** : oh yay!

**patmatt** : fine then I'm gonna go make out with your brother

**Yaint** : I literally don't care

**patmatt** : we’re gonna fuck on your motorcycle

**GordonRamsey** : How would that even be possible?

**PigeonKiller** : If Geralt and Yennefer from the Witcher can fuck on a stuffed unicorn i bet matt could find a way to fuck Shiro on a motorcycle

**Yaint** : Okay I'm really leaving now

**PigeonKiller** : good we don't want ur kind here anyway

**GordonRamsey** : Pidge that's texist

**Tinydick** : _texist_

**DrFuckMe** : That's it I'm done

~

Keith sighed in exasperation and put down his phone, flipping it over so he wouldn’t be tempted to defend Texas from Pidge’s insults for the millionth time. Running a hand through his hair, he turned back to his computer screen and smiled at the fuzzy image of Lance staring back at him.

“They're so weird.” Keith said, trying his best not to picture Matt and Shiro doing it on his motorcycle. Lance chuckled, his bright grin stretching across his face.

“Yeah, you could say that.” Lance agreed. He paused, biting his lip as he thought of what he wanted to say next while Keith waited patiently for him to speak.

“So…” He began, “YOU’RE COMING DOWN HERE TOMORROW!” He practically shouted, the pure joy on his expression practically radiating through the screen. “This is so awesome! I'm gonna show you all my favorite places to hang out, and we can go get food, and we can go see a movie, and oh my god I'm so excited!”

Keith couldn't do much but smile back at Lance while he talked a mile a minute. Keith was just as excited as Lance was for them to meet in person, but couldn't help but be distracted by the odd fluttery feeling in his chest every time he thought of seeing Lance in person.

Keith wasn't stupid, he knew what this feeling was. But considering he hadn't even met Lance in person yet, there was no way Lance returned his feelings and Keith just had to accept that. It was a simple fact that he had to deal with, so why did it hurt so much?

“Keith? Keeeithhh? You there buddy? Did my internet die?” Keith snapped back to reality as he heard Lance calling his name, and looked at the screen to find Lance peering closely at the camera.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I just got distracted. What were you saying?”

“I was just wondering if one night while you guys are down here if you'd wanna have dinner at my house.” Even over the grainy Skype screen, Keith could faintly see a blush rising to Lance’s cheeks as he asked the question. Blinking in surprise, Keith sat back in his chair as he thought about the offer. Should he have dinner at Lance’s house? Presumably with his family? Now Keith was fully aware he was not the most socially graceful person, and normally he'd say no to an offer like this outright, but he couldn't help but think of how much it felt like he already knew Lance’s family just from the stories he told him alone.

Also Shiro would probably kill him if he said no.

“I-If you don't want to you can just say so, I get that eating with your friends family can be awkward, sorry that was stupid of me to ask-”

“No Lance, I’d love to.” Keith said earnestly, interrupting the nervous spiel the boy was on. Lance stopped and looked at Keith in surprise, before his grin returned full force and the butterflies in Keith’s stomach became even stronger.

“Awesome! Oh my god you're gonna love it, my mom’s cooking is the best thing you're ever gonna taste I can guarantee that…” Keith let Lance ramble on, only half paying attention to what he was saying and instead just thinking of how relaxing it was to listen to Lance’s voice.

That was something that worked between them. Keith wasn't as much of a talker and more of a listener, while Lance was the exact opposite. Lance would provide the conversation, and somehow knew how to perfectly integrate questions to get Keith involved as well.

When Keith was upset or angry, Lance would know just how to calm him down and make him think of other things. If Lance was stressed, Keith would know just how to get him talking about something that excited him and got his mind off things. Whenever something silly or funny happened at school, Keith would immediately text Lance about it because he knew he'd get a laugh out of it. Whenever Lance saw a cool looking knife or heard about a new conspiracy theory, he'd send it to Keith because he knew he enjoyed that stuff.

Keith was in so deep with Lance already, he knew it was only a matter of time before he slipped up. He was simultaneously looking forward to and dreading getting to meet him tomorrow. The looking forward to part was obvious, but the dread was due to the fact that Keith knew getting to meet the boy with the sun in his smile in real life would just make his crush so much stronger.

Eventually Lance had to go downstairs for dinner while Keith had to pack his bags. They said their goodbyes and Keith promised to text Lance when they were leaving in the morning, and the call ended.

A few hours later when Keith was finally going to sleep, a ding from his phone alerted him, and he grabbed his phone to see who had messaged him.

**Lance** : God I can't wait for tomorrow!!!

**Lance** : See u soon Keith, sleep well :)

Keith smiled at the messages, the butterflies erupting again for a moment as he read them. Lance was so thoughtful sometimes, and it was the little things like this that made his heart stutter whenever he talked to the boy.

This was gonna be an interesting few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there wasn't more shatt at the end but I've been in a klance mood for the past few weeks and just wanted to get some of that good shit right in there ;))
> 
> Also finally Pidge got a new nickname thanks to my good ol friend @vallraiene for pointing that out 
> 
> I hope you guys liked it! Let me know in the comments what you thought!
> 
> My Tumblr (don't be shy send a message! I wanna hear from you guys!): zarkondoms.tumblr.com  
> -  
> hi children this is vallraiene
> 
> true friendship is logging into your friend's account to fix formatting errors 
> 
> bye


	13. are my nudes any good?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro, Matt, and Keith make their way down south and Allura needs some advice
> 
> POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains an adult sending nudes to minors (but not in a sexual way)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Let me tell you, I wasn't expecting to finish this chapter so soon after the last one but when a friend of mine gave me inspiration for one of the main events of this chapter I wanted to write it as soon as possible
> 
> Also holy shit I was not intending for this chapter to be this long but here we are hot damn 
> 
> (it's 23 google doc pages)
> 
> Thank you guys so much for all your comments on the last chapter! I'm really glad you guys enjoyed Keith's horrid use of 'yaint' just as much as I did lol
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

“Matt, you better hurry the fuck up, we were supposed to leave fifteen minutes ago!” Keith shouted into the house, his annoyance with Matt clear in his voice.

 

“Chill your tits Keith, you're gonna get to see your boyfriend soon enough.” Matt said as he strolled down the stairs, duffel bag in hand. Keith balked at this, his cheeks blooming bright red before turning to glare at the man. 

 

“For the last damn time, he’s not my boyfriend!” He insisted, practically tearing the duffel bag out of Matt’s hands before turning on his heel to stalk to the car. Matt smirked and trailed after him, casually running a hand through his hair before speaking again.

 

“Okay fine, he's not your boyfriend… but you want him to be.” Keith sighed deeply, not looking at Matt as he threw his duffel bag into the back of the car. When he finally spared a glance he saw Matt was leaning against the car, casually wiping his glasses on his shirt as he waited for a response. 

 

“...Fine! I admit it! Maybe I do kinda sort-of like him.” Keith admitted, cursing Matt for his persistence. Matt chuckled, making Keith frown. Why was Matt doing this? Why was he so interested in Keith’s love life?

 

“So… do you think he likes you back?” Matt asked, raising one eyebrow. 

 

“Probably not.” He answered, fiddling with his fingers. 

 

“Why?” Keith blinked, trying to think of a response to Matt’s simply inquiry. Why did he think Lance wouldn't like him back? He had never thought about the possibility of the feelings being mutual much before, always assuming it was impossible for Lance to have a crush on him without actually meeting him in person, but wasn't Keith exactly in that position? 

 

“I… I dunno, I just thought since we'd never met in person-”

 

“Look, Keithy boy, lemme stop you right there. Firstly, you have a crush on him despite never meeting him so he can totally have a crush on you too. Secondly, Lance definitely has a major crush on you, everyone in the chat can see it.” Keith gasped slightly, before frowning again and shaking his head.

 

“How do you know that?” Matt laughed.

 

“Let's call it a fellow piner’s intuition.” Shiro finally came out of the house, prompting Matt to get off of the car and turn to help Shiro carry his bags. But before he walked away to where Shiro was checking his pockets for something, he gave one last look at Keith. 

 

“Just a word of advice: after this trip you don't know when you're gonna see him in person again. Make the most of it.” Then Matt proceeded to run and jump on Shiro’s back, peppering his cheeks with kisses like an oversized five year old.

 

“But you didn't even make the first move!” Keith called back, earning him a middle finger from his brother’s boyfriend. Keith just groaned and got in the backseat, shortly followed by Shiro and Matt, but as he pulled out his phone he couldn't help but replay Matt’s advice. 

 

This  _ was  _ his only opportunity in the foreseeable future to possibly get his feelings out there. If he didn't tell Lance on this trip, he'd probably regret it. But then again, he and Lance had grown to become close friends over the past couple months. One of his closest friends in fact. Did he really wanna risk that?

 

Before he could think about it further however, his phone buzzed loudly, and he was sucked into the normal drama of the groupchat. 

 

~

**PigeonKiller:** KEITH

 

**PigeonKiller:** WHERE IS THAT GAY NERD I NEED HIM

 

**Yaint:** Jeez Pidge chill I'm right here

 

**Yaint:** What's wrong??

 

**PigeonKiller:** well first off have u guys left yet

 

**Yaint:** Ya we just pulled out of the driveway

 

**PigeonKiller:** HECK YECK

 

**PigeonKiller:** Also THERE WAS ANOTHER BIGFOOT SPOTTING

 

**Yaint:** WHAT

 

**DrFuckMe:** _ this  _ is what you were screaming about?

 

**GordonRamsey:** Oh god not more conspiracy stuff

 

**PigeonKiller:** SHUT UR FUCKS AND LET US BE EXCITED

 

**PigeonKiller:** BUT YEAH KEITH THERE WAS A SITING AND A NEW PHOTO

 

**Yaint:** HELL YES

 

**GorgeousMan:** I've met Bigfoot before!

 

**GorgeousMan:** Quite a friendly chap if I do say so myself, a bit shy though

 

**Yaint:** _ WHAT _

 

**PigeonKiller:** CORAN TELL US EVERYTHING

 

**DrFuckMe:** Please not in this chat

 

**PigeonKiller:** ugh fine ill grill u about it later k Coran?

 

**GorgeousMan:** Righty-o!

 

**patmatt:** hey losers we’re on our way

 

**GordonRamsey:** Yeah Keith already told us

 

**patmatt:** fuck

 

**Tinydick:** OH HELL YEAH 

 

**Tinydick:** I'm so fucking pumped

 

**Yaint:** Hi Lance

 

**Tinydick:** Hi Keith!!!

 

**PigeonKiller:** heya lance where u been

 

**Tinydick:** helping my mom with Toni and Camilla

 

**GordonRamsey:** Did they enjoy the cookies I made for them??

 

**Tinydick:** Oh Hunk they  _ LOVED  _ them

 

**GordonRamsey:** Yay I'm glad!!

 

**patmatt:** since he's driving Shiro wants me to ask how everyone's day is going 

 

**Tinydick:** ITS GONNA BE GREAT CUZ IM GONNA GET TO MEET YOU ALL

 

**PigeonKiller:** don't u mean since ur gonna get to meet keith?

 

**Tinydick:** Not just Keith!!! I'm friends with Shiro and Matt too!!!

 

**GordonRamsey:** We all know you're thrilled to meet Keith, Lance

 

**Tinydick:** Well obviously, he's one of my closest friends

 

**Yaint:** I’m really excited to meet you too, Lance :)

 

**Tinydick:** :D

 

**patmatt:** this is so cute i might just puke

 

**Yaint:** Says the one holding my brother’s hand as he drives

 

**PigeonKiller:** Oooo he’s got u matt

 

**patmatt:** shut it katie

 

**GordonRamsey:** FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh hunk real quick

 

**DrFuckMe:** I have a question for you

 

**DrFuckMe:** Would you mind if I pmed you?

 

**GordonRamsey:** Yeah no problem, Allura!

 

**PigeonKiller:** oooo secrets

 

**patmatt:** shiro wants me to tell you ahead of time no hacking into hunk’s account so you can see what allura is talking to him about

 

**PigeonKiller:** goddammit

 

**Tinydick:** Wait have you hacked into our accounts before??

 

**PigeonKiller:** Uh, yeah? Duh

 

**Tinydick:** HOW MUCH HAVE YOU SEEN

 

**PigeonKiller:** well for one i’ve seen ur dick way more than i would’ve liked to

 

**Tinydick:** PIDGE!!!

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-ThePrincess to SunnyHunk-**

 

**ThePrincess:** Alright Hunk so we’re pretty close right?

 

**SunnyHunk:** I’d like to think so, especially since we have weekly skype calls gossiping about our friends

 

**ThePrincess:** And you’re ace, correct?

 

**SunnyHunk:** Yup

 

**ThePrincess:** Ok so you totally don’t have to do this if you feel uncomfortable 

 

**ThePrincess:** But I’ve been texting this girl lately 

 

**SunnyHunk:** Ooooo~

 

**ThePrincess:** And things have gotten a bit… heated

 

**SunnyHunk:** Go on

 

**ThePrincess:** Basically what I’m saying is I wanna send nudes to her but I can’t tell if they’re good or not and I need another opinion!

 

**SunnyHunk:** OH

 

**ThePrincess:** If you don’t feel comfortable that is completely fine I’ll get someone else to give me an opinion

 

**SunnyHunk:** Oh no it’s completely fine!! I don’t have a problem with it, I just don’t know if I’d be able to give a good opinion since I’m ace and all

 

**ThePrincess:** Hmm, well can I just send them to you anyway and tell me what you think?

 

**SunnyHunk:** Yeah sure!

 

**ThePrincess:** THANK YOU SO MUCH

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**SunnyHunk:** Oh

 

**SunnyHunk:** Well

 

**SunnyHunk:** Those look good to me

 

**SunnyHunk:** I mean idk how nudes are really supposed to look

 

**SunnyHunk:** I think they look pretty good?

 

**SunnyHunk:** Honestly I’m probably not the best person to ask about this

 

**ThePrincess:** Hmm, well thank you anyway, Hunk

 

**SunnyHunk:** You could try Pidge, they’re ace too

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh! Good idea!

 

~

 

**PigeonKiller:** ok so i managed to hack into sarah palin’s facebook account what do i say

 

**patmatt:** something about covfefe

 

**Yaint:** oh god not covfefe

 

**PigeonKiller:** ‘covfefe 4 lyfe! XD’

 

**Tinydick:** tbh that seems like something she’d actually say

 

**patmatt:** KDFSJLDFK DO IT KATIE

 

**PigeonKiller:** It is done

 

**GorgeousMan:** You are quite talented, Pidge!

 

**PigeonKiller:** thanks Coran! 

 

**GorgeousMan:** You remind me of this young person I once was on an espionage mission with

 

**GorgeousMan:** They ended up sending a nuclear bomb to Mars on my orders!

 

**PigeonKiller:** IS THAT WHAT THOSE WEIRD READINGS I GOT FROM SPACE WERE A FEW YEARS BACK

 

**DrFuckMe:** PIDGE

 

**PigeonKiller:** yo allura what’s up

 

**DrFuckMe:** Do you have a free moment? I need to pm you about something

 

**PigeonKiller:** is it the same thing you pmed hunk about?

 

**DrFuckMe:** Yes, he couldn’t help me but hopefully you could

 

**PigeonKiller:** sure go ahead

 

**DrFuckMe:** THANK YOU

 

**Tinydick:** Im so curious as to what this is now

 

**patmatt:** same

 

**GorgeousMan:** As am I!

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-ThePrincess to Pidgeotto-**

 

**ThePrincess:** Okay so Pidge

 

**ThePrincess:** You’re ace right?

 

**ThePrincess:** and a girl?

 

**Pidgeotto:** well u got 1 out of the 2 right

 

**Pidgeotto:** im nonbinary but ya i’m ace

 

**Pidgeotto:** and if u mean biologically ya im female

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh I’m so sorry!

 

**ThePrincess:** I forgot you were nb!

 

**Pidgeotto:** lol it’s k i don’t care i know it was a mistake

 

**Pidgeotto:** so what’s up

 

**ThePrincess:** Well I’ve been texting this girl for a while now

 

**Pidgeotto:** oh this is already good

 

**ThePrincess:** And recently things have gotten a bit more… intense

 

**Pidgeotto:** ooooo ;))))

 

**ThePrincess:** Now you definitely do not have to do this if you don’t want to

 

**ThePrincess:** But I want to send her some nudes of mine

 

**ThePrincess:** But I can’t tell if they’re good or not

 

**Pidgeotto:** Oh I will definitely give you an opinion on those if you need me to

 

**ThePrincess:** Really?! Thank you, Pidge!

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**ThePrincess:** What do you think of those?

 

**ThePrincess:** Pidge? You there?

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-Pidgeotto to SunnyHunk-**

 

**Pidgeotto:** HUNK I’M DEAD SHE’S SO HOT

 

**SunnyHunk:** There there

 

**Pidgeotto:** FUCK I’M SO GAY BUT I’M ALSO SO ACE

 

**Pidgeotto:** EITHER WAY I’M  D E C E A S E D

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-ThePrincess to Pidgeotto-**

 

**ThePrincess:** Pidge?

 

**Pidgeotto:** sorry! Sorry! I’m here

 

**Pidgeotto:** I got sucked into something w/ my parents

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh that’s alright!

 

**Pidgeotto:** But yeah those photos look great

 

**Pidgeotto:** I mean I’m ace so you might wanna get a second opinion

 

**ThePrincess:** Who would you recommend?

 

**Pidgeotto:** Well hmm

 

**Pidgeotto:** Shiro is a rlly respectful dude and he’s not ace so i bet he could give u a proper opinion w/out being weird about it

 

**ThePrincess:** Ah, great idea! Thank you, Pidge!

 

**Pidgeotto:** No prob

 

~

 

In that moment, Shiro, Matt, and Keith were all sitting inside an In N Out, digging into their burgers and fries as all their phones buzzed continuously. While Keith had at first been averse to the idea of stopping their road trip down south, his growling stomach due to lack of breakfast combined with Shiro’s authority made for a breakfast stop. 

 

“What the hell are you doing this time, Matt?” Keith asked, taking a bite of his burger as he watched the older man dip a fry into his vanilla shake. 

 

“Making my fries even more delicious than they already are, obviously!” Matt said, rolling his eyes at Keith’s ignorance. Keith recoiled, curling his lip in disgust as Matt popped the fry into his mouth. 

 

“That looks disgusting.” He said as he swirled his fry in ketchup. Matt gasped, grabbing his chest in fake shock and pressing up against Shiro’s side. 

 

“Excuse you! You haven’t even tried it!” 

 

“I don’t need to, it looks disgusting and that’s enough for me.” Keith was resolute in his opinion, and Matt was determined to change it. He looked to Shiro for back up, who raised his hands in surrender. 

 

“I haven’t tried it either so I can’t give an opinion, but I wouldn’t be totally against it.” Shiro said, leaning over to see Matt swirling yet another fry in the frothy ice cream concoction. Matt then held up the fry and nearly shoved it in Shiro’s face.

 

“Well you can try it now!” He said, waving the fry near Shiro’s mouth. Shiro’s eyes widened in surprise, before he hesitantly opened his mouth for Matt to pop the french fry into. After a few seconds of chewing and then swallowing, a contemplative expression on his face, he took a deep breath and then spoke. 

 

“That is… that’s actually pretty good!” Matt whooped in triumph while Keith groaned. 

 

“Wow, now I’ve been betrayed by my own brother.  _ Again _ .” Keith said in a grumpy tone, rolling his eyes as he remembered when Shiro explained the name Akira to the chat. 

 

“Oh c’mon Keith, just try it!” Shiro said, holding a fry out to him while Matt clung to his side. Keith smacked it out of his hand. 

 

“Nope, not going to.” Keith shook his head, leaning back in his seat. 

 

“Keith, if you’re never gonna try anything new how are you gonna find-” Shiro was cut off by a ping going off on his phone, and he put the french fry down to check out what was going on. “Hm, Allura sent me a message. I wonder what this could be about.” Matt and Keith stayed quiet as Shiro read Allura’s request, and both became confused when Shiro’s cheeks grew bright red while his eyes widened with shock. 

 

“What is it? Is that was she was messaging Hunk and Katie about?” Matt said, trying to sneak a glance at Shiro’s phone over his shoulder. Shiro gently pushed him back, keeping the phone out of view. 

 

He seemed to pause and think deeply about whatever it was Allura was saying to him. After a few seconds, he nodded to himself and turned to Matt, whispering something in his ear which caused the brunet to begin laughing uncontrollably. 

 

“Oh my god she asked you  _ what _ ?!” Shiro shushed him, looking around the diner to ensure none of the other patrons were listening in. 

 

“You heard me! Obviously I don’t wanna say yes to something like that without my boyfriend’s permission!” Shiro hissed between clenched teeth. 

 

“Dude go ahead! This is hilarious, Allura is so ballsy man.” Matt said between giggles. Keith frowned and looked between the two, very perplexed. Shiro nodded and stood up, exiting the restaurant and going to the car. Keith turned his gaze to Matt for some kind of explanation, and he leaned forward in a conspiratorial manner, gesturing for Keith to do the same. 

 

“Allura is sending nudes to some chick and she wants Shiro’s opinion on them before she sends them.” Matt whispered, which caused Keith to nearly choke on his soda before looking out to the car with wide eyes. 

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-ThePrincess to shiro-**

 

**ThePrincess:** If this makes you uncomfortable that’s fine, it’s just Pidge and Hunk weren’t of much assistance and Pidge recommended I speak to you

 

**shiro:** No! It’s fine Allura, don’t worry, I just had to ask Matt for permission first

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh yes, that’s perfectly understandable, did he agree?

 

**shiro:** yeah he had no issue with it whatsoever

 

**shiro:** In fact, he even said he admires how ballsy you are

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh, tell him I said thank you

 

**ThePrincess:** Also I’ll send the photos rn

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**shiro:** Oh

 

**shiro:** well those are

 

**shiro:** one sec

 

~

 

If Shiro was ever thinking of how he might die, he wouldn’t have placed his money on spontaneous combustion.

 

But here he was.

 

In a car. 

 

Looking at nudes from a very beautiful woman. 

 

He was going to die from blushing so much, wasn’t he?

 

~

 

**shiro:** sorry, had to leave the in and out

 

**ThePrincess:** oh alright

 

**ThePrincess:** So what did you think?

 

**shiro:** Well I thought they were very nice

 

**shiro:** But well

 

**shiro:** I’m not exactly a good judge on these things

 

**shiro:** Sexting was never really my 

 

**shiro:** um

 

**shiro:** _ thing _

 

**ThePrincess:** Ah, understandable

 

**ThePrincess:** Thanks anyway, Shiro

 

**ThePrincess:** I wonder who I should ask next then

 

**ThePrincess:** Keith possibly?

 

**ThePrincess:** If you’d be alright with that of course

 

**shiro:** I mean you could but keith’s never really been into girls 

 

**shiro:** Like ever

 

**shiro:** so I don’t know how well that would go

 

**ThePrincess:** Well it’s worth a shot

 

~

 

After Shiro walked back into the restaurant, as red as a tomato, the boys finished up their food rather quickly and got back in the car much to Keith’s relief. He wanted to get to San Diego as soon as possible, and was anxious to get back on the road, however entertaining their pit stop might’ve been. 

 

Once they had started driving, Matt’s gentle teasing of Shiro about Allura’s nudes settled into the background as Keith looked back to his phone, shooting messages to Lance about their whereabouts. 

 

**Lance:** Dude I can guarantee that Hunk and I are gonna make u the best motherfricking pie you’ve ever had

 

**Keith:** You’re helping to cook it??

 

**Lance:** Well

 

**Lance:** No

 

**Lance:** But I’m sitting in the kitchen for moral support

 

**Keith:** gj

 

It was after a few minutes of this casual back and forth that Keith received another pm, this time not from Lance. Raising one eyebrow in confusion, he nearly groaned when he saw Allura’s username on his phone. 

 

“Oh god, I think Allura’s gonna send me her nudes next.” He said, making Shiro bark in surprised laughter. 

 

“Uh, yeah, sorry about that Keith. She was wondering who else she could ask when I wasn’t of much help and she asked about you and I explained that you were never really into girls but I guess she decided to try you anyway.” He explained, making Keith groan even louder.

 

“Just let me be gay in peace.” He cursed, running his hands through his hair. 

 

“Why hasn’t she asked me? For all she knows I could be a great judge of nudes!” Matt said in mock hurt. 

 

“Matt, as lovable as a person you are she’s only known you three days.” Shiro said, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand from where it sat on the center console. 

 

“Matt, you’re also very gay, like me. I don’t think you’re gonna be of much help either.” Keith added. 

 

“Excuse you! I may be gay but I can still appreciate the curve of a woman’s- yeah, no, never mind, I can’t lie to myself like that.” Shiro and Keith both chuckled at Matt’s ‘admission’ and the car went quiet again, leaving Keith no option but to open the message from Allura. 

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-ThePrincess to Shuturfuck-**

 

**ThePrincess:** Hey Keith, would you mind doing me a favor?

 

**Shuturfuck:** Look Allura I’m gonna say this flat out

 

**Shuturfuck:** I’m gay as fuck and so I’m gonna be no help giving you an opinion on your nudes

 

**ThePrincess:** HOW-

 

**ThePrincess:** HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS GOING TO ASK THAT?!

 

**Shuturfuck:** When u asked Shiro he had to ask Matt for permission, and then Matt told me

 

**ThePrincess:** Goddammit

 

**ThePrincess:** I just really want to send her some good ones and I mean I’ve done this before I’m just feeling rather nervous for some reason

 

**ThePrincess:** And no one has been able to give me a good opinion!

 

**Shuturfuck:** Have you asked Lance?

 

**ThePrincess:** Keith

 

**ThePrincess:** Are you joking me right now

 

**ThePrincess:** Lance is the  _ last _ person I want to see me naked

 

**Shuturfuck:** Allura hear me out

 

**Shuturfuck:** I know he can come off like a total fuckboi

 

**Shuturfuck:** Which he kinda is tbh

 

**Shuturfuck:** But he’s not gross or anything

 

**Shuturfuck:** He respects you as a friend and I doubt he’d make things weird if you asked him not to

 

**ThePrincess:** Well

 

**ThePrincess:** He hasn’t really flirted with me much since the beginning of the chat

 

**Shuturfuck:** Yeah he hasn’t

 

**Shuturfuck:** Lance has a lot of experience in this area as we ALL know

 

**Shuturfuck:** And if ur straightforward with him and ask him not to be weird about this I bet you’ll get the opinion you’re looking for

 

**ThePrincess:** Hmm

 

**ThePrincess:** I wasn’t even considering him as an option but you’re making it sound like a better and better idea by the second

 

**Shuturfuck:** Well it’s either him or Matt

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh god

 

**ThePrincess:** Yeah I’m gonna go ask Lance

 

**Shuturfuck:** Probably for the best

 

~

 

**patmatt:** ok nerds guess what we’re gonna be in sd in 30 min or less

 

**patmatt:** HA! I BEAT YOU THIS TIME AKIRA

 

**Yaint:** oh boy my pride has been ruined how will I ever recover from this

 

**PigeonKiller:** the amount of sarcasm in that single message is impressive

 

**GordonRamsey:** Tru

 

**Tinydick:** 30 MINUTES HELL YES

 

**Tinydick:** I’M GIVING ALL THREE OF YOU GIANT HUGS

 

**patmatt:** IM DOWN FOR HUGS

 

**patmatt:** so is shiro

 

**GordonRamsey:** You should give keith the longest hug though

 

**Tinydick:** Well obviously

 

**patmatt:** he’s blushing

 

**Yaint:** SHUT IT MATT

 

**PigeonKiller:** matt u know as well as i do not to test keith

 

**patmatt:** oh really? What’s he gonna do? Stab me?

 

**GordonRamsey:** Famous last words

 

**Yaint:** I have a knife collection

 

**Yaint:** Don’t test me

 

**patmatt:** do it

 

**patmatt:** I dare u

 

**GorgeousMan:** Don’t bait someone with a knife collection

 

**PigeonKiller:** Let me guess

 

**PigeonKiller:** You teased someone with a knife collection and got stabbed?

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh no, I was never that foolish!

 

**GorgeousMan:** I was the one with the knife collection!

 

**GordonRamsey:** O.O

 

**PigeonKiller:** _ oh _

 

**GordonRamsey:** I know u can’t say anything outright

 

**GordonRamsey:** But if u  _ were _ to have killed more than one person

 

**GordonRamsey:** How many might it be?

 

**GorgeousMan:** Well in a completely  _ hypothetical  _ situation

 

**GorgeousMan:** I lost count a while back but

 

**GorgeousMan:** at least 10

 

**GorgeousMan:** probably closer to 15

 

**Yaint:** holy fuck

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh jesus Uncle stop saying things that will get you arrested

 

**GorgeousMan:** It was  _ HYPOTHETICAL _ , Allura!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Well anyway

 

**DrFuckMe:** Lance, do you have a spare moment?

 

**GordonRamsey:** oh god

 

**Yaint:** here it is

 

**Tinydick:** Yeah I’m just watching Hunk decorate the pie rn

 

**Tinydick:** is this the same thing you asked pidge and hunk?

 

**PigeonKiller:** And Shiro

 

**Yaint:** And me

 

**DrFuckMe:** None of them could help

 

**DrFuckMe:** You’ll understand once I pm you

 

**Tinydick:** Alrighty

 

**GorgeousMan:** Do you need help with something, Allura?

 

**DrFuckMe:** _ NO UNCLE YOU DON’T NEED TO HELP ME WITH THIS _

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh alright then!

 

**GorgeousMan:** I’m here if you need me though!

 

**PigeonKiller:** fldksfjdklf

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-ThePrincess to thetailor-**

 

**ThePrincess:** Okay Lance

 

**ThePrincess:** Before I explain what my situation is

 

**ThePrincess:** I need you to promise you won’t make any obscene sexual comments or flirtatious advances towards me

 

**ThePrincess:** Or else I won’t tell you

 

**thetailor:** Dude Allura of course I can stop the flirting and stuff

 

**thetailor:** if it makes you really uncomfortable I can stop it entirely?? I just kinda thought it was a funny joke but if not I’ll totally stop

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh no it’s fine!

 

**ThePrincess:** I find it rather amusing actually, you remind me of a cousin I had

 

**ThePrincess:** But anyway so the thing is

 

**ThePrincess:** There’s this girl I’ve been texting and hanging out with lately

 

**thetailor:** _ go on _

 

**ThePrincess:** And lately things have gotten a bit…

 

**thetailor:** sexy?

 

**ThePrincess:** YES

 

**ThePrincess:** And 

 

**ThePrincess:** Well

 

**ThePrincess:** I wanted to send her some pictures

 

**ThePrincess:** And not the uh

 

**ThePrincess:** normal kind

 

**thetailor:** you wanna send her nudes but you aren’t sure if they’re good or not?

 

**ThePrincess:** YES

 

**ThePrincess:** How did u know??

 

**ThePrincess:** Did Keith, Pidge, Hunk, or Shiro tell you??

 

**thetailor:** nah it’s just fellow sexters intuition

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh

 

**ThePrincess:** Alright then

 

**ThePrincess:** So you’re okay with it?

 

**thetailor:** _ duh _

 

**ThePrincess:** THANK YOU SO MUCH

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**thetailor:** o shit

 

**thetailor:** that’s hot

 

**ThePrincess:** _ Lance _

 

**thetailor:** right! No sexy comments, sorry!

 

**thetailor:** hmm well

 

**thetailor:** your lingerie is great and the lighting is fantastic

 

**thetailor:** but your angle…

 

**thetailor:** and the  _ hair _

 

**thetailor:** get ur hair off ur tits Allura that’s what the camera is here for

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh

 

**ThePrincess:** Alright one sec

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**ThePrincess:** How’s this??

 

**thetailor:** BETTER

 

**thetailor:** but not perfect

 

**thetailor:** angle is better and ur hair looks pretty cool splayed behind you like that

 

**thetailor:** but u should be doing something with your face

 

**ThePrincess:** Like what?

 

**thetailor:** Idk like make a cute or flirty expression? Maybe have a bit of tongue sticking out

 

**ThePrincess:** Hmm ok

 

**ThePrincess:** [image.jpg]

 

**ThePrincess:** How’s this?

 

**thetailor:** OH THAT’S GOOD

 

**thetailor:** that’s ur money shot right there, Allura

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh my god thank you so much, Lance!

 

**thetailor:** no problem!

 

**thetailor:** I've become quite skilled at the art of getting and taking nudes ;)))

 

**ThePrincess:** Don't ruin it

 

**thetailor:** got it

 

~

 

**patmatt:** Katie (& company)

 

**patmatt:** Shiro would like me to inform you guys that we are 2 minutes away from the house

 

**PigeonKiller:** HELL YES

 

**Tinydick:** WOOHOO IM SO HYPED

 

**DrFuckMe:** Make sure to take a lot of pictures for Coran and I!

 

**GordonRamsey:** Oh don't worry Allura, I'm gonna keep you in the loop

 

**DrFuckMe:** Thank you :)

 

**PigeonKiller:** I CALL DIBS ON HUGGING MATT FIRST

 

**Tinydick:** THEN I CALL DIBS ON HUGGING KEITH FIRST

 

**GordonRamsey:** Shiro that leaves me to give you a giant bear hug

 

**patmatt:** He says he's ready 

 

**Tinydick:** Let’s go wait outside for them!!!

 

**PigeonKiller:** You got it dude

 

~

 

Keith shifted anxiously in his seat, his stomach doing flip flops as they pulled down the street of Matt and Pidge’s house. His fingers drummed against the seat as the house came into view, and he noticed three figures standing in the driveway. 

 

“Is the guy in yellow Hunk?” Matt asked.

 

“Yeah, that's him.” Shiro replied, pressing on the brakes as they pulled in front of the driveway.

 

“He's so big… He’s like a teddy bear…” While Matt seemed to be in awe of Hunk’s size, Keith was more focused on the boy standing next to him. 

 

Lance was smiling widely, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. Hunk put an arm around Lance’s shoulders to calm him as the car pulled to a complete stop, and Shiro put the car in park before cutting the engine. 

 

“KATIE!” Matt practically barreled out of the car like a madman, running towards his sister. Pidge met him halfway and jumped into his arms. She laughed as Matt swung her around like a ragdoll, her legs nearly hitting Hunk in the face. 

 

Keith and Shiro filed out a bit more calmly, but they were met with no less of a warm welcome. 

 

Hunk walked over to where Shiro was and held out his arms for a hug, which Shiro quickly returned. Keith was surprised to notice Hunk was taller than his brother, which was no easy feat to accomplish, but his attention was quickly diverted by the figure standing in front of him.

 

“H-Hey Lance.” Keith said, giving a small wave to the boy. Lance looked like he was in shock, staring blankly at Keith. It was only for a second however, before the spell broke and his radiant grin returned full force. 

 

“KEITH!” He shouted, wrapping his arms around Keith’s frame and squeezing tightly. Keith smiled back and returned the hug, his stomach practically doing barrel rolls at this point as several realizations came to mind.

 

  1. Lance was taller than he expected. Taller than him at least, which wasn't a difficult thing to accomplish with Keith’s rather average height of 5’9”
  2. Lance had freckles. They were only slightly more noticeable than Keith’s own very subtle set of freckles, but they were there nonetheless. Soft dark speckles that trailed across his shoulders and onto his face in small clusters reminiscent of the stars. 
  3. His eyes were a stunning shade of deep blue, a shade that one only saw in the deepest depths of the ocean, and Keith knew he was completely screwed as soon as he made that comparison.



 

They remained in the hug for a few moments, just breathing in the scent of the other as Keith’s stomach continued to do complete flip flops. Eventually though, a cough sounded from the side and they both separated from each other to see the rest of the group staring at them with knowing grins. Keith and Lance both blushed, but before either could say anything Hunk ran over and picked Keith up in a giant bear hug, leading to him squealing in surprise. 

 

“GROUP HUG EVERYONE!” Hunk shouted, leading to the rest of the group surrounding Hunk and Keith, all laughing as the poor boy in the center got the breath squeezed out of him. Despite not being able to breathe, Keith had to admit he was very happy to be surrounded by those he would now consider to be his closest friends. 

 

“Wait, Hunk, is the pie done yet?” Matt asked, his voice muffled from Shiro’s chest which his face was pressed into. 

 

“OH SHIT THE PIE!” Instantly the giant hug fell apart as Hunk dropped Keith and ran back into the house, moving much faster than one would expect for someone of his size. Keith had to take a few breaths as spots cleared from his vision, and the rest of the group began to filter inside with laughter floating in the air. Soon enough Keith’s vision cleared, and he was about to follow everyone else into the house when he felt a hand grab his shoulder, and glanced up to see it was Lance smiling at him.

 

“You okay there?” He asked, casually shifting so his arm was around Keith’s shoulders before leading them towards the Holt house. 

 

“I’m fine, Hunk is just really really strong.” Keith explained, which made Lance chuckle. 

 

“Yeah, he can get a little over enthusiastic with the hugs.” Lance said, moving away from Keith to hold open the door to the house for him. “Now come on, let’s hurry up before Matt eats all the pie!” 

 

Keith laughed and followed Lance into the house, thinking to himself that this was going to be a great couple of days. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO THE NUDES THING WAS INSPIRED BY MY ONE OF MY FRIENDS TEXTING ME AND ASKING FOR OPINIONS ON THEIR NUDES SINCE I'M ACE AND ALL AND I WAS LIKE 'I CAN USE THIS'
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed that little mini plot event as much as I did, I'm debating whether or not to go more in depth on the girl Allura's dating or not (she would most likely be an oc just for the record. i would have it be shay because that ship is adorable but I'm thinking she's gonna come into the story later) so please let me know what you think about that!
> 
> As always, let me know if you enjoyed in the comments! Thank you guys so much ily all!
> 
> My tumblr (pls message me i love you guys)  
> zarkondoms.tumblr.com


	14. mario kart ruins everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone makes the mistake of playing Mario Kart, Hunk questions Coran a little too much, and Keith and Lance continue to be Gay and Oblivious™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for a bit of this chapter I decided to change the narrative style of this one for no reason other than I felt like being sarcastic and slightly 4th wall breaking. I hope no one minds, keep in mind I started this chapter on my second flight of the day that was leaving at 10:05 AT NIGHT, so I may or may not have been a little bit tired (I say as I type this a week later at 12:30 am).
> 
> But yeah sorry it took over a week for me to update this!! I just got kinda stuck in a spot and my brain kept skipping through other fic ideas and stuff (which will probably never see the light of day but oh well) so I couldn't concentrate much on this until today when I buckled down and wrote the rest of it. 
> 
> Also holy shit we have over 5500 hits!!! How INSANE is that? (this is the most popular fic I've ever written oh dear lord why) thank you guys so much for all the love and support you've given me with this. I probably never would've continued it if it hadn't been for all your kind comments and kudos and stuff, so thank you.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!

As was to be expected, Hunk’s pie was delicious.

 

After the arrival of Shiro, Matt, and Keith, it wasn't long before Hunk’s labor of love was completely devoured by the 5 hungry people he had made it for. That's not to say it was separated into equal amounts however. Whereas Shiro and Keith only had one slice each, Matt had somewhere around 3 slices just for himself. Pidge followed close behind with 2 slices, and Lance had 1.5 slices. 

 

Hunk knew his friends liked to eat so he made a big pie for them so everyone had enough.

 

They appreciated Hunk.

 

We should all appreciate Hunk.

 

After the eating of the pie, it only took a few minutes for the group to figure out what to do next. Now, they could've done something that was in good nature, something that would've strengthened their familial bonds and be seen in some kind of feel good found family movie.

 

But instead they chose Mario Kart, which is also known as: destroyer of friendships. 

 

Monopoly also has this title, but they didn't want to play Monopoly.

 

There was a bit of discussion on if they should play in teams or go solo, and ultimately the decision was to go for teams. When they tried to choose teams there was so much arguing Hunk decided to veto everyone else's opinions and just put their names in a randomizer.

 

Team 1:

Keith

Pidge

Hunk

 

Team 2:

Lance

Matt

Shiro

 

While Lance bemoaned being stuck on a team against Pidge, aka the ultimate Mario Kart player, his attitude quickly changed when he learned that Matt and Shiro were the actual kings of Mario Kart back in high school. 

 

Then it was time to choose the characters, and it took much  _ much  _ longer than it should have. But eventually it was done, and the group was ready to play.

 

Keith: Bowser

Pidge: Toad

Hunk: Luigi

 

Lance: Waluigi

Matt: Rosalina

Shiro: Mario

 

“You better watch out, Keith. Not only do I have your brother on my team, I'm a pretty good player myself.” Lance teased as the course loaded. Keith looked over in surprise, before a smug grin made its way onto his face as he accepted the challenging bait.

 

“You might think having my brother is an advantage, but I know all of his Mario Kart secrets. Also, you forget, I have Pidge.” If there was one thing everyone knew about Pidge, it was that she was a literal  _ God _ at Mario Kart. 

 

“Yeah, but I have Matt.” Lance tried to counter.

 

“But this is  _ Pidge _ .” Keith responded, leaning forward in his seat on the faded brown couch to see the screen better. 

 

“Maybe if you both stopped flirting and paid attention to the screen you would notice we’re about to start.” Pidge deadpanned. Keith and Lance both immediately shut up and turned their attention to the screen, watching the numbers count down. 

 

3,

 

2,

 

1,

 

**GO**

 

“HELL YEAH!” Lance shouted when he got the starting boost. Pidge let out a similar whoop for the same reason, and the game was off. 

 

“DID YOU JUST BLUESHELL ME?!” Lance screeched at Keith who just laughed in response as he overtook Lance’s position.

 

“HUNK I LOVE YOU BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS!” Matt said right before setting a banana peel right in front of the baker’s character. 

 

“MATT YOU’RE A DEAD MAN!” Pidge shrieked, losing her position in 1st place. 

 

“Shiro you will regret this.” Keith said calmly after being redshelled by the man in question for the millionth time. Shiro mentally said goodbye to all his socks because he knew Keith was most likely going to cut holes in them for vengeance. It was still worth it.

 

“YOU KNOW WHAT LANCE DO YOU WANNA MEET ME IN THE FUCKING PIT BECAUSE I’M READY TO GO!” Pidge had just gotten bombed by Lance. 

 

“I'm never playing Mario Kart with you guys again.” Said Hunk, the only sane one of the group who was very tired of all the screaming. 

 

After several rounds and a multitude of wins and cuss words, it was determined that…

 

They had a tie.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Pidge said, raising one eyebrow at Hunk who had tallied the scores.

 

“Nope, we tied.” Hunk said. “And before any of you heathens even suggest it, we are  _ not  _ playing another round to break it. I need my sanity in order to cook.” They all groaned but obeyed Hunk’s wishes considering he was the chef of the household, and they wanted him to be able to cook for them again. 

 

“Well… what do we do now?” Lance asked after a moment of silence. The group looked around at each other, before Matt’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. 

 

“We could watch a movie!” 

 

“Okay I'm down, but you are  _ not _ picking the movie.” Pidge said, making everyone murmur in agreement. Matt groaned and threw his head back into Shiro’s chest, who just patted his wild brown hair in a consoling manner. 

 

“So… who’s gonna pick the movie?” 

 

~

 

**PigeonKiller:** CORAN

 

**PigeonKiller:** ALLURA

 

**PigeonKiller:** ARE EITHER OF YOU GUYS AWAKE

 

**DrFuckMe:** I'm a foolish uni student with a horrid sleep schedule so yes I am awake

 

**patmatt:** dude relatable

 

**GorgeousMan:** I don't sleep

 

**GorgeousMan:** I don't need it

 

**Tinydick:** Ever??

 

**GorgeousMan:** Nope!

 

**GorgeousMan:** It's because of my alien heritage I mentioned!

 

**PigeonKiller:** lucky

 

**PigeonKiller:** I wish I didnt need sleep

 

**Takashit:** Pidge you hardly get any sleep as it is now

 

**PigeonKiller:** yeah and I wish I didnt have to have it at all

 

**PigeonKiller:** I could get  _ so much  _ coding done

 

**GorgeousMan:** I can train you how to live with no sleep!

 

**PigeonKiller:** _ wait seriously _

 

**PigeonKiller:** FUCK YES

 

**Takashit:** Pidge no

 

**PigeonKiller:** Pidge yes

 

**DrFuckMe:** Wait so why did you guys need us because I was actually about to go to sleep

 

**Yaint:** We all wanna watch a movie but we can't decide what to watch

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh I can help with that!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Were you looking for funny or for dramatic or for action or…?

 

**GordonRamsey:** We were thinking funny

 

**DrFuckMe:** Hmm let me think

 

**DrFuckMe:** I GOT IT

 

**DrFuckMe:** HAVE ANY OF YOU SEEN WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS

 

**Yaint:** no

 

**Tinydick:** Nope!

 

**GordonRamsey:** Nah

 

**Takashit:** Not me

 

**patmatt:** I've heard of it but I haven't gotten around to seeing it

 

**PigeonKiller:** ^^ same as matt 

 

**GorgeousMan:** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT OUR FAVOURITE MOVIE, ALLURA?

 

**DrFuckMe:** YES I AM

 

**GorgeousMan:** They're going to love it

 

**Takashit:** What's it about?

 

**DrFuckMe:** It's one of those fake documentaries about this group of vampires in New Zealand who share a flat and are just trying to catch up with the modern world

 

**DrFuckMe:** It's really  _ really  _ funny

 

**PigeonKiller:** I wanna watch it

 

**Tinydick:** _ same _

 

**GorgeousMan:** It reminds me of the time I had to kill a vampire

 

**GorgeousMan:** Those damn pests

 

**PigeonKiller:** did coran just say damn

 

**GorgeousMan:** Yup!

 

**Tinydick:** so you’re telling me

 

**Tinydick:** Bigfoot, aliens,  _ and  _ vampires exist?

 

**Tinydick:** I find that hard to believe

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh they do, and that’s barely scratching the surface!

 

**GorgeousMan:** I’ve had trade dealings with mermaids, shared a cup of tea with the yeti, stole children with the jersey devil, and I’ve fought in an intergalactic space war!

 

**Tinydick:** What about angels, do they exist?

 

**GorgeousMan:** _ NO _

 

**GorgeousMan:** Angels do NOT exist

 

**Tinydick:** well okay then

 

**GordonRamsey:** whoa whoa whoa back up

 

**GordonRamsey:** Did you say steal children?

 

**GorgeousMan:** Possibly.

 

**GorgeousMan:** What concern is it of yours?

 

**GordonRamsey:** Uhhh

 

**PigeonKiller:** Let it go, Hunk

 

**GordonRamsey:** No concern of mine! Sorry Coran!

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh it’s no problem, Hunk! No hard feelings! :D

 

**GorgeousMan:** Just remember, sometimes there are things you  _ do not need to question _

 

~

 

Hunk glanced up to look at the rest of the group. 

 

“Coran’s gonna kill me in my sleep, isn’t he?” He asked, his expression tense with worry. Pidge just patted his arm. 

 

“Yeah probably.” She said, not being very reassuring. Hunk gulped in nervousness before looking back to his phone.

 

~

 

**GordonRamsey:** Well moving on

 

**GordonRamsey:** Thank you guys for the movie rec!!

 

**DrFuckMe:** No problem!

 

**DrFuckMe:** I'm going to bed now so good night everyone!

 

**PigeonKiller:** NIGHT ALLURA

 

**patmatt:** good night my fellow suffering college student

 

**GordonRamsey:** Sleep well Allura! Ily!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Ily too!

 

**PigeonKiller:** ok yall who’s ready to watch a movie

 

~

 

After finding the movie on demand, Hunk prepared several bags of popcorn while Lance and Pidge were assigned to finding extra blankets and pillows for both the couch and the ground in front of it. One bit of searching later (and an awkward 10 minutes when Pidge and Matt’s parents came home to find a bunch of teenagers and two kinda adults arguing about whether to make a pillow fort or not), they finally had a cozy area to watch the movie in. 

 

Pidge and Hunk immediately claimed the floor, insisting Shiro and Matt took one side of the couch while Keith and Lance took the other. Everyone agreed to this arrangement, and eventually they had everything ready for movie night.

 

The dying rays of the setting sun slanted through the large living room windows, giving everything, and everyone, an orange, fiery glow. The smell of popcorn wafted through the air, accented by the butter topping the movie treat. Hunk and Pidge were lying on the ground on their stomachs side by side, a soft green blanket covering their backs. Shiro and Matt were pressed against the right side of the couch, with Matt basically laying on top of Shiro’s chest, his hair tickling Shiro’s nose as they both snuggled into the grey blanket covering them both. And lastly, Keith and Lance were seated side by side, shoulders pressed against each other, on the opposite side of the couch from Shiro and Matt, a purple blanket spread across their laps. 

 

“Okay guys, we ready to start the movie?” Pidge asked, remote in hand. 

 

“Ready as we’ll ever be.” Keith said dryly. Nodding, Pidge started the film, and the perky notes of what seemed like a banjo began to float from the speakers. 

 

A few minutes into the movie everyone knew it had been the right choice. They were all laughing their asses off, losing themselves in the movie and enjoying each other's company.

 

Keith, however, couldn't entirely focus on what was going on in the movie, as he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he was pressed right up against Lance. He knew he was probably overreacting, as it was only their shoulders that were touching, but Keith couldn't help but notice it nonetheless. 

 

About a quarter of the way through the movie however, that changed. 

 

In a move as cliche as it could get, at one point Lance let out a large yawn and stretched his arms over his head, settling his right arm across Keith’s shoulders. The surprise contact made Keith’s betraying cheeks flush red as usual, but Lance made no comment about their new position so Keith didn't either. 

 

After a few more moments, Keith decided to take a risk of his own and settled his head onto Lance’s shoulder, and breathed a miniature sigh of relief when Lance didn't comment on it. 

 

As the movie wore on, Lance and Keith unknowingly moved closer and closer together. Lance leaned back against the arm of the couch at one point, and Keith somehow ended up in front of him also lying on his side, pressed up against Lance’s chest. Along with this, Lance’s arm had somehow snaked over Keith’s waist, which neither of them seemed to mind one bit. 

 

Eventually, the movie ended and the lights were turned back on. Keith (reluctantly) extricated himself from Lance’s hold and began to stretch his arms, while everyone else quickly followed suit. There was a bit of discussion about the things they did and didn’t like about the movie, until the unavoidable occurred.

 

“So,” Pidge said, turning her head to look at where Lance and Keith were sitting with a smirk. “I see you two got pretty comfortable during the movie.” Keith scowled at the little shit, having vainly hoped she wouldn't point that out. 

 

He wouldn't let her embarrass him that easily. 

 

“Yeah, we did.” He agreed nonchalantly, trying to appear impassive. Pidge blinked in surprise at his response, and he could feel the surprised gazes of everyone around him at how calmly he was acting. 

 

“Oh, well, okay then.” Pidge said awkwardly before turning her head to the rest of the group. “So Hunk, Lance… are you guys sleeping over or…?” 

 

“I wish but I have to take Toni and Camilla to daycare tomorrow morning for my Mom.” Lance said, checking his phone for texts as he spoke. Pidge nodded and turned to Hunk, whose back she was laying on top of. 

“What about you, Hunk?” She asked, stretching out further on his back. 

 

“I can stay a little longer but I can’t sleepover because I gotta help my Ma with baking a cake for her friend tomorrow.” Hunk explained as he laid on his stomach, his head resting on his arms. Pidge nodded before pushing herself off of Hunk and standing upright. 

 

“Alright then. Matt, I assume you and Shiro are both sleeping in your room?” Pidge asked, pointing to her brother. 

 

“Uh,  _ duh _ .” Matt responded, still pressed up against Shiro’s side. 

 

“Cool. Can you guys come help me get some blankets and pillows so Keith can sleep on the couch? I mean, I’d let you sleep in my room, Keith, but I’m gonna be up all night on my computer and my key tapping will probably keep you awake.” Keith nodded, knowing full well the utter anarchy that was Pidge’s sleep schedule. “Lance, do you have to leave right now?” Lance  glanced up from where he was still texting on his phone.

 

“Yeah, my Mom’s yelling at me to get home.” He said, chuckling lightly. 

 

“Got it. Keith, wanna walk him to the door?” Keith looked up in surprise, frowning when he saw that familiar sinister smirk on Pidge’s face.

 

“Alright.” He said, giving her his best glare which only earned him an amused laugh. As he tried to remember why he was friends with that gremlin in the first place, Keith led Lance to the front door, both stepping outside of the house and onto the porch. 

 

“Well… I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Lance said, scratching the back of his neck in a gesture of nervousness. 

 

“I hope so, I mean, I didn’t come down all the way from LA just for us to scream at each other during Mario Kart.” Keith joked, hoping to lighten whatever this tension between them was. Lance let out a small laugh, a smile curling at the corner of his lips. 

 

“True, but you have to admit I still kicked your ass.” Lance’s signature mischievous twinkle had returned to his eyes and Keith snorted, giving him a light shove to the chest. 

 

“It was a tie, dumbass.” Keith replied, the words holding no malice as he rolled his eyes. 

 

“Yeah but I still got to hang out with you, so I’m the real winner here.” Lance bragged. Suddenly, his eyes widened as he realized what he had said, and in the faint yellow glow of the porchlight Keith could see Lance’s cheeks blooming the same red as his own. “I-I-I mean I got to hang out with you, Shiro,  _ and  _ Matt so that definitely makes me-” Lance’s words were cut off when Keith wrapped his arms around him, hugging his friend tightly. Lance tensed in surprise, but quickly relaxed and returned the hug, his arms settling around Keith’s waist. 

 

The two stayed like that for several moments, just basking in each other’s physical presence and the fact that they were now able to actually  _ hug _ each other. It was quite an improvement from their late night skype calls, where only so much could be seen through a screen.

 

Keith pulled away first, knowing the amount of teasing he was going to receive from his friends (and brother) was in direct correlation with the amount of time he spent outside with Lance. He gave Lance a soft smile, which Lance readily returned.

 

“See you tomorrow then?” Keith asked, absentmindedly wringing his hands. 

 

“Yup! And, if you’re still up for it, my Mama said you could come over for dinner tomorrow night.” Keith blinked at the mention of the dinner plans, and let his grin widen. 

 

“That sounds amazing, Lance.” At that response, Lance’s smile became as radiant as the sun. 

 

The two boys then said their goodbyes, and Keith waited at the porch as Lance got into his car, and waved at him as he drove away. Turning on his heel, Keith stalked back into the house, and narrowed his eyes in suspicion when he was met with silence. 

 

“I know you guys were eavesdropping on everything we said so you don’t have to pretend you weren’t.” Keith announced to the empty room. It was silent for a few moments, and suddenly a chair shifted, some grunts were heard, and the lights flickered on to reveal Matt and Shiro hiding in the hall closet, with Hunk and Pidge hiding behind the front door just out of Keith’s line of sight. Keith just sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

 

“Remind me again why I’m friends with any of you?” He asked in his exasperation. 

 

“Because you love us and we love you back?” Hunk said cheekily. Keith had to let out a snort at that, and nodded his head reluctantly. 

 

“Yeah, that would be it.” 

 

It wasn’t too long after Lance left that Hunk bid his farewells, and everyone in the Holt house got ready for bed. Shiro and Matt settled into Matt’s bedroom as expected, Keith made himself comfortable on the couch with the pillows and blankets provided, and Pidge propped herself onto her bed with her laptop, prepared for yet another near sleepless night as had become her norm. But before she could plug her earbuds in and lose herself in the world of code, a small ding on her phone drew her attention to her messages. 

 

Pidge made a noise of surprise when she realized it was Lance, and quickly unlocked her phone to see what he sent. 

 

~

**-thetailor to Pidgeotto-**

 

**thetailor:** oh my god pidge I’m so gay for him  _ wtf _

 

**thetailor:** Like before today it was just kinda a casual crush thing?? But now that I’ve met him in person my emotions are just like  _ HOLY SHIT _

 

**thetailor:** And I know he’s leaving in a few days and I wanna tell him before he leaves but I don’t wanna ruin anything or make it awkward and argh I’m never this nervous about this kind of stuff!!!

 

**Pidgeotto:** lance that’s gay

 

**thetailor:** Wow thanks for that insightful commentary

 

**Pidgeotto:** just doin’ ma job

 

**thetailor:** Pidge seriously!!! I need help!!!

 

**Pidgeotto:** ok ok chill ur nips

 

**Pidgeotto:** asking the 15 year old ace who’s never dated anyone b4 i see

 

**thetailor:** well normally I’d ask Hunk but he’s had to listen to me drone on and on about Keith way too much so I wanted to give him a break

 

**thetailor:** Plus he’s sleeping so

 

**Pidgeotto:** desperate times, got it

 

**thetailor:** I mean I also would’ve asked Allura but she’s dealing with her own thing with that girl and I’ve known you longer so I trust you more

 

**thetailor:** Not that I don’t trust Allura or anything!!!

 

**Pidgeotto:** lol it’s k I know what u mean lance

 

**Pidgeotto:** well considering im both yours and keiths friend I can’t tell you directly anythings hes said in regard to possible feelings for u

 

**thetailor:** Oh yeah of course I wasn’t gonna ask u that

 

**thetailor:** I just don’t know what to do!!

 

**Pidgeotto:** well first off what do u  _ want _ to do

 

**thetailor:** tap dat ass

 

**Pidgeotto:** bro

 

**thetailor:** Ok for real I think I wanna tell him??

 

**thetailor:** but if he doesn’t like me back I don’t wanna make things weird between us because he really is one of my closest friends besides you and Hunk

 

**thetailor:** I mean I know everyone says this when they like a person they’re friends with but still  _ it’s a legitimate concern okay? _

 

**Pidgeotto:** look lance if i confessed to u rn that i had a crush on u would our friendship be ruined

 

**thetailor:** fkdsfjdlks no because you wouldn’t have a crush on me in a million years

 

**Pidgeotto:** ok now that may be true considering you’re like my secondary older brother

 

**Pidgeotto:** uhhh

 

**Pidgeotto:** what about Hunk

 

**Pidgeotto:** what if Hunk texted u saying he had a crush on u rn would your friendship be ruined??

 

**thetailor:** pfft been there done that

 

**thetailor:** except it was the other way around

 

**Pidgeotto:** wait what

 

**thetailor:** back in 7th grade right when i was figuring out I wasn’t exactly as straight as a ruler I got a crush on Hunk

 

**thetailor:** I told him and he didn’t like me back but he promised nothing would change and nothing did

 

**Pidgeotto:** well there’s ur evidence

 

**thetailor:** ???

 

**Pidgeotto:** Hunk didn’t let ur crush on him ruin ur friendship

 

**thetailor:** yeah but it’s Hunk

 

**Pidgeotto:** ...okay fair point

 

**Pidgeotto:** but my point still stands

 

**thetailor:** ugh I know you’re right

 

**thetailor:** I’m just being paranoid

 

**thetailor:** Keith is just ,,,  _ so  _ great

 

**thetailor:** He seems all tough and super emo at first but when you get to know him he’s super dorky and is super loyal and protective over his friends

 

**thetailor:** and then he gets super excited over conspiracy theories and his eyes are practically sparkling and  _ oh god i’m so gay _

 

**thetailor:** thing is I just

 

**thetailor:** I don’t want to permanently change things between us, ya know?

 

**Pidgeotto:** ya i know what ur saying

 

**Pidgeotto:** But I don’t think it’ll happen

 

**Pidgeotto:** sometimes you gotta just

 

**Pidgeotto:** go for it

 

**Pidgeotto:** like jumping out a window to test your new wingsuit for flight

 

**Pidgeotto:** u might rupture a kidney

 

**Pidgeotto:** or crack your skull

 

**Pidgeotto:** _ but u could also fly _

 

**thetailor:** pidge wtf

 

**Pidgeotto:** let’s just say my nickname is ‘pidge’ for a reason

 

**thetailor:** lfksjdklf

 

**Pidgeotto:** so basically I think u should go for it and tell keith how gay u r for him

 

**thetailor:** got it

 

**thetailor:** Thanks Pidge

 

**Pidgeotto:** no problemo

 

**thetailor:** whatcha hacking rn

 

**Pidgeotto:** NBC’s audio files for the Today show’s intro

 

**thetailor:** oh god what are you changing it to

 

**Pidgeotto:** peanut butter jelly time ;)

 

**thetailor:** DLKFJSLDFKJ

 

**thetailor:** that’s a dead meme

 

**Pidgeotto:** excuse me are u the one hacking into a super high security natioinal news network

 

**thetailor:** no but at least I didn’t misspell national

 

**Pidgeotto:** fucj off

 

**thetailor:** Anyway I gotta go to bed now

 

**thetailor:** I’ll make sure to record the Today show tomorrow

 

**Pidgeotto:** you fucking better

 

**thetailor:** night loser

 

**Pidgeotto:** laters gayboy

 

**thetailor:** <3333

 

**Pidgeotto:** <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would y'all believe me if I said in my head the original plan was to get to the Keith and Lance kiss sometime around last chapter
> 
> I swear I'm not trying to slowburn this shit it's just happening of it's own accord
> 
> BTW IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS YOU SHOULD IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES I LOVE IT IT'S SO FUNNY
> 
> [EDIT (06/22/17): I JUST LEARNED THAT CORAN'S VOICE ACTOR RHYS DARBY WAS ACTUALLY IN WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS AND IM SCREAMING THIS WAS COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONAL]
> 
> Also regarding last chapter's author's note question involving Allura, I actually realized how I could work Nyma into the story so it might end up being her that she's texting (no promises tho ;))
> 
> Now another question! I have a tendency to occasionally hop over the crack fic line and have written silly chapters for fics before, and considering this fic is already borderline crack I was wondering if you guys would like it if I wrote a non-canon (within the realms of this fic) crack chapter? I won't spoil it but the premise would involve au hopping into a more... canon compliant setting... (that's really vague but I don't wanna spoil it but trust me it would be hilarious)
> 
> (also don't worry it wouldn't be next chapter I'm not gonna make y'all wait that long for klance)
> 
> Let me know what you think about this chap in the comments!
> 
> My tumblr (GUYS I LOVE MESSAGES IM A MEME SEND ME SHIT)  
> zarkondoms.tumblr.com (voltron blog)


	15. panicked pidgeons and motorcycles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge and Matt decide to have some Sibling Bonding™ and Keith gets a little stir crazy in the house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE
> 
> I got like half of this chapter done a week ago and then I just??? My brain wouldn't write for a while but I was finally able to finish this! 
> 
> While my brain couldn't write I found new podcasts and I am in love with Rover Red and The Bright Sessions so if you like podcasts I recommend those
> 
> ANYWAY HOLY SHIT WE HAVE OVER 6300 HITS AND OVER 700 KUDOS THAT'S INSANE
> 
> Thank you guys so so so much for all the love you guys have given me for this fic. It means the world to me and I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this
> 
> Anyway, ON WITH THE CHAPTER

**GordonRamsey:** Good morning everyone!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Good morning Hunk!

 

**GordonRamsey:** Hi Allura

 

**DrFuckMe:** How did you sleep?

 

**GordonRamsey:** I slept pretty good, had to get up early to help my Ma bake a cake tho

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oooo cake

 

**GordonRamsey:** It’s baking now

 

**Tinydick:** Wtf I want cake

 

**GordonRamsey:** Hi Lance

 

**DrFuckMe:** Morning Lance!

 

**Tinydick:** Ugh I hate being awake this early

 

**GordonRamsey:** Lance it’s 9 am

 

**Tinydick:** Ya and thats unreasonably early

 

**Takashit:** I’m always up around 7am to go jogging

 

**Tinydick:** Of course you do

 

**GordonRamsey:** Shiro!!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Hi Shiro!

 

**Takashit:** Hey guys

 

**PigeonKiller:** oh look the groupchats awake

 

**Takashit:** You’re up Pidge?

 

**PigeonKiller:** ya

 

**PigeonKiller:** i didn’t sleep

 

**DrFuckMe:** at all?

 

**PigeonKiller:** nope

 

**PigeonKiller:** I had stuff to do

 

**PigeonKiller:** also on a totally unrelated note u should all turn on the today show

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh no

 

**GordonRamsey:** I should’ve known that was you

 

**Takashit:** Pidge what did you do

 

**PigeonKiller:** go check out the recording of the today show on our dvr

 

**Takashit:** alright

 

**DrFuckMe:** I don’t get the today show in england what did pidge do

 

**Tinydick:** the lord’s work

 

**Yaint:** jsc my phone is buzzing so much

 

**GordonRamsey:** Keith!!!

 

**Tinydick:** Keith!

 

**Yaint:** heyo

 

**PigeonKiller:** yo keith where tf are you

 

**PigeonKiller:** i went downstairs to get some water at like 6 and u werent on the couch

 

**Yaint:** jogging

 

**PigeonKiller:** why did i even bother asking

 

**Tinydick:** WHY WERE YOU UP SO EARLY WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF

 

**Yaint:** idk I like to wake up early

 

**Tinydick:** that sounds horrible

 

**Takashit:** KATIE

 

**PigeonKiller:** oh looks like shiro watched the recording

 

**Yaint:** what’s going on

 

**GordonRamsey:** go watch the today show

 

**GordonRamsey:** Pidge was busy last night

 

**Takashit:** How?? 

 

**Takashit:** Why??? 

 

**Takashit:** Why peanut butter jelly time of all things?!

 

**DrFuckMe:** I am so confused

 

**Yaint:** Same

 

**Takashit:** I’m just???

 

**Tinydick:** Pidge I think you broke shiro

 

**patmatt:** i’m downstairs with him and i can confirm she broke him

 

**patmatt:** I, meanwhile, think this is the funniest fucking thing i’ve seen in my entire life

 

**DrFuckMe:** WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT PIDGE DID

 

**Tinydick:** she hacked the today show’s audio files and replaced them with peanut butter jelly time

 

**Yaint:** oh my god

 

**DrFuckMe:** lkdsfjslkd

 

**DrFuckMe:** _ why _

 

**PigeonKiller:** why does everything in life have to have a reason mabye i just wanted to fuck with the today show

 

**patmatt:** MATT LAUER LOOKS SO CONFUSED

 

**patmatt:** IM FUCKING PISSING

 

**Takashit:** How the hell did you even do this

 

**PigeonKiller:** can’t say

 

**PigeonKiller:** nsa shiro

 

**PigeonKiller:** the nsa

 

**patmatt:** well that’s quite a way to start out the day

 

**patmatt:** btw katie get ur ass downstairs its time

 

**PigeonKiller:** time for what??

 

**patmatt:** SIBLING BONDING

 

**Takashit:** oh no

 

**PigeonKiller:** OH HELL YES

 

**PigeonKiller:** I’ll be down in 10

 

**patmatt:** kk

 

**DrFuckMe:** what are the rest of you up to today?

 

**Takashit:** I’m gonna go visit some of my old friends down at the military base

 

**GordonRamsey:** I gotta ice a wedding cake

 

**Tinydick:** I have to take Toni to get a present for his friend’s birthday and then I have to take Camilla to her friends house for a playdate and  _ then _ I have to take the car to the shop to get it fixed

 

**DrFuckMe:** You seem like a good older brother, Lance

 

**Tinydick:** aww thanks allura

 

**DrFuckMe:** what about you, keith?

 

**Yaint:** Uhh

 

**Yaint:** I don’t really have any plans

 

**Takashit:** wanna come with me to the base? You remember my friends

 

**Yaint:** yeah no thanks

 

**Takashit:** Why not?

 

**Yaint:** I’m banned from the base remember

 

**Takashit:** oh yeah

 

**Tinydick:** SDKLFJ WHAT

 

**Yaint:** I may or may not have threatened to punch this one asshole in the face the last time I was there

 

**Takashit:** my commanding officer nonetheless

 

**Tinydick:** KEITH

 

**Yaint:** IVERSON WAS A DICK ALRIGHT

 

**PigeonKiller:** oh ya im banned from the base too

 

**GordonRamsey:** PIDGE

 

**PigeonKiller:** LOOK IT WAS NECESSARY

 

**PigeonKiller:** I needed information that I couldn’t get from hacking the server outside the base so I broke in

 

**GordonRamsey:** What kind of information would you need  _ that  _ badly??

 

**PigeonKiller:** its too much to explain rn i’ll tell u about it later hunk

 

**Tinydick:** did it involve the aliens

 

**PigeonKiller:** _ maybe _

 

**Tinydick:** goddammit

 

**patmatt:** the day pidge gets arrested i’m gonna piss myself laughing before bailing her out

 

**PigeonKiller:** fuck u matt

 

**patmatt:** love ya <3

 

**patmatt:** NOW HURRY UP WE’RE LOSING PRECIOUS BONDING TIME

 

**PigeonKiller:** IM HURRYING JUST LET ME PUT ON MY BINDER

 

**patmatt:** WELL GO FASTER

 

**PigeonKiller:** ARGH

 

**GordonRamsey:** Wait where’s Coran

 

**DrFuckMe:** He’s off in a business meeting I believe

 

**GordonRamsey:** coran has a job???

 

**Tinydick:** wtf

 

**DrFuckMe:** Uh yes??

 

**DrFuckMe:** Did you guys just think he didn’t work???

 

**GordonRamsey:** Idk man I was lowkey convinced he had a bank account with like

 

**GordonRamsey:** ten million stolen dollars in it or something

 

**DrFuckMe:** if that were the case I’d have a lifetime sephora membership, no student loans, and I’d be in California right now

 

**GordonRamsey:** ok fair point

 

**PigeonKiller:** THE STRAP OF MY OVERALLS IS TWISTED

 

**PigeonKiller:** I NEED HEALING

 

**patmatt:** dont worry pidgey ur big brother mattie is here to save the day

 

**DrFuckMe:** godspeed

 

~

 

There was lots of distressed cursing as Matt and Pidge worked together to try and untwist her overall strap, and eventually Shiro had to make his way upstairs and fixed it within seconds. After that whole fiasco was over, Shiro and Matt shared a quick kiss goodbye and the siblings went off on their way. 

 

“So Matt, where we headed?” Pidge asked as they pulled out of the driveway, her feet already propped up on the front dashboard of the car. 

 

“I’m actually not too sure, Pidgey. I was thinking maybe we could just go walk around the city, get some coffee, maybe even some burritos later.” Matt said as he drove. 

 

“Sounds good to me. If we’re gonna get coffee can we get it now? I’m exhausted and I don’t know how long I’ll last if I don’t get some caffeine.” Matt chuckled and patted his sibling’s leg with one hand. 

 

“I would say maybe you should stop staying up late but I’m pretty sure I didn’t sleep at all when I was in high school so it’d be kinda hypocritical of me to stop you from doing the same.” Pidge let out a cheer and Matt laughed as he turned onto the main road towards the day.

 

Meanwhile, Keith was moping. 

 

“Do you really have to go see your friends  _ today _ ?” Keith whined, absentmindedly swirling his oatmeal with a spoon. Shiro sighed and glanced back at Keith from where he was doing the dishes.

 

“Yes, I do, because tomorrow Sloane is going to New York for a vacation and I wanna see her, along with everyone else, before I go.” Shiro explained, frowning as he tried to scrub a particularly tough bit of pasta sauce off the plate. Keith groaned and took a dejected bite of his food.

 

“But without you here I’m gonna be so bored.” 

 

“That’s your own fault for getting banned from the base.” Shiro said without sympathy, making Keith groan again. It was silent for a few minutes as Shiro finished loading the dishwasher, the gentle clinking of plates, cups, and cutlery being the only thing that filled the quiet. Satisfied with his work, Shiro grinned to himself and closed the dishwasher, brushing imaginary dirt off his hands as he turned around to face Keith. 

 

“Then what am I supposed to do while you’re gone? I can’t drive anywhere since Matt and Pidge have their car and you’re gonna have our car. I’m just gonna be stuck here when I could be off doing…” Keith struggled to think of something great he could be doing if he had means of transportation.

 

“Doing what?” Shiro asked with a smirk, knowing Keith had nothing.

 

“Doing… doing… I don’t know! Something to keep me busy!” Keith said, his tone one of pure frustration. Shiro just chuckled and reached out a hand to mess up Keith’s hair. 

 

“Something to keep you from thinking about Lance maybe?” He inquired with a raise of his eyebrows. Keith glared at Shiro’s knowing look.

 

“Shut up.” He said, slinking down in his chair. Shiro laughed again and set his hand on Keith’s shoulder. 

 

“I’ll be back by this afternoon, so you can take the car out then, alright?” Keith ignored him and take another bite of oatmeal, but by the lack of tension in his shoulders Shiro could tell Keith wasn’t actually upset. “I gotta head out now but I’ll see you soon. Maybe if you’re really bored you can try talking to Sam.” Shiro said this last part with a mischievous glint in his eyes, as if he knew something Keith didn’t. But before Keith could question it, the door was slamming behind his brother, leaving Keith all alone in the kitchen.

 

After Shiro left, Keith finished his breakfast and did his own dishes, and then took a shower to get rid of his bedhead. After that however… Keith had nothing. Already bored, Keith shot a text to Pidge only to receive no response. He figured she and Matt must’ve been off doing something weird. Keith would’ve texted Lance but he knew he was taking care of his younger siblings at the moment, and didn’t want to distract him from that. 

 

Keith lasted about 12 minutes before he wandered off in search of Pidge’s dad. 

 

It wasn’t like Keith disliked Dr. Holt, in fact, it was quite the opposite. Keith had known Pidge’s family since he was very young, and was therefore comfortable around Pidge and Matt’s parents. But Keith had never had lots of one-on-one conversations with either Sam or Colleen before, so this was new territory for him. 

 

After awkwardly looking around the house for a few minutes, Keith finally found Dr. Holt in the family workshop, leaning over a triangular metal device and muttering under his breath. His eyes were narrowed in concentration, and he didn’t even seem to notice Keith standing there. Keith realized rather belatedly that Dr. Holt was most likely working on something important, and turned around to leave when a voice suddenly called out.

 

“Keith! Can you come over here real quick and give me a hand?” Turning back around, Keith walked over to where Dr. Holt was near frantically gesturing him over. As soon as he got by Dr. Holt’s side, the older man grabbed his hand and placed it on the device he was working on, directing his finger over a small metal panel. “Just hold this in place for me for a few seconds while I tighten this.” Keith couldn’t see what it was exactly that Dr. Holt was doing to the machine, but the small panel he was holding did seem to want to fly up as he did so, and Keith made sure to hold it in place. 

 

All in all, the whole affair only took a few moments, and when it was done Dr. Holt straightened up from where he was hunched over and gave Keith a wide smile. 

 

“Thank you, Keith! You came in at just the right moment. In fact, I didn’t even know anyone was home. I thought you were off with Shiro at the base.” Keith gave an uncomfortable laugh and scratched the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. 

 

“Yeah… well I would be with him if I hadn’t gotten banned from the base.” He said rather awkwardly. He braced himself for Dr. Holt’s frown, that familiar look of both shock and vague disapproval, but was instead surprised when the older man threw his head back in a deep laugh.

 

“Why doesn’t that surprise me? You and Katie have always been alike in that way, neither of you like listening to any kind of authority.” He said, clapping Keith on the shoulder. “What’d you do? I know Katie’s lifetime ban has something to do with both breaking and entering, and illegal hacking.” Keith frowned in confusion, wondering how he knew about Pidge’s ban from the base, before remembering that both Matt and Pidge were notorious for never feeling the need to hide things from their parents. That was only helped by the fact that both Sam and Colleen were very chill parents that rarely got upset with their kids over things like hacking. 

 

“I… I may have threatened to punch Shiro’s commanding officer in the face once.” Keith said, looking down at his hands as he spoke. This produced an even louder laugh from Dr. Holt, actually causing the man to bend over and clutch at his stomach as he nearly cried with laughter, before finally calming down after a few moments. 

 

“That is amazing, Keith. Let me guess, was it Iverson?” Keith gaped, completely taken aback by Dr. Holt’s reaction. Dr. Holt took Keith’s silence as an affirmation, and smirked. “I figured. I heard enough from both Matt and your brother about what a jerk he was to figure he’d probably be the one you’d threaten to punch. I bet Shiro wasn’t too happy about that, though.” Keith cocked a rueful grin at that, remembering the lecture he’d gotten that day.

 

“Yeah, I was grounded for nearly two weeks… but it was still worth it.” This earned yet another chuckle from Dr. Holt, whose mirth was becoming infectious. 

 

“I bet it was.” Dr. Holt said good-naturedly, before he grabbed Keith’s shoulder and led him out of the workshop. “So Keith, if you’re not with Shiro, why aren’t you hanging out with any of your other friends?” 

 

“Well Pidge and Matt are off having ‘Sibling Bonding Time’, Hunk is helping his moms bake a cake, and Lance is babysitting his younger siblings.” Keith explained as Dr. Holt led them to the kitchen. Dr. Holt hummed in understanding, stroking his chin thoughtfully as he leaned against the kitchen counter. 

 

“And since all the cars are taken you’re stuck here until someone gets back.” Keith shrugged in affirmation, grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge as he waited for Dr. Holt to continue. He thought quietly for a moment, before snapping his fingers in a classic ‘Eureka!’ moment. 

 

“Keith, you ride motorcycles right?” Keith nodded slowly, trying to figure out where he was going with this. “What would you say if I told you I happened to have my old motorcycle sitting in our garage, still in top condition and ready to use?” 

 

“Do you really?” Keith asked, already feeling the excitement beginning to course through his body. 

 

“Yup! I haven’t ridden the thing in years, but I’ve kept it in good condition in case I ever want to sell it, or if Katie ever wants to try riding a motorcycle.” Keith snorted at that, the mental image of Pidge trying to drive a motorcycle much too ridiculous for his brain to handle. “If you wanted, I could let you ride around the town on it. Maybe even go meet up with some of your friends if they become available later.” Oh my god, this was too good to be true. Not only was Keith going to have his own mode of transportation, it was a  _ motorcycle _ . Keith couldn’t stop smiling.

 

“I would love that, Dr. Holt.” 

 

“Great! Here, I’ll do a quick run down to make sure everything’s working properly and you can get dressed and figure out what you wanna do or whatever, sound good?” Keith nodded, but only now remembering he had changed back into his pajamas after his shower, and went to run off to go get changed. But before he could leave, Dr. Holt called his name, making him stop. “Oh, one more thing. I’ve known you nearly your entire life, Keith, you can call me Sam.” And with that, Dr- no, Sam, was off into the garage. 

 

A few minutes after scrambling off to the bathroom, Keith emerged in his usual riding outfit, the best part of which was his black leather jacket. Stepping outside, Keith squinted against the harsh sunlight and waited for his eyes to adjust, until his vision cleared enough that he could see Sam leaning over a black motorcycle, concentrating as he made any last minute adjustments. Keith stepped over to the bike, scrutinizing it with his eyes, when Sam looked up and grinned.

 

“Okay, everything looks like it’s all set up and working properly. I have a helmet for you here because I’m guessing you didn’t bring one.” Sam said, throwing Keith a helmet. 

 

“Thank you.” Keith muttered as he pushed his hair behind his ears and pulled the helmet onto his head. He was surprised to find it fit his head rather nicely, and pulled the straps through the two loops with nimble and practiced fingers to secure it. It was then he noticed a second helmet, secured to the back of the bike with a bungee cord, and frowned. “Why is there a second one?”  He asked.

 

“Oh! I just keep that there in case I’m ever riding with a passenger. It’s kinda a hassle to remove so if you don’t mind, maybe could you just leave it on there?” Keith nodded, finding no problem with having the extra helmet behind him. Sam stepped away from the bike, gesturing for Keith to get on. 

 

Throwing his leg over the side, Keith settled himself into the seat. It wasn’t the same as his own bike back home, but it felt comfortable enough. He tightened his grip on the handlebars and turned it on, a feeling of satisfaction welling up within him at the sound of the motor roaring to life. He smiled, already anxious to get out onto the road, where he was free to go wherever his instincts led him. Glancing back, Keith saw Sam looking at him warmly.

 

“Thank you, Doc - Sam. I really appreciate this.” Keith said. 

 

“It’s no problem, Keith. I never use this thing anyway. Go out and have fun!” Keith nodded and turned around, taking off onto the open road without a hitch.

 

As soon as Keith got out of Pidge’s neighborhood and onto the actual road, he sped up, tempted to let out a cheer as the familiar adrenaline raced through his veins. He zig zagged in and out between cars, dodging every single obstacle with ease through years of practice. Riding a motorcycle was basically second nature to Keith, and he relished in the feeling every time he hopped on a bike. 

 

Keith hadn’t had a particular destination in mind when he took off, but wasn’t surprised when after somewhere around thirty minutes or so of riding he found himself stopping at a rocky bluff overlooking the ocean. He didn’t know why his instincts always led him to the ocean, but whenever he let his thoughts wander while on a ride he nearly always brought himself to the great expanse of blue (if he was near the water that was). 

 

What made this even more unusual was the fact that all in all, Keith didn’t actually like going to the beach all that much. He wasn’t a major fan of swimming in the surprisingly cold water of the Pacific, and found the sand that got absolutely everywhere quite annoying. But for some reason, he was still drawn to the dark blue waves. Watching the ocean as it crashed along the shorelines was almost hypnotic for Keith. He would watch, and his thoughts would become scattered like the white foam of broken waves on the sand. 

 

Keith found a parking spot along the rocky cliff fairly easily, and he turned the bike off, before dropping the kickstand onto the gravel. Pulling his helmet off, Keith sucked in a deep breath of the salty air, and felt the remaining bit of tension inside of him melt away. He hung the helmet off the handlebars of the bike and quickly found a rock to sit on, and closed his eyes as the cool ocean breeze washed over him. 

 

It felt good to be able to clear his head like this. The past few days had just been a whirlwind of confusing emotions and exciting events, and this was the first time Keith felt like he was getting a real break. Matt’s arrival had obviously stirred up a lot of things, especially involving his brother, but Keith was happy he and Shiro had worked things out between them. 

 

But only a day later and Keith was in San Diego. He had finally met Lance in person, and he was just as amazing in real life as over all their skype calls. These feelings of his were no long some abstract thing, his wants no longer some foolish desire that would never come true. They were real and Lance was real and the unknown state of their relationship was real and everything was so great but also so overwhelming and- and- and-

 

Keith stopped his racing thoughts by taking another deep breath. He turned his thoughts away from his current situation and focused on the sound of the breaking waves. The gentle roar of rising and crashing, rising and crashing, all against the solid shoreline. Keith focused on this, and ran a hand through his hair while sighing. 

 

He liked Lance. That much was obvious. He liked Lance a lot, more than he’d liked anyone in a long time. And although at first he had been convinced there was no way Lance could like him back, after meeting him in person and spending time with him, seeing the way he blushed and stuttered just like Keith, and along with the cuddling during the movie, he was starting to come to the conclusion that Lance did in fact like him back. 

 

God he hoped so. 

 

But was Keith willing to do anything about it? Was he willing to risk their friendship, something he treasured so much, for the chance to be something more? While his brain said no, his heart screamed yes. Keith just had to decide which to listen to.

 

It was in this moment of pondering while staring wistfully out onto the waves, probably looking like some edgy emo kid you’d see on a pinterest board, that Keith heard a ding from his phone. 

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-thetailor to Shuturfuck-**

 

**thetailor:** Yo hunk I just dropped the car off at the shop and I have a few hours until it’s done you wanna come pick me up and we can go get food??

 

Keith frowned at the message in confusion, fully aware it was clearly not meant for him, and started typing to tell Lance so when another message came in. 

 

**thetailor:** OH SHIT KEITH

 

**thetailor:** I’m sorry!!! That was meant for hunk

 

**Shuturfuck:** Lol it’s fine

 

**Shuturfuck:** You’re stuck at a car repair place?

 

**thetailor:** ya the car’s not gonna be done for like 2-3 hours ://

 

Keith nodded to himself in understanding and was about to offer his condolences to Lance’s situation when an idea came to his head. He found himself already typing before he could think about it more.

 

**Shuturfuck:** Um

 

**Shuturfuck:** I know you meant to send that to Hunk but I’m actually out rn and not doing much, if you wanted I could pick you up and we could go get food??

 

**Shuturfuck:** I mean only if you wanted to!!

 

**Shuturfuck:** If you’d rather go hang out with Hunk that’s totally fine I totally get that

 

**thetailor:** No no you’re fine!!

 

**thetailor:** I’d actually really really like getting to see you again

 

Keith felt himself starting to blush at that and was grateful he was alone on the cliff.

 

**thetailor:** so yeah food sounds really good :)

 

**Shuturfuck:** Oh

 

**Shuturfuck:** Okay :)

 

**thetailor:** here I’ll send you the address

 

**Shuturfuck:** ok

 

**thetailor:** [image.jpg]

 

**Shuturfuck:** you sent me a screenshot of the address on google maps??

 

**thetailor:** I was too lazy to type it all out

 

**Shuturfuck:** lol you dork

 

**Shuturfuck:** ok so google maps is saying it’ll take me about twenty minutes to get there

 

**thetailor:** Sweet!

 

**Shuturfuck:** Oh quick warning

 

**Shuturfuck:** I’m driving Dr. Holt’s motorcycle, are you ok with riding on the back of it?

 

**Shuturfuck:** I have a helmet you can use

 

**thetailor:** holy shit Dr. Holt has a motorcycle?!

 

**Shuturfuck:** I know I was surprised too

 

**thetailor:** hmm I’ve never been on a motorcycle b4 but I trust you

 

**thetailor:** so ya I’m fine

 

**thetailor:** but if I scream don’t u dare make fun of me

 

**Shuturfuck:** Got it lol

 

**Shuturfuck:** Ok so I’ll leave rn

 

**thetailor:** k can’t wait!

 

**thetailor:** see you soon!

 

**Shuturfuck:** Be there in a few!

 

Keith put away his phone and stood up, staring out towards the turbulent waves yet again. His hands were still shaking with adrenaline but he couldn’t stop grinning. He was gonna see Lance today! This was both terrifying and fantastic.

 

Hopping on his bike, Keith couldn’t help but let out a small cheer as he pulled away from the cliff and back towards the city. 

 

~

 

Lance stared at his phone for several minutes after Keith had gone offline. Holy shit. Had that really just happened? 

 

Who knew accidentally texting the wrong person could get him a lunch date with his crush?

 

Wait. Shit. Not date. They had said nothing about a date. It was just food. 

 

Lance wished it was a date.

 

Either way he was gonna go out to eat with his crush.. Who was riding a motorcycle. And probably looked really hot while doing so. 

 

_ Fuck _ . 

 

As Lance waited for Keith to show up while he sat outside the repair shop, he found himself jittering his leg in nervousness. Oh god he was not prepared to see Keith. Not mentally or physically. He’d been up so early dealing with Toni and Camilla and trying to wrangle them into eating their breakfast before daycare that he’d barely had time to brush his hair before heading out the door. Although he knew Keith probably didn’t care about that, Lance was still worried about the dark circles under his eyes nonetheless. 

 

After waiting an agonizing fifteen minutes listening to the sweet tunes of his pop playlist while trying to lower the adrenaline rushing through his blood, Lance jumped to attention when he heard the roar of a motorcycle, and looked down the street to see a figure in a leather jacket driving towards him. The motorcyclist stopped right in front of the repair shop, and Lance grinned when he saw the familiar black mullet sticking out from underneath the helmet. 

 

Lance walked towards Keith right as he cut the engine to the bike, pulling the helmet off his head in one fell swoop. Lance smiled at the sight of Keith’s flushed and grinning expression, while internally screaming  _ SHIT SHIT SHIT _ when he realized he was right about Keith looking really hot on a motorcycle. Come on Lance, keep your cool. 

 

“Hi.” Lance said once Keith stepped off the motorcycle. 

 

“Hey.” Keith said back, running a hand through his slightly tangled mess of hair. They both stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do, just like the day before when they had been face to face for the first time in real life. 

 

Then, the spell was broken when Lance decided  _ fuck it _ and stepped forward, wrapping Keith in a hug. Keith immediately hugged him back and Lance’s smile widened at the contact, resisting the urge to bury his face in Keith’s neck. After a few seconds they separated, and Lance noticed they were both blushing slightly. 

 

“S-So you ready to go?” Keith asked when neither of them said anything for a few seconds. Lance nodded eagerly.

 

“Yup! Where do you wanna eat?” Keith shrugged.

 

“I don’t know, what’s good around here?” He asked. Lance pursed his lips in thought, not having thought of this ahead of time. 

 

“Uhh… there’s a pretty good mexican place near here if you wanna go there.” Lance suggested. Keith nodded, furrowing his brow in thought. 

 

“Hmm… yeah, mexican sounds good.” Keith agreed, making Lance grin. “Here, type the name of the place into my phone so I know where to go.” Lance nodded and quickly tapped in the name, before handing it back to Keith. 

 

“Alright, here, take this.” Keith turned around and unhooked a blue helmet from the back of the bike, and put it into Lance’s hands. Lance stared at it, turning it around in examination for a few moments before pulling it onto his head. He went to secure the strap, but quickly realized it was different than he had thought it would be, and had no idea how to secure the stupid helmet onto his head. 

 

“Uh,” Lance started, fumbling around with his fingers on the straps of the helmet. “Keith could you help me a bit?” Keith turned around from where he had just gotten his own helmet secured and snorted a little when he saw Lance’s confusion, which made Lance frown. “Hey! Don’t laugh at me! I didn’t know it would be two loopy thingies!” Keith raised his hands in mock surrender.

 

“Sorry! Here, let me help you.” Keith reached forward and grabbed the strap, stepping into very close proximity, his hands right at Lance’s throat. Lance gulped as Keith pulled the strap through the two loops, before pulling it back again through only one of the loops. “T-There you go.” Keith stammered, his cheeks darkening as he realized how close he was to Lance. 

 

“T-Thanks.” Lance said, before he pulled the visor over down to hide his face. Keith stared at him for a moment longer before he turned around and swung one leg over the bike, settling himself onto the seat. 

 

“You ready?” Keith asked. Lance was certainly not ready as it had just fully hit him he was going to be on a motorcycle, a super fast and small mode of transportation that was very dangerous, but he nodded anyway and took a step towards the bike. 

 

_ Okay Lance. You’re okay. Keith’s been riding these things for years. It’s totally safe. _

 

“Uh, Lance, are you okay?” Keith asked in a worried voice. 

 

“Y-Yeah, I’m totally fine. Definitely. Just n-never been on a motorcycle before, ya know?” He said, his voice shaky. After a moment, Keith moved his visor up so Lance could see his face and took his hands off the handlebars, grabbing Lance’s hands in his own very warm and reassuring ones. 

 

“Hey, don’t worry, you’re gonna be fine. I wouldn’t bring you on a motorcycle if I didn’t know what I was doing. Just… just hold on tight to me and if you need to you can close your eyes.” Keith paused. “You won’t get hurt. You’ll be okay.” Keith looked directly into Lance’s eyes as he said this, and Lance found himself completely believing his words. Lance nodded and Keith let go of his hands, and Lance missed the warmth. Keith turned back around and put his hands on the bike, and Lance took a deep breath to calm himself before he swung a leg over and settled in behind Keith, wrapping his arms around the other’s waist. 

 

“You ready?” Keith asked again, his voice slightly muffled by his helmet. 

 

“Yup.” Lance said, his voice steadier than before. 

 

The engine roared to life and although Lance was still kinda thinking of the many ways in which he could die on a motorcycle, he was also focusing on how warm Keith’s body was. His heart gave a little start when the motorcycle began to move, but once they began to move, Lance felt his fear ebb away as excitement began to take it’s place. The wind whipping past his body and the blurring cars and buildings was both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time, and Lance felt himself smile as they rode down the streets of the city, the faint smell of ocean air filling his nose when he pressed himself closer to Keith. 

 

This was gonna be a good day, Lance decided. 

 

With Keith here, how could it be anything but?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me planning this: Let’s have Lance and Keith go on a cute date at a cafe!  
> Me writing this while very hungry and craving a burrito: ok how about a mexican place instead
> 
> i need to eat it's nearly midnight and i haven't eaten since 2pm whoops
> 
> Okay so I know I said last chapter we were meant to get to the good shit but like ,,, these chapters keep getting longer than expected whoops
> 
> I swear I was supposed to get to the actual 'date' during this chapter but it just kinda didn't happen whoops (also I'm planning on showing Pidge and Matt's Sibling Bonding time a bit too so look forward to that)
> 
> I'LL TRY TO GET THE NEXT CHAPTER OUT SOONER THOUGH IM SORRY FOR THIS ACCIDENTAL SLOWBURN
> 
> Let me know what you thought in the comments! Even if I don't reply I do see all of them and your comments make my day :)
> 
> My voltron blog (feel free to message me!): zarkondoms.tumblr.com
> 
> ~  
> And now, the part where Vallraiene takes over the notes
> 
> This bitch has been promising me Klance for like a month now and I am salty
> 
> smh


	16. matt's a bad role model

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge and Matt cause trouble, Lance discusses how Keith is a bad boy stereotype, and also Keith has terrible timing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! God it feels like it's been so long since I posted a chapter for this and I'm sorry!!! I've gotten sidetracked by two other writing projects I've been dealing with. One was a writing piece involving some ocs and then another was a new fic I started! It's also klance and it's a life is strange au in case any of y'all are interested in that
> 
> Along with those things I also was dealing with the stress of taking my driving test (for the 3rd time) so that also delayed this chapter but guess who has a license now kiddos
> 
> Also to add to the list of 'weird places I've written fanfic' idk if this counts but I plotted some of the dialogue for this out by talking to myself while driving to pick my dog up from daycare
> 
> Anyway, enough of the random stuff. We have over 7000 hits and over 800 kudos holy shit!!! Thank you guys so much for everything, I still am in disbelief that so many of you like my dumb little groupchat fic. Every nice comment you guys leave me makes my day i love you all
> 
> Now, on with the chapter!

**patmatt:** guess who’s having fun at the apple store

 

 **patmatt:** [image.jpg]

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Is…

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Is that Pidge planking??

 

 **GordonRamsey:** On a table????

 

 **patmatt:** yup

 

 **patmatt:** i’m waiting for her to get yelled at

 

 **DrFuckMe:** Pidge oh my god

 

 **patmatt:** while i wait I have been changing all the lockscreens on the ipads to harambe memes

 

 **DrFuckMe:** dead meme

 

 **patmatt:** fuck off harambe will never be a dead meme

 

 **patmatt:** o shit wait an employee just looked at her

 

 **patmatt:** he looks so confused!!!

 

 **patmatt:** he’s walking over

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Dont let Pidge get in trouble

 

 **patmatt:** ppl are taking pictures

 

 **patmatt:** it was her idea man not mine

 

 **DrFuckMe:**...I don’t think the two of you should ever be left alone together

 

 **GordonRamsey:** they’re siblings allura that’s kinda unavoidable

 

 **DrFuckMe:** unfortunately

 

 **patmatt:** oH SHIT SHE GOT YELLED AT

 

 **patmatt:** she’s talking to the guy rn

 

 **patmatt:** wait why is she pointing at me

 

 **patmatt:** DID THAT LITTLE SHIT JUST PIN THE BLAME ON ME

 

 **patmatt:** fUCK HE’S COMING OVER HERE

 

 **GordonRamsey:** kdlsfjd

 

 **DrFuckMe:** Pidge’s revenge

 

 **PigeonKiller:** hi guys im back

 

 **DrFuckMe:** what did you tell the apple employee about Matt?

 

 **PigeonKiller:** that he bribed me to plank and that im only 11 and didnt know what i was doing

 

 **GordonRamsey:** DKFJSDLFKJJD

 

 **PigeonKiller:** hes getting lectured about how to be a good role model

 

 **PigeonKiller:** im fucking crying this is great

 

 **PigeonKiller:** [image.jpg]

 

 **GordonRamsey:** HE LOOKS SO SAD

 

 **PigeonKiller:** he hates getting yelled at by adults

 

 **DrFuckMe:** But he is an adult

 

 **PigeonKiller:** is he tho

 

 **DrFuckMe:** shit youre right

 

 **PigeonKiller:** oh the guy is leaving now

 

 **patmatt:** KATIE THAT WAS A DICK MOVE

 

 **PigeonKiller:** IT WAS WORTH IT

 

 **patmatt:** i cant believe i got you starbucks this morning

 

 **patmatt:** you little shit

 

**\- patmatt’s name has been changed to ‘Badrolemodel’-**

 

 **Badrolemodel:** fuck whoever did this

 

 **DrFuckMe:** I speak the truth

 

 **Badrolemodel:** fuck you

 

 **DrFuckMe:** no thanks I like girls

 

 **Badrolemodel:** i dont

 

 **GordonRamsey:** what is happening

 

 **PigeonKiller:** hell if I know

 

 **GorgeousMan:** I AM BACK FROM MY BUSINESS MEETING

 

 **DrFuckMe:** oh no

 

 **GorgeousMan:** what did I miss?

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Pidge getting in trouble at the apple store and Matt getting scolded for being a bad role model

 

 **Badrolemodel:** it was her idea in the first place

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Ah yes, Apple!

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Steve Jobs was a wonderful businessman and a good friend of mine

 

 **GorgeousMan:** I even slept with him once!

 

 **DrFuckMe:** YOU DID WHAT?!

 

 **GorgeousMan:** oh

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Probably shouldn’t have said that with Allura in the chat

 

 **DrFuckMe:** NO I WANT DETAILS WHEN DID YOU SLEEP WITH STEVE JOBS

 

 **PigeonKiller:** OH MY GOD CORAN

 

 **GordonRamsey:** He hasn’t even told the story yet and I already feel scarred for life

 

 **Badrolemodel:** same

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Well you see

 

 **GorgeousMan:** It was shortly after the first iphone had come out and I owed a lot of money to the dictator of a small country

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Is this NSFP

 

 **DrFuckMe:** NSFP?

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Not Safe For Pidge

 

 **PigeonKiller:** oh fuck you I’ve seen porn

 

 **GordonRamsey:** EW WHEN?!

 

 **PigeonKiller:** I hacked pornhub when I was 11

 

 **PigeonKiller:** remember there was that whole drama about it where shiro told everyone about it

 

 **PigeonKiller:** and i hacked his computer as revenge

 

 **GordonRamsey:** oh ya

 

 **DrFuckMe:** I thought you didn’t like talking about that

 

 **PigeonKiller:** eh I mean you guys all know it by now

 

 **Badrolemodel:** I was the one who found her watching porn with a very confused look on her face

 

 **PigeonKiller:** I didn’t know wtf was going on

 

 **GordonRamsey:** an ace then and an ace now

 

 **PigeonKiller:** ~asexuality~

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Wait I just realized Keith, Lance, and Shiro aren’t in this convo

 

 **Badrolemodel:** Shiro is off at the military base meeting with some old friends

 

 **Badrolemodel:** but idfk where Lance and Keith are

 

 **PigeonKiller:** how much yall wanna bet theyre off together somewehre

 

 **DrFuckMe:** £5 says they are

 

 **Badrolemodel:** this is ‘merica we dont use your pansy ass £

 

 **DrFuckMe:** oh fuck off eagle boy

 

 **Badrolemodel:** you tea sipping slut

 

 **DrFuckMe:** excuse you, tea is great

 

 **PigeonKiller:** oh god not another tea debate

 

 **GorgeousMan:** IT’S ALWAYS TIME FOR A TEA DEBATE

 

 **GordonRamsey:** ok but seriously where are lance and keith

 

 **PigeonKiller:** hang on I’ll hack lance’s phone

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Pidge

 

 **GordonRamsey:** I don’t think Shiro would approve

 

 **DrFuckMe:** DO IT PIDGE

 

 **PigeonKiller:** DOING IT

 

 **PigeonKiller:** Allura is the closest thing we have to a mom in this chat and she gave me permission so im good

 

 **DrFuckMe:** Ew I dont wanna be a mom

 

 **PigeonKiller:** we’re ur kids now

 

 **DrFuckMe:** ugh

 

 **GordonRamsey:** What’s Matt doing while you hack Lance

 

 **Badrolemodel:** I’m getting french fries from the food court

 

 **DrFuckMe:** ooo get me something

 

 **Badrolemodel:** sure what you want

 

 **DrFuckMe:** hmm any american chips are good

 

 **Badrolemodel:** oh ya you guys call them chips

 

 **PigeonKiller:** GOT IT

 

 **PigeonKiller:** OH MY GOD

 

 **PigeonKiller:** SOMEONE OWES ALLURA £5

 

 **GordonRamsey:** WAIT SERIOUSLY

 

 **DrFuckMe:** ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING ME

 

 **PigeonKiller:** I SWEAR IM NOT MAKING THIS UP

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Did you hack his texts??? Or his location??

 

 **PigeonKiller:** no I looked at snapchat maps

 

 **DrFuckMe:** DKLFJSDF

 

 **PigeonKiller:** Last location on there is them both being at a repair shop

 

 **GordonRamsey:** oh ya Lance said he needed to get his car fixed

 

 **PigeonKiller:** Im gonna ask him how their date is going

 

 **DrFuckMe:** Pidge don’t be mean

 

 **PigeonKiller:** hey he shouldnt have left snapchat maps on

 

 **Badrolemodel:** she’s got a point

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Fantastic plan, Pidge! Let us know how it goes!

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Now, back to my story about Steve Jobs

 

 **GorgeousMan:** So I owed money to a dictator and I happened to have a friend who knew dear ol’ Steve

 

~

 

“So has anyone ever tried to steal your motorcycle?” Lance asked with a raised brow, leaning over the table slightly towards Keith. Keith laughed lightly as he took a sip of his soda.

 

“No, never had that happen before. You can’t really go anywhere without the key and it's kinda hard to hotwire a bike.” Lance frowned as he tried to come up with another question, having dedicated himself to learning as much about Keith’s life with his motorcycle as possible to make up for the fact that he hadn't even known Keith rode motorcycles until recently.

 

“Hmm… have you ever been involved in a high speed chase like in the movies?” Lance asked as he took a bite of his burrito. Keith’s expression made it seem like he was torn between laughing and rolling his eyes at Lance’s question.

 

“No, I may have been arrested for arson once but other than that I haven't done anything illegal.” He said with a shrug. Lance fake pouted at him.

 

“You know you're really not living up to your ‘cool edgy mysterious bad boy’ aesthetic right?” Keith frowned at that.

 

“I have an ‘aesthetic’?” He asked in a dubious tone, one eyebrow raised.

 

“Yeah! Of course you do! You got the long dark hair, the motorcycle, and even the leather jacket! You're a total bad boy stereotype.” Lance said, gesturing wildly to his friend from across the table.

 

“Well actually the leather jacket is a safety thing for when I ride my bike-” Keith was cut off when Lance made shushing noises and put his finger to Keith’s lips.

 

“Talking about safety makes you lose the aesthetic.” Lance said with a smirk. Keith couldn't help but grin at Lance’s amusing antics, the boy’s silly mood beginning to rub off on him.

 

“Fine, you want bad boy? Well guess what I've done?” Keith said, gesturing for Lance to lean closer. Lance complied. “I cheated on my math test when I was 9.” He whispered dramatically. Lance immediately let out a snort and leaned back in his seat, holding his hand to his forehead in a fake swooning gesture.

 

“Oh my god! The bad boy of my dreams!” They both laughed at that, and Lance could see that Keith was becoming more relaxed as time went on. He was cracking jokes, the almost nervous tension in his shoulders had disappeared, and his smile was wide and genuine.

 

“Okay okay, back to my questioning.” Lance said after they had calmed down, taking a sip of his soda. “Have you ever…” He scratched his chin as he thought. What could he ask Keith about riding motorcycles?

 

“Have you ever been in a crash before?” Keith’s expression darkened a bit at that, and Lance immediately realized this could be a painful subject. “Or-or if you don't wanna talk about it that's fine. God, sorry I shouldn't have asked that-”

 

“It's fine, Lance. When you ride bikes you just kinda accept that no matter how good you are you are gonna crash at one point or another.” He paused and took a bite of his food. “The worst injury I ever got was when I broke my leg when I was 13. Other than that I haven't really had many spills, but I did get a bad gash on my shoulder about a year ago.” Keith leaned forward and tugged the corner of his shirt down, revealing a jagged, white scar on his collarbone.

 

“Oh… shit man. That looks like it hurt.” Lance said, letting out a sympathetic hiss through his teeth, his hand hovering near almost as if to touch it. Keith shrugged and pulled his shirt back up.

 

“Yeah, that sucked a lot. Scared the shit out of Shiro too. He didn't let me ride again for months.” Keith said as he toyed with the straw of his drink.

 

“I could imagine why. It must’ve scared him.” Lance commented, and Keith nodded in agreement. It was quiet for a moment, a gentle silence falling between the two, before another question entered Lance’s head.

 

“Did it scare you?” He asked, making Keith glance up in surprise. “Any of your injuries? Did they make you not want to ride anymore?” Keith furrowed his brow and bit his lip in thought.

 

“Well… kinda, I guess. Breaking my leg as a 13 year old who was still kinda new to riding definitely shook me up a bit. But after that I just accepted that if I wanted to ride motorcycles getting into accidents was going to happen no matter what, and so I didn’t really let getting injured bother me anymore. I love riding and so it’s worth the risk.” Lance nodded as Keith spoke, wondering if he’d be able to do that, to just accept the risk of injury or death just for the sake of doing what he loved.

 

He didn’t know if he could.

 

But if he was doing it _for_ someone he loved, now that was a different story. Lance knew one thing in life, and that was he would do anything to protect his family.

 

Keith coughed, dragging Lance back to reality, and he flushed as he realized he’d been staring off into space.

 

“You okay?” Keith asked, raising one eyebrow.

 

“Y-Yeah! I’m fine! Just thinking about things, you know?” Lance said, giving Keith a reassuring grin. Keith shrugged and returned to his food, and it was quiet yet again for a few minutes, before Keith made a noise like he had just remembered something.

 

“Actually, if you wanna hear something ridiculous, one of my worst looking scars isn’t actually from riding motorcycles.” Lance hummed in curiosity and cocked his head, indicating for Keith to continue. Keith put his burrito down and hastily undid the velcro of the glove on his right hand, before holding his palm out for Lance to see.

 

Down the center of Keith’s hand was a large and very rough-looking scar that went diagonally across his palm. The edges were raised and slightly pink, while the rest of the scar was so pale it contrasted with Keith’s already very pale skin. Lance sucked in a breath through his teeth and hesitantly reached his fingers out to touch it on instinct, but stopped short when he realized that might be weird. Glancing up, Keith gave him a look indicating that it was okay, and Lance slowly brought his hand on top of the scar, feeling the rough and uneven skin there.

 

“Holy shit… how did this happen?” He asked, brushing his fingers lightly over the skin. Keith chuckled softly.

 

“It was really stupid. I was working on my bike one day when I got up to grab something from my workbench. As I was walking back Shiro walked into the room and scared the shit out of me and I tripped on my shoelace and reached out to steady myself on the bike, and I accidentally caught my hand on an exposed piece of metal.” He laughed as he told the story, and Lance couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

 

“Wow, the story really doesn’t fit the scar, does it?” Lance asked with  a smirk. Keith shrugged and grinned back at him.

 

“Nope. Matt’s told me before I should make up some really cool story for how I got the scar but I don’t know what I’d say.” Lance scoffed at that.

 

“Obviously you say it was ninjas with chainsaws.” He said, his expression the epitome of ‘well duh’. Keith gave him a confused look.

 

“Ninjas with chainsaws? What?” Lance just sighed and rolled his eyes.

 

“When people ask where you got your scar,” He tapped the palm of Keith’s hand with one finger. “You say you had to fight off ninjas with chainsaws.”

 

“But-But that doesn’t make sense! Ninjas are supposed to be silent! Chainsaws aren’t! Ninjas would never use chainsaws.” Keith protested.

 

“Have you ever met a ninja to back up that claim?” Lance asked, raising one eyebrow.

 

“Well… no but-”  


“Then you don’t know what they’d use, now would you?” Keith frowned at Lance’s logic, grumbling something to himself about ninjas needing to be stealthy. It was then they both realized that Lance still had his hand on Keith’s, and Lance flushed and hastily went to pull away when he felt warm fingers wrap around his own. Glancing at Keith, whose face was now also bright red, Lance saw that the dark haired boy had interlaced their fingers together and was now resting their hands on the table.

 

Lance smiled and squeezed Keith’s hand, feeling a small thrill when Keith squeezed back.

 

Their hands stayed interlocked for the rest of the meal.

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-ThePrincess to knockoffjasmine-**

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** So how’s your day been??

 

 **ThePrincess:** Oh it’s been pretty good! I have an essay due in a few days so I’ve been rather stressed about that, but otherwise I spent some time with my uncle and that was fun!

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** Ooo nice, how’s Coran doing?

 

 **ThePrincess:** He’s been pretty good, busy with business stuff but otherwise just as cheery as usual!

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** you’re really close with him

 

 **ThePrincess:** Yes, I am

 

 **ThePrincess:** When I was young he helped my father raise me, and when my father died he took care of me then too

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** Ah, that makes sense

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** I’m really sorry to hear about your father

 

 **ThePrincess:** It’s alright, it happened a few years ago so I’ve had my time to grieve

 

 **ThePrincess:** I still get sad occasionally but mostly I just try to remember all the fun times I’ve had with him

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** that’s a really good way to look at it

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** my parents died when I was young too so I know how it feels

 

 **ThePrincess:** Oh, I didn’t know

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** that’s fine, I don’t exactly broadcast it

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** I was young when it happened so it doesn’t bother that much these days

 

 **ThePrincess:** Well I’m glad to hear that, and if you ever want to talk I’m here

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** I know, thank you :)

 

 **ThePrincess:** Anyway, how was your day??

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** it’s been good! My brother’s been driving most of the day since I volunteered to take the night shift so I’ve just been sleeping and acting as DJ

 

 **ThePrincess:** Sounds relaxing lol, where are you guys headed again?

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** we’re headed to canada for a bit for some business stuff

 

 **ThePrincess:** Oooo that’s cool, I’ve never been to Canada

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** I’ve been a few times before, it’s a nice place

 

 **ThePrincess:** Hmm, hopefully I’ll be able to go sometime

 

 **ThePrincess:** hey u still there?

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** shit ya sorry my brother was talking to me

 

 **ThePrincess:** oh that’s fine, I actually have to go soon but did you think any more about that thing I asked you?

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** about the us kinda dating thing?

 

 **ThePrincess:** yeah, that thing

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** Well I know it’d be hard with long distance

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** but honestly I’d love to, Allura

 

 **ThePrincess:** Really?!

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** yeah, I really like you and dating sounds pretty awesome

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** like I really really like you

 

 **ThePrincess:** Well I really really like you too

 

 **ThePrincess:** I mean you’re just so funny?? And sweet?? And you remember everything going on in my life and ask me about it and-

 

 **ThePrincess:** God I’m blushing so hard rn

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** same lol

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** don’t sell yourself short either, you’re super smart and always know how to make me laugh, and you genuinely care so much about all your friends and not to mention insanely gorgeous

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** wow can you tell I’m super gay for you

 

 **ThePrincess:** don’t worry I’m super gay for you too lol

 

 **ThePrincess:** Also I know I said this before but obviously we wouldn’t have to be monogamous or anything, I get that long distance can be difficult so if you meet another person you like you can totally do whatever you like with them, just don’t keep me completely out of the loop lol

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** Yeah I know, I appreciate that a lot

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** and obviously same goes for me

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** oh we’re gonna go eat now, I gtg for now

 

 **ThePrincess:** Oh that’s fine! Have a good meal!

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** Talk to you later, Allura

 

 **ThePrincess:** Ttyl Nyma :*

 

 **knockoffjasmine:** <3

 

~

 

After their lunch, Lance and Keith still had some time to kill before Lance had to go pick up his car, so they spent the afternoon wandering around the city, investigating odd stores and enjoying the cool, spring weather.

 

They held hands the entire time they walked. Lance would occasionally rub his thumb against Keith’s knuckles as a gesture of comfort, and Keith would squeeze his hand in return. Neither of them commented on it, but a permanent flush remained on both of their cheeks for the rest of their time together.

 

They spent their time wandering around a city park for nearly an hour, with Keith taking photos of the numerous art murals and Lance taking candid photos of Keith. Occasionally Keith would notice Lance taking a photo and would do his best to not pay attention to the camera, but couldn’t help smiling at Lance’s focused expression. Eventually, Lance finally noticed the time, and realized he had to go.

 

It didn’t take long for them to get back to Keith’s bike, and Lance clung to the dark-haired boy as they rode along the streets of the city, burying his face into the warmth of Keith’s shoulder.

 

It was too soon that they arrived back at the car repair shop, and Lance hopped off the bike and turned back around to face Keith, his helmet in his hands.

 

“Here you go.” Lance murmured, handing him the helmet. Keith took it and quickly strapped it back onto the back of the bike, and when he looked back at Lance he saw the boy was giving him a nervous sort of smile.

 

“Um, so, I-I had a really good time.” Lance said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. Keith unconsciously mirrored his movements, and nodded in agreement.

 

“Yeah, me too.” He said, ruffling his hair with his hand. Lance seemed very reluctant to go, scuffing his shoes along the pavement. Then he looked back up at Keith and hesitated momentarily, before taking one of his hands in his own again.

 

“So, I talked to my mom and she said you could come over for dinner tonight if you’d want to.” Lance said, keeping his gaze focused on playing with Keith’s fingers absentmindedly. Keith sucked in a small breath of surprise. Tonight? They would have dinner tonight? That was so soon!

 

“I… I-”

 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, obviously. I wouldn’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” Lance said hurriedly, cutting him out.

 

“No, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable, I would love to come over for dinner.” Lance seemed to actually sag with relief at this, his face blooming into a brilliant and radiant smile.

 

“Awesome! Dinner starts around 7 usually so you can be at my house around 6:45. I’ll text you my address.” Keith nodded and Lance grinned even wider. They were both quiet for a moment, and Lance realized he was (again) still holding onto Keith’s hand. Quickly, he dropped it and Keith let the hand fall to his side, silently missing the warmth.

 

“Um, I gotta go now. Gotta pick up Toni and Camilla.” He said, turning around and beginning to walk back into the shop. “6:45! Don’t forget!” Keith smiled back and nodded, and Lance gave him a thumb’s up of all things before disappearing into the building.

 

Driving home, Keith’s mind raced with thoughts of Lance. He thought of how easily the conversation had flowed between them during lunch, how much he had enjoyed being with him, and how excited he was to see him again so soon.

 

By the time he arrived back to Pidge’s house, he saw that Shiro’s car was back, but not the car Matt and Pidge had taken out. Huh, guess they were still out causing trouble. Hopefully Shiro wouldn’t have to bail them out of jail, but with the Holt siblings that was a very real possibility.

 

Keith parked Sam’s motorcycle and made his way into the house, and found Shiro chatting amicably with Sam in the kitchen. Both of the men turned to face Keith as he walked in, with Shiro giving him a surprised look while Sam gave him a more _knowing_ one.

 

“Hey Keith, how’d the ride go? You were gone for a while.” Sam said as he sauteed something on the stove.

 

“Oh, it was really good. Thanks again for letting me ride your motorcycle, Dr. Holt.” Keith said, dropping into the seat next to Shiro at the dinner table.

 

“Keith, what did I tell you earlier today?” Sam was frowning at Keith now.

 

“Oh, yeah, sorry, thanks for letting me ride your motorcycle, _Sam_.” Sam nodded in approval and returned to cooking the food, and Keith turned to Shiro.

 

“So how’d the day at the base go?” Keith asked, resting his chin on his hand. Shiro shrugged and looked down at the table, fiddling with the fingers of his prosthetic.

 

“It was good, getting to talk to my old squad members was nice.” He said this with a faraway look in his eyes, as if there was more to the story but chose not to say it. He paused and looked up at Keith. “But what about you? What did you do while you were out with Sam’s bike?” Keith immediately felt his face grow hot and ducked his head, hoping Shiro wouldn’t notice.

 

“It was fine.” He said, trying to shield his face with his hair as he thought back to his time with Lance yet again.

 

“Did you have a fun time with Lance?” Keith whipped his head up so quickly at that he felt something pop in his neck, and winced.

 

“How did you know I was with Lance?!” Shiro and Sam both chuckled.

 

“Pidge saw that you two were together on snapchat maps,” _Fucking snapchat maps._ “I hate to break it to you, but you’re not sneaky little bro.” Keith frowned and wrapped his arms around himself, frustrated that nothing could be kept private anymore. Shiro just laughed again and ruffled his hair.

 

“It wasn’t even that big of a deal. He just accidentally texted me when he meant to text Hunk about getting food but since I was already out I offered to come get him and we ended up hanging out for a few hours.” Keith said with a shrug. Shiro raised an eyebrow at this as a smirk formed on his lips, and Keith frowned.

 

“Oh? Did anything else happen?” He asked, his expression the literal epitome of _smug_. Keith sighed and covered his face in his hands, knowing Shiro was going to have a field day with the news he was about to drop on him.

 

“Healsoinvitedmeovertohavedinnerwithhisfamilytonight.” He said in a rush, his voice muffled by his hands. Shiro furrowed his eyebrows and leaned in closer.

 

“Huh? I didn’t understand that.” Keith sighed even deeper this time and forced his hands away from his face.

 

“He also… may or may not have invited me over to have dinner with his family tonight.” Keith finally spit out. Shiro’s face lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree at that, while Sam let out a cheer from where he was cooking.

 

“That’s great, Keith!” Shiro said, clapping him on the back.

 

“Atta boy!” Sam encouraged from the stove. Keith rolled his eyes.

 

“It’s just dinner.” He mumbled, resting his forehead on the table. Before Shiro could respond, the sound of the front door opening echoed throughout the room, and a set of footsteps came racing down the hall towards the kitchen.

 

“YO GUYS WE’RE BACK!” Pidge announced as she raced into the room, with Matt following closely behind.

 

“Oh thank god you weren’t arrested.” Shiro muttered, before standing up to greet his boyfriend. Matt and him shared a quick kiss, before the older Holt sat down at the table beside Shiro, and the younger Holt decided to sit on the kitchen counter across from them.

 

“So Keith, how’d your date with Lance go?” Pidge asked with a smirk. Keith groaned and recounted exactly what he had told Shiro, knowing this questioning had been inevitable, and by the end of his tale Pidge and Matt both seemed to be just as excited as Shiro and Sam had been.

 

“Dude, you gotta start getting ready if you’re gonna be there by 6:45.” Matt said, punching him in the shoulder lightly.

 

“Yeah, no offense bro but you’re kinda sweaty so you might wanna take a shower.” Pidge added, hopping down from the counter and proceeding to stick her face right next to Keith’s to sniff him. He practically leapt away from her and stood up, brushing imaginary dirt off his jacket as he turned to head to the bathroom.

 

“Alright alright! I’m going! No need to sniff me!” Pidge just laughed and Keith stuck his tongue out at her before leaving the room, leaving only the three Holt’s and his brother.

 

It was quiet for a moment. The sound of vegetables and meat sizzling resonated throughout the room, the delicious smell permeating the air as Sam began to hum a mindless tune to himself. Matt and Shiro sat side by side, Matt playing with Shiro’s hand underneath the table as he rested his head on his shoulder. Pidge was paying attention to her phone, rapidly typing away at something, or _someone_. The afternoon sunlight slanted through the blinds and created shadowed slits along the floor, warming the kitchen even more so than it already was.

 

Eventually, someone decided to break the peacefulness.

 

“So Shiro, how did your day at the base go?” Matt asked, his voice low to reflect the calm environment around them. Shiro immediately stiffened at this, something Matt took note of, before forcing himself to relax as he schooled his expression into a visage of nonchalance.

 

“Oh, it was fine. Getting to see my friends was nice.” He said, avoiding Matt’s inquisitive gaze. Something was wrong and Matt could tell. Pidge and Sam meanwhile, seemed to not even be paying attention to the conversation, with Sam being absorbed in his cooking and Pidge being absorbed in her phone. Matt frowned and squeezed his hand lightly under the table.

 

“You sure? You seem quiet.” Matt lowered his voice even more this time, not wanting to draw the attention of his sibling and father. Shiro sighed and finally looked at Matt, and he could immediately tell there was an underlying stress in his eyes that wasn’t normally there.

 

His eyes told Matt something was wrong.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Shiro said instead.

 

Matt bit his lip before deciding what to do, and stood up from his seat, keeping a firm grip on Shiro’s hand as he did so. Shiro stood up with him, his expression slightly surprised, and Matt gestured towards the exit of the kitchen.

 

“Takashi and I are gonna head back to my room for a little bit, we’ll be down for dinner later.” Matt said, leading Shiro out of the room. Pidge looked confused but didn’t comment, and Sam just offered them a warm smile while giving them a nod.

 

Matt walked with Shiro out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and into his room. Once they were there, Matt closed the door behind him and stood in front of Shiro, who suddenly looked ten times more exhausted than he had downstairs. He took Shiro’s hands in his own, and squeezed them tightly.

 

“Tell me, what happened today, Kashi?” He asked, his tone soft. Shiro glanced to the ground and sighed, taking one of his hands out of Matt’s to run it through his hair.

 

“It… It wasn’t anything terrible or anything…” He said, staring at his shoes.

 

“Did something happen with you and your friends?” Matt asked, leaning forward to try and get Shiro to look at him.

 

“No, no nothing like that.” He sighed again, scratching the back of his neck before taking a breath. “It’s just… seeing my friends again was great and all, but… but it also brought back a lot of memories.”

 

Oh. That made sense.

 

“I’m sorry, Kashi. You didn’t… have a flashback, did you?” Matt knew all too well about Shiro’s struggles with PTSD since his time in the military, especially after the incident that had taken his arm. And although he didn’t have flashbacks that often (he had become rather good at avoiding things that triggered those), it was still a factor in his life.

 

“Thankfully no but just seeing everyone just reminded me of some things I’d rather not have been reminded about.” Shiro’s voice was very quiet now, his gaze still locked on his shoes, and Matt took a step forward before slowly wrapping his arms around Shiro’s waist, making sure to give him plenty of time to push him away if he didn’t want to be embraced.

 

Shiro immediately relaxed into Matt’s hold, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and burying his face into Matt’s collarbone. Matt turned his head and shifted so they were face to face, and pressed their foreheads together.

 

“You can always talk to me if you need to, Takashi. I know you always want to act strong for Keith but you don’t have to do that for me. I know we’ve only been dating a few days but I want to always be here for you if you need me.” Shiro smiled at this, and gave a small nod, making Matt smile in return.

 

“Thank you, Matt.”

 

“Of course.” At this, Matt leaned forward and softly pressed his lips against Shiro’s. The kiss was gentle and sweet, as most of theirs were, but it still filled him with giddiness every time. Once they separated, Matt rested his hand on Shiro’s cheek, who leaned into the touch with a content expression.

 

The moment was filled with the promise of new love.

 

The moment was filled with the promise of happiness.

 

The moment was ruined by Keith barging into the room, scaring the shit out of both Shiro and Matt.

 

“Shiro where the heck did you put my nice shirt-” Keith stopped when he noticed the intimate position his brother and Matt were in, his eyes widening slightly. “Oh, uh, shit, was I interrupting something?”

 

“No no! You’re fine, Keith. Matt and I were just…” Shiro paused as he tried to reach for something to tell his little brother. It was then Matt noticed Keith was dressed in just a towel, his hair soaking wet and dripping onto the floor.

 

“Having a moment?” Keith asked with a single raised eyebrow. Both Matt and Shiro flushed and Shiro nodded.

 

“I-I guess you could say that.” He said, before pointing at his suitcase in the corner of the room. “Anyway, I put your dress shirt in my suitcase because I knew with your packing you’d get it wrinkled.” Keith nodded and rushed over, digging through Shiro’s suitcase for a few moments before pulling out a white shirt and standing back up.

 

“Thanks Shiro, I’m uh… I’m just gonna go now.” He said as he hastily exited the room. Matt and Shiro stared at each other for a few moments after that, and suddenly burst into fits of giggles at the same time. Matt leaned his head against Shiro’s shoulder as he laughed, and Shiro began running his fingers through Matt’s hair as breathless giggles escaped him.

 

“God, our lives are like a freaking sitcom.” Matt muttered, shaking his head to himself.

 

“Yeah, they are.” Shiro agreed, his smile much more natural than it had been before. He leaned forward and kissed Matt again, a bit harder this time, and Matt eagerly kissed back.

 

Before the kiss could progress any further though, the door opened again and another younger sibling's voice resonated into the room.

 

“Matt I need that USB drive I gave to you a while ago…” Pidge stopped when she realized what she had walked in on, and Matt was torn between groaning and laughing even more.

 

“You know what? I’ll come back another time.” She said, before turning on her heel and leaving the room. Matt groaned and pressed his forehead against Shiro’s, who just smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. And another. And another. And many more until Matt’s pout was long gone.

 

~

 

Keith stood, waiting in front of Lance’s door, one hand raised to knock as a hurricane of emotions swirled in his mind.

 

What if he was overdressed? What if Lance’s parents didn’t like motorcycles? What if all his siblings hated Keith? What if his parents hated Keith? What if what if what if…

 

What if this was a mistake?

 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Keith shook his head to clear these thoughts. This dinner was gonna go great, and he was gonna get to spend more time with Lance. That’s all that mattered.

 

Keith took a shaky breath, calming his nerves.

 

He knocked on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when i said we'd get to the klance like 3 chapters ago...
> 
> whoops
> 
> (my beta is going to kill me any day now i'm sure of it)
> 
> anyway I kinda realized that we hadn't had any shatt in this fic for a few chapters because of the focus on klance so obviously i had to remedy that
> 
> also snapchat maps is stupid af and i have no clue why i made it canon that coran has slept with steve jobs but there ya go
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Make sure to leave a comment if you did!
> 
> My tumblr (feel free to message me Im a fucking meme and love talking to y'all)  
> zarkondoms.tumblr.com
> 
> -
> 
> hello, this is said beta, logging into this account without permission yet again to fix formatting errors
> 
> if anyone wants to help me blackmail reese into getting the klance done shoot me a message on tumblr it's vallraiene
> 
> shameless self promo because nobody appreciates my contributions to this fic


	17. klance klance fall in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith meets Lance's family and Pidge knows everyone's moms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYO FUCKOS WASSUP
> 
> Ok seriously hi guys!! Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up, I've been _super_ busy with other projects. I had to write the 2nd chapter of my Life is Strange au and then I had to write a fic for the vld summer exchange (it's called Summer Nights on my profile go check it out kiddos)
> 
> But now I finally finished this! And to add of weird places I've written this fic: I finished this chapter on an airplane and I am writing this authors note in a cab on my way to our NY hotel
> 
> Also, holy shit all the love you guys give me on this fic makes my day. Seriously, I wouldn't have continued this past the first chapter if it wasn't for your love and support so thank you so much
> 
> Anyway, lets get on with the chapter! I hope you enjoy!

Keith knocked on the door, and waited, shifting his weight from side to side out of nervousness.

 

He heard a shout come from behind the door, too muffled to make out what it said. He heard the sound of footsteps running, and suddenly something slammed into the front door, making Keith jump back in surprise. Then, he heard the sound of a lock clicking, and the door opened to reveal a panting and grinning Lance. 

 

“KEITH!” He shouted, rushing forward to wrap Keith up in a hug. Keith stiffened in surprise, but quickly relaxed and hugged Lance back. Soon, Lance let go and stepped back to look at Keith, his eyes bright. 

 

“I’m so glad you’re here! Here, c’mon, let’s go inside, dinner’s almost ready.” Without warning, Lance grabbed Keith’s hand and pulled him inside, shutting the door behind him as he went. 

 

Once in Lance’s house, the first thing Keith noticed was that on the outside, the house appeared calm, like the epitome of suburban living. But on the inside, chaos reigned. 

 

Keith could hear the clattering of pots and pans intermingled with the running footsteps of what must have been a stampede of children. Children’s shrieks of joy sounded from what was probably the backyard, and the smell of meat cooking permeated the whole house, making Keith’s mouth water. 

 

“Lance! Can you come here a second?” A woman’s voice called out. 

 

“Coming, Mama!” Lance called back, picking up the pace of his walking. He led Keith to the source of the amazing smell, and Keith saw a woman with curled, dark hair pulled back into a loose ponytail standing in front of a stove. She turned around when they walked in, her expression morphing into a bright smile when her eyes landed on Keith. 

 

“Oh! You must be Keith!” She said, walking over to where the boys were standing across the kitchen. She dusted her hands off on her dress and pushed a curled strand of hair behind her ear, before stepping forward to hug Keith. 

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. McClain.” Keith said, reaching up to hug back. 

 

“Oh please, call me Maria.” She said in a kind voice, separating herself from Keith but keeping her hands on his shoulders. “It’s so nice to finally meet you, Keith. We’ve heard wonderful things about you.” Lance flushed as Keith gave him a surprised look, having had no clue Lance talked about him to his family. Though he supposed it made sense, Lance’s embarrassment was still cute just the same. 

 

“Wait! Is he here?!” Keith heard another voice call out. Glancing backwards, Keith watched as two older girls nearly crashed into the room, their faces bright as they spotted Keith. “It is him!” Keith stumbled back as both girls came running up to him. 

 

The first thing Keith noticed was they were both tall. One was just a little bit shorter than Keith, while the other was the same height as him. The shorter girl had the same light brown hair as Lance, which was long as it fell around her shoulders in waves. The other had darker hair that matched Maria’s, and it was cut short into a bob. And, most notably, they both had the same blue eyes as Lance. 

 

“Keith, this is Melissa,” Lance pointed to the taller girl. “And this is Lourdes.” He pointed to the shorter girl. 

 

“God, I can’t believe we finally get to meet  _ the _ Keith Kogane.” Melissa said with a smirk. “The way Lance has talked about you, you’re like a celebrity around here.” Keith flushed at that, and Lance’s already red cheeks deepened even further. 

 

“Wh-What kind of things have you told them?” Keith asked, suddenly remembering Lance could’ve told them he’d been arrested for arson. 

 

“Good things, many good things.” Lourdes reassured him, patting his shoulder comfortingly. 

 

“Well dinner’s almost ready, so Melissa, can you go get Toni and Camilla? Lourdes, could you get your father? And Lance, can you please set the table?” Maria requested, and turned to Keith. “If you could, help Lance set the table please.” Keith nodded and followed Lance out of the kitchen and into the dining room, where a long wood table sat with a vase of wildflowers in the middle. It was very quaint and homely, and Keith felt more comfortable here than he’d ever felt in a new place before. 

 

“Here, I’ll put the placemats and plates down and you can put the silverware and cups down.” Lance suggested. Keith nodded and watched as Lance put down seven placemats, frowning in confusion as he did a mental count of how many siblings Lance had told him he had, and quickly realized someone was missing. 

 

“Is someone not coming?” Keith asked, making Lance glance up in surprise. 

 

“Oh, yeah, my sister Alicia, she’s off at college right now,” He explained, shrugging as he handed Keith the silverware to put down. 

 

“Well maybe next time I come down I’ll get to meet her.” Keith commented off-handedly. Lance’s head shot up, his face melting into a grin. 

 

“Yeah, hopefully.” He said. Their fingers brushed as Lance handed him the silverware, the touch feeling like an electric spark. 

 

Oh god, Keith was starting to sound like the protagonist of a YA novel. 

 

He needed a reality check. 

 

They finished setting the table quickly, and soon enough almost the whole family was seated. Keith, Lance, and Lourdes were on one side, with Melissa, Toni, and Camilla on the other. Toni and Camilla had both squealed when they saw Keith, each one latching onto his legs with Camilla talking a mile a minute while Toni stayed quiet. It had taken the combined efforts of the older McClain kids to pry the little ones off and get them seated, although they were both squirming and giggling as they stared at Keith. 

 

Now, they were only waiting for Lance’s parents to enter. Keith still hadn’t met Lance’s father, and wasn’t sure what to expect. He hadn’t heard Lance talk much about his dad before, and didn’t know what type of dad he was. Was he the kind of dad that told dad jokes? Was he the awkward dad that didn’t understand his kids but tried anyway? Or was he the strict and traditional dad?

 

Before his worries could consume him, Keith heard footsteps and looked up to see Maria carrying in the food, setting it all in the center of the table before seating herself at the head. She took one look around at everyone present, noticing the empty seat at the other end of the table, and frowned.

 

“That man, always gets so busy with his work he forgets what time it is.” She muttered to herself. “Lourdes, did you tell your father it was dinner time?” Lourdes turned to her mother. 

 

“Yeah, he said he was just finishing up-” Lourdes was cut off when the man in question entered the room, stretching his arms and yawning as he sat himself down across the table from Maria. He took a look at the food, nodding in appreciation, and then looked at everyone seated around the table. 

 

“Sorry about that, I just had to finish one last paragraph.” He said, his gaze going right past Keith before quickly backtracking. His brows furrowed and he cocked his head to the side in confusion, clearly wondering who on earth Keith was, before his face lit up with recognition and he snapped his fingers. 

 

“Oh! Wait! You must be Keith!” He said, grinning widely as he reached over the table, hand outstretched. “I’m Lance’s father, John McClain.” Keith nodded and shook his hand, and he sat back down. 

 

“Nice to meet you, Mr. McClain.” Keith said, wringing his hands underneath the table. 

 

“Nice to meet you too, Keith. As I’m sure you probably know by now, Lance has told us a lot about you.” Mr. McClain said, with a tone that was warm and friendly. 

 

“Believe me, I know.” Keith said with a chuckle. “Lance has told me a lot about you guys too.” Everyone in the family raised their eyebrows and gave Lance expectant looks. Lourdes leaned over from where she was seated next to Keith to punch Lance in the arm, and he gave he a scandalized look.

 

“So Lancey, what kinda things do you say about us?” Lourdes asked, leaning in her seat towards Keith. Keith resisted the natural urge to shrink back, clearing his throat as the gazes of the McClains fell heavily upon him. 

 

He glanced nervously to Lance, and he felt a warm hand squeeze his underneath the table. 

 

“Well… one of the most memorable stories he told me involved Alicia’s fourteenth birthday party...” 

 

~

 

**PigeonKiller:** so if we were all anime characters

 

**PigeonKiller:** which 1 of us would be the protagonist

 

**Badrolemodel:** keith obviously

 

**Takashit:** Why Keith?

 

**Badrolemodel:** only an anime protagonist would have hair that stupid

 

**Takashit:** true

 

**PigeonKiller:** tru tho

 

**GordonRamsey:** but wait 

 

**GordonRamsey:** Allura has white hair

 

**GordonRamsey:** That’s like the epitome of anime

 

**Badrolemodel:** Allura would the the female protagonist and Keith’s heterosexual love interest

 

**DrFuckMe:** Ew

 

**PigeonKiller:** tbh i cant even imagine keith trying to kiss a girl

 

**Takashit:** same

 

**Badrolemodel:** keith + anything straight just doesnt work

 

**PigeonKiller:** anyway back on topic

 

**PigeonKiller:** Keith and Allura are heterosexual love interests because of their stupid (keith) and beautiful (allura) hair

 

**PigeonKiller:** who is everyone else

 

**GordonRamsey:** WAIT A MINUTE

 

**GordonRamsey:** Shiro has white in his hair

 

**GordonRamsey:** Plus he’s got that badass scar across his nose

 

**GordonRamsey:** He’s definitely more of an anime protagonist then Keith

 

**Badrolemodel:** plus he’s really hot

 

**GordonRamsey:** I think we can all agree Allura and Shiro are the most attractive people in this group

 

**Takashit:** oh um

 

**Takashit:** thank you guys

 

**PigeonKiller:** so allura and shiro are the heterosexual love interests

 

**Badrolemodel:** yup

 

**DrFuckMe:** ok I’ll admit being Shiro’s heterosexual love interest is more appealing to me than being Keith’s

 

**DrFuckMe:** but I’d still rather be with my girlfriend

 

**PigeonKiller:** WAIT WHAT

 

**Badrolemodel:** I didn’t know you had a girlfriend!!

 

**Takashit:** neither did I

 

**GorgeousMan:** AND NEITHER DID I

 

**DrFuckMe:** that’s because it just happened today

 

**PigeonKiller:** hunk ur not saying anything

 

**GordonRamsey:** ‘cause I already knew ;)

 

**GorgeousMan:** YOU TOLD HUNK AND NOT ME

 

**DrFuckMe:** Sorry Uncle but Hunk and I were having our weekly gossip session so of course I had to spill the tea about myself first

 

**GordonRamsey:** Allura and I gossip about everyone including ourselves

 

**DrFuckMe:** ^^

 

**GorgeousMan:** Fine but let’s get back on track here

 

**GorgeousMan:** YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND

 

**GorgeousMan:** I need her name, home address, and national insurance number

 

**PigeonKiller:** wtf is a national insurance number

 

**DrFuckMe:** basically our version of a social security number

 

**Badrolemodel:** ohhhhh

 

**Takashit:** Coran why do you need her national insurance number

 

**GorgeousMan:** Reasons I don’t have to tell any of you

 

**DrFuckMe:** Coran you’re not going to go threaten her like you did with my last boyfriend

 

**DrFuckMe:** Besides she doesn’t even live in Britain

 

**DrFuckMe:** She’s an american

 

**Badrolemodel:** 0.0

 

**Badrolemodel:** WHOA

 

**Badrolemodel:** The brit is dating an american

 

**PigeonKiller:** a modern day romeo and juliet

 

**Badrolemodel:** pidgey I love how u always read my mind

 

**PigeonKiller:** it’s the sibling telepathy

 

**Takashit:** Guys Allura was telling us about her girlfriend

 

**Takashit:** So Allura

 

**Takashit:** What’s her name?

 

**DrFuckMe:** well I’m not sure if she’d want me telling you all her real name so I’d rather ask her permission first

 

**DrFuckMe:** But we met after she messaged me a question on tumblr about my last makeup tutorial 

 

**DrFuckMe:** and we started talking and she was really cool and funny and sweet

 

**DrFuckMe:** and then things… escalated

 

**GorgeousMan:** Escalated how?

 

**PigeonKiller:** trust me coran u dont wanna know

 

**DrFuckMe:** It’s better you don’t know, Coran

 

**GorgeousMan:** Hmm alright

 

**GorgeousMan:** I trust you Allura so I won’t push this

 

**DrFuckMe:** Thank you, Uncle

 

**Takashit:** So how did you guys end up becoming official?

 

**DrFuckMe:** Well the other day I was messaging her and I asked how she would feel about us dating

 

**DrFuckMe:** she said she needed time to think about it so today I asked her again and she said yes!

 

**PigeonKiller:** congrats!

 

**Badrolemodel:** damn taking the initiative

 

**Badrolemodel:** gj allura

 

**Badrolemodel:** more than I did with Shiro

 

**PigeonKiller:** matt ur a wuss

 

**Badrolemodel:** shut up weedle

 

**Takashit:** Matt you ran up and pressed your body against mine that’s kinda taking initiative ;)

 

**DrFuckMe:** WAIT WHAT

 

**Badrolemodel:** I WAS GETTING SOAKED BY THE RAIN ALRIGHT I WAS DESPERATE

 

**PigeonKiller:** what about  _ that other night? _

 

**PigeonKiller:** ;))))

 

**Badrolemodel:** oh ya that night lol

 

**Takashit:** that night is a haze of cocktails and cocktail dresses

 

**GorgeousMan:** We should all do that again sometime! It was certainly a rancorous party!

 

**PigeonKiller:** _ dude im down _

 

**Takashit:** Pidge you’re 15 you can’t go to a bar

 

**PigeonKiller:** I have a fake ID  _ obviously _

 

**Takashit:** I still dont know why you have that thing

 

**DrFuckMe:** It’s settled! When Coran and I finally get the chance to come out and spend time with you all, we’re going to a bar!

 

**Takashit:** Allura…

 

**DrFuckMe:** And no one will buy Pidge any alcoholic beverages!

 

**Takashit:** better

 

**Badrolemodel:** who’s gonna be the designated driver

 

**GorgeousMan:** I will!

 

**Takashit:** you don’t drink, Coran??

 

**GorgeousMan:** Oh I do, but I’m immune to any and all effects of alcohol

 

**Takashit:** uhh

 

**Badrolemodel:** okay… that sounds fake... but okay…

 

**DrFuckMe:** Trust me he’s telling the truth

 

**DrFuckMe:** I once saw him drink three straight bottles of tequila and he passed a sobriety test with no problem

 

**Badrolemodel:** what the…

 

**GorgeousMan:** I am the drinking champ!

 

**PigeonKiller:** damn

 

 **GordonRamsey:** ok but I think the real miracle we all need to focus on here is the fact that Coran was able to drink a whole bottle of tequila because tequila is _disgusting_

 

**Takashit:** how would you know, hunk?

 

**GordonRamsey:** uhhh

 

**GordonRamsey:** oh crap would you look at the time I gotta go bye guys

 

**PigeonKiller:** Aaannnddd he’s gone

 

~

 

After dinner, Keith and Lance stayed downstairs to help with the cleanup. Melissa and Lourdes left with Toni and Camilla to get them ready for bed, while John returned to his study to continue his writing. That left only Lance, Keith, and Maria. 

 

Maria organized the food into leftover containers while Lance and Keith worked together to wash the dishes. Lance scrubbed them in the sink and Keith put them into the dishwasher. It was peaceful and relaxing as they worked in silence, a welcome change from the loud but still entertaining chaos of dinner. 

 

Once they were finished, Maria thanked them for their help before disappearing into the hall, leaving Lance and Keith by themselves. Lance immediately took Keith’s hand and led him up the stairs and towards his room, saying they could hang out there.

 

“So this is Toni and Camilla’s room and this is Lourdes’ and Melissa’s. I share a room with Alicia but ever since she went off to college it’s just been me, so I’ve redecorated it how I see fit.” Lance said, pointing at rooms as they passed by. Finally, they got to Lance’s door near the end of the hall, and Lance opened it wide, gesturing for Keith to come in with a nervous grin.

 

Stepping inside, Keith knew that even if he hadn’t been told, he would’ve known this room was Lance’s. 

 

Several scenic posters hung up along the walls, some depicting different images of outer space, others of tropical beaches with turquoise water. The bed looked hastily made, and Keith thought he could see the edge of a sock peeking out from underneath the bed, and laughed internally at the thought of Lance frantically cleaning his room before Keith came over. Soft twinkling lights were strung up along the walls, giving everything in the room a gentle glow. But the most noticeable thing Keith could see were the photos.

 

There were photographs everywhere in Lance’s room. Some framed on his desk, most pinned to the walls with tacks. They were pictures of Lance’s family, a few group shots but most being selfies, and lots of photos of his friends. 

 

There was one of Hunk, smiling proudly in a chef’s hat and apron, a wooden spoon covered in batter in his hand. There was another of Pidge who looked as if she had just been electrocuted, all of her hair sticking upright as soot covered her face. There was one of all three of them, Pidge and Hunk laughing while Lance just smirked at the camera, seeming insanely pleased with himself. 

 

And then there were the other photos. The photos of everyone from their group chat. 

 

There was Shiro, showing off how sharp his eyeliner was with a single raised brow. Then there was Allura, frappuccino in hand as she made a kissy face at the camera. Coran was in another, giving a thumbs up to the camera as he stood on what must’ve been the top of some mountain. There was also one of Allura and Coran together, Coran grinning like a madman as Allura smiled brightly. And of course, there were photos of Keith. 

 

The first selfie he sent to the chat, a silly selfie of him and Shiro, an old selfie of him with Pidge, they were all there. Keith gave Lance a surprised look, not expecting him to have kept and printed out these photos of them all. Lance flushed and scratched the back of his neck when he noticed Keith looking, letting go of Keith’s hand to glance at the photos. 

 

“Um, yeah, I probably should’ve mentioned, I like to print photos of my friends out and put them on my walls.” He said, eyes on his feet.

 

“I can see that.” Keith exclaimed rather stupidly, his gaze scanning over each and every picture. 

 

“Y-Yeah, sorry I should’ve asked permission, this is probably kinda creepy.” Lance said, shuffling his feet awkwardly. 

 

“N-No! It’s fine! I don’t think it’s creepy at all! It’s actually kinda cute.” Keith insisted, making Lance glance up in surprise. Keith blushed a bit, realizing he had just called Lance ‘cute’, but just kept smiling as Lance’s cheeks began to redden as well. 

 

“Well, um, do you wanna sit down?” Lance asked awkwardly, gesturing to his bed. Keith nodded and they both sat down on the edge of the bed next to each other, both of them so close their knees were nearly touching. 

 

It was silent for a moment, uncertainty weighing in the air like a cloud. 

 

Keith spoke first.

 

“Thank you for inviting me over, I’m really glad I got to meet your family.” He said, staring at his lap. 

 

“Thank you for coming, dude. I really wanted you to meet them and I could tell they liked you.” Lance said, a smile in his voice. 

 

“You think they liked me?” Keith asked, glancing up at Lance. 

 

“Oh definitely! They thought you were great,” Lance insisted. “Which is no surprise considering you are great and all, so I knew they’d think the same.” Keith flushed at Lance’s compliment and ducked to hide his face, before realizing Lance was making no move to hide his own red cheeks. 

 

Neither of them knew it, but they subconsciously moved closer. 

 

“I had a lot of fun with you, earlier today and all,” Lance said quietly. Keith was wringing his hands in his lap when suddenly, a hand reached over and pulled his own hands apart. “I really like hanging out with you.” 

 

“Yeah, me too.” Keith said, his mouth feeling dry as Lance interlaced their fingers together. Keith smiled and squeezed Lance’s hand, and Lance squeezed back. 

 

They moved closer. 

 

Their shoulders were pressed against each other. 

 

“I… I’m gonna miss you when I have to leave.” Keith muttered, gazing at their clasped hands. He could feel his heart pounding out of his chest. 

 

His pulse was racing and the blood was roaring in his ears. If there was ever a moment to admit how he felt, he knew it was now. They were holding hands for god’s sake! Lance had to feel the same way.

 

“I’m gonna miss you too.” Lance said, looking right at him now. They were so close now, Keith could feel the soft puffs of Lance’s breath on his face. 

 

Without thinking, Keith reached up and put his free hand on Lance’s cheek, and Lance leaned into his touch, a soft smile spreading on his face. 

 

This was it. This was the moment. 

 

Keith knew it was time. 

 

Leaning in, Keith gently pressed his lips against Lance’s, and smiled as he kissed the boy he’d wanted to kiss for months. Lance smiled back as their lips began to move slowly against each other, and let go of Keith’s hand to tangle his fingers into Keith’s hair. Keith felt as if his heart was going to explode it was beating so fast, as months of pining finally culminated into one kiss. 

 

They kissed and they kissed and they kissed, and then they kissed some more. Soft kisses along smiling lips, over and over again. 

 

When they separated, Keith blinked open his eyes to see Lance still smiling, with cheeks as red as a tomato. Keith grinned back, and pressed their foreheads together with a soft sigh. 

 

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while now.” Keith whispered, gazing at Lance with bright eyes. 

 

“Me too.” Lance whispered back, his smile now more radiant than ever. 

 

Lance then giggled, overwhelmed with happiness, and Keith giggled back, before he wrapped his arms around Lance and buried his face into Lance’s neck. Lance hugged Keith back, and they had no clue how long they stayed like that. And the beautiful thing was, neither of them could bring themselves to care. 

 

~

 

**PigeonKiller:** hello I'd like to make an announcement to the Americans in the chat

 

**DrFuckMe:** if this is another insult to tea I'm going to kick someone's ass

 

**PigeonKiller:** this has nothing to do with tea I just said Americans because all the Americans in the chat are currently in my city

 

**DrFuckMe:** oh, carry on then

 

**PigeonKiller:** thx

 

**PigeonKiller:** so I know lance and Keith are off being gay somewhere so I'll ask them later but I need to perform roll call to make sure the rest of y'all are here

 

**PigeonKiller:** hunk

 

**GordonRamsey:** Here

 

**PigeonKiller:** good

 

**PigeonKiller:** shiro

 

**Takashit:** I'm here, Pidge

 

**PigeonKiller:** great

 

**PigeonKiller:** that loser I call a brother

 

**Badrolemodel:** Rude

 

**PigeonKiller:** stop ur whining

 

**GorgeousMan:** I am here as well!

 

**PigeonKiller:** didn't ask but thx coran

 

**PigeonKiller:** OK THOSE OF US IN SD

 

**PigeonKiller:** we’re having dinner at my house tomorrow night

 

**PigeonKiller:** y'all are coming

 

**Takashit:** Lance isn't here to say if he can come or not

 

**PigeonKiller:** I already texted his mom he's good to go

 

**Takashit:** you texted his mom?

 

**PigeonKiller:** we’re tight

 

**GordonRamsey:** I'm not sure if I can come

 

**PigeonKiller:** I already texted Lily you're fine

 

**GordonRamsey:** Since when are you on a first name basis with my moms

 

**PigeonKiller:** I text ur moms all the time they're great

 

**DrFuckMe:** are you just friends with everyone’s mum?

 

**PigeonKiller:** ya they all love me

 

**Badrolemodel:** weird considering you're an evil gremlin

 

**PigeonKiller:** I know how to make myself look like a better person than I actually am

 

**GorgeousMan:** a useful skill indeed

 

**GorgeousMan:** an even more useful skill is how to steal an identity

 

**GordonRamsey:** let me guess you've done that before too?

 

**GorgeousMan:** Actually no

 

**GordonRamsey:** what

 

**GorgeousMan:** I've stolen several identities!

 

**GordonRamsey:** Why am I even surprised anymore

 

**GorgeousMan:** I don't know but you ought to catch up, Hunk!

 

**PigeonKiller:** _ Anyway _ as I was saying

 

**PigeonKiller:** dinner at my house tomorrow night, 7pm sharp so don't be late fuckos

 

**GordonRamsey:** got it

 

**Takashit:** I'm already staying at your house so sounds good

 

**Badrolemodel:** I live here

 

**GorgeousMan:** Good for you!

 

**GordonRamsey:** what is even happening anymore

 

**Takashit:** I've just given up on trying to make sense of this shit

 

**DrFuckMe:** an admirable mindset indeed

 

~

 

After staying in Lance’s room for a bit longer, exchanging a few more small kisses, Lance declared he had something to show Keith and led him out of his room, having interlaced their fingers once more. They walked down the stairs where Keith could hear the hum of a TV mixed with the chatter of several people talking at once. 

 

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Lance led Keith towards the front door and was about to open it, when a voice called out from behind. 

 

“Lance! Could you come here a second?” It was Maria. She didn’t seem upset by any means, despite what her words suggested. Instead, her gaze seemed soft as she beckoned Lance over to where she was standing. Lance let go of Keith’s hand, and Keith waited and Lance walked over to his mom. 

 

“¿Está todo bien?” Maria asked in a quiet voice when Lance walked over. Keith could barely hear her from where he was standing, not that he understood a lot of spanish anyway, but he could make out most of their conversation. Lance’s brows furrowed in confusion for a moment, before lighting up in realization, a big grin spreading across his face. 

 

“¡Sí Mama, nos besamos!” Lance responded excitedly, a light red spreading across his cheeks. Maria’s expression completely morphed from one of worry to one of pure happiness, her smile so bright Keith could easily tell where Lance got his smile from. She clapped her hands together, before her smile melted into something more fond and she reached up to brush some hair off his forehead. 

 

“Estoy tan feliz por ti, mijo.” She said in a gentle voice, her hand moving down to rest on his cheek. 

 

“Gracias Mamá, estoy feliz también.” Lance answered, his smile softer now. Maria looked at her son for one more moment, before turning and walking towards Keith. 

 

“So, where are you boys headed?” She asked, glancing between Lance and Keith. 

 

“I don’t know, Lance won’t tell me.” Keith said, looking expectantly at Lance. Lance just smirked at him before turning back to his mother. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear and her eyes widened momentarily, before softening as a smile that almost seemed nostalgic seemed to cross her face. 

 

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, mijo.” She said, rubbing his arm affectionately before turning to face Keith. “It was so nice getting to meet you, Keith.” She wrapped her arms around Keith in a hug, and he quickly relaxed and hugged her back. They only stayed like that for a moment, but before she pulled away, she whispered something quick in his ear. 

 

“You make him really happy.” He just managed to make out. And just like that, Maria left, off to find her husband, leaving her son to his own devices. 

 

The two boys stood quietly for a moment, unsure of what to say in the wake of Maria’s departure. Keith went to shove his hands in his pockets, but glanced up in surprise when Lance grabbed his hand before he was able to. 

 

“C’mon Keith, let’s get out of here.” Lance said with a gentle grin. Keith nodded and followed Lance out the door and to whatever lay beyond. 

 

Lance pulled Keith out to his car, opening the door for him to get in the passenger seat, which Keith accepted with a snort. Lance hopped in the driver's seat and pulled out of the driveway, ignoring Keith’s questions as to where they were headed as he drove. Eventually Keith gave up on asking questions, settling for wrapping Lance’s hand around his own, resting it on the center console as Lance led him into the unknown.

 

After a few minutes of driving through the darkened streets, Lance slowed the car to a stop, parking next to a short fence. Keith tried to see what lay beyond, but it was too dark to properly make anything out. 

 

They both stepped out of the car, Lance pocketing his keys before he took Keith’s hand yet again, walking with him towards the fence. 

 

“Lance, can you please tell me where we are?” Keith asked, squinting as he tried to figure out what lay beyond the fence. Before Lance could answer though, Keith managed to make out a lighter shape amongst the dark grass, something that almost looked like a… sand pit?

 

“You took me to a golf course?” He asked, his face scrunched up in confusion. Lance grinned and nodded, easily stepping over the squat fence and gesturing for Keith to do the same.

 

“Yup,” He said as Keith carefully lifted his leg over the fence. “I used to come here all the time at night as a kid. I loved exploring it and pretending I was on some video game quest or something.” Lance explained with a chuckle. 

 

“The reason I brought you here is because there's this one spot on the course that's kinda far away from the street lights, and it makes the stars really easy to see.” He continued, leading Keith further onto the course. 

 

“So we’re going stargazing?” Keith questioned. “That's so cliche… but it's really sweet too.” Lance glanced at him, his smile softer now, and squeezed Keith’s hand, and Keith squeezed back. 

 

As they walked, a comfortable silence stretching between the two, Keith knew he could've been thinking about a million different things. He could've been thinking about how things were going to change between them now, what was going to happen when he went back to LA, how they were going to maintain their sorta long-distance relationship. Those were all very real and valid concerns that could've been flooding Keith’s head in that moment, but all he could focus on was the feeling of Lance’s hand wrapped around his own, and the leftover adrenaline still rushing through his veins after their kiss. 

 

“Here's a good spot.” Lance declared, dropping Keith’s hand so he could stretch out on the grass. Keith laid down beside him, bringing his arm up behind his head to use as a makeshift pillow for himself. Then, he let his eyes wander up to the sky above, and sucked in a breath at the dozens upon dozens of stars littered in the vast expanse of black, twinkling like crystals in the cool night air. 

 

Keith turned to Lance, about to say something about how beautiful it was, but stopped when he saw the awestruck expression on Lance’s face as he stared at the sky. He seemed completely enamored, pure wonder etched across his face as he watched the sky with a wide smile. 

 

Then, he turned to glance at Keith, and his smile softened yet again. 

 

“Hey,” Lance said quietly.

 

“Hey,” Keith returned. Shifting his body to his side, Lance reached up and placed his hand on the back of Keith’s neck, and Keith moved onto his side as well. 

 

“I really like you, Keith.” Lance said, rubbing his thumb against the back of Keith’s neck in comforting circles. Keith laughed lightly.

 

“Yeah, I kinda figured,” He said with a smirk. Then he sighed and leaned closer so their foreheads were touching. “I really like you too.” 

 

“Can we kiss again?” Lance asked after a moment. 

 

“Yeah, we can.” Keith replied, before leaning forward to press his lips against Lance’s again.

 

They laid there for what seemed like hours, but was probably only an hour at most, exchanging long and languid kisses beneath a blanket of stars. At some point during this, they became tangled up in each other, ending with Keith laying on top of Lance’s chest.

 

“So… does this make us boyfriends?” Lance asked at one point, running his fingers through Keith’s hair as he gazed at the sky. 

 

“If you want it to.” Keith said, leaning just a bit further into Lance’s touch. Lance chuckled softly, and Keith could feel it reverberating through his chest. 

 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Lance replied, twisting a strand of black hair into a small curl around his finger. 

 

“Me too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ellie's (vallraiene) blackmailing worked everyone go thank them, but THEY KISSED THEY MCFREAKING KISSED ITS ABOUT TIME AAHHH
> 
> Also I stole Lance hanging up a ton of photographs of his friends in his room from Ellie's irl room so I'm giving them credit for that design idea, I just applied it to lance lol
> 
> [EDIT 08/07/17]: Btw sorry if the spanish dialogue is incorrect, trying to write that was a combination of what i remember from Spanish 2 and google translate so if you have a better translation let me know! (i forgot to add this in the notes when i posted this chap).  
> Spanish translation:  
> "Is everything okay?" "Yes, we kissed!" "I'm so happy for you, my son." "Thank you mom, I'm happy too." 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has stuck with this fic so far, and to everyone new too! I finally have a plan for where I want to go from here thank god so be prepared for more stuff in the future!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed and make sure to leave a comment if you did! Ily all!
> 
> My Tumblr (I'm a literal meme pls talk to me)  
> zarkondoms.tumblr.com
> 
> ~  
> ellie’s end notes:
> 
> hear that, bitches?
> 
> that’s the sound of dudes kissin dudes
> 
> aka victory
> 
> we did it


	18. try me, winry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith break the news, Pidge gets yet another one of her favorite animes ruined for her, and a battle of the siblings ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS I'M NOT DEAD
> 
> Seriously tho I'm sorry it's been a while since I last updated. First I was traveling, and then school started, then I spent like a week writing three pieces for an application to a zine, then I was trying to work on a piece for a zine I'm already in, and on top of all of this I'm part of a big bang so I was trying to plot that out, and overall this fic might not get updated as often as it used to for the time being sorry about that :(
> 
> BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF THINGS THIS IS A CHAPTER UPDATE RIGHT THERE
> 
> I had a hard time writing this because I do have plot plans for where I want this to go but this was kind of an in between chapter so not much happens that correlates to the overarching plot at least till the end rip, but lemme tell you we are back to our regularly scheduled shitposting ladies and gents and peeps of other genders or lack thereof
> 
> ANYWAY thank you guys so much as usual for all the love you give this fic, it's INSANE how many hits and kudos we've gotten, you guys are too sweet and I'm glad you're enjoying my shitpost of a fic still
> 
> So, enough rambling from me and one with the chapter!

Keith was smiling as he pulled up to the Holt’s driveway that night. 

 

The events of the night still seemed like they were a dream. Keith had gone into dinner expecting a simple, ‘meet the family’ deal, with maybe a bit more flirting between him and Lance. But what he'd actually gotten was so  _ so _ much better.

 

Lance was his boyfriend. The word still felt weird on Keith’s tongue, but not in a bad way by any means. They had shared languid kisses beneath the stars, and were now officially together. It seemed too good to be true.

 

Still smiling, Keith closed the front door and walked into the kitchen, where he could see a dim yellow light glowing out into the hall. Stepping through the archway into the room, Keith immediately noticed Pidge sitting on top of the fridge, laptop on her legs as her fingers flew over the keyboard. 

 

Her messy brown hair was flattened down with her green headphones, and Keith could see her glasses were smudged as she pushed them up yet again. Next to her on top of the refrigerator was a can of Red Bull, along with a half-filled bag of potato chips. She glanced up as Keith stepped further in, her concentrated pout immediately brightening into a smile as she pulled her headphones off her head.

 

“Keith!” She exclaimed, setting her laptop down before clambering to the kitchen counter below. “How'd it go?” Keith squashed down his smile a bit as he helped Pidge down from the counter, easily lifting her small body onto the ground to stand next to him. 

 

“Well…” He began, trying to keep his face impassive, a small smile still there. “I have a boyfriend now.” Pidge stared at him for a second as the words registered in her brain, before she broke out into a huge grin.

 

“Holy crap, congrats, dude!” She said, clapping him on the back. “I'm proud of you! That’s awesome!” 

 

“Yeah, it's pretty… I'm pretty happy.” Keith said honestly. Pidge smirked and punched him in the arm, reaching into the fridge to grab another Red Bull before climbing up the counter again.

 

“I'm glad, Keith. You should probably tell the chat soon, I'm sure they're all gonna want to know about it.” Keith nodded, him and Lance already having talked this over in the car ride back to his house. 

 

“Yeah, I’m going to. I just wanna tell Shiro first.” Keith explained. Pidge made a noise of agreement as she climbed back on top of the fridge. 

 

“Makes sense. Make sure to knock before you enter his and Matt’s room first though, you don't wanna walk in on them doing… anything.” Pidge shuddered at the thought of Shiro and her brother doing that  _ anything _ . 

 

“Ew, believe me, I don't wanna walk in on that either.” Keith insisted, remembering the moment he had walked in on before he had left for Lance’s house. Since the conversation seemed over, Keith turned to leave the kitchen, but stopped as a thought occurred to him.

 

“Pidge, why are you sitting on top of the fridge?” He asked, frowning as he stared at her cross-legged position on the appliance. Pidge just raised an eyebrow at him and pushed her glasses up on her nose.

 

“Do I really need a reason?” 

 

Brown eyes met dark grey in a staredown, and Keith broke the contact first. 

 

“Fair enough,” He said as he left the kitchen. 

 

Walking up the steps, Keith quickly made his way to Shiro and Matt’s room, where he could see light shining out from underneath the door. Pausing before he knocked, he pressed his ear against the door, praying to any god out there that he they weren't doing anything gross.

 

After a moment of listening and hearing nothing, Keith raised his hand and knocked a few times. 

 

“Who is it?” Matt’s sing-song voice floated out from behind the door.

 

“It's Keith.” He heard a rustle from behind the door and muffled whispering. 

 

“Hmm, not sure if I know a Keith.” Matt replied. Keith faintly heard the song of skin hitting skin, follows by a muffled ‘ow’ and smirked at what must've been Shiro punching Matt in the arm. 

 

“C’mon guys, I have some news you're probably gonna wanna hear.” Keith said, rolling his eyes at Matt’s antics.

 

“Like he said, we don't know a Keith.” Shiro said, struggling to hide the laughter in his voice. Keith frowned, why was Shiro playing into this? He heard giggles and figured the two of them must just be in the mood to mess with him. 

 

“...fine. It's Akira.” He said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes again. He heard Matt utter a quiet ‘holy shit he said it’, before calling out again.

 

“Ah, Akira, come on in!” Sighing in relief, Keith opened the door, expecting to see his brother and Matt cuddling or something. 

 

He wasn't expecting to see Matt dressed in a Winry Rockbell cosplay, and Shiro in a half-assed Edward Elric cosplay sitting together on the bed. Keith stared at the two of them for a full ten seconds of silence, digesting what the hell was going on. 

 

Why was everyone in this house so weird?

 

“Do I even want to know the story behind this?” Keith asked, eyeing the shitty braid his brother's messy blonde wig was tied in. 

 

“It's… a long story.” Shiro answered, absentmindedly tugging at the sleeves of the red hoodie he was wearing in place of Edward’s red cloak. Keith turned his gaze to Matt, who was currently stuffing his crop top with tissues to give the appearance of boobs, and cringed before looking back to Shiro. 

 

“So Keith, how'd it go?” Shiro asked quickly before Keith could ask another question. 

 

“Well, Lance and I are dating now.” Keith said bluntly, training his gaze away from Matt for fear of never being able to watch Fullmetal Alchemist the same way again. 

 

“Whoa! That's awesome, Keith!” Shiro said, standing up from the bed to wrap his brother into a tight hug. Keith grinned and hugged back, grunting as Matt stood up suddenly and joined in on the hug. 

 

“Congrats, Keith!” Matt said. “Have you told the rest of the chat yet?” Keith extricated himself from the hug and brushed himself off before answering. 

 

“No, I wanted to tell you guys before them.” Keith said, and Shiro nodded. 

 

“Well I'm really happy for you, Keith.” Shiro said, patting him on the back. Keith nodded and turned towards the door.

 

“Uh, well I'm gonna leave you two to your… thing, and I'm gonna go get changed and text the group.” Keith said, the two men both nodding in agreement. 

 

As Keith was getting changed into his pajamas, he heard a pair of footsteps on the stairs before Pidge’s voice shrieked throughout the house.

 

“STOP RUINING MY FAVORITE ANIMES FOR ME, MATT!” 

 

~

 

**Tinydick:** hey guys what'd I miss

 

**PigeonKiller:** oh look, our favorite fuckboi is back

 

**DrFuckMe:** Hi Lance!

 

**GordonRamsey:** Coran slept with Steve Jobs apparently

 

**Tinydick:** WHAT

 

**Tinydick:** also hi Allura

 

**Tinydick:** BUT WHAT

 

**GordonRamsey:** You've missed some stuff buddy

 

**Tinydick:** clearly

 

**Yaint:** I don't come in this chat for one day and this is what I come back to

 

**Badrolemodel:** I've only been in this chat a few days and I already know it's a bad idea to miss a day

 

**Tinydick:** Keith!!!

 

**Yaint:** Hi Lance

 

**PigeonKiller:** so u 2 have been hanging out a lot today I hear

 

**Yaint:** Pidge you already know what happened don't pretend like you don't

 

**PigeonKiller:** I'm trying to get the ball rollin here keith

 

**GordonRamsey:** uhh what??

 

**DrFuckMe:** Did we miss something?

 

**Yaint:** no you didn't miss anything

 

**Tinydick:** but Keith and I do have an announcement to make

 

**GorgeousMan:** AN ANNOUNCEMENT

 

**GorgeousMan:** Also hello boys! It's good to see you two again!

 

**Tinydick:** Heyo Coran

 

**Yaint:** Hey

 

**GorgeousMan:** yes, it's true I slept with Steve Jobs

 

**Tinydick:** Wow

 

**Yaint:** Really didn't need to know that

 

**GorgeousMan:** Well now you do!

 

**GorgeousMan:** Now, you two had an announcement I believe?

 

**Takashit:** Yup, they certainly do

 

**Badrolemodel:** yupppp ;)))

 

**Yaint:** stop or else I'm going to take pictures of your current outfits and send them in this chat

 

**Takashit:** please don't

 

**DrFuckMe:** What?? What are they wearing??

 

**Takashit:** Keith please don't

 

**Badrolemodel:** don't u dare take a photo

 

**Yaint:** You don't need to worry about it Allura

 

**Yaint:** Fine guys, I won't send a picture

 

**Takashit:** Thank you

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-Shuturfuck to Pidgeotto-**

 

**Shuturfuck:** get photos of them while I make the announcement

 

**Pidgeotto:** already on it

 

~

 

**Tinydick:** so like I was saying

 

**Tinydick:** Keith and I have an announcement

 

**GordonRamsey:** omg is this what I think it is

 

**Yaint:** So Shiro, Matt, and Pidge already know but

 

**Yaint:** Lance and I are dating :)

 

**DrFuckMe:** FUCKING FINALLY

 

**GordonRamsey:** WOOHOO!

 

**PigeonKiller:** *claps from corner*

 

**GorgeousMan:** This is wonderful! 

 

**GorgeousMan:** What a beautiful display of young love!

 

**DrFuckMe:** I'm so happy for you two!!!

 

**Tinydick:** Thanks guys :))

 

**Yaint:** Yeah thank you

 

**GordonRamsey:** whoa whoa whoa wait a minute

 

**GordonRamsey:** there's something we need to know

 

**Tinydick:** ???

 

**GordonRamsey:** Who made the first move??

 

**PigeonKiller:** OH YEAH WE NEED TO KNOW THAT

 

**GorgeousMan:** I’d be very interested in hearing this!

 

**DrFuckMe:** ^^

 

**Tinydick:** Oh um well

 

**Takashit:** It's up to you two if you want to talk about it, it's your own experience and you don't have to tell us if you don't want to

 

**Yaint:** No it's okay Shiro

 

**Tinydick:** Ya it's fine just kinda surprising

 

**Tinydick:** and well to answer the question

 

**Tinydick:** Keith was the one who kissed me :)

 

**Yaint:** Yeahhhh

 

**PigeonKiller:** WHOA KEITH

 

**Badrolemodel:** DAMNNNN NICE KOGANE

 

**GordonRamsey:** HA! I CALLED IT!

 

**GordonRamsey:** Pidge, Allura, you both owe me 10$

 

**PigeonKiller:** FUCK

 

**DrFuckMe:** Goddammit

 

**Takashit:** Wow Keith, I'm proud of you!

 

**Takashit:** Taking the initiative

 

**Takashit:** That's the brogane way!

 

**Badrolemodel:** Shiro did you just seriously say the brogane way

 

**PigeonKiller:** JSNNSNSND

 

**GordonRamsey:** That's is the most dad thing I've ever heard him say

 

**Yaint:** Shiro please don't ever say that again

 

**Takashit:** okay that was a little too fatherly you're right

 

**-Takashit’s name has been changed to ‘TheBroganeWay’-**

 

**TheBroganeWay:** please no

 

**Yaint:** my name is Yaint how do you think I feel

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Yeah well I fo

 

**GordonRamsey:** Shiro?

 

**DrFuckMe:** he stopped typing after that

 

**Tinydick:** Keith the house didn't blow up did it

 

**Yaint:** No I'm still here

 

**Badrolemodel:** we hear something outside my bedroom door hang on

 

**Yaint:** oh shit

 

**Tinydick:** do you know what it is?

 

**Yaint:** yep

 

**Badrolemodel:** KATIE YOU LITTLE FUCK

 

**TheBroganeWay:** It was Pidge

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Pidge istg you better not have taken photos of us

 

**PigeonKiller:** :)))

 

**Badrolemodel:** IM COMING FOR YOU GREMLIN

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Katie Holt you better delete those photos or so help me

 

**PigeonKiller:** KEITH HELP ME IM LOCKED IN THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM

 

**Yaint:** WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO

 

**PigeonKiller:** Idk!!!! Something!!

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-Pidgeotto to Shuturfuck-**

 

**Pidgeotto:** IM SENDING YOU THE PHOTOS GUARD THEM WITH YOUR LIFE AND SEND THEM TO ANOTHER PERSON FOR SAFE KEEPING

 

**Shuturfuck:** Got it

 

**Pidgeotto:** [image.jpg]

 

**Pidgeotto:** [image.jpg]

 

**Pidgeotto:** [image.jpg]

 

**Pidgeotto:** Now send them to someone else

 

**Shuturfuck:** Will do

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-Shuturfuck to thetailor-**

 

**Shuturfuck:** No time to explain just save these photos I send you to your phone as soon as you get them

 

**thetailor:** what??

 

**thetailor:** are these the photos pidge took of matt and Shiro?

 

**Shuturfuck:** Yes

 

**thetailor:** OOOOOOO YESSS

 

**Shuturfuck:** [image.jpg]

 

**Shuturfuck:** [image.jpg]

 

**Shuturfuck:** [image.jpg]

 

**thetailor:** KSNSMNSND

 

**thetailor:** THIS IS THE BEST THING IVE EVER SEEN

 

~

 

**Yaint:** Pidge the photos are safe

 

**DrFuckMe:** What's going on??

 

**PigeonKiller:** thank god because matt just lockpicked the door to the bathroom

 

**GordonRamsey:** Keith is Pidge gonna die

 

**Yaint:** probably

 

**DrFuckMe:** Are you going to try to help them??

 

**Yaint:** uhhh sure

 

**Badrolemodel:** KEITH WHO DID YOU SEND THOSE PHOTOS TO

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Keith, believe me, it’s in your best interest to just delete the photos and get whoever you sent them to to delete them as well

 

**Tinydick:** lol no I ain't ever deleting these

 

**Badrolemodel:** You sent them to Lance of all people?!!?!?

 

**Yaint:** he's my boyfriend who else would I send them to

 

**TheBroganeWay:** dammit

 

**Badrolemodel:** Lance we’re coming to kick your ass

 

**Tinydick:** by the time you weebs get here I'll have sent them to everyone in this chat  _ and  _ posted them on social media

 

**Badrolemodel:** You wouldn't dare

 

**Tinydick:** try me, winry 

 

**GordonRamsey:** okay someone please explain wtf is going on here

 

**Tinydick:** keith do I send them

 

**Yaint:** pidge should lance send them

 

**TheBroganeWay:** pidge can't respond rn, she's currently being headlocked by matt

 

**Yaint:** I'm going up the stairs

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Keith ily but I'm going to kick your ass for this so you might want to stay downstairs

 

**Yaint:** I can hear pidge shrieking from down here

 

**GordonRamsey:** help them!!! I can't have my science buddy dying!!

 

**Yaint:** okay she's telling us to send them

 

**TheBroganeWay:** keith I'm coming down there

 

**Yaint:** lance you know what to do

 

**Tinydick:** I'll honor your memory, babe

 

**Tinydick:** [image.jpg]

 

**Badrolemodel:** FUCK

 

**Tinydick:** [image.jpg]

 

**Tinydick:** [image.jpg]

 

**DrFuckMe:** OH MY GOD

 

**GordonRamsey:** KSNSKNS IM CRYING

 

**GorgeousMan:** I… wowzers

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Say goodbye to your boyfriend lance I have to kill him

 

**TheBroganeWay:** also I take back my blessing on your relationship

 

**Tinydick:** and we haven't even been dating for two hours

 

**Yaint:** I'm not afraid of you, Shiro

 

**GordonRamsey:** Oooooooooo

 

**DrFuckMe:** God I wish someone could film this for us

 

**Tinydick:** Hunk lets go over there and video tape

 

**DrFuckMe:** Lance I think Shiro and Matt have it out for you too now so you might want to stay away

 

**Tinydick:** oh shit you're right

 

**GordonRamsey:** I'll go and film it

 

**DrFuckMe:** Hunk you're a godsend

 

**PigeonKiller:** nvm guys it's chill I'm alive

 

**GordonRamsey:** oh thank god

 

**PigeonKiller:** but keith is now the one dying 

 

**Tinydick:** dammit I'm gonna be a Widensky's aren't I

 

**Tinydick:** *widow

 

**DrFuckMe:** WIDENSKY

 

**PigeonKiller:**  *slow clap*

 

**-Tinydick’s name has been changed to ‘Widensky’-**

 

**Widensky:** I don't even know what widensky’s is wtf

 

**DrFuckMe:** Pidge what's happening with Keith and Shiro I want to know 

 

**PigeonKiller:** Keith just bit Shiro

 

**Badrolemodel:** probably learned it from you

 

**PigeonKiller:** probably

 

**PigeonKiller:** SHIT IM BEING DRAGGED AWAY AGAIN HUNK IF I DIE DELETE MY INTERNET HIST

 

**DrFuckMe:** well

 

**GordonRamsey:** keith and Pidge died so we could have those wonderful photos of Shiro and Matt

 

**Widensky:** _ bless them _

 

~

 

About one hour and several more bite marks later, the fighting was finally ended when Sam and Colleen woke up from the screeching and scolded all the kids involved,  _ including  _ Shiro. 

 

Afterwards, Sam and Colleen went back to bed while Shiro, Keith, Pidge, and Matt called a truce. Keith and Pidge didn’t apologize for their actions, and neither did Shiro and Matt, but rather they just came to an understanding… of sorts. 

 

Pidge made Matt promise to stop doing half-assed cosplays of her favorite anime characters, and in return he made her promise to not taking photos of him in his cosplay and use them as blackmail. 

 

Keith saw they both had their fingers crossed when sealing the deal. 

 

Once all was said and done, Shiro and Matt got out of their cosplays and went back up to Matt’s room. Pidge returned to her room in place of going back to the fridge, muttering something about needing her laptop charger. This left Keith alone, which really meant this left him with time to text Lance. 

 

With nothing else to do, Keith changed out of his dinner clothes and got ready for bed, despite it only being 10:30 at night. Once he was laying in his bed, he texted Lance but got no reply. Huh. He was probably just taking care of his little siblings. Considering how hyper they were when Keith was over, it didn’t surprise him that they needed a lot of supervision. 

 

He checked the group chat, but found that for once, it had gone quiet. Allura was probably busy with school, Hunk was probably getting ready for bed, and Coran… he couldn’t even begin to imagine what Coran was doing. 

 

So now Keith was bored. Completely and utterly bored. He wasn’t tired enough to sleep, and he’d left the stuff he needed to do his spring break homework at home. So what the hell could he do? 

 

It took Keith all of ten minutes to give up on the notion of sleep entirely, before walking up the stairs to Pidge’s room to see if she could entertain him somehow. 

 

He knocked quietly, despite being able to tell she was awake by the harsh light of her computer shining from underneath the door. He could hear the click click click of her rapid typing, and could easily picture her sitting cross-legged on her bed, her hair askew beneath her giant headphones. Wait, would she even hear him with those things on? Probably not, Keith knew Pidge had a tendency to blast heavy metal music whenever she was programming something, and any attempts to call out to her were in vain. 

 

Just as he was about to turn around and head back downstairs to his couch bed, a voice called out from Pidge’s room. 

 

“Come in.”

 

Walking inside, it took Keith a moment for his eyes to adjust to the gloom of the room. Just as he had predicted, Pidge was sitting cross-legged on her bed, the light of her computer screen shining against her glasses. As Keith stepped into the room, Pidge’s fingers slowed their race on the keyboard, as she looked up to face her friend. 

 

“What’s up?” She asked, scooching back from her computer to stretch her arms. 

 

“Can’t sleep,” Keith mumbled, depositing himself next to her on the bed. She chuckled and pulled her headphones off to run a hand through her hair. 

 

“So you’re bored?” Keith nodded. 

 

“Yeah, the group chat is pretty dead and Lance isn’t texting me back, and since my computer is at home I don’t really have much to do.” Keith explained. Pidge pursed her lips and nodded, scratching her chin in thought.

 

“Well I’m not really doing anything important right now so… wanna go out and look for mothman?” 

 

“Hell yes,” Keith answered immediately. Pidge snorted and smirked. 

 

“Sweet, I’ve been trying to convince Lance or Hunk to come cryptid hunting with me for the past few months but they’re both scaredy-cats. Cryptid hunting just isn’t the same without my conspiracy bud by my side,” Pidge said, standing up off her bed to begin rummaging through her closet. Keith grinned at that. 

 

“Yeah, LA doesn’t really have many places to go cryptid hunting which sucks.” Keith said, leaning back onto the bed as Pidge pulled on jeans and a jacket. She made a sympathetic noise as she finished dressing, finishing her outfit by pulling a baseball hat onto her head. 

 

“You ready to go?” She asked, putting one hand on her hip. 

 

“Yeah, I’m ready.” Keith said, lurching up from the bed to walk out the door with Pidge. 

 

“Alright, let’s do this!” 

 

~

 

**PigeonKiller:** guess what yall

 

**PigeonKiller:** keith and i r out to find bigfoot

 

**Yaint:** Didn’t you say we were looking for mothman?

 

**PigeonKiller:** tbh Id be fine with any cryptid

 

**Yaint:** even a wendigo

 

**PigeonKiller:** dude if we found a wendigo thatd be fucking awesome

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Wait when did you guys leave?

 

**Yaint:** Like ten minutes ago

 

**Badrolemodel:** u guys can’t just leave without telling us!!

 

**PigeonKiller:** y not

 

**Yaint:** ya why not

 

**Badrolemodel:** becuz mom and dad would kick my ass if anything were to happen to u

 

**PigeonKiller:** we’re fine matt keith’s got his fancy purple knife

 

**DrFuckMe:** Keith has a fancy purple knife?

 

**Yaint:** yeah I do

 

**GorgeousMan:** By chance would the knife happen to have a strange glowing symbol on the front?

 

**Yaint:** uhhh yeah

 

**Yaint:** why?

 

**GorgeousMan:** no reason

 

**Yaint:** ...okay

 

**PigeonKiller:** fuck we just heard something

 

**TheBroganeWay:** what?? What was it?!

 

**Yaint:** hell if we know!!

 

**DrFuckMe:** Are you guys okay??

 

**Yaint:** well we’re not actively being hunted down by the jersey devil if that’s what you’re wondering

 

**TheBroganeWay:** You guys should come back, it’s way too late for you two to be out there

 

**PigeonKiller:** nah we’re fine it was probably just a squirrel

 

**TheBroganeWay:** please come back so I don’t have a heart attack

 

**PigeonKiller:** we’re fine we’re literally just walking around the neighborhood OH FUCK THAFTS DEFFINTLE NTO A SQUREKL

 

**Badrolemodel:** PIDGE?! KEITH?! WHERE R U GUYS

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Pidge please respond this isn’t funny

 

**PigeonKiller:** [image.jpg]

 

**GordonRamsey:** What’s happening and why is there a selfie of Pidge and Keith running from a dark figure

 

**DrFuckMe:** Pidge and Keith might’ve just gotten eaten by Bigfoot

 

**GordonRamsey:** Dammit Pidge went cryptid hunting again didn’t they?

 

**DrFuckMe:** Yup

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Seriously. If you don’t respond within the next minute Matt and I are gonna go out and look for you guys ourselves

 

**Badrolemodel:** uhh what

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Matt we’re going out to look for them

 

**Badrolemodel:** But what if they got eaten by Bigfoot! I’d rather not discontinue the entire Holt line in one night

 

**DrFuckMe:** Jesus Matt

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Matt. This is your sibling and my brother we’re talking about here. 

 

**Badrolemodel:** Hnggg fine

 

**Badrolemodel:** hang on lemme try yelling at her

 

**Badrolemodel:** KATIE HOLT ANSWER THESE DAMN TEXTS SO I DON’T HAVE TO GO OUT LOOKING FOR YOU

 

**PigeonKiller:** jesus guys chill we’re fine

 

**PigeonKiller:** turns out Poppy Hayes from school was just trudging through the forest

 

**GordonRamsey:** the one who lives in the forest?

 

**PigeonKiller:** ya her

 

**GordonRamsey:** What was she doing out there at night?

 

**PigeonKiller:** She and her girlfriend always hang out in the forest at night

 

**GordonRamsey:** I thought Poppy was straight?

 

**PigeonKiller:** who knows man

 

**TheBroganeWay:** well anyway I’m relieved to hear you and Keith are not dead

 

**Badrolemodel:** Yeah we almost went out looking for you

 

**Yaint:** we’re fine now

 

**GordonRamsey:** well I hope you guys have fun and don’t die

 

**GordonRamsey:** but speaking of girlfriends

 

**GordonRamsey:** Allura

 

**GordonRamsey:** how are you and your gf doing??

 

**DrFuckMe:** oh um

 

**DrFuckMe:** we’re doing really well Hunk, thank u for asking :)

 

**GordonRamsey:** Can we find out her name yet or are we forever gonna be in the dark

 

**DrFuckMe:** Oh yeah!

 

**DrFuckMe:** She might be sleeping rn but I’ll shoot her a message before I go to class

 

**GordonRamsey:** Nice!

 

**TheBroganeWay:** If she doesn’t feel comfortable though that’s fine (obviously)

 

**DrFuckMe:** Yes Shiro I’ll make sure she knows that

 

**GorgeousMan:** Wait did I hear that Pidge and Keith are cryptid hunting?

 

**PigeonKiller:** ur a little late on that but ya we are

 

**GorgeousMan:** How wonderful! I used to be an avid cryptid hunter myself

 

**Yaint:** Did you ever find anything?

 

**GorgeousMan:** If I had ever found anything then believe me, we would know if Bigfoot was real or not

 

**GorgeousMan:** However, I did meet some wonderful and very interesting people during my travels abroad

 

**GorgeousMan:** So if you ever need a fake ID to escape your country, then let me know and I might be able to help

 

**DrFuckMe:** …

 

**PigeonKiller:** I wouldn’t imagine calling anyone else

 

~

**Direct Message**

 

**-ThePrincess to knockoffjasmine-**

 

**ThePrincess:** Hey Nyma, I have to head to class but I just wanted to ask you something real quick

 

**knockoffjasmine:** hey babe I’m here, what’s up?

 

**knockoffjasmine:** is something wrong?

 

**ThePrincess:** Oh no! Everything’s fine!

 

**ThePrincess:** It’s just that

 

**ThePrincess:** um so some of my friends know I have a gf now, and they wanted to know your name so I just wanted to make sure it was okay to tell them about you

 

**knockoffjasmine:** oh

 

**knockoffjasmine:** is that all?

 

**ThePrincess:** Yeah?

 

**knockoffjasmine:** oh that’s fine lol, you can tell them my name

 

**knockoffjasmine:** you can even send them a photo of me if you want idc

 

**ThePrincess:** oh thank you!! They’re just really curious lol

 

**knockoffjasmine:** yeah no problem! 

 

**ThePrincess:** maybe soon you could even meet them if you wanted?

 

**knockoffjasmine:** Hell yeah! I’d love to meet your friends! 

 

**knockoffjasmine:** but not till I’m back from traveling, it’s hard enough to get signal to text you, I’d rather not deal with a group chat rn

 

**ThePrincess:** oh that’s perfectly fine!!! No pressure at all!

 

**ThePrincess:** Anyway I gtg, I’ll talk to you when I’m out of class!

 

**knockoffjasmine:** alrighty, later babe! Good luck in class!

 

**ThePrincess:** tell your brother I said hi!

 

**knockoffjasmine:** I will! <3

  
**ThePrincess:** :* <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _oh boy oh boy how we are getting close to the next plot point_
> 
> SORRY THERE WAS NO SHIPPY STUFF IN THIS IT WAS JUST A SHITPOST AND SOME GOOD OL PLATONIC KIDGE
> 
> I know yall were thrilled about the klance in the last chapter I just didn't really have room for a lot of klance stuff in this one rip, oh well you guys get my stupid meme humor instead
> 
> Someone really needs to take matt's cosplay stuff away from him
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed and aren't too disappointed in the lack of ship stuff, I hope my memes will suffice in the meantime. Leave a comment if you liked it! Every comment makes my day tbh :)
> 
> My tumblr: zarkondoms.tumblr.com (feel free to message me I'm a mcfucking meme) (also for those that keep asking, yes a spa day will happen soon)
> 
> -
> 
> hi am Vallraiene and formatting


	19. Allura the Traitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura finally tells the crew about her gf, Coran does _not_ lie, and Hunk meets someone new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOO GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH A NEW UPDATE
> 
> ya it's me
> 
> so I'm updating again and this chapter is not as long as I would've liked it to be and there was one part I was _going_ to add but just couldn't make myself write for some reason so sorry about that, next chapter should be longer
> 
> Anyway! As usual thank u guys so much for all the love and support you give this, it means a lot to me :) 
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

**Widensky:** MORNING GUYS

 

**Badrolemodel:** *gays

 

**Widensky:** whoops my bad

 

**Widensky:** so how’s everyone this morning

 

**PigeonKiller:** why tf are u up so early lance

 

**Widensky:** Pidge it’s 10 in the morning

 

**PigeonKiller:** my point exaxtly

 

**GordonRamsey:** Hi guys!

 

**Widensky:** HUNK MY MAN

 

**Yaint:** Hey y’all

 

**PigeonKiller:** _ get ur filthy texan lingo out of here _

 

**GordonRamsey:** Pidge,

 

**PigeonKiller:** im allowed to insult him

 

**GordonRamsey:** Since when??

 

**PigeonKiller:** since he said yaint unironically

 

**Badrolemodel:** the kid’s got a point

 

**Yaint:** Fuck off

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Wait are we talking about insulting Keith because I’m always ready for that

 

**Yaint:** Wow rude

 

**GorgeousMan:** Why you lot are certainly chatty aren’t you!

 

**Badrolemodel:** CORAN MY FAVORITE MAN

 

**GorgeousMan:** HELLO SHIRO’S BOYFRIEND WHOSE NAME I’VE FORGOTTEN

 

**PigeonKiller:** LKFDJSLDF

 

**Badrolemodel:** D:

 

**TheBroganeWay:** rest in peace matt

 

**GorgeousMan:** MATTHEW! THAT WAS IT!

 

**GorgeousMan:** My apologies Matt, I have memory issues sometimes, old injuries you see

 

**Widensky:** Wait really?

 

**GorgeousMan:** No but I just say that so people will feel better when I forget their names

 

**PigeonKiller:** Coran ily ur a gift

 

**GorgeousMan:** AND I LOVE YOU NUMBER FIVE

 

**PigeonKiller:** u forgot my name didn’t u

 

**GorgeousMan:** Possibly

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Coran you’re very forthcoming about forgetting our names

 

**GorgeousMan:** Well while I do hold many titles, one of those is  _ not _ Coran Coran the Lying Man

 

**DrFuckMe:** Hi guys!!!

 

**GordonRamsey:** ALLURA

 

**PigeonKiller:** HEY ALLURA

 

**Widensky:** Hey gorgeous ;)

 

**GordonRamsey:** Aren’t you dating Keith?

 

**Yaint:** I’ve already accepted that trying to stop Lance from flirting is like trying to stop Pidge from hacking, it just won’t work

 

**Yaint:** I don’t really care tbh

 

**Badrolemodel:** Wow so understanding

 

**Widensky:** Aw babe you really do get me <3

 

**DrFuckMe:** EVERYONE I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT

 

**PigeonKiller:** O.O

 

**GordonRamsey:** OOO I’M ALL EARS

 

**DrFuckMe:** Earlier today (well last night for you all) I asked my gf if it was okay to share her name and she said yes and that I could even send a photo!

 

**Badrolemodel:** WHOA

 

**GordonRamsey:** YAY

 

**Widensky:** OOOOO I AM READY

 

**Yaint:** that’s cool

 

**GordonRamsey:** So Allura, what are you waiting for? Give us her name and the photo!

 

**DrFuckMe:** [image.jpg]

 

**DrFuckMe:** This is my girlfriend, Nyma

 

**DrFuckMe:** look at her  _ I’m so gay _

 

**DrFuckMe:** ...well no need to jump all at once to react 

 

**DrFuckMe:** Why is no one talking? Is there something wrong? 

 

**GordonRamsey:** uh

 

**PigeonKiller:** Her name is Nyma?

 

**DrFuckMe:** Yes

 

**PigeonKiller:** Uh where does she happen to live

 

**DrFuckMe:** Out by you all actually

 

**GordonRamsey:** shit

 

**DrFuckMe:** What? What am I missing here?

 

**Widensky:** LKFDSJLDKSJFDLFJSDSLKD WHTA THE FUCK ALLURA

 

**DrFuckMe:** What’s going on I’m so confused!!!

 

**Badrolemodel:** uhh idk what’s happening either

 

**Yaint:** uh well

 

**Widensky:** THAT’S THE BITCH THAT ROBBED ME AND HANDCUFFED ME TO A TABLE

 

**DrFuckMe:** OH SHIT

 

**Widensky:** Of all the people to date you pick  _ HER?! _

 

**DrFuckMe:** I’M BAD WITH NAMES I’M SORRY I FORGOT

 

**Badrolemodel:** oh how the turn tables

 

**PigeonKiller:** lkfdsjld

 

**DrFuckMe:** LANCE I’M REALLY SORRY I DIDN’T REALIZE IT WAS THE SAME GIRL

 

**Widensky:** Really?!  _ REALLY?! WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE HATE ME _

 

**Widensky:** my past relationships come back to haunt me in the form of dating my friends

 

**-DrFuckMe’s name has been changed to ‘Traitor’-**

 

**Traitor:** HEY

 

**~**

- **ThePrincess to knockoffjasmine-**

 

**ThePrincess:** you handcuffed my friend to a table once

 

**knockoffjasmine:** I  _ what  _ now?

 

**ThePrincess:** Lance McClain? worked at Lush? Tan and blue eyes?

 

**knockoffjasmine:** uhhh

 

**knockoffjasmine:** OH WAIT HIM

 

**knockoffjasmine:** lol yeah I wanted bath bombs

 

**knockoffjasmine:** didn’t realize you knew him

 

**ThePrincess:** Yes and he’s not too happy to realize I’m dating you

 

**knockoffjasmine:** well

 

**knockoffjasmine:** that’s unfortunate

 

**ThePrincess:** hang on let me see what he’s saying in our chat

 

~

 

**Widensky:** I AM FEELING VERY BETRAYED RIGHT NOW

 

**Widensky:** THAT GIRL DAMAGED MY EMOTIONS AND GIVES ME NIGHTMARES

 

**GordonRamsey:** What? No she didn’t?

 

**Widenksy:** well she very well could’ve!

 

**Yaint:** Chill out Lance all she did was handcuff you

 

**Widensky:** Oh you try it out Mullet!

 

**PigeonKiller:** Aren’t you into that kind of stuff, Lance?

 

**Widensky:** Pidge don’t bring my kinks into this

 

**Badrolemodel:** I did  _ not _ need to know that

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Neither did I

 

**GordonRamsey:** I hate that I already knew that

 

**Traitor:** Lance please calm down

 

**Widensky:** HOW CAN I BE CALM

 

**Widensky:** _ You’re dating the enemy _

 

**Traitor:** Enemy? What? We’re not at war!

 

**Widensky:** How do u know?

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Lance,

 

**Traitor:** Would it be better if she apologized to you?

 

**Widensky:** What

 

**Widensky:** Uh

 

**Widensky:** Maybe??

 

~

**-ThePrincess to knockoffjasmine-**

 

**ThePrincess:** You’re apologizing to him

 

**knockoffjasmine:** what?? No??

 

**ThePrincess:** Yes you are

 

**knockoffjasmine:** but

 

**ThePrincess:** no ‘buts’

 

**ThePrincess:** You stole a bunch of soap and face masks and bath bombs from my friend and you’re gonna say you’re sorry

 

**knockoffjasmine:** ugh  _ fine _

 

**ThePrincess:** Good, I’ll set us up in a chatroom

 

~

**ThePrincess has added knockoffjasmine and thetailor to the conversation**

 

**knockoffjasmine:** Uh

 

**knockoffjasmine:** Hey Lance

 

**knockoffjasmine:** This is Nyma

 

**knockoffjasmine:** Allura told me to apologize to you so

 

**knockoffjasmine:** sorry about robbing you that one time I guess

 

**thetailor:** ...

 

**thetailor:** Knock off jasmine? Really? What kind of username is that?

 

**ThePrincess:** Lance...

 

**knockoffjasmine:** You know what fight me flower boy

 

**thetailor:** I’ll fight you!

 

**knockoffjasmine:** Go ahead, I’ll just handcuff you to a table again

 

**thetailor:** Oh I dare you to try it!

 

**knockoffjasmine:** I WILL

 

**ThePrincess:** TIME OUT

 

**ThePrincess:** Nyma, I wanted you to apologize, not pick a fight with my friend

 

**ThePrincess:** Lance, she said she was sorry, don’t make fun of her username

 

**thetailor:** but

 

**ThePrincess:** NO BUTS

 

**ThePrincess:** Now, let’s try this again

 

**ThePrincess:** Nyma?

 

**knockoffjasmine:** ...I’m sorry I robbed you

 

**ThePrincess:** And?

 

**knockoffjasmine:** and handcuffed you to a table

 

**ThePrincess:** Now Lance?

 

**thetailor:** …

 

**ThePrincess:** _ Lance _

 

**thetailor:** ugh fine I accept your apology

 

**ThePrincess:** Good!

 

**Thetailor:** but if I can ask a question

 

**ThePrincess:** _ ugh _

 

**thetailor:** why did you do it?? Why me???

 

**knockoffjasmine:** uh

 

**knockoffjasmine:** well I mean

 

**knockoffjasmine:** I needed money and I like bath bombs so

 

**knockoffjasmine:** nothing personal

 

**knockoffjasmine:** you flirted with me in the store and so I saw the opportunity and took it not much more to it then that

 

**thetailor:** oh

 

**thetailor:** that uh

 

**thetailor:** that makes more sense tbh

 

**ThePrincess:** See? I knew we could resolve this easily!

 

**thetailor:** one more question tho

 

**ThePrincess:** _ ughhhhh _

 

**thetailor:** What bath bomb did you like best?

 

**knockoffjasmine:** oh definitely the dragon’s egg

 

**thetailor:** I LOVE THAT ONE

 

**knockoffjasmine:** IT’S SO GOOD

 

**thetailor:** IKR

 

**thetailor:** Did you try the twilight bomb??

 

**knockoffjasmine:** YES IT’S GREAT TOO

 

**ThePrincess:** my work here is done

 

~

 

**Traitor:** They worked it out

 

**Yaint:** Thank god

 

**Traitor:** They’re talking about bath bombs now

 

**PigeonKiller:** y am i not suprised

 

**TheBroganeWay:** I’m glad they’ve made peace with one another

 

**Badrolemodel:** So are  _ we _ ever gonna get to meet her??

 

**Traitor:** Idk, maybe one day

 

**PigeonKiller:** Well in other news

 

**PigeonKiller:** DINNER’S AT 7 FUCKOS DON’T BE LATE

 

**Yaint:** Oh yeah I forgot about that

 

**GordonRamsey:** I’ll make sure to be there!

 

**Traitor:** I wish I could come :(

 

**GorgeousMan:** I wish that as well

 

**PigeonKiller:** im still trying to invent teleportation but hopefully 1 of these days we’ll get 2 meet u guys irl

 

**Badrolemodel:** Let’s just facetime them during dinner lol

 

**PigeonKiller:** klfsjdkd we could

 

**PigeonKiller:** anyway

 

**PigeonKiller:** Lance

 

**PigeonKiller:** Dinner

 

**PigeonKiller:** Tonight

 

**Widensky:** Yeah I know my mom already told me dw I’ll be there

 

**Widensky:** We should like

 

**Widensky:** Meet up today tho

 

**Widensky:** I miss keith

 

**GordonRamsey:** aww

 

**Yaint:** we could meet up for breakfast??

 

**Yaint:** Well technically like brunch

 

**Widensky:** Oooo that sounds good to me

 

**PigeonKiller:** Id join ya but im busy hacking something v important

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Oh no what is it this time

 

**PigeonKiller:** youll find out soon enough

 

**Badrolemodel:** oh no

 

**Widensky:** Well ok then

 

**Widensky:** Hunk? Brunch?

 

**GordonRamsey:** I totally would but I have a shift at the bakery 

 

**Widensky:** aww

 

**Badrolemodel:** I’m down for brunch

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Brunch sounds good!

 

**Yaint:** oh no don’t tell me this is gonna be a double date

 

**Badrolemodel:** Too late this is already a double date

 

**Yaint:** _ oh no _

 

**Widensky:** OOO DOUBLE DATES ARE FUN!

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Oh c’mon Keith, it’ll be fun!

 

**Yaint:** please no

 

**Traitor:** When I eventually come out to SD Nyma and I have to go on a triple date with Matt and Shiro and Keith and Lance

 

**Widensky:** hELL YEAH

 

**Widensky:** Shiro, Matt, where we meeting up??

 

**TheBroganeWay:** uhhh

 

**Badrolemodel:** mexican?

 

**Yaint:** no

 

**Widensky:** Nah not feeling it

 

**Widensky:** I know a good breakfast diner we could go to

 

**Badrolemodel:** I’m down

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Same

 

**Yaint:** Ugh fineee

 

**Widensky:** :D

 

**Widensky:** Imma get ready, I’ll DM you guys the address

 

**Widensky:** I can’t wait to see you Keith!!!

 

**Yaint:** Me too Lance :)

 

**GordonRamsey:** Awww

 

**GorgeousMan:** YOUNG LOVE!

 

~

 

“Hunk, could you come here for a moment?” Hunk glanced up from his phone, and took a look around the kitchen before realizing his mom was calling him from the front of the store. Pocketing the device in his apron, Hunk brushed off his hands and hurried out to see what his mom wanted him for. 

 

Walking out to the front counter, Hunk saw his mom standing behind the register, tapping rapidly onto her own phone. As he stepped over to her, she looked up at him and grinned. 

 

“I have to go to the store for a moment because we just got a request for a dairy free cake, so I need to pick up some almond milk and applesauce. Can you run the register for me while I’m gone?” She asked, tying her hair back with a ponytail band as she spoke. 

 

“Oh totally, I was just starting our next decorative order but that’s not due for a few days, so we got time,” Hunk said, taking off his apron and hanging it on the hook next to the entrance to the kitchen. His mom beamed at that, and leaned forward to give him a kiss on the cheek. 

 

“Thank you, love. I won’t be gone for long,” she said. And with a flourish of her yellow dress she was out the door, the bell chiming to indicate her departure. Yawning, Hunk’s gaze traveled over the mostly empty bakery, save for a single patron seated by a window, who looked to be completely absorbed in their book whilst eating their chocolate chip cookie. 

 

Thrumming his fingers against the countertop, Hunk waited for someone to come in and give him something to do. He was never a major fan of manning the register in the mornings. He preferred the afternoon shift because it was busier, so that he wouldn’t be waiting there bored as he currently was now. 

 

Eventually, a few customers came in. A father and his daughter came in and ordered two chocolate chip muffins, the little girl bouncing up and down excitedly as Hunk pulled out the two muffins she had chosen from the display case. Then, an older couple Hunk knew as regulars came in, and after a bit of casual conversation between all three of them, they got their usual orders of cheese danishes and left. After this, a woman in a business suit talking on the phone came in and barely even looked at the menu before ordering a large coffee and an entire bundt cake, before hurrying out as soon as Hunk handed the items to her without so much as a thank you. Later though, he realized that she had actually left a rather generous tip in the tip jar. 

 

The rush passed and it was quiet yet again, and Hunk was counting the minutes until his mom got back from the store. Offhandedly, he glanced to his phone, wondering if the group chat was talking, when he heard the entrance bell chime again. 

 

“Hey, welcome to Sunny and Lily’s House of Sweets, how can I help...” Hunk’s welcome speech trailed off when his gaze fell upon the person that walked in. “...you,” he finished, his eyes widening ever-so-slightly as the girl stepped up to the counter.

 

The girl had choppy, dark hair cut into a bob, and giant hoop earrings dangling from her ears. She was wearing a flowy green dress, and had a vibrant pink flower tucked behind her ear. Her smile was bright as she looked over the sweets in the display case, before her eyes looked back to Hunk. 

 

“Hi, can I get an iced coffee and… uh…” She trailed off as she glanced back to the display case, and Hunk’s brain finally caught up with what was going on as he jumped into retail mode. 

 

“Having a hard time deciding what to get?” He offered with a friendly grin. The girl looked back to him and nodded, laughing lightly. 

 

“Yeah, you have so many options here it’s slightly overwhelming,” she explained. 

 

“If you want, I could offer a recommendation?” Hunk asked. The girl smiled wider and nodded eagerly. “Well, if you’re eating this as a morning snack I typically think a muffin is the way to go. Now all of our muffins are great, but my favorite would either have to be the blueberry or the lemon poppy.” 

 

“Oh, lemon poppy sounds delicious!” She exclaimed. “I’ll take a small iced coffee and a lemon poppy muffin please,” 

 

“Coming right up,” Hunk said, chuckling as he walked over to grab the items. Handing her the muffin, he grabbed a coffee cup and pulled out his sharpie. “Name?” He asked.

 

“Shay,” she answered. Hunk nodded and got to work brewing the coffee. Once it was finished, he placed the drink in front of where she was sitting at the counter, and she looked up from her phone and beamed. 

 

“Thank you so much...” she said, pausing as she looked at his name tag. “Hunk, thank you so much Hunk!” She stood up to leave. 

 

“You’re welcome, Shay. Have a good one!” Hunk said, waving after her. 

 

“Thanks, you too!” She called back as she left the bakery. The bell at the door chimed and she was gone, leaving Hunk alone with his thoughts again. After that, all he could think about was that encounter with Shay. She seemed really nice (and very pretty) and he hoped she’d come in again soon. He also hoped she liked the lemon poppy muffin recommendation he gave her, he’d hate for her to have taken that recommendation of his, trusting him to give a good opinion, and then realized she would’ve preferred a chocolate chip muffin instea-

 

Hunk’s rambling thoughts were cut off by the door to the bakery yet again, and he glanced up in surprise as his mother walked in, her arms full of grocery bags. 

 

“Sorry it took so long, there was an accident over on Eiffel Street and so I had to take a detour over on Minkowski Avenue to avoid it. I hope it wasn’t too slow here?” She asked, placing her bags by the door to the kitchen. 

 

“No, it was actually pretty good! We got a few customers surprisingly. The Yang’s came in again and told me to tell you they said hi by the way,” Hunk said as he picked up the bags, preparing to unload them in the kitchen. 

 

“Oh I’m glad, I hope they come in again soon so we can catch up,” Hunk’s mother said, moving to stand in front of the cash register again. “I’ll go back to manning the register if you unload the groceries,” she added. 

 

“No problemo, Mom,” Hunk said, lifting the bags in each arm. He went to go into the kitchen, but stopped right before the door closed, and held it open with his elbow. “Mom? One more thing?” 

 

She turned and looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Hm?”

 

“Can I have the morning register shift tomorrow?” He asked. 

 

“Really?” His mom asked in a surprised tone. Hunk nodded. “Okay then, sure, if you want it,” Hunk grinned and left the store and went into the kitchen, suddenly excited for the shift he loathed not even an hour ago. 

 

_ This is has nothing to do with Shay, this has nothing to do with Shay _ , he kept telling himself. 

 

It had everything to do with Shay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUNK MEETING SHAY WAS SUCH A CUTE THING TO WRITE I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THAT
> 
> Hunk is finally getting the attention he deserves from this fic (there's definitely gonna be more with him n Shay) 
> 
> And yeah!!! Nyma and Lance (kinda) made up!! They both like bath bombs and think girls are cute it works out. There might be more of Nyma in the future but idk man, she'll probably just make appearances here and there
> 
> ALSO QUICK THING I'VE BEEN WONDERING ABOUT: Is the running gag of Coran doing a bunch of crazy stuff getting old? Because I feel like it might be which is why I tried to avoid using it this chap. I want to make sure this is funny and I'm not just beating a dead horse with my jokes ya know? So lemme know, I won't be offended if you tell me it's overdone, I'm asking cuz I really do wanna know. 
> 
> Anyway, dinner is next chapter! (probably, yall know I say things like that and they end up happening 3 chapters later) Dinner is gonna be fun, there'll be some announcements for all to behold
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading! Let me know in the comments if you enjoyed!
> 
> My tumblr (feel free to message me pls I'm a loser): zarkondoms.tumblr.com


	20. pidge is probably gonna be arrested

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a double date at a diner, some people run into their exes, and coran gives good advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, uh, it's been a while
> 
> OKAY LET ME APOLOGIZE FOR HOW LONG IT'S BEEN MY DUDES
> 
> I swear I never meant for the time between updates to be more than 2 months. Basically what happened was after I finished the last chapter I had to write a oneshot for a friend's bday that ended up taking up a ton of time, and by the time that was over I had to start a piece for an exchange I ended up dropping, and by then I was in a zine for another fandom that I had to write a piece for and by this point it's mid-october. So I finished that and that's when college apps came along along with this new au idea that's been my main focal point of everything since lol. But I am nearing the end of filling out my college apps, school is starting to chill a bit, and I was FINALLY able to finish the chapter holy jesus
> 
> either way, HOLY SHIT 15K+ HITS LIKE WTF  
> seriously guys, thank you all so much for all the love you give this fic, it makes me so happy
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

**Private message**

**-Pidgeotto to SunnyHunk-**

 

**Pidgeotto:** so hunk 

 

**Pidgeotto:** whos the girl

 

**SunnyHunk:** What? What girl?

 

**Pidgeotto:** u stopped answering and Im in ur moms security feed

 

**Pidgeotto:** who's the girl 

 

**SunnyHunk:** PIDGE

 

**SunnyHunk:** You can't just spy on me like that!

 

**Pidgeotto:** i was worried 

 

**SunnyHunk:** That's a lie

 

**Pidgeotto:** ok true

 

**Pidgeotto:** so hows my diary?

 

**SunnyHunk:** fair

 

**SunnyHunk:** But how did you even get into our cams in the first place?

 

**Pidgeotto:** ur asking the person who got into Nasas files last year

 

**SunnyHunk:** didn't you almost get arrested for that

 

**Pidgeotto:** hey as long as Shiro doesnt know it didnt happen

 

**Pidgeotto:** so do u want a wingman or not

 

**SunnyHunk:** Oh!!

 

**SunnyHunk:** Uh… maybe?

 

**Pidgeotto:** because you've got urself a pidgeon right here

 

**SunnyHunk:** Pidge why

 

**Pidgeotto:** _ do you _

 

**SunnyHunk:** ...we'll talk at dinner

 

**~**

 

Keith, Matt, and Shiro arrived at the diner they had agreed upon not long after they’d decided to have this double date in the first place. Once Shiro had parked the car, Keith had barely even gotten his feet on the asphalt of the parking lot before someone was barreling into him, pinning him against the car. 

 

On instinct, Keith pushed the unknown assailant off of him with all the strength he could muster, and after grabbing the person by the collar, turned around and slammed them into the side of the car. 

 

Keith realized about ten seconds too late that this ‘assailant’ was in fact his boyfriend. 

 

Who he was now pinning against a car. 

 

“SHIT!” Keith exclaimed, jumping away from Lance as soon as he realized it was him. “Holy shit, Lance, I am so sor-”

 

“Jesus christ, Keith. How in the  _ fuck  _ are you so strong?!” Lance nearly yelled, brushing himself off as he stepped away from the car. 

 

Keith felt his face go bright red. He had just attacked his boyfriend for hugging him.  _ Goddammit Kogane what the actual fuck? _ “Lance, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” 

 

Lance raised an eyebrow at him and snorted. “You’re telling me you  _ accidentally _ went all WWE on me just now?” He asked, his eyes sparkling with amusement. 

 

“It-It was instinct!” Keith tried to explain. “I didn’t see who was grabbing me so I-I just didn’t think!” 

 

Lance stared at him for a moment, before a giggle escaped him. And then another. And another. All until he was nearly suffocating on his own laughter, hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. Keith grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest, cheeks burning as he stewed in his own embarrassment. 

 

“Damn Akira, didn’t know you had it in you,” Matt said as he suddenly brought a hand down on Keith’s shoulder. 

 

“ _ Not now, Matthew. _ ” Keith growled, realizing rather belatedly that Matt had probably seen that whole thing. Lance, who was still laughing his ass off, managed to suck in enough air to straighten up and actually turn to face the two of them. 

 

“It’s fine- you’re fine,” Lance insisted, the last of his laughter dying out. “Honestly, that would’ve been pretty hot if you hadn’t looked like you were going to slash my throat. 

 

“I don’t know what’s going on but no one is slashing anyone’s throat,” Shiro said, walking over to their side of the car. He looked over the scene in front of them, noticing how Lance and Keith were both flushed and panting, while Matt was still trying not to laugh. “...okay, so either Keith just tried to kick Lance’s ass, or Matt caught you two making out. And frankly, I’m not sure which one would be worse.” 

 

Lance smirked. “While I wish I could say we were making out, I scared Keith and he pinned me against the car.” He explained, pushing himself off the car and slinging his arm around Keith’s shoulders. 

 

Shiro just sighed and dragged a hand down his face. “This diner better prepare for trouble.” 

 

“And make it double!” Matt quipped, earning yet another sigh from Shiro. 

 

Without responding, Shiro turned and began to walk towards the diner, pausing when no one followed. “C’mon guys, let’s head inside, I’m hungry.” The three boys hurried after him, Matt running and jumping onto Shiro’s back like a koala. The weird part was that Shiro didn’t even look to see that Matt was running towards him. He just knew. 

 

Keith raised an eyebrow at that, but didn’t comment aloud on the strange sight. He wasn’t exactly sure what his brother saw in Matt, but then again he wasn’t sure what Matt saw in his brother either. 

 

“Whatcha thinking about?” Lance asked, noticing Keith’s expression. 

 

“Just about how weird Matt and Shiro are,” Keith answered, turning to glance back at Lance. 

 

Lance chuckled. “Yeah, they are kinda weird, but I think it’s also kinda cute,” he said, his eyes dancing with mirth. “But I still think we’re cuter.” 

 

Keith rolled his eyes at that. “I’m not cute,” he insisted. Lance raised an eyebrow at him, and before Keith could ask him what he was doing, Lance leaned forward and pressed a quick peck to his lips. 

 

Caught completely off guard, Keith sputtered wildly, and Lance just laughed before running towards the diner. 

 

“You’re adorable, don’t deny it!” Lance yelled, jumping up and clicking his heels together. “C’mon, Matt and Shiro are already inside!” He called out. 

 

Keith sighed and smiled to himself, before following his boyfriend inside. 

 

Once in the diner, it didn’t take long for them to be seated. The hostess seemed to know Lance, giving him a smile and asking how he’d been. While the two made chitchat, Keith looked around the diner, realizing it looked exactly like a stereotypical 50’s style diner you’d see in movies. There weren’t photos of old movie stars or guitars hanging on the walls, so the similarity clearly wasn’t a marketing tool, but the allusion couldn’t be denied when looking at the baby blue leather booths, checkered tile floor, and the perfectly polished chrome accents to the furniture. 

 

The two couples were seated by a window, looking out onto the main road where two people were arguing on the side of the road. From the looks of it, Dude 1 had hit the bumper of Dude 2’s car. Keith wasn’t sure why Dude 1 seemed so pissed off, even though it was seemingly his fault. Keith narrowed his eyes, trying to read one of their lips out of sheer curiosity. 

 

_ ‘How could you leave me?!’  _

 

Oh shit. 

 

Keith took that bit of info as his cue to stop ‘eavesdropping’ (was it still eavesdropping if he couldn’t hear what was being said?), and focus on the menu that had just been placed in front of him. 

 

“Hey guys, welcome to Riley’s Diner, can I get you all started with some drinks?” Keith glanced up to look at the waiter, who was giving them all a classic Customer Service Smile™. Keith was about to ask for a coke, when Matt let out a screech. 

 

“Jun Yeong?!  _ Is that you?! _ ” Matt yelled, clambering over Shiro’s lap to get out of the booth. 

 

The waiter frowned and tilted his head to the side. “Uh, yeah, that’s my name. Do I know you?” 

 

“Jun, it’s me, Matt Holt? We went to highschool together?” The waiter- Jun apparently- gave Matt seemed rather confused, before the realization dawned on his face. 

 

“Matt! Holy shit! I haven’t seen you in years!” Jun said, reaching forward and hugging Matt. Matt grinned and patted Jun’s back, looking absolutely thrilled at this turn of events. 

 

“Hey man, how have you been? Did that investing thing you did ever pay off?” Matt asked, crawling back over Shiro’s lap to get back into his seat. 

 

“If it did, would I really be working in a diner?” Jun joked. “How have things been for you? Still in school?”

 

Matt nodded. “Yeah, I’m up at Cal Poly right now. I’m down here visiting for a few days though,” Matt explained. It was awkwardly quiet for a moment, with Keith, Lance, Shiro, and Jun all exchanging uncomfortable glances, when Matt realized he hadn’t introduced anyone to this ‘Jun’. “Oh! Sorry guys. This is Jun, a friend from high school,” Matt said gesturing towards Jun. 

 

Shiro reached forward to shake Jun’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Jun.” Shiro said. 

 

Matt leaned against Shiro towards Jun, resting his chin on Shiro’s shoulder. “This is Shiro, my  _ boyfriend _ .” He said, looking extremely smug. It was only then that Keith realized there was an underlying tension between Jun and Matt, obvious by the nervous glances they kept sharing, and the way in which Jun tensed when Matt emphasized ‘boyfriend’. 

 

“Oh, nice to meet you too, Shiro.” Jun said, quickly pulling his hand away. 

 

“And this is Shiro’s little brother, Keith. And Keith’s boyfriend, Lance.” Matt added, gesturing to the other couple sitting across the table. “But yeah, I’ve just been studying at Cal Poly, working towards my masters, spending time with Shiro when I can. Just the usual.” Matt really failed at trying to be casual. 

 

Jun coughed uncomfortably. “Um, cool, Matt. Glad to hear it.” He said, before pulling his notepad back out of his pocket. “So… drinks?”   
  


After they gave Jun their orders and he disappeared, Shiro, Lance, and Keith all immediately looked towards Matt. 

 

“Okay, what was  _ that _ about?” Lance asked, leaning across the table to give Matt a questioning stare. 

 

Matt squirmed underneath everyone’s gazes. “What was what about?” He asked, trying to feign innocence. 

 

“Matt, c’mon, you have to admit, you were laying the bragging on a bit thick.” Shiro said, giving his boyfriend a knowing look. 

 

Matt coughed, ducking to avoid their eyes. “Well… shit, what’s the use. When Jun and I were in school together, we dated for a bit, but then he broke up with me right before Prom. I guess I’m still kinda salty about that.” Matt admitted, his cheeks flaming red. 

 

“So you decided to subtly brag about your new boyfriend and your amazing life as much as you could, huh?” Keith asked, smirking in amusement. 

 

“Shut up, Kogane.” Matt muttered, crossing his arms across his chest. “Anyway, I do have a pretty damn good life right now, and that guy is missing out.”

 

“Yeah Matt! You’re a catch and Jun wishes he could still have you!” Lance said, reaching over the table to high five Matt. 

 

Matt chuckled. “Yeah, thanks Lance. I know he’s back there, mourning our lost relationship.” 

 

Shiro and Keith both rolled their eyes. 

 

“Anyway, I wonder what’s going on in the group chat?” Keith asked, wanting to change the subject. 

 

“Nothing good, I’m sure.” Shiro said, pulling out his own phone to look. 

 

~

 

**PigeonKiller:** yo peeps can i get some advice

 

**Traitor:** Sure Pidge!

 

**GorgeousMan:** Of course number five!

 

**Traitor:** Oh no

 

**Traitor:** Uncle, you know I love you, but if Pidge needs advice it might be better if someone more well-versed with teen issues be the one to give it to her

 

**PigeonKiller:** no wait allura coran’s advice would be perfect for this situation

 

**GorgeousMan:** HA!

 

**Traitor:** oh god now I’m afraid

 

**PigeonKiller:** ok coran

 

**PigeonKiller:** so let’s just say in a  _ completely hypothetical situation _

 

**PigeonKiller:** I  _ may or may not have  _ challenged the director of the FBI to try and track me down

 

**GordonRamsey:** PIDGE WHAT THE HELL

 

**Traitor:** PIDGE OH MY GOD

 

**PigeonKiller:** I GOT CARRIED AWAY OKAY

 

**-PigeonKiller’s name has been changed to Soontobeconvict-**

 

**Soontobeconvict:** dude

 

**GordonRamsey:** look you’re going to get arrested might as well let your name reflect that

 

**GorgeousMan:** Hmm

 

**GorgeousMan:** I understand how this happened

 

**Soontobeconvict:** u do?

 

**GorgeousMan:** You were having a conversation with the director through whatever secure server you were in and you wanted to show him you meant business, correct?

 

**Soontobeconvict:** yeah

 

**GorgeousMan:** He was trying to show you up and things escalated?

 

**GorgeousMan:** Let me guess, he also insulted your skills

 

**Soontobeconvict:** ...yeah

 

**GorgeousMan:** I know what that’s like

 

**GorgeousMan:** I once challenged the head of the american President’s security detail to a fist fight

 

**Traitor:** what the fuck

 

**GordonRamsey:** JESUS

 

**Soontobeconvict:** whoa did u win??

 

**GorgeousMan:** if I had lost would I be talking to you right now?

 

**Soontobeconvict:** fair

 

**Soontobeconvict:** so coran what do i do

 

**GorgeousMan:** Well that depends

 

**GorgeousMan:** Is he able to track you?

 

**Soontobeconvict:** he shouldnt be able to, but i want to be prepared just in case

 

**GorgeousMan:** Alright

 

**GorgeousMan:** I know someone who can help you disappear in a flash

 

**GorgeousMan:** I’ll message you his contact information

 

**GorgeousMan:** If you tell him you’re friends with me he’ll know you’re alright

 

**Soontobeconvict:** aw sweet

 

**Soontobeconvict:** thx coran

 

**GorgeousMan:** No problemo :)

 

**Traitor:** …

 

**GordonRamsey:** …

 

**GordonRamsey:** what the fuck did we just witness

 

**Traitor:** _ I don’t know _

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Hey guys, what’s going on?

 

**GordonRamsey:** Shiro don’t scroll up

 

**Traitor:** _ Hunk _

 

**TheBroganeWay:** What?

 

**Soontobeconcit:** _ HUNK WHAT THE HELL??? _

 

**GordonRamsey:** I PANICKED

 

**Soontobeconvict:** ah shit i’m dead, im so dead

 

**TheBroganeWay:** PIDGE WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

 

**Soontobeconvict:** looks like im gonna need to contact that guy a lot sooner than i thought

 

**TheBroganeWay:** _ Pidge _

 

**Soontobeconvict:** IM SORRY

 

**TheBroganeWay:** As soon as Matt gets back from the bathroom I’m telling him about your… schemes

 

**Widensky:** how did pidge fuck up this time?

 

**Yaint:** I just scrolled up

 

**Yaint:** now normally I’m all for challenging authority but Pidge  _ what the hell _

 

**Soontobeconvict:** I WAS HAVING A VERY INTENSE CONVERSATION AND LIKE I SAID I GOT CARRIED AWAY SO STOP JUDGING ME YOU WET NAPKINS

 

**TheBroganeWay:** Oh here’s Matt

 

**Soontobeconvict:** oh no

 

**Widensky:** you’re dead, pidgeon

 

**Soontobeconvict:** u know what lance i dont need this bullying rn

 

**Badrolemodel:** …

 

**GordonRamsey:** oh boy

 

**Badrolemodel:** Katie

 

**Soontobeconvict:** yes?

 

**Badrolemodel:** I

 

**Badrolemodel:** I AM SO PROUD OF YOU HOLY FUCK

 

**TheBroganeWay:** _ MATT _

 

**Badrolemodel:** MY BABY SIBLING TOLD OFF THE DIRECTOR OF THE FBI THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

 

**Widensky:** welp now we see where she gets it from

 

**Soontobeconvict:** THANKS MATT IT WAS WILD

 

**Soontobeconvict:** I HAVE THE CHAT LOGS WHEN YOU GET HOME I’LL SHOW YOU

 

**Badrolemodel:** AW HELL YISSS

 

**TheBroganeWay:** I swear to god I’m going to have a heart attack by the time I’m thirty five with you two

 

**Traitor:** what is wrong with your family?

 

**Yaint:** Allura I don’t think you should be asking that since you’re related to a man who assassinated the governor of California

 

**Traitor:** ...okay that’s fair

 

**Widensky:** OH SHIT THE FOOD’S ARRIVING

 

**Badrolemodel:** YEET

 

**Badrolemodel:** I’ll talk to you later Pidgey, I gotta get some grub

 

**Badrolemodel:** OH WAIT PIDGEY

 

**Soontobeconvict:** ya?

 

**Badrolemodel:** GUESS WHO THE WAITER HERE IS

 

**Soontobeconvict:** who?

 

**Badrolemodel:** JUN

 

**Badrolemodel:** MY EX BOYFRIEND JUN

 

**Soontobeconvict:** OH MY GOD THAT DUDE?!

 

**Badrolemodel:** YEAH HE’S OUR WAITER IT’S WILD

 

**Soontobeconvict:** WHOA

 

**Badrolemodel:** OH SHIT GOTTA NYOOM BE BACK SOON

 

**Yaint:** later y’all

 

**Soontobeconvict:** later yaint

 

**Yaint:** You’re not using that correctly

 

**Soontobeconvict:** ddddo I care?

 

**Yaint:** ...probably not

 

**GordonRamsey:** BYE GUYS STOP TEXTING AND EAT YOUR FOOD

 

**Widensky:** okay okay geez laters

 

~

 

When Jun came back over with the food, he pointedly ignored Matt and Shiro’s gazes, choosing to focus very intently on the food he was placing down on the table. Lance found this hilarious, and Keith had to kick him under the table to keep him from laughing out loud. 

 

They ate the food in a hurry, the group all starving from not having eaten anything yet that day. Lance kept stealing off of Keith’s plate, and like a mirror, Matt kept stealing off of Shiro’s place. Keith then tried to retaliate by dumping hot sauce all over his eggs, but Lance just smirked and ate the spicy eggs without flinching. 

 

That’s when Keith remembered that the day prior he had watched Lance eat a habanero pepper off his sister’s plate during dinner without so much as wincing at the spice. That was the day he learned to fear Lance’s spicy food prowess. 

 

So for the rest of breakfast Keith had to suffer with hot sauce covered eggs, and ended up taking his own turn stealing Lance’s food. Shiro was the only one at the table that knew Keith actually was not a huge fan of spicy food, and kept smirking at Keith every time he noticed his brother’s flushed cheeks or watery eyes. 

 

Keith flipped him off when Lance wasn’t looking. 

 

Eventually, they finished their meal, and Keith made sure to leave Jun a good tip on their way out. Soon enough they were back outside the diner, walking through the parking lot towards their cars. They were all discussing how Pidge was probably going to be arrested in the next few days, when Keith noticed a group of teens around his and Lance’s age walking towards them. 

 

He wouldn’t have thought anything of the group if he hadn’t felt Lance stiffen up beside him, his eyes going wide as he stared at the group of laughing teens. 

 

“You okay, Lance?” Keith asked. 

 

Lance glanced to him and shook his head, before grinning widely and throwing his arm around Keith’s shoulders. “I’m fine. I just know those kids is all.” He explained, pulling Keith close to his side. 

 

At that moment, the kids all seemed to notice Lance, and all began smiling and waving as they approached their small group. 

 

“Hey! Lance, is that you?” A dark-skinned girl with dip-dyed blue hair asked. 

 

“Hi guys, yup it’s me.” Lance said, keeping his arm firmly around Keith. 

 

“Who’s this?” A girl with bright pink hair standing next to the one with dip-dyed hair asked, gesturing to Keith. 

 

Lance’s grin turned into a smirk. “Well remember how I was telling you guys about that guy I liked who lived up in LA?” The group nodded. “Everyone, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Keith. Keith, these are some of my friends from the swim team at school.” 

 

As soon as Lance said the words ‘my boyfriend’, he heard a few soft gasps and one whistle from the group in front of him. 

 

“Whoa! So he wasn’t some creepy old dude catfishing you after all!” The girl with dip-dyed hair said. 

 

Lance frowned. “Dude, I told you a dozen times, Pidge knew him so I knew it wasn’t a catfish.”

 

Dip-Dyed Hair shrugged. “You never know with these things, Lancey,” she said, before turning her gaze back to Keith. “Nice to meet you, though! I’m Plaxum.” She continued, reaching her hand out for Keith to shake. 

 

Awkwardly, Keith reached his hand out for Plaxum to shake in return. Once their hands dropped, Plaxum gestured to the rest of her friends. “This is Florona,” she began, gesturing to the pink-haired girl. “Along with my other two friends, Blumfump and Swirn.” Keith frowned at the unusualness of the names, but chose to ignore it for now. They were probably weird nicknames or something. 

 

“Nice to meet you guys,” Keith said, waving uncomfortably before shoving his hands back in his pockets. It was silent for a moment, Lance not saying anything to continue the conversation with Plaxum just staring back and forth between the two boys. 

 

After a few seconds of this unusual behavior, Shiro’s voice suddenly rang across the parking lot. 

 

“KEITH! WE’RE LEAVING NOW!” His brother called out. 

 

Lance blinked, as if a spell was broken, and turned with Keith to head towards Shiro’s car. 

 

“We gotta go, but I’ll see you guys next week?” Lance asked. 

 

“Yeah, we’ll see you then, Lance!” Florona said, eagerly waving the two of them farewell. Plaxum was still staring at Keith, before she smiled warmly and waved them off as well. At this point, Keith was thoroughly confused by that odd interaction, but was unable to ask as Lance pulled him towards where Shiro and Matt were waiting for them. 

 

Once they got away from the group of swimmers, Lance shrugged his arm off of Keith. 

 

“So Lance, you coming back to the Holt’s with us?” Shiro asked, leaning against the car. 

 

“I would love to, but I have errands to run for my mom.” Lance said, scratching the back of his neck. “But I’ll definitely be there for dinner tonight!” 

 

Oh yeah. That’s a thing that’s happening. Amidst all the confusion of the double date, Keith had completely forgotten about the dinner Pidge was hosting. 

 

“Oh, well, okay then…” Keith said, scuffing at the ground with his shoe and trying to hide his disappointment. Jeez, he and Lance had only been dating since last night and he was already being clingy? What was up with him?

 

“What, you gonna miss me?” Lance asked, mischief sparkling in his eyes. 

 

“Pfft, no way.” Keith immediately said, running a hand through his hair. 

 

“You sure about that?” Lance asked, waggling his eyebrows.    
  


Keith snorted at his antics, and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Maybe I’ll miss you a little bit.” 

 

Lance cheered. “Knew I could get you to admit it!” He said. Ducking forward, Lance pressed a quick kiss to Keith’s lips, before bouncing away towards his car. 

 

“See you later, Mullet!” Lance called, skipping away from Keith. 

 

From behind Keith, Shiro and Matt both chuckled, and Keith turned around to see them staring at him fondly. “What?” He asked. 

 

“Oh, nothing. You two are just a cute couple is all.” Shiro said, opening the passenger door for Matt. 

 

Keith huffed. “Like you two aren’t disgustingly coupley after only dating for like, four days.” 

 

“Hey, we never said we weren’t disgustingly adorable, because we are.” Matt said, turning around in his seat as Keith climbed into the back. 

 

“More like gross.” Keith muttered as Shiro climbed into his seat and started the engine. “So what’s this dinner thing Pidge has planned all about, Matt?” Keith asked as the car began to pull out of the parking lot. 

 

Matt held up a finger to his lips. “Sorry dude, can’t say. All I can say is that it’s supposed to be a night of surprises.” 

 

Shiro groaned from the driver’s seat. “This isn’t going to turn out well.” Matt snorted. 

 

“Don’t worry, I think you’ll be surprised.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FUCKING FINISHED HA TAKE THAT FUCK YEAH IT’S BEEN FOREVER AND IT’S SHORT BUT FUCK YEAHHHHHH
> 
> okay, some things about this chapter I wanna mention
> 
> That entire first part with the convo between Hunk and Pidge? I didn't write any of that. 
> 
> Yup. That's right. That was written by yours truly: vallraiene the ultimate beta. 
> 
> They got really tired of my shit not starting the chap and so they started writing it themself so yeah give credit to them for that
> 
> I wrote pretty much 90% of this in one sitting, bless the motivation that sprint writing gives you
> 
> Either way, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I promise I'll try to get the next one up sooner, which should be easier since college apps are due the 30th of November so they'll be done with soon. Then I'll have to focus on retaking the ACT and finals but THEN I'M DONE TILL NEXT SEMESTER AND I'LL BE ABLE TO UPDATE
> 
> maybe i'll be able to update before then. who knows, miracles do happen
> 
> my tumblr: zarkondoms.tumblr.com
> 
> thank you guys so much for everything again. I love you all!!! <3


	21. it's been 84 years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner is held, some announcements are made, and a big decision is made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT HI GUYS IT'S BEEN FUCKING _FOREVER_
> 
> okay, so uh, first and foremost, I'm really really sorry about how long this took to get up. After the previous chapter was published, where I had already lost a lot of interest in voltron, I lost most of my remaining interest in it just due to interests fading in and out. That, plus senior year stress and school stuff and graduating high school and everything led to this fic being put on an almost permanent backburner
> 
> Then s6 came out and I binge watched it and I got back into voltron just enough to finish this lol
> 
> I'm still so blown away at all the support I got on a fic that started as a stupid group chat au I made out of boredom! Over 20k hits! Holy shit! You guys are so sweet and I love all of you, thank you so much
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this :)

**Soontobeconvict:** hello you lovely human beings whom i call friends

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** it is i ur local pidgeon here to announce one thing

 

**Soontobeconvict:** _DINNER IS IN FUCKING TEN MINUTES AND IF ANYONES ASS WHO IS CURRENTLY IN THIS COUNTRY ISNT HERE I WILL POST YOUR PORN HISTORY ON WIKIPEDIA_

 

 **Widensky:** wtf pidge we’re literally all in the living room rn

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** i like to get my point across

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Pidge I don’t watch porn what do you have on me

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** hunk

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** sweet, lovely, wonderful hunk

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** there are many other forms of blackmail besides porn

 

 **GordonRamsey:**...shit

 

 **Yaint:** Pidge are you even paying attention to the food

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** lol u think im cooking??? gays can’t cook

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** nah i ordered sushi

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** it’ll be here in a few min

 

 **Widensky:** then why aren’t you here in the living room with us?? We’re playing mario kart again

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** the fridge is comfy

 

 **Traitor:** I want sushi :(

 

 **Widensky:** One day Allura, one day you’ll eat sushi with us

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Ah sushi, a feast of fish!

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Have any of you ever been slapped with a fish?

 

 **Yaint:** No

 

 **Yaint:** but let me take a wild stab here:

 

 **Yaint:** you’ve been slapped with a fish?

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Actually no!

 

 **Yaint:** wh

 

 **GorgeousMan:** I was just wondering if any of you had been slapped with one! It seems like quite the odd experience!

 

 **GordonRamsey:** uh

 

 **Traitor:** No Uncle, none of us have been slapped with a fish

 

 **Badrolemodel:** hey hey hey don’t answer for everyone, princess

 

 **Traitor:** oh god

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Matthew! My dear boy! Have you been slapped with a hearty fish?

 

 **Badrolemodel:** Yes I fucking have and it HURT

 

 **Yaint:** what

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** oh yeah I remember this lol

 

 **Widensky:** SHIRO DID YOU JUST SAY LOL

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** Yes?? I know how to use lol???

 

 **Widensky:** BUT YOU’RE OLD

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** Lance I’m 22 what

 

 **Widensky:** ya that’s old

 

 **Traitor:** it’s not tho

 

 **Widensky:** I’M 17 IT SEEMS OLD TO ME

 

 **Yaint:** Lance you have sisters older than Shiro

 

 **Badrolemodel:** SO ABOUT THAT TIME SHIRO SLAPPED ME WITH A FISH

 

 **GordonRamsey:** WAIT IT WAS SHIRO THAT SLAPPED YOU WITH THE FISH??

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** he totally deserved it

 

 **Badrolemodel:** I DID NOT!!!

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** you did and you know it

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** what did my dumbass brother do shiro

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** give me the deets

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** well it was when we were still in high school

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** matt and i wanted to see if we could get a fish from the docks

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** like a big one

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** so we went and we were each holding one but hadn’t bought them

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** and Matt was so thrilled by the fish that he jumped up and when he landed the fish, which was pretty fucking slippery mind you, flew out of his arms and landed in the water

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** so I slapped him with the fish I had in my arms

 

 **Badrolemodel:** I want to protest that this is inaccurate in some way but I literally can’t I really did that

 

 **Widensky:** wh

 

 **Traitor:** I…

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** matt why the fuck are u like this

 

 **Badrolemodel:** you think i fucking know

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** oh look the sushis here

 

 **Widensky:** wait was there alcohol involved in the fish situation

 

 **Badrolemodel:** look shiro and i are bad enough already if we'd been drunk he would've slapped me with a whale

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** somehow

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** i want shiro to slap me with a whale, killing me instantly

 

 **GordonRamsey:** I think we all want that Pidge

 

 **Traitor:** Ditto

 

 **Widensky:** oh worm

 

 **Yaint:** wtf do you mean by ‘oh worm’

 

 **Yaint:** like what does that mean

 

 **Widensky:** you??? Haven’t heard??? Oh worm???

 

 **Yaint:** No??? I really haven’t????

 

 **Widensky:** Are you mocking my use of unnecessary question marks

 

 **Yaint:** Yes

 

 **Widensky:** :/

 

 **GordonRamsey:** To answer your question Keith, oh worm is like another way of saying ‘oh mood’ or something like that

 

 **Yaint:** Ohhhh

 

 **Yaint:** Thank you Hunk, I appreciate you

 

 **GordonRamsey:** <3

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** HEY GUYS WE GOT SUSHI GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND INTO THE KITCHEN

 

 **Widensky:** But ,,, standing ,, s o hard

 

 **Yaint:** I’m not carrying you

 

 **Widensky:** I didn’t ask you too!

 

 **Yaint:** Yeah but you gave me The Look™

 

 **Widensky:** Totally didn’t

 

 **Yaint:** You totally did

 

 **Widensky:** no

 

 **Yaint:** yes

 

 **Widensky:** I’m being falsely accused of a crime

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** does anybody else in this thread smoke weed

 

 **Traitor:** FJLKSLSDKFLDJ

 

 **Badrolemodel:** seriously fuckers get in the kitchen it’s FOOD TIME

 

 **Widensky:** UGH FINE

 

 **Widensky:** Allura, Coran, we’ll talk to you guys later

 

 **Traitor:** bye guys!!! Have a good dinner!!!

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Bye!

 

~

 

Two broken plates, a string of curse words, and one disappointed look from Shiro later, the group of friends was finally seated at the Holt’s dining room table. Sitting on one side of the table was Shiro, Keith, and Lance, and on the opposite side  Matt, Pidge, and Hunk. The sushi had been allotted to each member of the family, with the remaining pieces in the center to be fought over when the time came for seconds.

 

Keith, who was in the midst of dipping his crunch roll in soy sauce, was sitting in between his boyfriend and his brother. Shiro, on his right, kept elbowing him under the table just to bug him while Lance, on his left, kept trying to play footsie in an aggressive manner that was more like violent kicking than anything else. The conversation was amicable- Hunk was telling everyone about his day while Pidge gave him shit-eating grins that he pointedly ignored. Keith wondered what that was about, but he figured Pidge would tell him later and didn’t question it.

 

Then, about halfway through the meal, Matt tapped his chopstick against his soda can. A hushed silence fell over the table. “Gentlemen and Pidge,” he said, rising to his feet. “I have a very important announcement I’d like to make.”

 

Keith glanced to Shiro, wondering if he knew what was going on, but was met with confusion where he had expected a knowing smile. Shiro seemed to be just as in the dark about whatever this was as the rest of them. Huh.

 

“So as you all know, I have been studying at Cal Poly for a long time now, and I’ve been planning on going to graduate school to get my doctorate degree,” Matt said, his eyes sweeping around the table. “After applying for different programs all around, I’ve finally decided where I’m going to go.” He paused for dramatic effect, because he’s Matt.

 

“Next fall I’ll be attending UCSD and pursuing a doctorate in Bioengineering!” A loud cheer erupted from the table at that, Hunk even standing up and wrapping Matt in a bear hug to congratulate him.

 

“Holy shit that’s awesome dude!” Lance exclaimed.

 

“Matt that’s fucking awesome! You’re gonna be so close to me now!” Pidge yelled while clambering  up onto Matt’s back like some sort of demented koala.

 

“That’s amazing, I’m so proud of you,” Shiro said from his spot across the table from Matt, smiling warmly. Keith, who wasn’t sure what to say when Matt looked to him, gave him an awkward thumbs up to convey his congratulations.

 

Matt laughed. “Thanks guys. I’m really excited.”

 

Just then, Keith heard his phone ping with an email notification. Glancing up, he saw Pidge chattering away to Matt about all the things they were gonna do now that they were gonna be closer to each other again, while Shiro and Hunk listened in. Figuring why not, he went to his email to see what the message was.

 

**From: UC San Diego**

**To: keithkogane84@gmail.com**

 

**Dear Keith,**

 

**UC San Diego has posted a status update to your Applicant Portal. Please take a moment to check your status.**

 

**Best regards,**

 

**UC San Diego**

**Office of Admissions**

 

Keith blinked a few times at the message on the screen. After two more read throughs, what he was seeing finally hit him, and his heart began to pound wildly. This was it. This was going to tell him if he was accepted or not. Glancing up again, he saw his friends were still engaged in conversation, and decided it would only be worse to wait to see what the verdict was.

 

With shaking fingers, he clicked the link in the email to his admissions page. After typing in his log in and clicking on the link that said ‘status update’, he waiting with his heart beating out of his chest as the page loaded.

 

One second.

 

Two seconds.

 

Three seconds.

 

Then,

 

_Dear Keith:_

 

_Congratulations! We are pleased to offer you admission for Fall to the University of California San Diego as a major in Mechanical Engineering and in Earl Warren College._

 

The letter went on to talk more about how lucky he was and how great of an opportunity was, but Keith didn’t pay attention to that. All he could see were the words at the top. He was in.

 

He’d gotten into his top choice.

 

“Hey Keith, what are you looking at?” He heard from over his shoulder. Looking up, Keith met Lance’s eyes, and saw his boyfriend was giving him a curious smile.

 

“I… I got accepted into UCSD,” Keith said in a hushed voice. Lance’s eyes widened as a gasp escaped his lips, and his face spread into a huge grin.

 

“HOLY SHIT KEITH!” Lance yelled, throwing his arms around him. “That’s amazing! Hey guys! Keith just got accepted into UCSD!”

 

Cheers erupted around the table. Hunk started clapping while Matt tried to literally jump on the table but Shiro stopped him. Keith flushed and tried to hide his face with his hands, but Lance pulled his hands away and kissed him hard on the lips, both of them smiling.

 

“Keith! Do you know what this means?” Matt asked, waggling his eyebrows.

 

Oh. Oh no. “I’m gonna be stuck with you for another four years?” Keith asked, trying to sound upset but unable to keep the grin off his face.

 

Matt smirked. “Damn right you are!”

 

Shiro stood up and walked over to Keith, and patted his shoulder. “I’m so proud of you, Keith. Dad would be proud too.” Keith’s smile softened at that as he stood up to hug his brother properly.

 

A chorus of ‘awws’ sounded and Keith pulled away to flip everyone off, which only made the group start laughing. After all the hoopla died down regarding Keith’s acceptance, everyone sat back down to resume the dinner as normal.

 

They had only been eating for a few more seconds before Pidge spoke up. “Wait… Lance, you’re going to Cal State San Marcos right?” Lance nodded, and Pidge looked to Hunk. “And Hunk is going to SDSU, and with Matt going to UCSD as well...” Pidge looked to Shiro. “Shiro you’re literally going to be the only one not down here.”

 

Shiro blinked, the realization setting in. “Oh… you’re right.” He sounded sad, and Keith didn’t blame him.

 

“Why don’t you just move down here then?” Lance asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

Keith sighed. “Lance, he has a job, he can’t just-”

 

“No, wait Keith, he has a point,” Pidge butted in. She turned to Shiro. “Shiro, you work at a bar, which I imagine doesn’t have the best benefits. Plus, living in LA must be super expensive. If you moved down here you’d probably have way cheaper rent, and you’d be closer to your boyfriend and your brother.”

 

Keith didn’t like the way Pidge was butting in on his and his brother’s financial issues like that, and he was about to go into defensive mode and explain why that wouldn’t work when he saw Shiro’s face. He was actually considering it.

 

“I… I’m really not too happy working at the bar if I’ll be honest with you all,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “Like I make pretty good money, but working nights takes its toll. And Pidge is right, our rent recently went up and it’s been really difficult, and since all of Dad’s savings are going towards paying for Keith’s college I’ve been looking for a second job to pay for it.”

 

Keith frowned. “You didn’t tell me that.”

 

Shiro seemed sheepish. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

 

Keith shook his head. “No, you should be using the savings to pay for things we need. I can take out student loans or something-”

 

“No Keith,” Shiro cut him off. “Dad was adamant in his will what he wanted the money to be used for. You don’t need to go into debt this early in your life. It’s fine. I’ll work it out.”

 

It was silent for a few moments, no one sure how to respond to that. Then Matt nudged Shiro’s elbow. “You always said if you could go back to school you’d be a nurse. Why don’t you do that?”

 

Shiro opened his mouth to respond but Hunk spoke before he could. “Oh yeah! There are some really great nursing programs here in San Diego! My aunt’s a nurse and she went to school down here and said it was great.”

 

Keith looked around, eyes widening as he saw Shiro’s expression. If Shiro was actually considering this, it meant it could happen. He would still be close to his brother, and he would be close to his boyfriend and his friends. It would be like a dream come true.

 

“I… I think I qualify for tuition assistance from the military,” Shiro said, scratching his chin. “I wouldn’t have to pay, or at least not pay a lot to go into a nursing program.”

 

“Shiro you should totally do it!” Pidge encouraged.

 

“Yeah Shiro! You’d be a great nurse!” Hunk added.

 

Shiro looked up to Keith, eyes swimming with uncertainty. “What do you think Dad would say if he were here?”

 

Keith already knew the answer to that. “He would want you to do it, Shiro. You and I both know that.”

 

Shiro nodded, still thinking. Everyone waited with bated breath for the final decision, all eyes trained on Shiro’s face. “We could get out of the lease on the apartment easily enough, we’ve known our landlady for so long she wouldn’t mind… probably have to sell some things to pay for moving cost but we’ve needed to do spring cleaning anyway…”

 

Matt put a hand on Shiro’s shoulder. “You could stay with us while you look for an apartment. I have some friends that are looking for roommates, if you can’t find one cheap enough.”

 

Shiro began to nod and Keith’s heartbeat picked up. “That might work…” he muttered, furrowing his brows. There was a moment of anticipation. Then Shiro sighed and a weary grin grew on his face. “You know what? Fuck it. We can work it out. Once Keith leaves for school I’m not gonna have any reason to stay in LA,” he said, laughing. “We’re moving to San Diego!”

 

Everyone cheered. Matt hugged Shiro and kissed his cheek, while Lance kissed Keith’s cheek. Hunk was in the corner, eyes wide over the fact that Shiro had said ‘fuck’, while Pidge was using the distraction of the celebration to steal some of the sushi off Matt’s plate.

 

The rest of the dinner was nothing short of fantastic. Everyone was in a great mood. Shiro was excitedly talking about nursing schools he could go to while Pidge was talking about how she had double reason to break into UCSD now. At some point during the dinner, Keith’s hand had found Lance’s underneath the table and now their fingers were interlaced, Lance rubbing Keith’s knuckles with his thumb every once in a while. They shared soft, secret smiles with each other, neither able to believe how lucky they were that they were going to be going to college so close to each other (CSU San Marcos was like a forty five minute drive from UCSD, nothing compared to the two hour trek it took to get to LA).

 

After all the sushi had been eaten and all the plates had been cleaned up, the group of friends was lounging on the couch. Matt was laying across Shiro’s chest, Hunk was on his stomach on the floor with Pidge sitting on his back, and Keith was leaning his head against Lance’s shoulder.

 

It was warm, it was happy, and most importantly, Keith felt like he and Shiro had a true family again.

 

“Hey, we should tell Allura and Coran all the stuff we talked about at dinner!” Pidge suggested after they had been absently watching whatever was on the tv for about fifteen minutes.

 

“Oh, good idea, Pidge!” Hunk said, pulling out his phone. Keith and Lance did the same.

 

~

 

 **GordonRamsey:** ALLURA! CORAN!

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** YO BRITS GET IN HERE

 

 **Traitor:** What what?? Is something wrong???

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Does someone need me

 

 **Widensky:** GUYS WE HAVE GOOD NEWS

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** Oh geez screaming

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** shiro this is over text chill ur man tiddies

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** Leave my man tiddies out of this

 

 **Badrolemodel:** I love ur man tiddies babe

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** Thanks babe

 

 **Yaint:** ew

 

 **Traitor:** What’s the news!

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** ok we got several things to unpack here

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** matt u first

 

 **Badrolemodel:** I’m going to UCSD to get my PhD in Bioengineering!

 

 **Traitor:** Whoa Matt that’s awesome!!!!!

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Congratulations Matthew my boy!

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Are you going to learn how to engineer a deadly virus that will wipe out all of humanity?

 

 **Badrolemodel:** Not yet

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Let me know if you change your mind, I can hook you up with a guy who can help

 

 **Badrolemodel:** thanks Coran

 

 **Traitor:** wait you guys said there was more news?

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** keithy kid ur turn

 

 **Yaint:** don’t call me Keithy kid

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** fine, keithy

 

 **Yaint:** :/

 

 **Yaint:** anyway

 

 **Yaint:** I got accepted into UCSD for college!

 

 **Traitor:** WOW

 

 **Traitor:** So you and Matt will both be going to UCSD! That’s awesome!!!!!

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Congratulations Keith! Excellent job!

 

 **GorgeousMan:** I used to have a fling with one of the professors there

 

 **GorgeousMan:** What a wonderful time in my life

 

 **Traitor:** ew

 

 **Widensky:** ew

 

 **GordonRamsey:** ew

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Let an old man reminisce in peace!

 

 **Widensky:** Coran do you count as old

 

 **GordonRamsey:** Coran do you even have an age

 

 **GorgeousMan:** I don’t have an age!

 

 **GorgeousMan:** I was never born!

 

 **GordonRamsey:** what

 

 **GorgeousMan:** I just became ;)

 

 **Widensky:** I don’t like that winky face

 

 **GorgeousMan:** ;) ;)

 

 **Yaint:** _stop_

 

 **Traitor:** Well anyway that is fantastic news, congrats to both Keith and Matt

 

 **Badrolemodel:** Oh Allura that’s not all

 

 **Traitor:**?

 

 **Badrolemodel:** Shiro?

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** Well

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** After realizing that with Keith and Matt both in San Diego, I would be the only one in LA, I decided there was no point in me staying there

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** So I’ve decided to move down to San Diego and start applying for nursing school because I’m tired of working in a bar

 

 **Traitor:** WHOA

 

 **Traitor:** This all happened over your guys’ dinner?????

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** it was a wild dinner

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Sounds like it!

 

 **Traitor:** I’m so happy for you all!!!

 

 **Traitor:** One day I will fly out there and we will ALL hang out

 

 **Traitor:** and Lance we WILL have a spa day

 

 **Widensky:** HELL YEAH

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Actually Allura

 

 **Traitor:** Yes Uncle?

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Now take what I say with a grain of salt

 

 **GorgeousMan:** But I _might_ have a business trip in San Diego some time next year

 

 **Widensky:** HOLY SHIT

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Nothing’s confirmed yet! It’s a possibility, nothing more

 

 **GorgeousMan:** But if it happens I will make sure Allura comes along

 

 **Traitor:** OH MY GOD YES

 

 **Traitor:** P L E A S E

 

 **GorgeousMan:** I’ll make sure to push for it as best I can :)

 

 **Yaint:** thank god it wasn’t a winky face

 

 **GorgeousMan:** _;)_

 

 **GordonRamsey:** I don’t trust like that

 

 **GordonRamsey:** anyway ALLURA I REALLY HOPE YOU CAN COME OUT HERE SO I CAN GIVE YOU A HUG AND BAKE YOU A PIE

 

 **Traitor:** ME TOO HUNK

 

 **GordonRamsey:** everything seems to be falling into place perfectly and it makes me so happy to see my friends happy

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** awww

 

 **Widensky:** hunk you’re the purest

 

 **Yaint:** I think we all love and appreciate Hunk

 

 **GordonRamsey:** aw you guys <3

 

**-GordonRamsey’s name has been changed to SunnyHunk-**

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** and thus we have come full circle

 

 **Traitor:** well I’m gonna have to hop offline soon but I’m so happy for you guys rn!!!

 

 **Yaint:** I’m getting pretty tired tbh

 

 **Widensky:** me too

 

 **SunnyHunk:** same

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** we’ve all had a long day

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** sleep is for the weak

 

 **Badrolemodel:** tell em pidgeon

 

 **GorgeousMan:** Well before you all head off to bed, who wants to hear another story from me?

 

 **Soontobeconvict:** i LOVE CORAN’S FUCKED UP BEDTIME STORIES

 

 **Widensky:** hell yeah!!!

 

 **TheBroganeWay:** let’s hear it Coran, we always appreciate your stories

 

 **Gorgeous:** So there I was, impersonating a priest about to perform an exorcism in a secret room of the Vatican...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally didn't make Keith go to UCSD just because that's where I'm going to college and so I knew what the admissions letter looked like hahahahahaha...
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the last chapter of every groupchat needs a gryffindor jock! This fic has been SUCH a journey for me, and I'm so glad I finally finished a multi chapter fic lol
> 
> Seriously though, thank you guys so much for all the love and support you've given me on this. There's no way I would've kept writing if it weren't for you, and your support has meant the world to me. From all the sweet comments to the fanart and everything, thank you guys. I love you all
> 
> I'm sorry if you're disappointed that this is the last chapter but I didn't want to drag things out and have another nearly year long hiatus lol. Plus I was at a point where I could tie most of the loose ends up while still leaving things open enough to where I can come back in the future if I ever want to. This story has become so much more than it was originally meant to be, and it's all because of you guys. Once again, thank you :)  
>    
> And special thanks to my amazing beta as always, formerly vallraiene now @feelinggoodfeelingsassy, none of this would've been possible without them (also I hit my head on their fan while I was writing this, the pain I go through for you all lmao) 
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr! : zarkondoms.tumblr.com
> 
> -
> 
> hijacking the end notes one final time, here i am
> 
> formerly vallraiene now feelinggoodfeelingsassy
> 
> because who can pronounce that shit am i write
> 
> i don't wanna be too memey here because this is reese's thing and i'm really proud of her for finishing this all the way through and i'm glad she put up with my shitty additions to the fic and everything like that because she really is the best (please don't say you ship it we're not dating oh my gosh)
> 
> so i'll just leave you with this:
> 
> l l l  
> l l l _


End file.
